Be ready for a dumb fucking story. I'm crying and half-drunk writing this and praying to spell-check to catch any error I make.
Here's some backstory: We're playing Pathfinder, It's a party of 4+1, as I'm the GM. I didn't know any of these people at the start of the campaign back in 2014. We met up once a week and piloted the campaign from level 0 to Epic. All names have been changed for privacy and personal reasons, so I may fuck them up. Among the players Is:
Gelitia, a bardic female elf with 14 Charisma and 16 Strength that just wants to sing, piloted by a relatively short, glasses-wearing, neon pinked hair girl. Imagine just generic feminist meets 1997 Punks.
Okruk, male orc Paladin that hates orcs. Piloted by the friend in question. He was some 6'4, muscled, bald and bearded monster of a person, and his Orc followed suit quite closely. Okruk's player was (apparently) ex-military from Russia. I live in Spain, but I'm not spanish. I didn't even know he was russian before the news from his family.
There was a halfling ranger and a human barbarian, so a relatively martial team. The halfling was called Kenny and the human we ended up calling Hickups, because he was all about being drunk all the fucking time.
So, the campaign starts out and we're all having fun. They don't have their class levels as they're level 0, and I basically use Session 0 as a 'Final Training Day' in all of their respective classes. Elf in a bardic college, Paladin at his church, Barbarian with his tribe, etc. I don't even remember how they ended up together, It was so long ago. But, during the time of the campaign, we grew to be relatively close friends. We'd hang out outside of the campaign and drink or kick back and watch movies. Hell, fucking hell, I was Best Man at the dude that played Hickup's wedding.
Eventually though, I have to throw increasingly insane shit to keep them challenged, and I usually did It with mental puzzles rather than brute physical challenges and shit. 1/?
A Campaign lead to my Friend's suicide
2/? -
Like having Okruk unite orcs under his faith and fun shit. Eventually, the campaign leads up into a climax. I decided that It needed to end and I threw what I like to call the 'End all be all' of bosses: Atropus. They had to stop him. They ended up fighting his Avatar and that shit was not easy, nearly killing three of the party-members, but they managed to survive with some amazing luck.
Fast forward a bit, and they need to fight Atropus. They hire a high-level wizard and shit to keep them alive ontop of Atropus and get teleported ontop of It as they used an artifact I had given them earlier in the campaign to channel the corruption and negative energy of Atropus into It, essentially turning the entire thing into a Tower Defense thing for a bit. They had to fight Undead Lich Dragons and all manners of weird shit I managed to come up with, including Grunts from Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Great game btw, but anyways. Eventually, It's just the Paladin left, and he completes It through the power of pure bullshit and being a level 26 Paladin fighting Undead.
So, he completes It, and It sucks the souls of everything dead ontop of the Atropus into It, and with It, It withers Atropus down into such a weakened state that he can attack past Its DR, and eventually basically kills It / scares It away. I had something planned but I don't remember It anymore. He's the last player standing.
Now what I didn't know was that this dude has huge survivor guilt from being deployed, If I did, I wouldn't have done this. I can only assume the survivor guilt IRL and survivor guilt from his character (That he connected really deeply with) got too much or something, idk. He shot himself, dunno with what, they didn't say. He apparently got drunk as fuck and blew his brains out.
That's how the story ends. There's nothing fucking happy about It. It's a shitty story with a shitty ending and shitty narration and I fucking hate It and I wish It just wasn't a fucking thing. 2/2
Holy shit. You couldn't possibly have known, the man was troubled and you don't even know if the campaign was what really made it happen. If anything he kept playing with you till the end which means he cared, and maybe those hours playing D&D were the only occasion to not think about it.
It was probably your campaign that kept him going for so long.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
How long ago did this happen? Recently?
>When you DM so good your players literally kill themselves
>56542446
Not very recently. The days blurr together. I think Its been a few weeks at least.
I also don't post a lot on Veeky Forums, and this Is the first time I'm on Veeky Forums, so I'm not sure If I'm even linking to you right.
The story doesn't end, because you're here to tell it.
People are responsible for their own actions, user. You might have swayed the guy one way or another, but it wasn't your hands on the gun when your friend ate a bullet. It was his.
Don't blame yourself for his choice, because that was his decision to make. And you can make a choice to eventually forgive yourself, or not.
Shit man, that's heavy stuff. That being said, know it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault or your campaign's fault. What matters is the time you spent with him and the connection you had. Your campaign might have even kept him going, maybe, maybe not. If he had a legacy beyond the game, carry that with you. Whatever happens, continue GMing. It seems like you're good at it, it kept him and all of the rest of your party together, and it's certainly what he would've wanted. After all, it may have kept him in the action all those years, kept him there with you, with his family, with his life.
I'm sorry for your loss. Death of a friend is never easy, even one known only at a distance. I'm sure that it can't be any easier with how quickly he was gone.
Two arrows. Click on the number at the top right of the post you're quoting to easily quote that post.
