Magical artifacts

I have created 100 magical artifacts to be able to randomly select them by throwing a d100.

Some I have shared here before, most of them I haven't. Here are all 100 of them, feel free to copy and use them in your campaigns.

The tone is not entirely serious. I'll start posting from the second post.

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1. The Knife and Fork of Robin the Bobbin: allow their wielder to eat absolutely anything including the solar matter without any repercussions for their heath.

2. The Snecktie: a necktie ending in a snake head. It can independently attack any characters that you're engaged in close combat with.

3. Love Glove: a glove made from pink velvet. When you blow a kiss to someone with the glove on, your air kiss turns into a tangible magical projectile. Anyone hit with it has a chance of falling in love with you.

4. Sharp Eye: an enchanted glass eye that you put in an empty eye socket. Anyone you look at with this eye suffers a piercing wound.

5. Desynchronised Dagger: the wounds from this dagger appear before they're actually inflicted.

6. Moustache Wax of Farthington Diddybottom: after applying this wax, your moustache grows ten times in length and becomes prehensile. You can now hold additional weapons and other items in your moustache.

7. Armchair of Generals: while sitting in the armchair, your field of vision expands one hundred times and anyone within this radius can hear your orders as if you were right next to them.

8. Tenderazer: a warhammer fashioned from an old meat tenderiser. Any object or creature successfully hit with this hammer becomes slightly softer, eventually reaching the softness of a wet sponge.

9. Ring Pipe: you can mentally control the smoke rings you blow out using this smoking pipe, moving them around and changing their diameter. In spite of their appearance, the rings are solid and can be used to restrain or strangle your foes.

10. Montgolfier Bubblegum: the bubbles blown with this bubblegum produce a powerful explosion in front of the chewer when they blow up, the shockwave of which can break through walls. Notably, the chewer himself is completely unaffected. This effect only lasts as long as the gum's flavour.

11. The Stamp of Adonai: any document stamped with this stamp automatically becomes a reality, up to a death certificate for an enemy.

12. Rose-Tinted Glasses: the wearer of these glasses cannot perceive anything dangerous or harmful, and indeed, nothing he sees through them can harm him.

13. Toothpike: A pike ending in a sharpened rotten tooth of a dragon, pulled by a dragon dentist. Anyone successfully hit with this pike is subject to debilitating toothache.

14. Stone on a Stick: any insults spoken by the wielder of this item do actual physical damage to their target: the more the insults hurt, the higher the damage.

15. Rod of Procurement: this fishing rod can be used to fish out any non-magic object its wielder wishes for out of any body of water. Can only be used once per day, otherwise it breaks and begins fishing out old rubbish.

16. Scalding Spice: when applied to a weapon's blade, this spice causes anaphylaxis even in people not allergic to anything on a successful hit.

17. Frankenscissors: these scissors allow you to cut off any body part of any person. By doing so, no harm is actually inflicted on this person, and he retains full control over the severed body part. The cut body parts can be attached to any place where a body part was already cut or even to each other.

18. Misery Cord: a ball of sturdy cord made from the hair of people who neglected going to the barber due to depression. Anybody bound with this cord immediately loses all will to struggle and fight on.

19. Inferno Club: a golf club made from the femur of a wood tiger. When you put it in position, a small floating fireball appears at your feet, which you can use the club to kick at any target of your choice. It explodes on impact and disappears if interacted with by anything except the club.

20. Poison Lamp: this kerosene lamp produces poisoned light when turned on. Anyone who comes in contact with this light is immediately poisoned.

21. Arrow of Zeno: anyone successfully hit with this arrow loses all ability to move. It's not a paralysis: the target of the arrow is completely fixed in space and nothing can move or deform it in any way.

22. Handkerchief of Corrosion: whenever anyone blows his nose with this handkerchief, he produces a cone of acidic slime in front of him that quickly corrodes any metal it contaminates. The effect only works if he does really have a cold.

23. Thimble of Tickling: this thimble is worn on the index finger. Whenever its wielder successfully pokes someone in the ribs with it, which is resolved as a touch attack, the target collapses in a seizure of laughter.

24. Static Comb: after charging this comb up by combing his hair with it, its wielder can use it to shoot potent bolts of static electricity until the charge runs out.

