Okay demon hunters, it's pretty clear things have gone pear-shaped since the King in Yellow "saved"/rebooted the world in order to stop reality from unraveling completely.
Floating islands all over the place, Cthulhu's awake, geography's all fucked up, raw magic is rampant all over the world, and a whole bunch of other crazy shit.
And apparently several cults are popping up all over South America dedicated to this asshole. I was vacationing down here before everything went to shit and got rebooted, so I don't have access to my usual gear right now. Any ideas?
For an overview of just how fucked up everything is right now, see
Josiah Harris
Well unless the cultists already started summoning eldritch abominations/demonic entities down there, guns and grenades should still do the trick. The normals haven't had enough time to master all the raw magic yet, so just gun them down and be done with it.
I don't really see the issue here.
And why the hell are there so many floating islands now? Whose brilliant idea was that?!
Leo Miller
Japan reporting in: Cthulhu's just milling around outside Tokyo Bay right now. Dealing with all the yokai running around in broad daylight is hard enough without breaking into hysterics at the sight of that... thing.
Why does Japan always get stuck with the damn kaiju all the time? Why couldn't Cthulhu wake up next to Los Angeles or New York instead?
Samuel James
Ideas on what? This is the most fun I've had in my life!
Michael Clark
Let's review shall we? The marble emperor's returned with an army and he's killing all the Turks he can in an attempt to rebuild his empire bad news for Turks and anyone in the former borders. Undead Oliver Cromwell's just sacked Dublin, bad news for the irish. Charlemagne and Frederick barbarossa are back which doesn't seem bad but is a sign of the end times. Anything else?
Aiden Sanchez
Fun? You're not the one stuck on a floating island ducking jumbojets right now!
Ryan Russell
Question: Have you seen any harpies, dragons or wyverns flying around up there? I'm only asking because I figure that with all the magic the King in Yellow pumped into the world when he rebooted it, dragons and other fantastic creatures might appear too.
Ryder Brown
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Ethan White
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Kayden Wood
I think I remember seeing Bastet drop by and say that all of the pharaohs had returned to Egypt at the same time and were currently fighting to find out who is the 'TRUE' Pharaoh of Egypt (or who she would be the 'protector of'). probably who gets to bang her as well
Oh and apparently the Sahara is green now.
Japan is forever doomed to be tormented by giant monsters my friend. Your trips confirm that.
Nathan Russell
>mfw we lost Hunters have no purpose left in this world. Game over, comrades. See you in the next world.
Jose Mitchell
how did we lose?
Jordan Scott
I'm wondering how we lost as well.
I mean, sure, Hastur/the King in Yellow's reboot is 77 different kinds of 'wtf?!', and Cthulhu's up and about, but it's not like the world's ending or anything.
>that second name Wait, wut? But he's... Wait a minute! Ahtu? Isn't that one of the aliases for... Oh fuck we've got cultists worshiping one of the worst Outer Gods possible. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUU-
John Robinson
Alright dearest Hunters, we may very well be completely and utterly fucked, to put it lightly. We couldn't see the poor Hunter who was trapped in the Demon Network, and *It* has been revived. Prepare yourselves for the storm, my friends...
Oliver Parker
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Easton Stewart
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Aaron Price
Okay, so we all seem to have been split up here in Dublin. I've managed to find a house they've not completely leveled to catch my breathe. Good news is of the 14 hunters I brought with me from London, only three of them have died, it was pretty messy though, think it's messed with a couple of the younger ones here. Bad news is we're all running low on ammo and the puritans have gotten a hold of some occult artifacts. Not seen what they do yet, but I'm guessing it's nothing good. If anyone's still alive here, we're heading towards the docks, we think Cromwell is going to try and sail across to England.
In our defence, we're quite heavily outnumbered, and someone forgot to stockpile ammo.
Oh great, just when I thought this couldn't get any worse. That's it, I'm not waiting around any more. This has to end now.
Connor Hernandez
>cromwell heading to england proper ALERT THE QUEEN RALLY THE BEEFEATERS This went pearshaped quickly
Cameron Cox
>Oh great, just when I thought this couldn't get any worse Should I bring up the fact that the OP's picture is of the Outer God Nyarlahotep, and that the fact theree are cults of him already means he's probably already arrived?
How's that for things 'getting worse'?
Gabriel Garcia
He's not getting on a fucking boat while there's breath in my body and power in my arm. Quite clearly last time he was not broken into enough pieces before he was banished. It is not a mistake I will make.
You know what, I'm going to be angry about this latter, right now I have a resurrected Lord Protector of the Commonwealth to go punch in the face. Repeatedly. With my robot arm.
Evan Fisher
Nyarlathotep is *nowhere* near as bad as the Greater Demon, my dear Hunter. That........*thing* was the cause of this universal reboot in the first place, and required insane amounts of power to harm and "destroy". We'really trying to buy you all some more time, but, we doubt we can hold out for very long.
Joseph Rivera
can't believe Im saying this but let me help and no strings attached
Lucas Morris
Belial, we trust you just about as far as we can throw you. We have absolutely no doubts that you'll probably stab us in the fucking back with a demonically enchanted dagger if it will garner you favor with the Greater Evil Powers.
Parker Cruz
then for once you'd be wrong the greater evil powers hate me and I hate them im strictly petty and I like it that way
Elijah Thompson
As a demon who outranks Belial, he's right. He is a petty little shitstain.
Dominic Wright
fuck off just because I rarely put effort in doesn't mean I can't. You've just never seen me try
Jeremiah Diaz
Hmph. We still don't trust you (and by all rights, we shouldn't simply on basic principle), but we shall allow you the benefit of the doubt for now.
