How do tech priests have sex?

It's like plugging in a usb, they try to stick it once and fail, then flip it around to try again and when that fails they try the first way again only to succeed.

They don't.

I always wondered how the AdMech got new recruits. Cult Mechanicus doesn't seem very appealing and Tech Priests don't look like they have a lot of kids.

Depends how modified they are. If they're mostly still human, they likely still have their dong.

If not, see pic related. Either that or they have a power dildo with the option of either having 34 or 69 different settings. Vibrating comes with both.

Dammit, i thought i downloaded the gif.

They put the bepis in the vagoober

>Not just detachhing your womb from your body and leaving it in your room to mature
Get a load of this adept

Bah humbug, that would be an inefficient waste of a techpriest! We don't have 9 months! Hell we don't have 9 weeks or days! Shove the fetus in a jar and watch it grow.

By the Omnissiah, insulting the his name with your inefficiencies.

Why wouldn't it be? You get a special status, aren't treated like dirt by the authorities, your well provided for by the cult, you get new limbs for any lost, and you are almost guranteed to live 4 times as long as any ganger.

>"Well then, tell me, Myamlak the paleface, how do you build your progeny?" asked the princess.
>"In faith, we do not build them at all," said Ferrix, "but program them statistically, according to Markov's formula for stochastic probability, emotional-evolutional albeit distributional, and we do this involuntarily and coincidentally, while thinking of a variety of things that have nothing whatever to do with programming, whether statistical, alinear or algorithmical, and the programming itself takes place autonomously, automatically and wholly autoerotically, for it is precisely thus and not otherwise that we are constructed, that each and every paleface strives to program his progeny, for it is delightful, but programs without programming, doing all within his power to keep that programming from bearing fruit."
>"Strange," said the princess, whose erudition in this area was less extensive than that of the wise Polyphase. "But how exactly is this done?"
>"O Princess!" replied Ferrix. "We possess suitable apparatuses constructed on the principle of regenerative feedback coupling, though of course all this is in water. These apparatuses present a veritable miracle of technology, yet even the greatest idiot can use them. But to describe the precise procedure of their operation would have to lecture at considerable length, since the matter is most complex. Still, it is strange, when you consider that we never invented these methods, but rather they, so to speak, invented themselves. Even so, they are perfectly functional and we have nothing against them."

>that pic
d'awwwww

Your logic is sounds. Modifications will be made to optimize the process.

Sounds suspiciously like Lem. Is it Lem?

Mechanically.

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Aww, she has your Mind Impulse Unit.

No really, that's your MIU. I can read the serial number.

One of my favorite anecdotes in the admech codex is a brief mention of them forcing imperial refugees to become skitarii, and how some refugees would rather commit suicide or starve aboard their ships rather than land on a forge world

Yeah, Admech is pretty horrific sometimes.

I imagine it'll vary between forge worlds like everything in 40k does, but I know there's definite canon cases of tech priests vat-growing their own children. As in in one case one grows a clone of himself so he can have a lab assistant, but due to a mutation it becomes his daughter instead of his son. He ends up bonding with her more than he expected to.

>I always wondered how the AdMech got new recruits.
Here is a quote from Dark Heresy's "Forge World" origin, under Fit for Purpose.
>A forge world inhabitant is repeatedly tested, channelled and trained from birth for their chosen station and role in life. Weakness is not tolerated and failure met with painful incentives to do better.
In other words, they are indoctrinated from birth. They're probably raised in a boarding school. As for where they get babies, I imagine that such things, in the Imperium, can simply be bought.

For reproduction purposes or pleasure purposes.

Reproduction they will either chuck an egg and a sperm together and call it a day. Probably weed out them out until you get the best zygote or whatever.

For pleasure... let's just say that no tech-priest would turn down an upgrade. Won't lie, some of the large upgrades probably work great in tight situations.

Remember, techpriests are very much human.

They reverse polarity and blow each other's fuses.

Oh you know, the same as you
Except they have replaced their 'ahem' equipment with an 8'' fluid warmed vibrating prehensile pleasure unit

>child
>child
>child
>child
>child

>raised by wet nurses designed for optimal use.
Supplied by the order biologists?

