Knock knock. You open the door, and before you can slam it shut, Rob Schneider's shoe is wedged in and he's got a smile plastered to his face.
"Look man, hey, what's up, you look like you're doing great, look man, I just need a little favor."
"You've got a game group, right? I know you do, it's great, I love it, you know what would be great, hmm? I've got a camera, it's a real nice camera, some Japanese thing, and I want to make YOU a star. Like me."
You're wrestling with the door, trying to get his foot out of the way, but he continues, "It's gonna be great. Get your group together, set up the camera, and then you can introduce your best buddy pal as a special guest star player. People will go nuts! Big hollywood actor playing some nerd game! It'll be a hit on the Reddit! Everyone will be talking about how awesome and funny we are, and then the studios will come calling. Trust me."
For a second, you see a glimmer of life within his dead eyes, but it vanishes as his eyebrows erratically twitch along with the corners of his ever-widening smile.
Take pity, and then blow his brains out for breaking the NAP.
Joshua Gray
God dammit Rob. Last time I listened to you I ended up in jail for 6 months. Fuck off.
Caleb Williams
You've got the wrong guy. No game group here.
Daniel Morgan
I think you came to the wrong board. No one actually plays games on Veeky Forums.
Dylan Bennett
Honestly I don't think my group would necessarily turn him away, but we're all plebs anyway. I mean, he'd catch us playing either Pathfinder or Dark Heresy, so there's that.
Kevin Thompson
"Rob, buddy, did you take your meds today? Maybe you should go and take a nap friend."
aaaaaaand I move to a different country cause fucking Rob Schneider knows where I live now
Cameron White
I already have a guy in my group going to college for film and radio in my group with access to professional grade equipment. Then again he refuses to do a podcast with us or have his name related to it in any way ever since we had "the nigger session."
Angel Walker
This story needs to be told. Unless it's boring, in which case let us dream.
Eli Adams
Fuck yeah I take him up on his offer. I may not particularly care for Rob Schneider (don't hate him, don't like him, fairly neutral overall), but it sounds to me like Rob is fronting all the costs, so I only stand to gain money from this.
I could use money.
Colton Morales
>he refuses to do a podcast with us or have his name related to it in any way ever since we had "the nigger session." Story Time NOW
Carter Gutierrez
>but it sounds to me like Rob is fronting all the costs If he isn’t, then his buddy Adam Sandler probably is. In which case, would you change your mind if BOTH of them wanted to be at your talble, funny voices and all?
Xavier Wilson
Nah, sounds fine. There are good Adam Sandler movies. Happy Gilmore, for example. I'll grant that it's been awhile, but at the same time I think it'd be kind of cool to hang out with actual celebrities and play games with them and just goof off and have a fun time.
Plus, y'know, the money.
Thomas Evans
Then again and for the record, my ideal D&D group (I can grab anyone and they're compelled to play D&D) is:
- J.R.R. Tolkien - C.S. Lewis - Robert E. Howard - H.P. Lovecraft - Jack Chick
I may be a troll. Yarr.
Adam Jenkins
Lovecraft? Really? Man was a paranoid neurotic mess, regardless of what he wrote.
Ethan Brooks
I dunno...there's a round robin story that both he and Robert E. Howard wrote along with some other authors, one chapter at a time. Lovecraft's chapter involved the main character being abducted by aliens and undergoing a horrible body metamorphsis into some kind of mockery of humanity. As you do.
Howard wrote the next chapter, which basically had him have the character IMMEDIATELY get over the body horror with something to the effect of "eh, I may look like a betentacled monstrosity with too many eyes, but a man's mind is what matters, not his shape. Plus I think I have a built-in ray gun". Then the guy went to go fight monsters on Pluto or something.
By all accounts, Lovecraft was in pieces laughing as he read Howard's chapter.
Basically, in my ideal group, Jack Chick is mostly there to make the fucker suffer but also because I think he'd bring a bit of focus (i.e., he wants to get the sessions over with). Tolkien and Lewis are there for character development and worldbuilding and so that we have some people with ACTUAL good morality to balance things out.
But as far as I know Howard and Lovecraft would be the guys bringing the beers and actually having fun with the game AS a game.
Matthew Ortiz
So I assume you're the best buddy pal, Rob? I have three conditions. First is that anyone who is in stays in, no one shows up for a few sessions and then leaves. Second is that we play by the rules, no matter what. Third is that we all at least try to get along, both in and out of character. Other than that anything is fine. Would you like me to run an official adventure path, or get the other DM to run a homebrew campaign?
