ITT npcs you're proud of

Doug Dimmadome reference maybe?

Tom
>GMing a JoJo campaign
>party hires nameless goon as driver
>party asks for goon's name
>goon is now named Tom
>car immediately gets rekt by enemy stand
>expect Tom to get slaughtered in the crossfire immediately
>party makes it a point to keep him as safe as possible in the ensuing fight
>Tom sticks around the party for the next few sessions and gets wrapped up in their bizarre bullshit
>occasionally interrupt fights by explaining how events are playing out from Tom's perspective
>party loved it
>one of the party members even commissioned artwork of Tom after the campaign was over
I don't know why they loved him so much, but I threw Tom into a later campaign, and the new party also liked him. Aparrently I did good.

>Cazy Hobo
>Walks with a weird gait, both his feet turned to far inward
>has three dead pigeons tied to his belt. The strings around the pigeons are so long they drag on the ground behind him.
>Speaks with a native Hawaiian accent.
>His name is Pidgin Tow

Easy: He was their Speedwagon. It's nice to have a relatively mundane character excitedly explain how awesome the players are.

TT

> Hawaiian tech dude
> Gimmick: every time the party sees TT he gets a little fatter
> TT once got kidnapped by bad guys
> Party goes to rescue TT
> Party finds that TT was locked in a pantry, panicked and went on an eating binge, and grew so fat he couldn't fit through the door
> The last time the party saw TT was he was being carted around by a fork lift drone

SOMEBODY POST THE PASTA ABOUT THE MIDGET WITH THE ASS WAND

Bandit Keith

>It’s a Super Mario game, so it’s a literal Bandit who was a two-shot salesman who sold dubious goods.
>Turns out he was able to make it to a big festival just in time thanks to the party buying so much stuff
>He bakes them some of his family’s homemade treats and sells them the good stuff. End of character arc, I thought.

>Party is tasked with infiltrating a mall full of Bandits to find a specific target
>”Hey we need to make a quick stop on the ride there to visit our friend Bandit Keith”
>wot
>They show up at his house, and get him to help put together disguises and hold onto their valuables
>At the mall up against a 12 foot Bandit with gauntlets that steal a player’s dice, the Human pulls out a summoning Capsule and calls in Bandit Keith for help
>They get Keith to steal the gauntlets (his specialty is stealing from other thieves) and he fucks off with these legendary items

It’s weird who the party attaches to.
Not as proud of the basic design as I am how involved he got in relation to the party.

>Sigismond
>A naive kid that accepted a job from the BBEG
>Party spares him and drops him off at the nearest town so he can catch a caravan or something and go back to his parents
>Later down the road party encounters him again
>He wanted to live adventures
>He almost gets the party killed but is saved once again by the paladin
>He lost an arm and a leg in the process

I think he'll be a reoccurring character, my players like him

Elle (originally called Leina, after a character from Gundam ZZ)
>FE campaign
>girl from the sticks, starts the plot by going after a family heirloom that some local thieves stole
>extremely possessive of heirloom (it's a spear from a war long ago with ~magic properties~
>party dislikes her greatly for being an idiot
>one player (a female healer) wanted to get jiggy with her
>gets rekt by Paladin asshole later on, party loses both spear and her
>later, she appears with her friend, who inspired Elle to learn how to fight
>this friend also has feelings for her
>healer ties the knot with her, not knowing this
>healer jokingly suggests that i make a bride portrait for her

Tobe.
>Crazy old monk who spoke in Ice Dream Koans
>Started out as a plot hook in my L5R campaign
>Another GM made him a Navigator in Rogue Trader
>He's shown up in like 5 campaigns now
>People ask him for enlightenment all the time
>Speaks in Inspirobot quotes

#9820 "Chatterbox"
>Female Krieger Radio Operator in an mixed-regiment Only War game.
>Never said a word that anyone could hear
>Still somehow relayed information perfectly between command and the front lines.
>Flirted awkwardly with the Krieger PC

Portia.
>Runs the local branch of the Imperial Adventurers Guild
>Main Questgiver for my Pathfinder group
>Just a genuinely kind and nice person
>Always up to her ears in paperwork
>May be level 1, but wields more power than just about anyone else in the area.

