Look at the nearest book in your collection...

>House of Leaves
>No clothes
>Metal crossbar from a keyboard stand

Well, looks like I'm fucked by the Minotaur.

I'm in 1970's England in the Dark is Rising series. So... That means I should go and find an old one and hope they can send me home.

Dracula and scissors

wearing high-waisted shorts and a crop top with no shoes, im probably not gonna last terribly long.

The Pepsi-Cola bottling plant in Hokkaido, carrying a lighter and wearing jeans, a hoodie, and slippers.

Let's see if I can talk my way out of deportation, if I don't just land in a public area.

>John Steakley's Armor
>A cheap letter opener
>Bathrobe + flip flops

Depends on when and where in that world I end up. Odds are good I'll be just fine or at least get a cell and meals.

Well if you can explain to Van Hellsing that maybe the fine young woman might have some good ideas about why all of her friend's blood keeps disappearing, you're probably fine.

>agatha christie novels
>20s london
>crossman pellet co2 gun
>shorts,tshirt , flip flops

pretty nippy in bongland no?

LotR with an AR-15 and a white t shirt and sweatpants

I'm fucked after the 31 shots are gone

>american gods
>metal baseball bat
>bear onsie
does anything change?

>Tractato Logico Philosophicus
>Fountain Pen

What exactly does a world concerned with describing the nature of the world look like Veeky Forums?

>Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
>An orange romper...barefoot
>A dildo

>an encyclopedia about guns
>armed with a big kitchen knife
>dressing random shirt+comfy pants

I don't really know where I am, though

html basics ( oolddd as fuck )
ball shorts/shirt/asic toprunners
9mm

I guess ill manage

>math textbook
>pencil
>wearing just enough for freezing temperatures

I guess I go stab some example Bobs and Johns, and kill myself out of boredom.

You find yourself in an infinite white space like in the Matrix, surrounded by never ending rows of firearms.

You'd be better off switching weapons with

>An orange romper
>A dildo
Which is the weapon and which the attire?

>I am buck naked on Arrakis with a short sword
I'm dead.

Within the hour. Unless, you arrived during Leto the Second's reign. Then you get to enjoy being worked over by hot women for hours on end as they try to figure out where a primal Terran came from. Enjoy being introduced into Leto's breeding program because he didn't see your arrival.

I'm transported to modern-day Russia, holding a fork and wearing nothing but my underwear.
Not looking good for me, desu.

Dungeons and Discourse, Dresden Codak.

Don't turn down any drinks offered to you and look for the American consultant. Flag down a Russian police officer and tell him you escaped from some human traffickers.

>sherlock holmes
>leatherman surge

meh, I'll be all right

>1e D&D
>1.5 foot bat covered in electric tape
Well it's somethin' at least. I always figured I was small and graceful enough to be a half-decent thief.

>bear onsie
Please let me see that, user!

>small snap off craft knife

>closest book
> the autopoesis of architecture
im in some crazy cyberpunk smart city. probably end up homeless because i have no money

>closest novel
>brothers Karamazov
e i can't speak russian. Maybe Alyosha would take pity on me and take me to the monastery. wouldn't mind living the rest of my life as a comfy monk.

>on phone, first pdf in files is the Complete Fallout Bible
>armed with phone? Or unopened, 5 gallon jug for a water cooler.
>work uniform and steel toe boots

Depends on how dangerous my starting area is and how fast I can get real weapons, armor, meds and food.

Reading to my daughter this morning. Closest responsible item is probably a chef's knife downstairs.

I'm pretty good, I'll just walk down to the Hooper's store and ask if they need help. I can chop veggies and do food prep while living in an idyllic world of early childhood education.

Good end man.

>The thread in which we fail to realize the OP's intent is that a book in your collection means an RPG book, not just whatever book is closest.

>Halo collector’s edition novelty book
>9mm SR9e

Well fuck...

>Dune
>Swiss army knife
>Woolen jumper
Fuck.
I mean, as long as I spawn on the north pole, or on another planet I'll be fine, but if I appear anywhere in the main deserts of arrakis I'm screwed.

TFW you end up in 40K with an x-acto knife wearing only your boxes,

>Once Upon a Time in Russia
>a swiss army knife

As long as I don't step between the oligarchs and Putin's rise to power, I guess my chances of survival are about the same as any guy in the modern world with just a knife.