Brandon Brooks
>Howard wrote the next chapter, which basically had him have the character IMMEDIATELY get over the body horror with something to the effect of "eh, I may look like a betentacled monstrosity with too many eyes, but a man's mind is what matters, not his shape. Plus I think I have a built-in ray gun". Why was Howard so GOAT?
Elijah Lewis
I am intrigued at the prospect of Jack Chick and C.S. Lewis at each other's throats every session as they play their Paladin and Cleric respectively in completely different ways.
Tyler Campbell
Trigger him by playing a half-elf.
Christopher Rodriguez
No, Half-orc Paladin named Hemingway. Blow his damned mind
Lovecraft's last paragraph: >Here, indeed, was outré nightmare at its height—capricious fantasy at its apex. But even this vision of delirium was not what caused George Campbell to lapse a third time into unconsciousness. It took one more thing—one final, unbearable touch—to do that. As the nameless worm advanced with its glistening box, the reclining man caught in the mirror-like surface a glimpse of what should have been his own body. Yet—horribly verifying his disordered and unfamiliar sensations—it was not his own body at all that he saw reflected in the burnished metal. It was, instead, the loathsome, pale-grey bulk of one of the great centipedes.
Howard's first three: >From that final lap of senselessness, he emerged with a full understanding of his situation. His mind was imprisoned in the body of a frightful native of an alien planet, while, somewhere on the other side of the universe, his own body was housing the monster’s personality. >He fought down an unreasoning horror. Judged from a cosmic standpoint, why should his metamorphosis horrify him? Life and consciousness were the only realities in the universe. Form was unimportant. His present body was hideous only according to terrestrial standards. Fear and revulsion were drowned in the excitement of titanic adventure. >What was his former body but a cloak, eventually to be cast off at death anyway? He had no sentimental illusions about the life from which he had been exiled. What had it ever given him save toil, poverty, continual frustration and repression? If this life before him offered no more, at least it offered no less. Intuition told him it offered more—much more.
Dylan Perez
Because the man understood that humanity was bitchin'.
>BY THIS AXE I RULE
Levi Robinson
>Fear and revulsion were drowned in the excitement of titanic adventure.
BASED HOWARD!!!
Again, by all accounts, Lovecraft found this hilarious.
Nolan Anderson
I'm not good at greentexts. Suffice it to say 20 minutes of casual racism from 3 white southerners and a mexican made my DM (the film major) throw up after laughing too hard. He said he'd never forgive us or run another game until we gave him a formal apology but we compromised and gave him 3/5 of the Emancipation Proclamation printed on a cotton T-Shirt for Christmas.
Isaiah Gutierrez
...I kinda now want an Isekai written by Howard. It'd probably be pretty badass
If it's a Sandler production then you might get to tag along on one of his tax fraud film shoots in some lovely holiday location.
Levi Murphy
Slam his foot with the steel pipe, close and lock the door, call the police that some junkie's trying to break in.
Jace Jackson
Well I can see why he wouldn't want to put his name on a podcast with you.
Daniel Wright
>3/5 of the Emancipation Proclamation underrated
Christian Davis
He can't come in the house until he gets his shots.
Leo Brown
>and gave him 3/5 of the Emancipation Proclamation printed on a cotton T-Shirt for Christmas
Jose Green
You cheeky fuckers
Justin Bailey
>3/5 of the Emancipation Proclamation printed on a cotton T-Shirt Amazing!
Ethan Reed
It may be obvious at this point but it is worth mentioning that the DM is, in fact, black. Don't know how I forgot to mention that part.
Alexander Allen
He is ourguy so yes!
Parker Cox
>Avatar but with gross space bugs Sounds awesome, reminds me of a Starkids musical actually
Daniel Jones
You're on Veeky Forums, not /pol/
Aiden Johnson
That's fine if you all knew each other and each other's borders. Less reason for him to be paranoid about putting his name with it though.
Adrian Hernandez
...
Alexander Edwards
>3/5 of the Emancipation Proclamation printed on a cotton T-Shirt for Christmas Holy shit.
Aaron Hall
>Again, by all accounts, Lovecraft found this hilarious.
I wonder if he knew how hilarious it was from a meta-standpoint.
Joshua Price
You can join the L5R game, but not the DG one I run.
Adrian Evans
>He said he'd never forgive us or run another game until we gave him a formal apology but we compromised and gave him 3/5 of the Emancipation Proclamation printed on a cotton T-Shirt for Christmas. Sides: Obliterated
Aaron Sullivan
No.
Jaxson Gutierrez
Yes little Robbie. You may enter.
No don't worry little Robbie. It's safe. It's not pedophilia if your little sister is a giantess Robbie. Play along. Be a good boy.
