Shit players do

>"But it's not illegal. And I am only 'Neutral Good'."
- That Monk, probably.

Sorry, it was the first thing to come to my head. You seem to have a stupid Monk there.

He wasn't trying to deliver the body for proper burial, he was trying to send a severed head back to the man's wife. Would you honestly want someone sending you severed limbs of a family member to your house? This Monk was clearly crazy.

Nah he was just
>oh yeah whoops
>well I'll just say that was a darker thought that crept through my mind
Yeah you don't say

Ah, good that he came to his senses.

>Player with a dog companion discovers a chest
>Player wants to examine the chest
>"As you draw near the chest and is about to open it, your pet companion strikes aggressive pose and growls at the chest"
>"No, he's not!"
You know how a GM shouldn't take glee in inflicting harm upon the PCs in his campaign? This case is clearly an exception because the retard is really asking for it. I mean, you all but put up a sign that said: "this chest is dangerous!" and not only did he not heed the warning, but he chose to get pissy instead.

>Before you say to play with people IRL, this shit is even WORSE IRL because the kinds of people I know IRL have jobs and girlfriends and social lives and all those things always end up taking priority over showing up for a game of pretend. At least online the people usually have free time to spare (up until game day for whatever reason).
Joke's on you. People with jobs have a halfway decent understanding of time management and responsibility. I'd trust someone who does his hardest to fit gaming into a 60 hr/week schedule than someone who could give a fuck if he shows up or not.

Not "remains," "severed head," which is fucked up.

>PC can't cooperate with the rest of the team and leaves the party while lost underground in a very dangerous area.
>PC goes into area he was warned against, because: fuck you; I won't do what you tell me.
>Warning signs along the way that this is a path to certain death, but PC keeps going.
>Make a few surreptitious rolls and determine PC is fucked, so mysteriously retire character as I don't want to reveal to much to folks who aren't there.
>Let player know that there's really no way his character could survive, and have him make up a new character.
>Player makes up new character.
>New character is a tracker who has been sent (along with others, now dead) to try to find the party (old cohorts) and help lead them to safety.
>New character finds party and promptly leaves them to find player's old character, heading down the path to certain doom.

Same player in another adventure (run by somebody else):
>PC doesn't want to cooperate with rest of party or abide by any rules of conduct, like helping to come up with or follow a plan of action when assaulting well-armed enemies.
>Refuses to abide by majority vote on what to do.
>Decides to retire his character rather than cooperate.
>Makes new character.
>New character also refuses to cooperate.

>Character literally has no facial expressions except 'scowl' or 'sneer'.
>Paladin who doesn't protect the squishy bard and sorceress when her entire build is based around protecting them
>Charges into the middle of half a dozen skeletons, leaving the sorceress undefended in the passage behind her
>Two spooky boiz break off and go to take the sorceress to the bone zone
>Paladin decides to eat four attacks of opportunity to sprint back to finally do her job and predictably eats shit
>Literally spends the next two days IRL trying to get me to rez her level 2 ass
>Other players decide they didn't like her grumpy antisocial ass anyway and leave her corpse in the crypt
>Try explaining that there's no way anyone could get to her in time for Raise Dead, even if they did care to drop 500gp on a total stranger
>And no, her noble background doesn't mean her family has enough influence to somehow have a divine caster capable of 9th-level spells on hand to bring her back
>She gets more and more pissed that her character who had about as much personality as an NPC suffered the consequences of her dumbass actions and build
>Worst of all? The player is my girlfriend.

>Run a bronze age-iron age game
>Players get annoyed plate armor doesn't exist

>I check the bag for traps!

Were I the GM, there would now be traps in that bag if there weren't before. Though, it'd be harmless. Some sort of shitty paint/glue trap or whatever. So shitty that it wouldn't go off unless you tried to disarm it.

