>barbarian warrior
>lived in the wastes
>fought many battles
>slayed many monsters
>fucked many bitches
>yet he has no blisters and scars, no missing limbs or appendages, no wrongly healed nose, no cauliflower ear, clean teeth, perfect mane of hair
That's no warrior, that's a faggot.
A knight in shining armor is a man who has never had his metal truly tested.
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People who lived 140,000 years ago were just better than us.
>A knight in shining armor is a man who has never had his metal truly tested.
No, it's a man who does basic maintenance on stuff that protects his life.
also:
>barbarian
>not manly enough to flex wounds and blisters away
>not manly enough to reattach leg and have it regrown
>not having teeth both pearly white and being able to bite a dragon in two
>not having luxurous flowing barbarian locks
what are you, some kind of faggot?
>not being such a sexual tyrannosaur that goddesses of beauty fall head over heels for you that they make sure to bless your appearance
>barbarian warrior whose genetics allow him to rip his way out of a dragon's intestines with his bare hands and smash boulders with his head
>"yeah reasonable"
>his genetics also give him good hair
>"WHAT THE FUCK"
And what would their teeth go bad from? Sugar wasn't as common back then. I agree about scars though(mostly cause I find them cool), but even removing those sounds reasonable in an universe where clerics can heal in seconds wounds that would take months.
>universe where clerics can heal in seconds wounds that would take months
the Hyborian age is actually a very low-magic setting. And half of what is perceived as magic is hinted to be illusions and trickery.
>what is the healing properties of proper men
If your armor comes from high quality metals, is properly treated, well-maintained and made by a proper smith, it'll keep its shine after repeated blows.
>metal
Mettle, you dumb shit.
Retarded OPs are a diamond dozen, so it's best to take their posts with a grain assault.
He's so fucking powerfull that swords break when they try to cut his flesh
Conan learned how to block
no blisters and scars, no missing limbs or appendages, no wrongly healed nose, no cauliflower ear, clean teeth, perfect mane of hair
Who is the greater warrior? The man who has lost all his limbs, his nose and genitals in two years, on one that has kept all of them even after twenty years of wazones?
Conan in books was scared as hell.
of what?
of being scarred, of course! That's why he was so careful!
>yet he has no blisters and scars, no missing limbs or appendages, no wrongly healed nose, no cauliflower ear, clean teeth, perfect mane of hair
Because he wears armor and isn't shit at fighting you actual retard. The dude who's had his leg chopped off is some due who can't fight or afford grieves.
It's a play on words, but OP is a retard regardless.
>>not manly enough to flex wounds and blisters away
>>not manly enough to reattach leg and have it regrown
4eHealingSurges.gif
Why are (you) spamming barbarian threads? We've already got two up, why make a third with the same fucking character in the OP?
What said, OP.
It's like you don't even worship Slaanesh. The proper god of luscious barbarism.
It also has the colors out of space, though.
>cauliflower ear
no reason for anyone with access to any sharp object to have one
>afford grieves
I didn't know they charged you a fee before ou could mourn your dead relatives.
>grain assault
I want to play a wizard that does this, assaults people with wheat and barley. Sounds amusing. Lots of bread puns.
>a magic staff that looks like a ceremonial threshing flail
>can summon fresh-baked bread or blast people with a torrent of hulls and chaff
>cuts into them like a sandblaster
>not lots of bread pan(es,jp,also the cooking implement)
>not so many it's pain(fr)ful
user i claim my greater right to play this character
>I didn't know they charged you a fee before ou could mourn your dead relatives.
Really nigga?
>en.wikipedia.org
That's other people charging you so they will mourn your dead relatives. Not other people charging you so you may mourn your dead relatives. Big difference, and exactly why I phrased my post the way I did when the earlier user failed to spell "greaves" correctly.
Pretty much Jesus
Goddammit carlos.
Weren’t real life barbarians (continental germanics, norsemen, gauls, slavs, avars etc.) proud of their scars as ithe scars were a proof of their toughness and willingness to figh?
Fun fact: Roman senators would sometimes show off their old battle scars during debates to add authority to their arguments
Yes people do charge people to mourne, it's called funerals
>Sigvald’s baroque armour remains forever untarnished by age or the tiniest fleck of dirt, and warm perfumed air surrounds him even during the fiercest blizzard. The ground itself reshapes itself to let Sigvald pass, and his feet float an inch above the world’s surface so that his boots are never touched by the mud or gore of the battlefield. He has defeated warriors twice his size with a contemptuous flick of his rapier, for Sigvald the Magnificent is the chosen scion of Slaanesh, his every wish granted in exchange for an eternity of depravity
Speak for yourself
Imagine being such a shitty warrior that you get wounded so much that it shows. Imagine not caring enough about yourself to let your teeth rot out and your hair get filthy and matted.
I don't know how he's presented in the films or games or anything, but in the books Conan is covered in scars and cuts.
>That's no warrior, that's a faggot.
WRONG!
That's a man who wears proper armor.
>A knight in shining armor is a man who has never had his metal truly tested.
A knight in battered armor can still have a Prodent smile and clear skin.
>I have to amid senator Varicus' proposed tax reform bill sounded like hogwash at first, but then I saw his arrow wounds!
Phrased that way, it sounds like Dumb Shit the Ancients Did.
Phrase it as
>Sen. McCain is a bona-fide war hero and we should listen to this lifelong patriot.
>Sen. Kerry has received three Purple Hearts and knows the costs of war.
etc and it's still alive and well across mainstream political discourse.
>clean teeth
Once you examine the fossil record, teeth becoming fucked up was only a thing that happened once agriculture and civilization started spreading around. In ancient times, everyone had mostly perfect teeth.
>ignorant moron that doesn't know shit makes dumb assumptions as to what realism is
Can we stop having these threads.
I suppose it would make a little more sense if the tax reform is funneling more resources into the army and the scars are used as a reminder of his experience as a commander and therefore his knowledge of what the army needs to keep conquering barbarians.
>gets mutilated by Krell, then killed and pissed on by Throgg
kek
This was common in Ancient Greece as well. At trials, court cases, in running for office, politicians would take the word of friends and family for how fit/guilty someone was over a body of evidence.