They ERP remotely.
Somehow, against all odds, an ancient cogitator from before the DAoT was found, a server the techpriests still use today, for it contains the legendary virtual world "goldshire."

That's what you get for not using the approved STC interface module...

>As for where they get babies, I imagine that such things, in the Imperium, can simply be bought.
Or bred from local stock, or collected as a tithe from hive worlds... oh, and press-ganged of course.

>Reproduction they will either chuck an egg and a sperm together and call it a day. Probably weed out them out until you get the best zygote or whatever.
There's a Magos with a daughter in Priests Of Mars. In his case, he decided it was time to groom a successor and had himself cloned, but some jitter caused the clone to be a girl.

I'm now picturing a couple of intimidating admech going into that place in a hospital where they put all the newborns that I don't know the name of and yelling at babies and trying to get them to join on

Yep. It's either The Cyberiad or Fables for Robots, can't remember which one.

Not grim and dark enough.

>Imagine some line in a manufacorium where small scale stuff gets its final assembly
>Kitchen clocks or water boilers, civilian appliances
>The workplaces have chairs
>They are manned by hundres of pregnant women too far along to work standing up
>Every hour or so a medical servoskull comes by and injects the women with nutritients and medications against nausea and other symptoms of pregnancy
>Suddenly, a discreet alarm
>One worker's water broke
>The sensors in her chair detected it even before she noticed
>The supervizing Techpriest and two servitors appear and cart her off through a door
>"Infirmary" is stenciled upon it in flaking paint, like a bad joke
>The chair comes to a halt
>A Magus Biologis is there
>Meds and electric shocks from is mechandrites ensure a quick and safe delivery
>He inspects the child before placing it in an incubator for further testing
>The mother gets hit with a stim and antidepressants
>Then she's led out a different door and towards her next work station
>Same manufactorium, same line
>No chair
>Another pregnant woman already occupies the vacant station
>The chair din't even get cold
>Another discreet alarm goes off in the chaired section...

It's not Fables, I remember them quite well. Might be the Cyberiad, it sure sounds like it.

Most followers of the cult are still relatively fleshy. The tech priests are...well...their priests.
That is something shitty writers tend to forget. That weird cogbro over there doing research and being robot Indiana Jones or walking wmd? He's also doing sermons and preaching to a little commune of flesh bags that pray to the Omnissiah.

The flesh bags procreate and once in a while someone shows promise.

irvan pls

How does you machine fuck up so bad it flips a chromosome?

With their genitals. If they don't have any, they won't procreate but there's probably some kind of computer stimulation that makes them orgasm or something.

Same way everything in 40k does. It's ancient and not well understood.

Thanx user.
I enjoyed reading that.

Space magic AKA ancient technology

Well that's just unscientific, he should know better than to do just 1.
You need at least a hundred to make proper use of statistical variation.
Then you make the best one your successor and sell the other 99.

AdMech probably reproduce early. They don’t become fully cyborg until really late into their careers if at all. Plus they have billions of serfs on each Forge World. They test them at early age to see if they’re smart enough to join AdMech.

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Taking baby factory literally, I presume?

Does Priest of Mars show off that off really well? Tempted to read it because of that.

It didn't, the Magos in question just felt like it.

My penodendrite of course!

>Y-y-you're cute

Daaaaw

Only one word my fellow adept.

Cyber dongs.

Priest doesn't necessarily mean entirely celibate.
I mean, especially outside of the context of Catholicism, and the Mechanicus has always struck me as the Byzantine to the Imperium's Rome.

Either they simply don't or through a completely mechanized process (not automatized, because that's HERESY).

Does Cawl have a phial full of 500 years old sperm stored somewhere just in case he meets the optimal receptacle for his genius?

His sperm is also mechanized.

His sperm is probably enriched with necrodermis nanobots knowing his "innovative" mind.

If that's the case, I'm bet he could bang a industrial grinder and still somehow have his junk regenerate.

Come to think of it, do Necrons ever think about sex? I mean they're robots, but...