>neutral good party
>go in to taverns
>try to antagonize other patrons and get in to fights to get more accomplishments towards leveling in my MILESTONE LEVELING campaign
>once the guys are dead, immediately start looting the bodies and tell the other bar patrons "THEY ATTACKED US FIRST!"
>tell the players purposefully trying to antagonize others in to fights to loot them doesn't seem good
>"Well, if they were willing to attack us over insults, then they're probably evil and we were doing a good deed by killing them"

>Shipping the remains back to the family is arguably a good thing to do.
this. context matters. Shipping a whole body is a lot of work, and more likely to involve time and decay. By sending a head, you give something that is identifiable and worthy of honor, while confirming "hey, we didn't put his head on a pike." If one of his subordinates survived, escaping with just the head might be expected.
If they send it with a note of "hey, here's your husband's remains" it's a pretty honorable thing to do.
If it's just a labelless box until they open it and find a head, that's obviously a terror tactic and not the same thing

Basically, the only moral difference between the two is whether they stick a trigger warning on the box.

Why do you need plate armour when you can have one of this?

I at this point think I should point out the captain was both still a whole body and alive while the monk was debating.

This is literally a carwer in WFRP, called protagonist. Basically they're guys you hire to pick fights with specific people under 'innocuous' circumstances and either beat the shit out of or murder them. Some are independents who cut out the client and just pick fights to rob folks. Obviously, this is illegal.

>Players are sent on a diplomatic mission to the city state down the road.
>They are invited to a series of colosseum games/fights
>Eventually, the Champ comes out.
>Fighter tries to tell if this guy can really fight, or if it's just showboating, since I made it clear that a lot of the earlier fights were staged.
>Let him roll a Sense Motive but modified by his BAB.
>One other player flips out at the "blatant cheating", but eventually shuts up.
>He does okay, and I tell him that despite the obvious flynning the champ is doing, you can tell he's an extremely skilled warrior, he drops into a very stable stance immediately and reflexively whenever he's done with a silly flashy move.
>Fighter decides to go "backstage" after the games.
>Attacks the Champ for literally no reason.
>Gets curb-stomped because surprise, he's tough!
>GM, GM, what are you doing? Why did you make this fight so impossible? This is bullshit!

That's literally plate armor.

>Tiefling Paladin character
>Player gets mad when NPCs don't like him despite choosing a Tiefling
>Constantly comes up with hair brained plans and tactics and gets mad when they don't work
>Constantly on his phone in between his turns in combat
>When his turn comes around "Finally, now what's happening?"
>Chaotic good, yet constantly holds people to ransom demanding more money for jobs
>I tell him it's not very moral of him to hustle people like that
>"Yeah but I'm CHAOTIC good"
>Constantly needs to be reminded of rules
>Gets mad at me personally when bad shit happens to him in game
>Discovered he was cheating last session by writing an 8 and subtracting from it for each spell he cast instead of from his 4 1st level and 2 2nd level spell slots
He's getting better but we're 13 sessions and my patience is really wearing thin. If he wasn't a good friend of mine outside the game I would have booted him by now.

Face in SR constantly on phone and forgetting the situation around him. Walks into a forbidden area in the office with a tracked ID. Guard checks it out. The others take him out but theres another one which alerts the HRT. Shootout ensures. "Why did you escalate the situation I wanted stealth"

Some people just aren't made for RPGs.

>>"As you draw near the chest and is about to open it, your pet companion strikes aggressive pose and growls at the chest"
>>"No, he's not!"
I don't know what to make of this.

that's segmented plate, user. it's different from just "plate."

>>Player with a dog companion discovers a chest
>>"Player wants to examine the chest
>>"As you draw near the chest and is about to open it, your pet companion strikes aggressive pose and growls at the chest"
>>"No, he's not!"

This annoyed me on so many levels. How can people even think of doing that. Like it's fine.
It's not fine.

It's my fault for enabling this shit for the sake of a bigger group, but:
>player won't stop powergaming or minmaxing when asked because "I just can't help myself" and "it's an addiction"
>bitches if he can't use the explicitly banned splatbooks
>acts like a frightened rabbit if his character isn't functionally invincible at all times
>purposely sabotages a new campaign because "I didn't like the system and wanted us to play something else"

>GM a new system for the party, that experienced nothing but D&D before
>System is somewhat narrative-driven, but rather traditional
>Near the end of the first session one of the players wants to inspect contents of the bag they've found
>"I check this bag for traps!"