Astaroth, what exactly are you doing whilst all this shit is happening? We doubt you'd end up being destroyed by your superiors for not aiding in the "feast", but still.
Josiah Diaz
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Jonathan Thompson
well then lets go
Mason Jenkins
It has already noticed us. We'd advise that you prepare yourself.
Chase Campbell
lets do this
Camden Ortiz
We've already got the cannon set-up. Now get in. We're firing you right at it. Don't owrry, it's *perfectly* safe.
Sebastian Diaz
........... ok
Luis Cooper
Alright, you Ready? In 3, 2, and a 1, GOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Grayson Richardson
WEEEEEEEEEEE
Christian Wilson
FOOL YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY G*D TO PURIFY ENGLAND. YOUR DELAYING TACTICS ARE NOBLE BUT FUTILE SOON THE QUEEN AND ALL OF ENGLAND SHALL KNOW MY PURIFYING WRAITH
Dominic Wright
Okay, How did HE get access to this forum? I mean, me, The Black King, Bastet, Sekhmet, Anubis and Tyr I get, but THIS GUY?
Just... how?
Jeremiah Evans
When you're the malevolent spirit of a genocidal dictator coming back for another go at destroying Europe, you can do almost anything.
Jeremiah White
ABOMINATION BEFORE THE LORD AFTER I CLEANSE ENGLAND I SHALL PURGE THIS WORLD OF THEE AND ALL THY ILK
Carson Foster
100 hours in ms paint
Michael Murphy
Hold on, Dublin. It's the Interested Students Union again. We lost our massive interdimensonal library collection we'd put together during the Daemon Realm thing when everything went wierd, but we've managed to get back into some sort of order and we've found the smaller versions of the Electron Guns our late physicist was working on. Can anyone say Lightning Minigun?
No idea what the fuck happened to Durham, but me and the surviving 120 of the Russel Group contingent have got geared up again and we very much CAN kill zombies even if we're not much good against Daemons. Can you give us a rough map of where the bad guys are and where you need what kind of help? We've got a couple big boats which we've stationed our Treatymaker lances on, so we've got the big guns. FOOF shells for compressed-gas mortars too, because our engineers are fucking gods.
Parker Gray
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Owen Robinson
FOOLS OPPOSE ME AND YOU OPPOSE THE WILL OF G*D
Jackson Gonzalez
So, anyone willing other place bets on how long it will take him to fully degrade into a demonic aberration?
Kevin Lewis
Well, I suppose some do, but so do the clever people. How many times have you been undead now? Got to be at least three or four.
Henry Barnes
seems pretty angelic to me
Xavier Jenkins
IT MATTERS NOT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT MY TROOPS ARE OUTSIDE LONDON ALL THAT OPPOSE ME OPPOSE G*D AND SHALL PERISH THOSE THAT BOW TO THE WILL OF THE LORD YEA THEY SHALL RECEIVE LIFE ETERNAL
Jayden Mitchell
alright I got him.... I think now what the fucks going on
Robert Davis
Urals here, knee deep in the blood of Slavic creatures. Also a bit of heads up, the old Slavic God are awake and are REALLY fucking pissed. Also how do you convince Perun to calm the fuck down.
Lucas Williams
Edit: Aparently there not. Its actually Just undead. But the Slav gods are awake and they are clearly not happy.
Thomas Foster
>Also how do you convince Perun to calm the fuck down. ....Give him vodka. Lots and lots of vodka. It'll either calm him down or turn him into an extremely mean drunk.
Hehehehe... I wonder what would happen if we shot ol' Cromwell out of that cannon at the Greater Demon... Hahahahahahahahaha!!
John Ortiz
WHY THE FUCK DOES OLIVER CROMWELL HAVE A HALO
Colton Ross
Well.. That ended well.. Yellow you know the effects of enthropy upon ancient barely worshipped gods. WELLLLL... That theory is entirely false.
Vodka does help but he and his friendly bunch of fellow gods, are just not backing down.
On the second thing you mentioned, toss him down here and ill redirect him into the mosh pit.
Jason Cook
was he ever calm at any point ever? I don't think so
James Martinez
Because he's entering the latest stage of his "lifecycle". Prepare for bad things very soon.
Jayden Sullivan
EXPLAIN FURTHER
Jeremiah Morris
> I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO STOP HIM HE'S BREACHED THE CITY
Ethan Davis
To be fair hes Russian and has fellow Russians that are angry
WAIT WHAT. OH FUCK NO.
Hudson Wright
That Fucking explains the damn fire ball to the North
Adrian Clark
He shall transcend to the level of a Fell God, and will bring about the fall of Europe, and perhaps even the *world*, as was prophesied. Why do you think he kept on returning over and over after each defeat, each time more owerful than the last? It was all to lead up to this....
Luke Williams
Well lets not let that happen. We got some ancient god here. Egyptian, what ever the hell else is awake. I don't think they want to loose there domain
Austin Stewart
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Luke Rogers
It's not a quest, faggot.
Nathaniel Scott
>Cthulhu's awake, dropped
Landon Harris
Reading The Laundry files are we?
Gavin Adams
>since King in Yellow saved the world >King in Yellow Why does he get all the credit, eh? He was just sitting on his ass shitposting the whole time. Also, I love these threads as much as anyone, but I think they're better when they happen just a bit less often
Julian Perry
The Laundry Files are a nice look into the daily lives of Hunters. It also helped us in learning how to properly greet "Santa" when he comes round'.