Hopefully you are on Ultramar or some other rare gem of stability. Given that you are unambiguously human, you have something going for you at least.

>Hero of the Imperium collection
>Shirt, jeans and waterproof shoes
>A lamp

I'm oh so lucky.
Better try to join the Guard ASAP

>basic writings of Nietzsche
>billy club
>business casual

Guess it's the real world. Looks like I die the same way I live

An edgelord

I am now stuck back in time, in central Spain, while a crazy man goes around pretending to be a knight.

>Lord of the Rings
>AR-15
>in the nude

Well... it will be interesting.

I don't have my collection with me, all I have are PDFs at the moment, so sue me. I'll be hanging out with my man of La Mancha, and turning him into a proper Haruhi Suzumiya rip-off.

>The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (reading to child this morning before pre-k)
>Walking stick
>Dress pants, blue ocbd, Schreier Tassel Dress Loafers

I would live the comfiest of lives, hangin' out and playing pooh sticks,

>Harry Dresden novel
>Steak Knife
>Jeans, ankle socks, dark souls t-shirt

Umm....not really sure how i feel about this. Guess i go figure out if i can do magic?

GURPS basic set
Scissors

I've a bottle of beer and Ulysses here

Not sure how I'd fare

If, by wayward dare

Toward tides, salt and fear

>The Bible
>table knife
Thank G-D I'm Jewish.

If we're including non-fiction then it's The Ego and His Own for me (plus table-knife). I will join you in edgy heaven (hell), my brother.

You should not have brought a knife to a gun fight.

I'm in Camorr with a pair of scissors wearing a suit.

I'm utterly fucked.

>pic related
>scalpel
So basically the real world except I'm considerably poorer and without a home. Time to brave the homeless shelter with my shitty shiv, first order of business is to get some shoes and then I'll just wing it from there. I'll be fine.

>International Releations-Concepts and theories
>Combat Knife

What is even going on here.

No, the OP's intent is to show what absolute trash passes for literature on Veeky Forums. Almost every single reply is some genre trash instead of philosophy, history, or science books. If most of your bookshelf is fiction then it just means that you're a failure in making a well-rounded, learned individual.

>Legacy of Caliban
>Ballpoint pen.

Yeah, no.

It just said closest book. That doesn't immediately mean that every book in the collection is fiction.

DnD 5e PHB, so I would assume I'm in Forgotten Realms. I'm armed with a 22oz beer bottle and I'm in my boxers.

I'm gonna go and probably fight the nearest kobold or goblin and take their stuff.

>I don't like litterature
Yeah, we got it.

>The Wealth of Nations is sitting on my desk right now
>I have a Leatherman on my belt, and clothes that would seem well made but highly out of place in 1776
I'm pretty much fucked, but maybe if I can make myself useful long enough to earn some dollars, I can write a "prophetic" "science fiction" "novel" warning of the many and varied woes that come with using theme-park versions of ideas as propaganda.

>Blood Meridian
>Knife
>Jeans and T-shirt
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Well, the nearest pbysical book from my personal collection would be... an entire shelf. Shit.

The nearest PDF, though, is going to be Stars Without Number. I'm wearing office clothes and have the torn off blade from a paper cutter.

I can probably make this work.

You find yourself on a small foot trail surrounded on each side by shrubbery. There is a small wooden sign in serious disrepair but you can't recognise the language at all. You do notice that there has been an attempt to scratch the words out.

You hear a sudden sound from the bushes and a diminutive, scaly, green creature charges towards you. It has small, white jagged teeth and is wielding a rusty sword flecked with blood.

>Roll intiative

What do you do?

>Diskworld
>pocket knife
>sweatpants, t-shirt and light hoody
Eh depending on where I land I should be ok-ish.

>wearing my pajamas
>I have a Swiss Army knife
>I'm in The Flavor Bible

...Okay.

Rolled 16 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

I'll try to use an action to dodge, considering I would have, like, 9 AC.

It doesn't take into account negative modifiers?

>Malazan: Book of the Fallen
>Set of modelling knives

>Dinner with a cannibal
>Knife
>not too bad

I'm in Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses with a bottle of good whiskey. Wearing a full set of clothes but no shoes.
Things could be worse, though I guess it depends on whether I'm in the present or in one of the flashbacks, and where exactly.

>Arabian Nights
>I have a pocket knife
>I'm wearing pajamas
I die in the desert. Terribly. An arab finds my body and it becomes a curiosity/warning to other travelers from distant lands.