25. Pillow of Jung: when unfastened, the zipper on this large pillow can be used to enter the dreams of the person currently sleeping on it.

26. Axis Crusher: this hammer reduces the amount of dimensions possessed by any object that it strikes: from three to two to one to none, reducing its target to an infinitesimal point.

27. Foppish Perriwig: this baroque powdered perriwig constantly produces a thin cloud of powder around its wearer. Whenever anyone shows bad manners or discourteous conduct of any kind, inhalation of this powder causes an incapacitating coughing fit. This notably includes using dirty tactics in combat, such as backstabbing.

28. Weatherpoke: a pike topped with an old weathercock taken from a tower. The effect of poking someone with this pike depends on the current weather: in sunny weather, it causes a sunburn, if it's cloudy, it temporarily clouds the target's vision, if it's windy, it throws the target with a gust of wind, and in stormy weather it summons a lightning upon the target.

29. Gavel of Silence: this small wooden hammer creates magical silence in a large area around it when banged loudly enough again any surface. Successfully hitting a person with it robs him of his voice.

30. Cathedral Helm: a helmet shaped like a miniature cathedral. Any prayers that you make wearing this helmet are magnified as if you were praying in an actual cathedral. One adverse effect is constant choral singing its wearer is hearing, unless you're a fan of choral music.

31. Bellicose Mace: a two-handed mace topped with a large bell salvaged from a ruined church. The ringing it makes when swung sounds ten times louder for unholy creatures, deafening and incapacitating them. Additionally, it can be used to shoot forth a powerful disruptive soundwave that can break through walls, but the bell cracks a little each time this ability is used.

32. Chandelier Crown: a baroque chandelier that you can wear on your head as a crown. The candles installed into it never burn out and produce a cloud of magical incense around you that burns unholy creatures like acidic fog.

33. Smoothener: a sleek looking mace. Any object hit with this mace loses a single acute angle, which is particularly useful for dulling bladed weapons.

34. Ifrit's Iron: this clothes iron is permanently red hot and can be used in a fashion similar to brass knuckles to attack enemies in close quarters combat. It can be used to shoot a powerful cone of scolding steam that throws the enemies back like a gust of wind and deals heat damage to them through any armour, but excessive usage of this ability breaks the iron.

35. Timekiller: a spear made from a sharpened clock hand taken from an old clock tower. Anyone successfully stabbed with this spear is transported 12 hours into the future.

36. The Rake of Progress: a dangerous combat rake with teeth tough and sharp enough to tear armour. Anyone successfully hit with this rake has his total financial savings immediately halved. He doesn't have to have the sum on him for the effect to work.

37. Tanked Tankard: with a large steel spike on its bottom, this beer tankard is a formidable melee combat weapon. Anybody struck with it immediately becomes drunk.

38. Telluric Mace: a mace topped with a large, heavy globe. Anyone successfully struck with this mace is immediately teleported to the place corresponding to the point on the globe which hit him.

39. Cabinet Plate: this breastplate contains several magical drawers where various belongings can be stored. The drawers can only be opened while the breastplate is being worn, they appear to be decorations otherwise.

40. Smart Bell: a dumbbell with old grimoires used as weights. Lifting it helps you improve your intelligence as opposed to your strength.

41. Quiverbook: a thick enchanted notebook. Whenever its owner tears a page from it, this page folds itself into a paper plane. The resulting paper plane is extremely sharp and can pierce almost any armour when used as a projectile.

42. Gravedigger's Shovel: anybody slain with this surprisingly sharp shovel stays dead - his remains are unaffected by necromancy of any sort. Existing undead take double damage from it.

43. Murderboard: a mortarboard cap with a noose taken from a hanged criminal instead of a tassel. Any wearer of this hat gains comprehensive knowledge of murdering, learning how to use any object to kill any creature. He immediately forgets it as soon as he takes the hat off.

44. Mighty Quill: a rapier-sized quill sturdy enough to be used as a thrusting weapon and pierce armour. Its tip is constantly oozing magical ink. Anyone poisoned with this ink feels a strong rush of inspiration, making him unable to concentrate on anything except composing terrible poetry.

45. Coat Henchman: an enchanted coat hanger. When you put at least one piece of top and bottom clothing on it, the clothes come alive as if worn by an invisible person and will follow the mental commands of the coat hanger's owner. Any damage done to the clothes is quickly regenerated, only the coat hanger can really be harmed.

