Welcome to The Last War!

(Inspired by that Daemon Hunter lark)

Welp! Humanity really fucked up this time! The Great War just kept on getting worse and worse for the last century or so, magic returned in the form of Occultism, monsters roam the world, empires are still warring over dying, toxic landscapes...and to top it all off, there's some asshole selling shit-tier rat-kebab's down the Trench-street!

So whats everyone else been up to? Just got done hunting some asshole vampire who shot me in the leg with an enchanted Lebel and puppeteered me around, nearly fell off a cliff if it wasn't for him catching a glimpse of my crucifix, took my chance and staked him through the heart with a bayonet. I might need to get the leg removed, its beginning to smell, anyone know a good prosthesist near New-London?

Well I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news is my cavalry horse got attacked by some zombies.

The good news is its now only killable by headshots and it can eat the people I shoot.

What was that Daemon Hunter thing ?

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+++IMPORTANT NEWS+++

DO NOT MIX ALKAHEST, DIESEL AND VODKA, IT DOESN'T MAKE ROCKET FUEL.

REPEAT. DO NOT MIX.

EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.

Oh damn, the Elves have started joining up with the German Empire, now they're twice as supremacist as they were before.

If this is Veeky Forums then we need mage guild and federation back.

(C'mon guys, get into it, its fun, also first person to say go to /qst is a faggot)

It's Sunday morning in the US; mod hasn't seen the thread yet.

Greetings from an alternate timeline, dearest ones. We hope you are doing well in your own situation. We genuinely can't say that we are doing well here.

Arian elves, may the lord have mercy upon us.

>being this much of a faggot
Don't worry OP, the pan dimensional Teutonic order has just the death-camp for you.
Bureaucracy has been a nightmare since Satan had God sign a cease and desist because he is the only one supposed to create "hell on earth", but I can help you with filling your initial application.

Whats with all these weird cat demons!?

You mean...I can finally realise my dream of bringing apocalyptic hellfire to the realms of man? How many souls is this gonna cost me?

Not a demon. An ally, in truth. We've projected out into your timestream in order to measure the situation here. Seems like you have it better than us right now.

Well we don't have daemons for starters, just nearly everything else instead. Vampires...werewolves...Frenchmen...truly we are living in dark times.

That's not it at all, Satan is protecting his monopoly on divine punishment every way he can.
As a result we are required to have our detainees sign a waver of their own free will before assigning them to the death camps.
Its the only way for criminal faggots like OP to save their souls.
A service you should consider taking advantage of as long as you still have time to repent.

Fuck that, I'm riding this faggot train to the end.

So you gotta carry around human flesh and brains instead of apples and grass?

You know...if any of you wanna retreat into our realm you're welcome to, just don't bring any daemons or we'll court martial you.

This is call sign Ghost. I have good news and bad news. The Vampires are getting more skilled at spotting me. But we are only 2 months from summer up here, so no vampires for 4 months!

>no vampires for 4 months!
For you! Those bloodsuckers gotta go somewhere and they aren't going to just dig in and sleep waiting to get staked as much as you want to believe that.

No, I think that we shall remain to defend our home. The threat of Evil is ever-present, and we will not just sit back and watch it devour the last few sparks of light in this slowly darkening multiverse.

Well fair enough, if you guys need any cheap bolt-action rifles let us know, we've got more guns than people who can fire them.

A better question is why Vampires would try to attack Finland. Unless they plan on melting the icy blood over a fire, they're gonna go hungry.

When a vampire hears near eternal night, people who like solitude, they sort of just go, without looking up the reality of the people who live there.

'Ahhhhhh! I vaaaaant to suuuuuck your bloooooood! Blehhh!'

'SUOMI PERKELE SAUNA SAUNA MAMMI!' *Blams*

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Anyone ever tried enchanting one of these before? Perfect gun for killing vampires if you put some sort of sunlight enchantment on the lamp.