>Using the word preist litterally

Fairly well. They still have their ups and downs, their joys and the disdains. Hell, I think one showed sympathy for the dead.

It's a decent read. Good portion of it is in space, but that doesn't matter too much given story quality.

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Refugees welcome

Reminds me of the F-35

Yes and no - making it a secondary function of any suitable production line in the cold-blooded fashion I expect of the AdMech.

It's a trilogy by now, but it's a good read. Written by Graham McNeil.

Forge worlds are second only to hive worlds for population, and every single person there would murder their family for a chance to become a tech-priest.

>wet nurses designed for optimal use.
Go on

Big boxes with bags of nutrient rich fluids inside, some tubes and a baby shaped alcove in the front.

How do you fuck up that bad? That requires 2 seperate chromosomal diseases to happen at once to turn out like that. Me thinks he wanted a daughter instead and was ashamed he would waste time on doing that instead of just cloning.

Exactly like this

www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/450999

DELET THIS

It isn't called the Cult Mechanicus for nothing...
Suggest you actually read some fluff rather than just unit descriptions and ttg rules.
Praise the Omnissiah!

I guess some of them remember what sex is, but it's been so long they just can't recall the sensation. It's like wondering if Nagash still thinks about banging slaves back in Nehekhara.

>Big boxes with bags of nutrient rich fluids inside, some tubes and a baby shaped alcove in the front
That were once human. You can't expect them to not make a servitor for that function

Somewhat. There was a little bit of Star Trek-tier "Emotion>logic" near the beginning with a Secutor beating the shit out of a Black Templar until the Marine somehow wins by "fighting with spirit", but otherwise it's badass.

Also, Vitali Tychon (the dad) demolishes what has to be a hundred servitors with binharic ECM. He justifies that with "You learn a few things as you get to High Magos" or something to that effect, but I suspect that man has a past from before taking up cartography. Malagra Tychon book when? You could have Admech John Wick with baby Linya interspersed with memory replays and short stories of his secret police days, it'd be amazing.

>with a Secutor beating the shit out of a Black Templar until the Marine somehow wins by "fighting with spirit", but otherwise it's badass.
I always thought that was to do with faith in the Emperor. Secutor has advanced predictive programs, BT has faith in the Emperor, and then by crucial chance gets into a position to take the Secutor's head off. Secutor flabbergasted, BT replies about faith, and it kind of works because 40k is a setting where actual faith has power and fate is a real thing.

Possibly. Still, didn't make a huge amount of sense to me from the way the scene was written, since it seems like the Secutor has him dead to rights before his sword somehow teleports out from a lock, but maybe. Made more sense later on against the nanomachines (son!) when they could read his predictives so turning them off was his best option, at which point the "fighting with spirit" actually does apply.

I'll delet your innocence you little mac slut first

youtube.com/watch?v=OhQhZ4rcJdU

T. Imperial dregs.

54 Ox68 Ox69 Ox73 Ox20 Ox69 Ox64 Ox69 Ox6f Ox74 Ox20 Ox74 Ox72 Ox75 Ox6c Ox79 Ox20 Ox62 Ox65 Ox6c Ox69 Ox65 Ox76 Ox65 Ox73 Ox20 Ox74 Ox68 Ox69 Ox73 Ox20 Ox73 Ox68 Ox69 Ox74 Ox0a

>mfw I remember that I once masturbated to that.

My horny teenage mind could get off to the most bizarre shit.

01010100 00101101 01110100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 01110011

>Star Trek-tier "Emotion>logic"

This is not a Star Trek thing. Well, it is now, with those awful reboots, but they're not really Star Trek as it used to be. Spock and Data were very rarely on the wrong side of this equation, after all.

youtube.com/watch?v=9168Ahqzua0

...

youtube.com/watch?v=WqPnZ4I9IdU
youtube.com/watch?v=awYn0L3rcJA

In "tech-priest" it showed the main character, a magos explorator, actually feel bad for killing his Skitarii to kill some obliterators. Not to mention he was sentimental about his favorite primus.

You fapped to a floating Iphone?

Not him, but I fapped to it as well

Dude this is a sfw board

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More like super hard on collider, amiright?

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