This one seems pretty innocent, considering shit like exploding ruins and other security spells exist. All the other stories are either worthy of annoyance or rage/divine retribution.

>purposely sabotages a new campaign because "I didn't like the system and wanted us to play something else"
That's some bottom-tier shit. Is it really worth keeping this awful person around?

Why haven't you kicked this dude out, yet. Is he your gay lover?

>segmented plate
>uses fewer and larger plates than regular full plate

>PC makes a mistake
>dies trying to correct it
>everyone treats player like shit anyway
It kind of sounds like you guys were the assholes here.

You're not getting laid anytime soon.

>pc makes mistake
>pc recognizes mistake
>pc tries to fix mistake
>pc refuses to accept consequences for what they recognized was a mistake

It wasn't really terrible, but in the context of the game, it was incredibly stupid. It was a Gene Wolfe-esque game, magic simply didn't exist in the setting and civilization wasn't really that much developed.
I GMed it with focus on narrative and roleplaying, but for the first session most of the party was acting like it's a D&D. Though with encountering a lot of gonzo stuff they changed their attitude later on and it turned out to be a pretty great campaign.

He's long gone now, part of a game group that no longer exists. I will say it was part of a valuable learning experience.

1) Kick these people to the curb as soon as possible.

2) Petty or not, it's incredibly cathartic to join the next game as a fellow player and loudly treat the problem player's character as a creepy pedophile based on some stupid jokey shit he pulled IC. It clearly took all the wind out of his sails and absolutely made my day.

Well if you didn't tell him the captain was still alive, how's he supposed to know? Again, you're a shit GM.

This is a game I was gonna run on Discord with some online friends of mine I've had for a long time. I like them, but, for fuck's sake
>want to get into GMing
>get some players together
>make a setting over a few weeks, getting super hyped up
>give them setting, system, few custom rules and all the resources they need
>only one of them makea a character and its super generic
>others just sit there for days on end even after i ask them to make a character
>eventually just abandon trying
>also start feel shitty and unmotivated most of the time
>players show no interest in the game anymore, just stop asking them to make haracters and let the discord rot
>eventually i have a slight outburst and say im cancelling the game
>they treat me like a dick for cancelling it
>i calm down and uncancel it, tell them to make characters again
>month later, they havent made characters or shown any interest, too busy playing DOTA with eachother or some shit

He specifically told me he was dealing nonlethal damage so he knew he was unconscious.

>pc makes mistake
>pc recognises mistake
>pc tries to fix mistake
>Shitty powertripping GM shits all over the player because he's a greasy cheerio eating fat neckbeard
>GM wonders why noone comes to his games anymore
>GM makes up stories about having a girlfriend to try and impress anonymous strangers on the internet

Sad!

>He specifically told me he was dealing nonlethal damage
That sounds like the kind of thing a neutral good monk would do. You are clearly a shit GM.

Alright you bored of this yet because I certainly am

>THAT GUY convinces the GM to use Rolled stats to "curb power gaming"
>Then proceeds to whine about rolling too low
>Either convinces the GM to let them reroll or kills off the character during play until he rolls above average stats.
We've since dropped him and have been using Point Buy exclusively. The game has never been smoother.

Ain't that the fucking truth. Honestly things have been rocky for a while now.

Is killing a character through combat 'treating the player like shit' now?

It's not the fact that she made a fuckup; it's the fact that she's been bitching about it and trying to get her precious character back non-stop ever since.

She was pushing her way out of the middle of four enemies at once. What was I supposed to do; NOT have them attack the obvious target?

It didn't help that half the party had fucked off, thus breaking the commandment of "Thou shalt not split the party lest the GM pick thee off piecemeal." We nearly lost the sorceress too, but the other half managed to smash the MacGuffin that was causing the dead to rise with about one round to spare.

You're bored? But it's your shitty campaign. Maybe GMing isn't for you, there's no shame in that.