Rolled 8, 20 = 28 (2d20)

The goblin reacts first with worrying haste and swipes at you with his rusty blade as you attempt to dodge out of the way.

I'll be generous and assume you have an AC of 10. Your base stats as a 5E human are all 11. If you feel you deserve a higher score in any of those let me know.

So as the book nearest to me is civil code an nearest thing passable for weapon is stick with national flag...
I am thrilled for exiting and not boring adventures to come in weird land of legal writings.

It missed (assuming you were rolling disadvantage). I retort with a quick, jerky swing, gripping the bottle neck and pretending I'm using a really short and slippery mace.

Nah, I'd say I'm pretty average.

>The Scarpetta Factor
>Medieval axe
>Work clothes (no shoes)
There's no reason to suspect I don't exist in the Scarpettaverse, so I might have to kill and dispose of my doppleganger but otherwise life as normal.

> Semi-hard sci-fi set on a generation ship
> Armed with an assortment of glass bottles
> Jeans, T-shirt, and barefoot
So long as I don't land in one of the wildlife preserves and get eaten/freeze to death, I'll be fine.

>a brief histoy of time
at this point whatever I'm wearing or have for a weapon doesn't matter whatsoever, since none of it is a space-suit.

I knew I should've put that fucker back in the bookshelf.

Its wild flailing does indeed miss the mark, evidently your strange, pungent aroma has put even this creature off.

You strike it back with a full swing of your bottle...

>Horus Heresy
>compound bow
this is going to interesting

> Discworld
> walking stick
> fancy waiter clothing

Hmm, either I masquerade myself as a fancy wizard and bullshit my way out of everything...

Or I do my goddamned best to not be noticed by the patrician... Don't wanna talk about angels

>Guns clearly stated to be extremely unreliable in the Old Kingdom
I'm kinda fucked if I can't get past the wall to civilization

Well I am in my 4 year old son's room (phone fagging). I am now armed with a wooden one and a half foot long sword and I am actually very surprised to be in the 40k world as my copy of Dark Heresy is in the children's book shelf while I'm renovating the study. I was sure this would be an easy assignment in some candy land or something but I'm pretty much screwed.

>Sister Alice
>A wooden katana
>Pajamas
Seeing as I am not a transhuman I either die quickly or get swallowed into the underworld of the ecumenopolis. If I arrive early in the novel I might be able to warn the families not to try their big bang project. They won't listen, but I might be made into a starship when they realise I'm right.

>Walking stick
Are you disabled?

lit plz

>You can't enjoy multiple kinds of books

>WOT
>My shoe, bane of all arachnids
>just took a shower and just chilling in briefs
Punished for public indecency. After my punishment I find a pair of pants. I'll start a vermin extermination company. In the WOT, vermin are spies for the dark one so I might be able to get government subsidiary depending on which country I'm in.

Start a small comfy extermination company and find myself a QT waifu. Ill probably just introduce a few modern concepts as I see fit, especially those involving none source fueled medicine.

>an illustrative WW2 history book for children
>a bottle-opener/corkscrew hybrid
>cargo pants and a t-shirt
Pretty fucked. The first page of the book (the closest part to me) describes the Norwegian theater; best case scenario I can try to get some English soldiers to believe that I'm an ordinary American bystander and flee with them.

>Caught in the Revolution
>A pot
>Shoes, jeans, a t-shirt and a dressing gown

Arthur Dent meets the Bolsheviks (and introduces Petrograd to Teflon-coated cookware)

>An Asterix comic
>A wooden bed frame board
Well, i'm no roman, but living in occupied territory, so i'm doing okay, i guess.

>Pre-WWI Finland
>A pair of blunt scissors

They're not even good enough to kill myself with.

>Looks to left.
>HP Lovecraft Collection.
>Looks to right.
>Backpack.

Well shit.

> The Brothers Karamazov
> Set-Square
> Jeans and T-shirt

Probably die of hunger or frozen during winter on the streets of some russian city.

>Move to small village and open up a barber store
>Live comfy snow elf life
What's the issue? You dodged a bullet, or in this case billions of 7.62 diameter bullets specifically.

M8, you're talking about a country and a time when the poetry in vogue was about mixing bark into your bread so you could live to suffer a little longer.

And when I say pre-WWI, I mean that WWI is just about to start.

>Phone book

FUCK! I WENT NOWHERE!