Legendary rolls

kek
unless this is real, in that case i am so sorry man

>playing M&M
>have to deal with submarines
>character not really suited for underwater combat
>but can talk to animals and project voice in a 3 miles radius
>roll for diplomacy to convince nearby sea creatures to attack the submarines
>20
>literally any living animal in the area, including a few whales, rush to the spot to tear them apart

It was fun.

So you became aquaman

Is there mindbreak/sluttification porn of Christian Chan? I want to see her innocence getting sullied.

I fucked up a VtR game by winning a bunch of contested grapple rolls and strangling the vampire that was supposed to be my sire to death.

...

>strangling the vampire that was supposed to be my sire to death
Context?
Storytime?

I bet she takes it up the pooper.

>It is the current year
>People are still having fun

Intended sire was supposed to be a draugr, but when it attacked me I gave it the Homer Simpson treatment

>Intended sire was supposed to be a draugr
>a draugr

Aren't draugr supposed to be so far gone that the only thing they care about is eat-sleep-repeat?
But yeah, good going with that.

> Playing L5R as a Kaui Smith who's built like her Hida dad.
> Wields a huge hammer.
> We're in the Shadowlands, trying to rescue some guy who got kidnapped by lost for political reasons, all the NPCs expected it to be a suicide mission.
> We've found the Lost and they're part of a fucking army.
> Scout, dude's in a tent
> Sneaky beaky to the tent
> We make it over there undetected
> Up to the back side of the tent
> Assume Centre Stance
> Change into Full Attack Stance
> "Lost-san assume your stance."
> Many, many bonuses and raises for damage
> Connects
> 10k6 damage
> 10, 10, 10, 10...
> Total 96 damage from that 1 hit
Single hardest hitting attack I've ever seen playing L5R, although one of my mates was playing a Mirumoto in that same game, and he was able to output 110+ damage in one turn several times. Damn Paragon of Strength blender he was.

They are, but sometimes their victims rise as new draugr. I think it's sometimes anyway.

Wow man, I'm sorry.

I had a dude almost solo an encounter with one of the major villains of the campaign because the fucker couldn't stop rolling crits. Five different sets of dice, five critical hits. And this was Gurps, not D&D so the chances of a crit ( rolling a 3 on 3d6) is much lower. I wound up having to rejigger that whole arc of the game to deal with the unexpected death of the main antagonist's right hand man

Our bard decided to fire a rapier out of his bow past the normal range of the bow. The DM gave him triple disadvantage and he still managed to hit his target, taking him down.

How the fuck do you get "triple disadvantage?"

Shit I meant double, once for being out of range, and once for using a weapon in an absolutely ridiculous way. It's not exactly following the rules, but none of us had a problem with it.

So how exactly does it work?

Barbarian swings axe to bring down door the rogue has failed to pick and broken the mechanism for, nat 20 for attack, then d100 on the effect. 100. Door flies through the air and crashes into another locked and trapped door, DM has player roll another d20 to see what happens. Nat 20, door crashes into and crushes a monster hiding behind the door operating a ballista.

Dealing with an X-vart sorcerer in our first dungeon as the "final boss". Animal companion (Ape) rolls to smack the blue outta him. Rolled a NAT 20, dealing 13 damage in one move, knocking most of its teeth out before it ran away.

>spend 3 sessions hyping up an Adult Green Dragon fight for my players
>it's the first time any of them have ever fought a dragon
>build up a bunch of lore surrounding the guy
>flesh out a whole dungeon for his lair
>get hyped myself
>the moment of truth comes when he finally reveals himself to the party outside his lair so he can EXPOSITION, eat some villagers and challenge the heroes
>he attacks with the plan of showing them a bit of his power and running away if he gets too hurt
It's important to mention here that I used to roll in the open as a DM. Used to.
>he rolls 3 nat 1s in a row for his opening attacks
>players CC him
>he never makes a roll for a save above a 10
>literally only 3 of his attacks connect the entire fight, even against the wimpy sorcerer with like 15 AC
>everyone makes their saves against every instance of his breath weapon
>gets CC'd to death because he can't make his saves
>no one even went down to half their HP maximum
>I popped my players' dragon fighting cherry with an epileptic retard
Fuck rolling in the open.

