A literate orphan asks if they can follow your party around and record your adventures

>a literate orphan asks if they can follow your party around and record your adventures

Don't trust that little bitch, they're a spy

No free rides. You can come along, but you have to teach Gorebred the Barbarian how to read.

>Gorebred
So, how'd they get that name?

His parents liked the sound of it. How did you get your name?

I was wondering considering it was a chance of a possible fantasy culture where names are given for achievements or in a coming of age ceremony. My apologies, should have assumed a modern cultural stand point.
I got part of my name from the bible because my mother thought I might want to kill my brother when I got older. Sibling rivalry and such.

So, a bard.

>The shit he sees makes him write like a broken character out of a Lovecraft story

He invented meatbread ingame by mashing the entrails of an owlbear into a loaf of dwarven bread. He also can't fucking spell so I hope the kid says 'yes'
for all our sakes.

>His parents
>literate orphan
Dick move, user

Alliterate orphans ask about accompanying adventurers around.

>Pathfinder(Player)
Nope, been able to use disguise and my few living lackeys to disguise my gratuitous use of undead minions from the rest of the party so far, not taking the chance.
>Shadowrun
Fuck no, we've been able to blame all of our crimes on a terrorist cell secretly backed by a radical political organization up to this point. We're not letting a kid fuck that up.
>Pathfinder(GM)
Actually that would be great. The whole point is that the party is going on a classic quest to find the legendary knights to saving the kingdom. Welcome aboard

So... did you kill him?

I wonder why a person would spend his time recording Amos the stargazer.

But alas.

Diethard was the best character in that shitty show, and I was really sad when he died. He had a really, really relatable goal, and unlike fags like Lelouch and Suzaku, he acted like a human.

Hope they know how to suck dick, because that's what they'll be doing in their downtime.

How old is this orphan?

I already have a days.

That's fine, but when a bunch of people who vaguely resemble us from another part of the world come over and kill you because you got all the details wrong, just remember that you asked for this position.

I guess we're making a movie.

>said no one ever

You.
I like you.

We debate for a while then decline the orphan's offer, we already have someone to do that; the Bard.

>gondola starts following you, marveling at your adventures from afar

You basically just described the bard DMPC that accompanied my players as a scribe, to chronicle their adventures on behalf of the Church they all served. He'd just turned 18 last month and was always incredibly excited about getting to see a REAL adventure so early in his life, constantly asking the PCs questions about their amazing abilities, backstories and whatnot.
He got crit by an Ogre in the third session and was oneshot. The players were just starting to warm up to him as well.

>literate
So what sort of orphan gets their letters but doesn't also get some sort of real job?

Why didn't you fudge the dice a little or come up with some bullshit quest to save his life? As DM you are not a slave to the dice.

>literate orphan
Yeah, sounds likely. Just like all these altruistic bandits, good necromancers and friendly vampires we killed this week...

>orphan
My party immediately tries to set it on fire
First as a way to distract the guards so we can break into some building
Then just because they want to

Where did this orphan learn to read and write?

There are safer places to be than with a group of people who go into certain death-traps for the vague possibility of gold and magic items.

I personally dislike fudging dice rolls that go against my personal interests. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth that a character is alive when by all rights they should be dead.

Its not really that its all a matter of choice, and choosing what you think the optimal story should be. Now if they got the kid into that fight because of neglect then that's a consequence of their actions and its fair. But if the players were doing what they could to make sure the bard survives and you had the ogre attack the kid then that's another story. But as a general rule you shouldn't have encounters that can oneshot party members or have them attacking the squishes unless the mage is doing something stupid like getting out from behind the tank. But because you are controlling the DMPC him doing stupid shit would be on you.

Writing trashy editions of REAL LIFE ADVENTURES OF THE TRAVELING JACKASSES is a real job!

They'd have to be in a real shit spot for them to be better off with my current party. As basically everyone in it is some manner of outlaw and we're in the process of pissing off the local megacorp CEO AND President of the Pact.

only if the orphan is a cute loli for protecc

Sure! On one condition. In your writings, you will refer to me as "Who", the paladin as "What", the wizard as "Why" and the thief as "Tomorrow". Just trust me, bards all around the world will sing of your story for ages to come!