The Dark Lord's army won't feed itself and it's your job to keep it fed. What you do is take grain, vegetables, potato peels and weeds, smash them up into mush and throw it into the catfish pools. Every other fortnight we remove the bung from the catfish pool and open up the sluce to replace the water. Don''t led the pool overflow or be drained or you're pigfood!
There's good eatin' on them catfish. So get to work!
Looks like meats back on the menu, boys!
Uuuh... Gruz, why don't we just eat the grain and vegetables? We could make a decent broth out of the potato peels, even.
Listun up gubbinz brain, you can eat rabbit food or you can eat fish. You might be possessed by the demon of shit taste but the rest of us aren't.
>The Dark Lord's army won't feed itself
Yes it will. That's kind of what being an orc is about. Pillage and steal from hu-mans, they always have lots. This is the wisdom of Glug.
Where did you get the fish feeds? Someone got to be farming.
Haven't you heard about a balanced diet? You think that a handful of grain and carrots are going to be enough protein to keep up your strength? Don't come to me when your scrawny arms can't hold up that fancy broadsword of yours anymore!
Glug "wisdom" is out dated. Glug reason why orcdom in decline.
Dark Lord Land is shrinking. The kingdoms of man are pressing in on all sides. Why? Because more farms = more soldiers.
We need make farms. Make more soldiers. Push new kings out. Take land back.
Can't we just eat the older orcs? They're easier to catch than catfish
Ay boys, got me a pair of the birds them humans keep, think they called them chickens.
Harder to catch than old orcs I say
I juz fink it's a lotta waste ter feed critters what are roight fiddly to keep. Why can't we get somma dem goats, or dem... er... bigger, fatta goats? All you gotta do is stick a fence round 'em and dey fatten demselves. No muckin' about wif waterworks needed, an' no feedin' dem people food.
I've got it! We'll sell Doombat on a stick!
...
>>/qst/
But what about Saurons tax policy?
What if we eat's the smallest and weakest of us'z, lads?
Urghz, we're not going to eat them, they have uses such as fodder. If you want to eat something small, go get one of those land birds or eat a small human. I swear it's like I'm the only smart one here.
Pretty racist of you to just assume the Dark Lord's army is orcs. They could be gnolls, or bugbears
Those filthy things? We're all orcs 'ere! Bugbears is sly, an' treacherous, an' they don't even taste good!
He is running a modern one: Each chief pays to have a warband, in goods and manpower.
And each warband pays something per head, as a employee tax.
Each warband is basically ran as a corporation, with all the HR abuse that brings along.
>They could be gnolls
Big evil is about ORDER. a sprawling bureaucratic nightmare and a miserable one at that.Ork0s are good at this,
gnolls don't do so well, they need a lot of slaves because of how friggen lazy they are. you can say a lot about ork craftmanshit but at least the orks will go out, design and build a wall to keep humans out. gnolls will grab dorfs and expect them to build a wall and eat them when they try to take a break. and beyond that they can't be born without fighting each other. and they are about as bright as a foggy day. all they want to do is run, fuck, hurt things and eat.annoying laughs too
Orks live longer, are more inheritance civilized and organized and more interested in dominating other races.
Don't we live in a volcanic flatland? All that ash makes for great soil. We should be able to farm up a storm and eat like kings!
>farming storms
If you sow the wind, you'll end up reaping the whirlwind!
>and eat like kings!
As much as I like the crackling you get on a good king, they tend to be a bit lacking in the meat department.
That's why, when I'm doing a roast of royalty, I always go for the Kingduken:
First prepare your king as you would for a normal roast, but after removing the internal organs as usual (feel free to reuse the intestinal lining and stomach for "kings haggis" and "king's sausage", respectively, both of which make for great side dishes or 1st courses) carefully fill the vast cavity that is their chest and belly with the deboned torso from a well reared and battle hardened duke before roasting.
Where you gettin' your kings? Mine's're always fatter'n a bloated troll. No muscle on them bones, either. Don't taste the best but y' can eat 'em with a bloody spoon and they'll feed an Orc for at least two days.
this, oi've never understood where the Burger King gets enough meat for his "royal with cheese" patties.