3 dice take the lowest I suppose

Roll 3 d20 and take the lowest

Wouldn't that just make it more likely to roll results that are above average? It seems counter-intuitive to me.

you take the worst roll not the best roll

>Long ago, playing 3rd edition
>Had an older DM who took a bunch of us young nerds under his wing
>I was Playing a barbarian with a greatsword
>In one encounter, we killed a bunch of bandits on a castle wall
>But one bandit was getting away and was about to sound the alarm
>He was farther than anyone could reach, and our ranger was incapacitated
>"Can I try to throw my sword at him?"
>DM explains that this distance it's nearly impossible, and that he would allow it only if I rolled a nat 20
>I shrug and do it
>Natural 20
>Then roll another 20, confirming critical.
>My character gains the title "Sword-Slinger"

Years later
>Teaching my little sister and her husband how to play D&D
>She rolls up a fighter that uses a battleaxe
>They're fighting a bunch of goblins that were attacking a town
>They kill most of them but a couple of them are trying to escape
>The party's archer kills one, but the other's almost gone
>She asks, "Can I throw my axe?" Kind've laughing
>I just grin and give her the same explanation.
>She shrugs, just like I did, and rolls
>NAT 20

Proudest moment as a brother, to be honest.

>End of campaign
>Finally come face to face with villain who has been dogging us via illusions and shit for the entire campaign in their secret mountain lair
>Villain starts to monologue
>My character will have none of this, and goes and moves to sucker punch her in her stupid face
>Manage to wreck her before she can react
>Too bad she had a contingency set up that upon her death, her mountains of pearls of power she had stockpiled in her lair would all unleash all their stored energy at once
>Roll natural 20 with improved evasion to avoid the effects of the pure arcane energy all around me, and remain undisintigrated
>Roll natural 1 to dodge the mountain falling down on top of me immediately afterwards

Oops.

Not all the party died though. Most of them were further away from the explosion so had more reasonable DCs, and some were even able to avoid the rocks falling down.

The averages would still technically give you a better shot at getting average rolls across the board than normal (dis)advantage though.

Why are you talking about average?
You take the lowest roll between the 3, not the average between the 3
The more dice you add the more chance you have to roll an extrem low or high

Not only are you reposting stale pasta, but it's also a story not worthy to yawn at.
Scratch that, I yawned as I was typing the captcha

There are three particularly memorable rolls from my gaming experience. And yes, they all illicited minor cheers.

>nat20 grapple on a giant flying owl-thing that was pushing our shit it during a winter storm
>player was a rogue with no strength, and the GM and he agreed that if he rolled a 20 he would be able to grab on and sneak attack its underside
>probably the only time the rogue saved our asses

>making Mythras characters
>Player rolls shit stats, just abysmal below average on everything and putting his only OK roll in Charisma. This was even with some spare dice to lift the average party ability up some
>Player is bummed, butnit happens sometimes. Gets to rolling for social class and rolls 100, becoming a royal prince
>Literally becomes a hapless and naive but well meaning ruler in a party of heroes, gaining experience faster and picking up some magic
>Winds up a terrific character

>RuneQuest again
>The players entered a combat sport contest where a team of three tries to break through and tag an archer that is trying to hit three targets. The team who hits three targets or tags the other archer first wins.
>They are losing in the semis with loads of bad luck. What is essentially a conscripted farmhand Manning a crossbow is about to hit the final target, fumbles rolling a 100.
>I let the players decide the fumble action, they choose accidentally injures self. I roll the damage first before narrating; maximum possible damage.
>I narrate a sweaty bald middle aged man dropping a crossbow end over end, and the bolt firing straight up into his head while he bends over to grab it. He instantly dies and everything goes silent.
>Player says he wants to tag the body to win. I make him roll a passion roll for his competitive nature, and he rolls a critical 1.
>We laugh while the judges try to figure out what the hell to do, and eventually the players are given the win about an hour later.

Why are you so hateful?

That's actually pretty cool, user. I like that there is at least one survivor of an epic "everyone dies to save the world" campaign. Kinda like Fury. They had to have one of them survive.