He sounds like a bro.

>Because you deserve it

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

TEE HEE HEE MACCARONI MACCARONI

Master Lawrence Lee
>Experienced GM with a system none of us have played before: Godbound
(Would highly recommend if your table isn't comprised of a bag of dicks, btw)
>Took on this game as a way to test and improve my improvisation skills
>Made a homebrew post-apocalyptic Earth setting
>PCs are demigods but haven't figured all of everything out yet
>PCs reach a bunker for a shadowy organization they have just sorta been going along with, in northern Poland
>Momentary blank on what to describe the bunker as, say the first thing that comes to mind
>"You see a period accurate, unscathed plantation house, down to an immaculate white picket fence"
>Get visible signs of fear and confusion from my players
>double down
>"You are greeted warmly by a man in an impeccable suit, in a strange and charming accent and serving the best tea you've ever tasted"
>he treats them with nothing but respect but they all were so freaked out they debated killing him that first night
>job well done

And yeah, he's a bad guy, but I'm gonna play him off as sympathetically as possible to see how long I can keep him alive

Tuck
>5e
>City guard that is just so low on the scale of importance that he got assigned to shepherd the party around (they're playing a sports team)
>A stout, round man, completely covered from head to toe in armor. Not one inch of skin visible.
>actively goes out of his way to avoid showing his face or indicating what he is under the armor, much to my party's curiosity.
>Incredibly long-winded, can and will ramble until a PC interrupts him.
>Annoys the fuck out of the party initially, but Tuck is very kind to them and they slowly wins them all over.
>later, BBEG hosts a party that he invites all the PCs and Tuck to.
>PCs completely bumble the mission, and Tuck (who has rushed to their aid away from the party) saves one player from certain player death, cuts the hand off the BBEG, and is pulled out a window as punishment.
>But the party was on the BBEG's airship.
>Tuck saved them and then fell 1500 feet to his death
>They recover his body
>See he's just a man in a suit of armor
>Break the news to Tucks wife, ask why he never took the armor off
>"He always insisted that armor was just what heroes wore."

Boy my party took it hard. Not a dry eye in the house, which was especially great for me as a DM because it was literally all their fault as well.

Actually gave the computer screen a slow clap. Well played.

Cheria. Kind of a DM plot device, but ended up being one of my players' favorite.

>Local Lord is basically trying to bring peace and stability to a city under his rule.
>Lord is basically hiring people to deal with criminals, monster infestations, and similar issues plaguing the city.
>Players have proven capable enough that they're allowed to apply, but the Lord doesn't deal with them personally.
>Players are instead put under the supervision of Cheria, the Lord's spymaster.
>Cheria is... initially kind of a bitch. Acts haughty and condescending around the players, and basically treats them like disposable muscle (which to be fair, they are).
>Players HATE her. Get ragey, tell her she can't do the things they do and basically threaten that they can kick her ass.
>Cheria knows they won't murder her just cos they're pissed though, and basically laughs, says she doesn't need to be able to fight when she's so clever and charming and stealthy ect. ect. and says the brains of an operation never fights anyway.
>Player rage rising, but they swallow it and do some assignments anyway because the pay is good.
>Players gets mission to reclaim a military fort that had been taken over by defectors who were basically using as a base to kidnap travelers and commit banditry.
>Party sets up camp to scout out the base from a distance.
>Despite having kept a watch all night, when they party wakes up in the morning, they find a satchel in their camp that wasn't there before.
>Satchel is filled with potions... and a note from Cheria teasing them for having not noticed her drop it off.

In that moment Cheria went from a character who made the players rage because she hadn't fellated their egos right off the bat to someone who's respect they were starting to earn, even if she hadn't shown it until now. Basically "I know I give you guys alot of shit, but you did good and I want you to keep doing good."