You'll probably hear at least some derogatory remarks in this thread because this is Veeky Forums and there's a lot of assholes here, but just remember, this wound on you is still raw, so don't take anything said here to heart until you've come to terms with what happened yourself.
I am sorry for your loss.
There is no way you could have forseen this and I know that this is troubling to hear, but you can't change it.
Perhabs it helps you to know that it was the war which drove him to that, using your game perhabs as a reminder or trigger the same way as other media, games, movies, books, etc, could have done.
Perhabs you will later see that you are not responsible for his actions and that control over life, own or others, just an illusion is.
Perhabs even a silly dramatic sentance will help you in time: Do not stand on a grave and cry for his story lives in all of you on.
Cool story, bro
Sorry for your loss OP.
It sounded like a fun campaign. Your friend sounded quite troubled and its unfortunate what happened, but you shouldn't blame yourself.
Do you stupid faggots actually believe this trash? OP please kill yourself and join your "friend."
>Pathfinder
Found your problem.
>We met up once a week and piloted the campaign from level 0 to Epic.
You've never even played Pathfinder, have you?
I did further specify that I run 'Level 0' during 'session 0'. I know It's nothing that's cannon in Pathfinder, but If you follow the rules, you should probably steer away from Tabletops in the first place.
The reason I said level '0' Is because that's what the first session essentially was - When they were making their characters and going through the final part of their training to becoming their classes. Maybe It's a bit difficult to comprehend for you.
That part wasn't as unbelievably as saying that you ran at epic levels and actually had a functioning game.
It's easily possible. Your inability to cope does not apply to other people.
Fuck off cunt
>We're playing Pathfinder
Stopped right here. Already know why your friend committed suicide.
More likely he killed himself because the campaign ended and thus no longer had an excuse to keep living
Honestly, genuinely user, I feel bad for you and your friend. There's no way you could have known. People are responsible for their own actions, and suicide is the cowards way out. If you want to honor your friend, write about your campaign, and read it at the funeral. All 2000+ pages of bullshit.
I'm sorry, dude
and I'm sure you would have been sympathetic for any other game system, right?
(spoiler)Nah, you're a salty cunt.(/spoiler)
True if big.
Really though, it happens. Keeping the sexual attentions of multiple women satiated leaves little room for you to focus on your own stimulation (in the event that you are actually trying to satisfy them in a group ecstasy). While I did not lose my erection, I found that having sex while trying to stimulate the other girl was distracting--it detracted from the attention that I would have otherwise been able to consolidate in the acts of giving and receiving between only one partner. Sexually, it was the equivalent of those mornings I'd have as a teenager when my penis, while erect, was reminiscent of an arm you just slept on for several hours. The full extent of pleasure was not there and so the orgasm itself was underwhelming. As someone who is uncut, I often imagine the sensation to be similar to someone who has been circumcised.
But I digress; if all parties are consensual then go ahead and have the 3-way. Worst case scenario, it makes for an interesting story to embarrass any children you may possibly have in the future.
Wrong board; my sincerest condolences, OP.
Terribly sorry.
It's not your fault, man. You can't expect someone like that to open up about such a traumatic experience, so you couldn't have known.
>survivor guilt from being deployed
So another imperialist pawn bites the dust
>S
F
I want to be a cunt and accuse you of making all this up, but something tells me you didn't.
>Do you stupid faggots actually believe this trash? OP please kill yourself and join your "friend."
Is it so hard to make an insult that you have to contradict yourself in a mere two sentences?
Honestly mate, this guy is probably right. You did what made sense with the knowledge you had. I've seen too many people put off suicide just to finish something they started and never make a single mention of how they feel. Your story didn't kill him, it kept him alive for a little bit longer.
Jesus Veeky Forums, all the people being edgy cunts in here. What reason would someone have to make up this kinda story, it's fucking depressing and pretty awful. Not much of a great thing to make up.
Damn OP, heavy. As hard as it is going to be, you need to take care to not have serious guilt yourself. You can't know for sure why he did it and you can't start blaming yourself. It's a choice he made, for whatever reason, and you weren't the guy who did it to him. Remember to watch out for yourself here. Best of luck, OP, it's a tough situation.
>Be ready for a dumb fucking story. I'm crying and half-drunk writing this and praying to spell-check to catch any error I make.
>Here's some backstory:
>We're playing Pathfinder
I'm truly sorry.
>when the party takes an action that TPKs them
>they all wake up in a strange place wearing only plain clothes
>hey, what's that, why are they translucent
If the words of a random user means anything I am truly sorry for what happened to you. It's unfortunate that people can't be more open with these sorts of things. What little experience I have comes from others who were in the military in that sort of state so I can empathize somewhat.
That said,this is probably the furthest thing from the best place to post this story but hopefully you were able to lift the weight a little off of your chest
Blackleaf No!
As someone who's just waiting for a couple things to be finished before leaving. No ammount of love and comprehension would have kept him from doing what he did.
It's not your fault, sometimes our own brain is our worse enemy and there's nothing anybody can do about it. You gave him an extra bit of purpose and I'm sure he appreciated it immensely.