> Evil campaign, not D&D
> Our evil overlord send us through a secret tunnel to destroy war-machines and harass the outskirts of the camp of the holy army daring to besiege his castle.
> Murder guards, sabotage things, put shits on fire. Soon, the camp mobilize and we run away to the woods, with way too much soldiers on our heels.
> Rearguard fights as we try to distance then.
> Me (goblin bard): "I use ventriloquism to make them believe their captain say: "It's a diversion! They are trying to lure us away from the camp."
> Deception roll: critical.
> GM start laughing. "You know what? It fucking works, they all fall back to the camp."
> Just in time to partially ruin our dark lord glorious sortie.
> "Wasntmeboss!"

How could have I known my lie was actually true? I totally knew.

I took a rocket to the chest and was able to stay upright with 2 hp left to my name. Just enough to flip the guy the bird, tell him he needed to try harder if he wanted to kill me, and succeed on an intimidation check to get him to surrender.

>first campaign, first time playing d&d
>fightan bandits
>in the midst of combat they call for reinforcements that had been hiding in the trees
>first bandit trips over a log and impales himself on his own sword
>the second bandit trips over the same log and lands on top of his fellow and impales himself on the sword that was sticking out of the first one's back
>the second one manages not to trip or kill himself but is so horrified at the sight that he runs away

3 natural 1's in a row, the dm was laughing to the point of tears. Never seen anything like it since.

I think my first role I ever made with a d20 was a 1. The whole table had a good laugh at that.

But I swear I had a pair of purple dice that loved gladitorial combat. I was playing as a Dark Eldar in a Rogue Trader Campaign, and my stats were pretty middling. But every time I stepped into an arena or some kind of gladitorial combat, I almost never rolled over 30, which is so lucky. My dice fed off the crowd, I always joked.

This is correct.

No, you did well, you just had bad luck. Rolling in the open is the only way that players feel like they are playing a game and not the DMs railroad powerwank while he strokes his beard.

Years of reading overhyped stories and playing with faggots in college who assumed a nat 20 meant they got to do whatever they wanted to do and a handjob from the dm really kill any belief for me that a lot of these stories are true. Love u fags tho and some of your gay stories, have an orcess.

Thats fucking badass.

>Be Playing Mighty Human Male Warrior
>Facing an Orc Warlord
>Yell intimidating battlecry
>Roll 1
>Instead yell something about how majestic and handsome he is
>He rolls to attack me
>Dungeon Mistress also rolls a 1
>Orc Warlord gently caresses my face
>Whole group is laughing at our fumbling courtship
>Say fuck it and roll to seduce the Warlord
>Natural
>Fucking
>20
>The Orc Warlord falls head over heels in love and abandons his ambitions of conquest for the sake of our love
>Take him home to meet my oddly accepting parents

>nWoD
>Party is werespider thug, werewolf angstpuppy, not!Alucard from Castlevania and not!Alucard from Hellsing, and my character
>Malkavian engineer
>GM let us put specialized categories for skill on our sheets, so I put 5 dots in explosives in addition to my other technical skills and skills that went with my backstory
>That didn't end up mattering
>Plot was that we were collected by some secret British organization to hunt down supernatural anomalies and the like
>On a convoy on our way to the first mission
>Attempt to prepare some explosives for the mission
>Somehow fail with a total of 15 dice allowed across my various skills (didn't actually have the rulebook, not sure how exactly WoD is supposed to work, we all just went along with what the GM said)
>End up setting off a bomb that knocked not!Alucard from Castlevania out of the convoy
>Every single time, without fail, when I'd try to make a bomb, I'd roll at least half of my dice as 1 or 2
>Every single time, someone on the team would take the brunt of it
>Attempt to give werespider some modifications to a car he jacked
>Fail just as badly first time, GM notes it and lets me continue
>Eventually succeed at giving him all sorts of unnaturally advanced tech
>Later, we were sent to investigate a Lolth cult
>Werespider managed to seduce Lolth through the high priestess and the GM subscribing to the "crit is guaranteed success" meme
>He took her for a joy ride
>The car exploded
>Lolth was pissed
>World ended
>Session ended

fuck that mate, rolling in the open is dumb.
As a DM you are creating a narrative for the players to enjoy and interact with.
If they steamroll encounters because of bad luck on the enemies behalf they don't feel heroic, because they know it wasn't them that bought down the enemy.
They don't feel engaged, because an easy boss fight is a forgettable boss fight.
Most importantly they won't have fun, because drama is the essence of narrative.

