What's the best instrument for a warrior bard?

An Axe.

Okay, pun over. A fiddle or violin of some sort, assuming the GM won't break it.

It's small. You can jump around acrobatically while playing it, it doesn't interfere with your breathing, and I guess you could theoretically make it stabby

Bugle/trumpet.

Hunting Horn? Bonus points if you make it out of a golden ape.

Bards dont need instruments, bardic magic can be utilized through comedy, vocal recital, or interpretive dance. Anyways, here's what I use for bardic performance:
youtube.com/watch?v=m9kaQ3ZKPE0

If your bard needs anything more than his hands and a gun, then he's not a real warrior

youtube.com/watch?v=0QtM7X0xYN8

A horn. So you can toot the Kentucky derby theme as you charge into battle

I pity the poor soul who faces this man at pattycake.

I wonder if he has to maintain body fat to keep getting a good sound.

A dildo.

You can blow that all you want but at the end of they day you're just playing with yourself

ha

sharpened mithril flute

Kazoo. It’s like singing in that it doesn’t take up any hands but you can benefit from masterwork instrument bonuses.

Assorted bells.
If it works for Morris dancers...

Guitar

Chimes attached to his sword

>bardic magic can be utilized through comedy
Do you need another bard for perform (vaudeville) or does it still work with a paladin straight man who doesn't understand what is happening?

War Horns....Just add homicidal magic.

vicious mockery and gallows humor

youtube.com/watch?v=GGdURXV1LNQ

This

Thats gay user

Bow and whistling arrows

Multiclass as monk/bard, specialize in unarmed and hamboning. Even when stripped naked, you'll be as deadly as ever.

Saxaphone

his dick

Organ GUN

A ship and a crew of sexually frustrated yet musically talented sailors. Alternatively, accompanied by his favorite minstrels, depending on the campaign setting.

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A bow.

I had a guy lugging around a piano for a one-shot. He was basically Andrew W.K.

That one youtube video where the guy plays a song by shooting guns at things.

Like the whole ape or?

Nature
youtube.com/watch?v=N3472Q6kvg0&list=RDWCWuJlJgsSQ&index=2

Traditionally, a pipe/fife or drum. Drums were used to signal combat strategies to troops.

Vocal so you can have actually use your weapons.

>el_kabong.gif

A Fiddle or Violin. Both the strings on the instrument and the string on the bow are adamantine fibers.

Guzheng
youtube.com/watch?v=dvJ7QOu0Z0w

The spoons.

Hit the enemy with a wooden spoon in the middle of your rythym and deal 1D4 psychic damage from bad memories

I think that's a bass

>So what's the deal with Elf Food?

Bagpipes.

His voice.

>A keytar with different sample sets to change magic on the fly
>A ghetto blaster playing a mixtape of pre recorded cantrips
>A sampler that can easily be carried in a bag

>Necromancer Bard Animates Banshess for a ghostly choir and acts as conductor.

Vocals. Don't mess around with instruments, just throw shade at your enemies as you kill them with perfect rhythm and beat on their faces. Punctuate sick burns with alchemist fire.

Unironically the best answer for most players. Singing bards don't have to juggle their instrument with a weapon, so they can keep fighting alongside the rest of the party.

This

...

I'm throwing glamour bard into my paladin class and his magic is all woven through inspiring speeches and commanding battle cries

Without an instrument you will need a hand free for component pouch use. Unless you are College of Swords

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Pretty close. Pic-related is a Minotaur Warrior/Bard.

>as the party enter the enormous, gloomy hall, they see the figure of Orcus sitting mightily upon his throne
>the fighter draws his sword and assumes a fighting stance
>the wizard lets arcane energy crackle around his hand
>the cleric mutters a short prayer and kisses his holy symbol
>and the bard pulls out a folding chair, sits down, blows on his palms and says "OK guys, let's fucking do this"

Piano

It's not an amusing answer at all, but I'm partial to the rapier. Just a neat precision weapon.

Are you sure you even read the question?

Instrument of War