I'm sorry it turned out like that, but if it's any comfort I'm sure he enjoyed his time with you guys.
haha fucking faggots
I am all about disliking pathfinder but fuck off. This spits in the teeth of a dead man.
To be fair, edgy cunt-ness of this variety has been part of the culture of this website since it was created. Has to be expected to show up at all times.
In all seriousness, though, OP, it wasn't your fault, and you were (from the sound of things) a good friend for several years. That's what matters.
>reading comprehension
Theatrics and roleplaying were used in ancient greece to cure people of traumatic emotional states and some modern psychologists seem to be using it as well. It seems that the linked the two states and things ended up as they did.
You could not have known.
-Sorry for your friend.
Russian here, some details make the story believable, especially that one:
>Russian
>immigrant
>orc
>hates orcs
How old was he?
That part implies he immigrated a long time ago.
>I didn't even know he was russian before the news from his family.
And what war he fought in? I doubt it was Syria. I also doubt it was Ukraine, the shit is still going, and it wasn't that bad for Russian military. It was definitely not Georgia, as the war lasted only for 5 days and Russian forces basically steamrolled Georgian military. So it leaves only first and second Chechen Wars. I heard stories about them from older friends. One of them fought in the First Battle of Grozny, and it was worst New Year anyone could imagine. He lost 90% of his squad, and his brigade was nearly wiped out, including the Colonel in charge of it. He told me some stories when he was extremely drunk, after more than 1 liter of vodka. I don't know about survivor guilt, but he definitely has a bad case of PTSD - it's been nearly 23 years since that battle and he is still literally incapable of smiling, even when he is in a good mood.
It's not your fault.
>'End all be all' of bosses: Atropus
>not Pandorym
Bitch, please.
I don't think sharing to us is really a good idea.
Sorry for your loss, OP. You had no way of knowing about his survivor guilt and so while it may be difficult right now, you shouldn't blame yourself.
It's also entirely possible that the events of your campaign had no effect on him. In his unbalanced state, he probably didn't consider how his suicide might impact you.
F
...
He was, I believe, around 48 years old. I remember going to his birthdays, but It usually ended up just being us from the campaign and a few guys from his work. His family almost never visited because they apparently still lived in Russia.
war is shit
maintain his memory for a while if you care
post about it on /pol/ or Veeky Forums or wherever if you want to make a (small) difference
not for the faint hearted though
F anyway
I am realy sorry.
But I guess is right.
It was your campaign that brought some fun and friendship back into his life.
You said it yourself: It was you and the other players who showed up at his birthday.
fuck
Thanks for caring about him, OP.
You're a retard
>Someone actually killed themselves over Pathfinder
It's okay, I laughed when I read It.
...
lmao
Nice blog.
Found That Guy.
Here's an F
Sorry for your loss, OP.
I once helped a buddy finish a mural.
He killed himself the same night.
You were one of the only bright points in his life, you can't blame yourself for the dark.
>level 26, didn't ressurect his allies.
also no causality. you did not do this.
stop blaming yourself for shit you had no hand in.
Screencap please..
wut
My sides
;_;7
Consider the following;
He would have left mid session had the campaign been pushing him in the wrong direction.
haha, holy fucking shit. I thought it was going to be a bit of a stretch but come on nigga, you think he had dnd survivor's guilt? You're either a decent troll or a complete tit.
>one less Ivan for their next invasion
Good.
> next invasion
> next
When was the latest one?
Shut the fuck up Sasha, you're drunk.
Чтo и тpeбoвaлocь дoкaзaть. Learn your history, dude. Murrica is more an invader than Russia ever was. Russia, across its long history, has saved Europe from several invasions at the expense of Russian people. And here's how you respond. You're high, Joshua, go get some sleep.
Any way, that's enough /pol/ for today.
If he was, as you say, ex-military, then he definitely was an officer. So in late 94 he spent a couple of years in service, so he definitely held a rank of Senior Leutenant. So he probably fought in the First Chechen War. The second one, while bad, wasn't that bad, not so much battles to trigger survivor guilt. So probably he was a First Chechen War vet and probably fought in the First Battle of Grozny, which was the worst disaster for Russian Military after dissolution of the Soviet Union.
If that's true - than your friend went through hell, through a burning city full of enemy ambushes and killing fields and I'm 100% sure he never got any kind of treatment after that.
If you want to see how bad that was - google "Maikop Brigade".
Respect.
Keep living on, either for yourself or for him.
Yeah but America isn't going to invade here. So they're not directly my enemy.
That's horrible OP, and I can relate. A buddy I served with in the Marine Corps killed himself this August. You question yourself, wondering if you could have prevented it, but in reality you can't know/will never know and it's crazy to blame yourself. You don't really know what was going on otherwise in his life. Still, sorry OP.
did you at least give him RP experience for acting out what his character would do IRL?
Not him, but you're supposed to spoiler using brackets, not parentheses.
hehehe
awwww
Seek help.