Rolling in the open can lead to some fun things but in instances like the one this dude described, it's like watching a romantic comedy where the couple get on just fine and do a puzzle together.

yeah that's not really how averages work.
If you are only choosing the lowest roll then it will be harder to roll high get it?

I roll a 17 and a 14 and I have to take the 14, the averages remain the same because you are still rolling the same dice, but you are manipulating the roll to force the results to be lower.

hooooooooooooooly fuck

...

>D&D 5th edition
>The party in a typical party move, get attached to a half-orc NPC who was simply background extra
>This motherfucker had no name, no story, no nothing, but fuck it, PCs apparently love this kind of shit
>I'm forced to create a sheet for this fucking NPC because they convinced this fucker to tag along, forcing me to play with an NPC jsut because
>Fastforward 5, maybe 6, sessions later, they fuck it up great with some thieve's guild
>They fought their way to the guildmaster and his bodyguards
>The party slice and dice the bodyguards, but are in a bad shape: 4 guys are down and there is only the cleric and the NPC on their feet
>Cleric rushing to heal the other guys and prevent them to die, tell the NPC to attack
>I roll in front of them a natural 20
>Critical hit. Half-orcs critical hits are stronger because "savage attacks". He was using a greatsword
>Guildmaster is reduced to nothing and die horribly
>Cleric heals the party and they have the nerve to say "Oh come on DM, your DMPC is stealing our thunder!"
>"Stealing our thunder!"
>MFW

Holy shit

I think the best thing that happened was a Dark Heresy game. Our resident Biomancer ran up to my Herald of Khorne. First off, the Herald already killed 10 people, so he could one shot any player with his beefsword. Now, from there the Herald could not make a single hit on the man, rolling 96, 97, 98 on all rolls. All he could do is parry the psyker's own melee weapons and sunder them before fizzling from being cucked out of a kill.

In my game we have a house rule that you can only create wild shenanigans when you roll a nat 21. It cuts down on a lot of the problems.

> pathfinder
> we are in the dreamlands
> we get attacked
> have to roll for WIL save
> 5 players roll 4 natural 1s (the 5th a 2)
> our characters wake up with serious mental problems

4e. The party split (big fucking mistake), and our Goliath Warden and Minotaur Sorcerer were going to take on a mage and his 2 zombie minions, while the others went to intercept other mages before they reach the army camp (it involved a sticky political situation which would have us all executed or exiled if there were any witnesses, basically).

Warden and Sorcerer sneak in. Sorcerer shoots his acid semen at the mage and almost downs him in one hit. Mage retaliates with his own mojo and almost kills the Sorcerer who's out of surges and dailies. Goliath player is having a major brain fart (method acting no doubt, he does it all the fucking time), and instead of move-charging the mage, charges the closest zombie.

One of the zombies grabs the Warden with, I shit you not, natural 20 roll or at least something close to it. The other zombie starts slowly beating him up. Now, it wouldn't matter on a non-damaging attack, if not for 4e grabbing rules. Escape check uses the grabbing roll as a DC. I should note that zombies weren't minions, they were buff fucks with a lot of health.

Our Goliath (!) Warden (!!) who had athletics as a class skill with all the bonuses (!!!) is just standing there, missing with 75% of his attacks, and wasting 1 action per turn to escape the grab. He needed to roll something like 18-20, which is achievable, and he had Goliath's special ability that allows to roll Athletics twice, but he kept failing and failing and failing all over again. I didn't believe all those "fake" nat20 Veeky Forums stories until I saw a man roll 3 natural 1s in a row.

The group was split between laughing and almost crying. The Sorcerer finished off the mage and the zombies became inert, but one of them continued to do what the mage commanded it to do (grabbing the poor Warden). The DM said "fuck it" and made him roll until he succeeds. On something like 40th round he broke free. We threw away the dice.

(!!!!)

...

Once rolled 4 x 20 in one throw. I had 4 attacks per round. That was a 1 in 160.000 chance. I still died that combat.

Our group saved a 10yo girl from villagers who thought her a witch (cause she had befriended a troll). After months of irl adventuring she had taken 4 wis save throws, each one of them was a natural 20.

Now she is a student to the few last druids. She's gonna do great things if she can survive when the Ancients awaken

And yeah first campaing, don't worry just switched to LotfP from 5e.

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