According to my players she's one of the best NPCs I've ever run.

Now I feel like modding Teehee Maccaroni into Dwarf Fortress.

In our first Shadowrun game, way back in 2nd edition, the group met a ganger girl in the Redmond Barrens who called herself Mirrors. They'd call on her and her gang when they needed a distraction- the gangers worked cheap, mostly for whatever loot they could scrounge after a firefight. Mirrors was everyone's kid sister after a while.
By the time that campaign ended, Mirrors had moved up. She was a proper street sam, and had a gig as security for a the team fixer.
Started a new campaign a few years later, the fixer retired and left half his stuff to his loyal bodyguard, Mirrors. The new team took a lot of jobs for her, and by the end of that campaign, Mirrors was on her way to being a proper mob boss of her own syndicate.
Pick up again a few years later, Mirrors is a fully-fledged crime lord (crime-lady? Sounds wrong.) The team spends the campaign as hired guns taking on the yaks, the mob, the Irish, and the Vory, anybody who challenges the Syndicate gets the Michael Corleone treatment. The team made a fortune and hung up their guns.

Recently, we pick up Shadowrun again for the first time in about 5 years.
New characters, new edition, new hometown- we run out of Chicago now.
First session, one player needs something and looks at his sheet for a contact.
"Fuck," he says. "This is our first game without Mirrors. I'm going to miss her."

Be honest user that's your magical relm isn't it.

The Ingram Family. Basically just a quest giver, but given how the party doesn't do much of their own initiative, he's been a godsend for me and the source of almost all the party's memorable moments this campaign.

>Family of Halfling information brokers
>Run the Ingram and Ingram and Sons Information Brokers company
>Mostly just deal in basic stuff, sometimes do middleman work for anonymous clients, nothing fancy.

>One day a Dragonborn Pirate, Halfling Bard, and an Elf who's probably wanted in 3 states on charges of necromancy walk in.
>Pirate says he needs to dodge tariffs (read article:smuggle in) about 500 barrels of fish
>Tell him I can make the arrangements, sell him some information on the details, and that If he brings the shipment in himself he'll get extra gold out of it.
>Mad bastard agrees to sneak 500 barrels of fish into the middle of the city tonight

>That evening awaken to sound of fire and screaming
>Look out the window
>It's the Dragonborn, running around in the street, bottles of rum in each hand, breathing fire everywhere, with literally the entire city guard in pursuit.
>The fuck does he think he's doing?
>Go back to sleep, not my problem if this job goes south anyways.

>Next morning
>Get letter from client who wanted the fish
>Resounding success, payment delivered
>TheFuckingHow
>Dragonborn and company come in
>Dragonborn is painted blue
>Give them their cut, ask them how they pulled it off
>Apparently the Dragonborn was there to distract the guards while the rest of the party rowed a barge up the river and dropped of the fish
>Dragonborn managed to escape the guards by hiding in a cupboard in a tavern for the night.

>Hire the bard as an informant, will keep them posted if more work comes up.

After that they picked up a new party member, who was disintegrated by an ancient blue dragon about 3 sessions later but that's not related in the slightest.

>unconsciously gravitate towards joke characters when I need a one-off character for something
>if they're in a town it almost always takes the form of a drugged-out hobo
>play wfrp
>while the group is sitting around in the common room, this guy is having a bad trip next to the elf
>forgets his name
>they convince him that his name is Adolf Hitler (hilarious, I know)
>convince him to come with them in the morning
>dies to a bear an hour later
>party has a funeral on the side of the road that lasts the rest of the session
My party fixates on the stupidest shit sometimes

Pvt. Nadia Northstar, for my Starfinder Game.

The first mission the players were on was to guard a cargo ship going through pirate-infested space, and Nadia was sort of the person in charge of the ship.