I admit I giggled at the last one but you're just stretching it now

Ranger/rogue scout place you did not prep for.

>grill player makes us move our regular gaming session because she has to work
>is 2 hours late anyway
>calls us on the phone asking if we have any food
>we don't because we've all already eaten
>throws a hissy fit, tells us that she's not gonna come and instead gonna go hme because she's hungry
>finebyus.exe
>calls us back 5 minutes later because she wants to be persuaded to come
>tell her that it's up to her and that we're already playing
>throws another hissy fit, but comes anyway, 3 hours late
>sleeps through the rest of the session
The worst part is she's not anyone's girlfriend, so it's not like anyone's getting a suck and fuck outta all of this

Then tell her to handle her shit or don't both showing up. Sounds like she's not adding anything to the game, so don't waste your time with her.

But I'm having fun. Which is more than anyone at any of your games can say.

Ok I'm done.

Roasties, roasties never change.

Haha alright have a good day man

Just out of curiosity, how many spells could he prepare, not cast, per day when you caught it?

>Characters are trapped on an island because of stupidity, decide to throw them a bone
>A pirate rolls by, tells them truthfully he was marooned by mutineers and wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, tells them to come aboard.
>Paladin detects his LE alignment and refuses, and threatens the party into compliance
>Pirate fucks off
>Party had to spend a month building a boat instead.

Also it's an established fact in my setting that pirates will incur the wrath of the Sea Hag should they invite someone on their ship with ulterior motives do don't give me any bullshit.

IRL games look like a pain in the ass to organise. Don't keep her around if she's that useless.

I honestly want to take part of an online campaign but I'm scared I'll end up like this kind of person.

>His head? Christ that's fucked up.
Send it with a note saying "here are the remains, the diamonds are on you, though."
Now it's good.

This is why I use point buy. If your stats suck it's because you choose for them to suck. And that's fine! Just don't wine if your character isn't optimized.

>D&D
>we're in an army, technically fighting for the "wrong side"
>we lead the enemy army away from their planned assault
>the fighter-sorc has been doing a great job setting up ambushes and traps and shit for the enemy army
>we whittle them down from 2k troops to about 200
>to be fair the ones we killed off were all farmer conscripts, and the 200 left were professional knights
>I have the idea to lead some of the knights into a barn that I've doused with lamp oil
>I have to roll an engineering check to see if I can figure out which joins in the barn to set ablaze.
>fighter-sorc perks up
>...you can do that?
>what?
>roll engineering checks?
>...uhhh, yeah.
>fine, I roll to see if I can come up with an internal combustion engine.
>everyone laughs.
>no, I'm serious. I want a jeep.
>the DM shakes his head. "You're not going to invent a jeep. Let's rein it in."
>No, I want a fucking jeep.
>You're in the middle of a war, in an abandoned farmstead. You don't have the time, materials, or skills to invent a jeep, let alone assemble one by hand. Come on, man.
>I want a jeep and you're not being fair. I should at least be able to roll.
>buddy across the table is all, "lol give him a DC of 200."
>fighter-sorc stomps out of the DM's house and doesn't rejoin the party.

that was .... seventeen years ago. Still don't understand it. He was a perfectly fine player up until the point when we told him he couldn't just spontaneously engineer a jeep out of thin air.

Conjuring flames and dragons out of thin air is fine, but a jeep is too fucking much?

Here's one I myself was responsible for. I was playing a very louche upper class mage. I had put more points into charisma than int because why the fuck not and had my character wearing a shirt and doublet slit and left open down to the navel, vibrant red and white hose and silk boots. I also used to have him lounge on any surface that was less than 80 degrees.
So another PC joined and decided to play as a slick elven thief, and me and him literally spent the rest of the campaign trying to out-cool each other at every opportunity. It was pretty tits I have to say, even though I've fairly sure our hour long cool-competitions annoyed the hell out of the GM and other players.

>Conjuring flames and dragons out of thin air is fine, but a jeep is too fucking much?