I only actually put that much effort into her because I was going to play her as a PC (and only had her be a mechanic because I was sho proud of the robot design), but I ended up becoming the GM, so she had to be an NPC. I ended up playing up all of her weaknesses and insecurities so as to not make her cooler than the players.
One of the players refers to her as Nadia Cuckstar, much to her chagrin.

Initially, she'd have been kind of neurotic and easily intimidated, but not cowardly, and have sort of an arc where she becomes this smart decisive hero after getting marooned on a planet or being on the run or whatever. Being cool is the PC's job now, so she's stuck being decidedly not the protagonist.

Cucked out of her role, as usual

O, Wilhelm
>low level party consists of, among other things, a pirate and a warpriest to a god of madness
>they get hired by an investigator to help track down a famous, powerful wizard that has gone missing
>investigator lends them a small sailboat to aid in their search
>they realize after one encounter almost losing the boat that they have nobody to guard it while they're ashore
>while stopping off in a town, they hit up the local tavern (as per tradition)
>find a portly, depressed-looking middle-aged human man drinking in the middle of the afternoon
>party convinces him through surprisingly high bluff checks that they are working for the famous wizard and have the authority to conscript citizens
>Wilhelm is not a clever man
>party brings him to his home to gather his things and say his goodbyes
>wife berates him for being a useless drunkard with mediocre-at-best pottery skills
>cries while hugging his son goodbye
>adventure ensues
>party takes turns threatening his life and trying to teach him meaningful skills
>warpriest all but hammers his religion down this poor man's throat
>party alchemist teaches him how to throw spears
>eventually they stop off ashore a desert, leaving the terrified, unarmored Wilhelm to guard the boat with nothing but a bucket of spears
cont.

Thanks user, I can't stop cracking up.

>returning from their task, of course the boat and Wilhelm are nowhere to be found
>after initial outrage, the players see the error of their ways and briefly mourn for the loss of Wilhelm
>the adventure goes on, with occasional nostalgic references to the greatest NPC kidnapping committed at our table
>fast forward several story arcs, the party is comprised of entirely new characters, as all the original members have either died at some point or stopped playing
>they hire a ferry to take them across the ocean to visit another continent
>during the trip they are attacked by a smoldering pirate ship rising from the ocean
>the captain is a slightly sickly, middle-aged human male
>in combat, uses powers drawn from a god of madness
>players are nonethewiser that they are fighting a Wilhelm reborn of hardship and tragedy
>he loses a crew member to the party before retreating back beneath the waters
>on the return trip, they find his ship attacking a trade barge, and the both of them surrounded by sea serpents
>large-scale multi-factional battle ensues
>Wilhelm loses the rest of his crew before narrowly escaping with his life once more, identity still a mystery
I plan to have him show up one last time in the next arc to battle to the death, revealing his name in his final breaths

"The captain"
A flying magical ship's log that contains the soul of the last captain.
The ship won't move without the captain's permission and he's a cranky old soul with nothing to lose,
Also, he doesn't yalk per se, instead words appear on the log as if being handwritten, most of the time they're swear words accompanied by some illustrative drawing.

nice

Tavish McDune.

Hill Dwarf Cartographer.

>Sold the party Maps and cheap Highlander booze
>Covered the Parties escape from a Ravine filled with Ghouls
>Took the elf wizard to 0 HP by kaber tossing his claymore when she tried fucking with his maps.

Edwin the Letcher (maybe it wasn't Edwin per se but it was that sort or not strange but not common name)

>Pawn shop owner in city that served as the central hub
>one of a few quest givers in my pull everything out of my ass open world type campaign
>creepy motherfucker
>asked the group to go to weird places for hardly explained reasons or to do almost dodgy shit
>the players fucking loved him for whatever goddamned reason
>after a few quests he started offering to sell pewter miniatures to the party
>these miniatures would depict a moment or foe from whatever they had just come back from
>endless speculation about what this dude really was or why he did stuff
>mostly because the first dude they met in the first session was clearly a dragon
>the letcher just runs the buissness so he can afford to scry on people boning obviously, his name is the letcher for christs sake

HOLY FUCK