I think we found your guy,

A jeep actually exists. It's a physical thing. I can describe every single part of it and how it affects the physical world. I be you can't do the fucking same with a dragon you cunt.

Yes, because fire and dragons already exist in the world while a Jeep does not.

> I can describe every single part of it and how it affects the physical world.
Can your character?

Why would he not be able to?

Because your character has never seen a Jeep before.

Probably because it doesn't exist and has never existed in-setting.

>inb4 the "m-muh fantasee" excuse again

Just because it's fantasy doesn't mean that anything goes.

The physics and mechanics of it are relatively straight forward. Has he seen a wheel before? Has he seen an axle? Has he seen a fire? Has he seen a kettle? If he's seen all of these things, he can conceptualise a powered vehicle. If he can conceptualise a powered vehicle, he can think of a jeep.
Leonardo designed flying machines and tanks hundreds of years before they were actually invented. The character he was playing rpobably had a superior int score. Therefore it's not unreasonable that he might have a eureke moment and create an internal combustion engine.

I can see you're one of those mediocre minds that continually try to limit the potential of everyone around you, a truly toxic personality.

Just roll with it at that point.
>Fuck it, fine your companion acts normal and you open the chest only to find it is a mimic, which bites you for X damage

We should dump her, but she's an old friend

It came to him in a dream

>He's never seen a jeep so he can't conjure it
>He's also never seen an INVISIBLE stalker. but that is fine to summon

You had me going, man.

>she wants to be persuaded to come
Drop her. Off a bridge.

Clearly, invisible stalkers turn visible when they die. How else would ANYONE know what they are?

>Has he seen a wheel before? Has he seen an axle? Has he seen a fire? Has he seen a kettle? If he's seen all of these things, he can conceptualise a powered vehicle. If he can conceptualise a powered vehicle, he can think of a jeep.
That's like saying that a 5 year old is capable of cooking a steak just because he saw a cow at the zoo.

Invisible stalkers don't exist in the natural world, they have to be summoned, so it's not possible for anyone to have found a corpse of the first one ion order to figure out how to summon it.

You shoulda just given the guy his fucking jeep, scrub.

No it didn't.

The difference is that the invisible stalker actually exists within the world while the jeep doesn't.

I bet you I can find documented evidence of a 5 year old being able to cook a steak.

Because they can be viewed using shit that reveals invisible creatures.

Who are you to say what a PC saw in a dream? Why are you dictating what a PC can think? What a shitty DM you must be.

You probably could, but that doesn't mean that every 5 year old is going to know how to cook a good steak after one visit to the zoo.

How would we know?
Has someone been there from the beginning of time, observing everything ever?
Why wouldn't there be a time when invisible stalkers were in the regular world by default?
Hell, who says summoning was invented before planeswalking?
Would you accept if someone killed an invisible stalker in it's home plane and brought the corpse along for study?
Also, precisely this I'm not even jeepfag's GM, i'm just a random user feeding the fires.

>the jeep doesn't
Does iron ore exist in the world? How about literally ANYTHING flammable? That exists right? Then the player can make a fucking jeep you shitweasel cunt.

>Who are you to say what a PC saw in a dream?
The GM.

Why would he have a superior Int score as a fighter/sorcerer? He's gonna want Str/Dex/Con/Cha, doesn't leave much room for Int and Wis.

Whoops, misquoted.

An adventurer by definition isn't "everyone" he does the exceptional. In fact for him the exceptional is the rule.

I gotta say you sound like a proper shitty GM.

Both posts you quoted were me.

Explain to me how a jeep works. In as deep a detail as possible.

I noticed, i fixed my mistake at

Can you make a jeep out of raw materials?
Also, I'm not sure the technology is even there. You'd need to make a shitload of steel first and the processes for making that likely don't exist either

>The Shit GM
Fixed it for you.

Where's he gonna get the rubber?

>Can you make a jeep out of raw materials?
I can't decapitate a goblin with a single blow myself either, but that would be all fine for you if I attempted it in game.

I gotta say there's a lot of scrub GMs on Veeky Forums.