46. Slingshot of Vandalism: any object shot with this large slingshot deals triple damage to architecture, works of art or any decorated objects, including ornate armour.

47. Mars Swordtrap: this suit of patinated bronze armour is covered in thick ivy. Its vines immediately ensnare any metallic weapons or projectiles that strike at the armour, making them very hard to retrieve. They feed by slowly oxidising the objects caught in this manner.

48. Splinter Sword: a seemingly useless wooden sword that deals as much direct damage as a normal wooden sword does. However, with every hit it releases a cloud of razor-sharp splinters that work as shrapnel in a small area, but do not harm the sword's wielder. The splinters regenerate once the sword is put into its sheath.

49. Crayon of Creation: when its cap is taken off, the tip of this baton-sized crayon begins leaving a trace in the air. While the trace looks drawn, it's in fact a tangible physical object fixed in space and can be used for a variety of tasks such as climbing.

50. Runic Braces: when these braces are affixed to somebody's teeth, the teeth attain diamond-like hardness, sharpness and cannot be dislocated except by extreme force. The wearer of runic braces can bite through anything or even use his teeth to gnaw through solid rock or castle walls.

51. Franklin's Kite: when this kite is flow and activated via a key attached to its string, it creates a mid-sized cloud around it which can be remotely controlled with the string. This cloud can produce a variety of weather effects, including rain, hail, snow or lightning.

52. Pauldrons of Guerike: a pair of copper hemispheres with horse harnesses hanging from them worn as pauldrons. When worn, these pauldrons create a spacious sphere of high vacuum around the wearer. The wearer himself is unaffected by this effect and doesn't need to breathe as long as he's wearing the pauldrons.

53. Geront's Beard: an obviously fake cotton beard. Putting it on automatically ages anyone by thirty years. Its wearer cannot die from old age inflicted by this beard, and taking it off removes the effect.

54. Grumpy Cane: the damage inflicted by hitting objects with this cane is directly proportionate to it wielder's age, with teenagers dealing the minimal damage and people over 100 dealing maximum damage.

55. Fat Lady's Glass: a sizeable wine glass. Holding it in front of your face while singing at a particularly high pitch causes it to explode into a cone of sharp broken glass. The glass automatically reforms several seconds after the explosion.

56. Laurels of Champions: the wearer of this laurel wreath wins every competition he takes part in, no matter if by sheer luck or an unexpected surge of energy. Each time a competition is won this way, a single leaf shrivels and falls off the wreath. Once there are no leaves left, the wreath becomes useless.

57. Stovepipe Hat: an unusually tall top hat with a valve on its band. When consumed by a strong emotion, particularly anger, its wearer can turn the valve to open a hatch on the top of the hat, which releases a cloud of scalding steam. The wearer immediately becomes perfectly calm and collected and cannot be phased by anything for a while.

58. Potucopia: a sizeable plant pot filled with dirt that can never be taken out of it - it just regenerates if you try. The owner of this pot can plant any object of appropriate size it into that dirt. After a week of watering the pot, a sprout appears that grows into a plant with several fruits that on ripening open to reveal exact copies of the object originally planted.

59. Diet Belt: by turning the dial on this belt's buckle while wearing it, it wearer can change his body weight. The physiology changes accordingly to reflect the changes in weight, making the owner thinner of fatter. The effect disappears when the belt is taken off.

60. Mooring Anchor: anyone hit with this anchor cannot move from the place where he was standing when hit. He can move his body freely, but his feet are stuck to the ground by what feels like an unbearable weight.

61. The Behind Curtain: a large cloak made from a heavy old curtain. It renders anyone wrapped in it completely invisible and otherwise undetectable. This person also gains a powerful mind control ability, which he can exercise by whispering commands into people's ears.

62. Earplugs of Stillness: these magical earplugs render the wearer completely deaf, but also immune to any sonic damage or sound-based effects.

63. Disentangled Socks: the owner of one sock belonging to this pair cannot detect or perceive the other sock by any natural or magical means.

64. Binoculars of Leaping: ordinary looking binoculars that can be used to optically zoom in on objects far away. After looking away from the binoculars, their user will find himself magically transported so that whatever he sees with his own eyes will be the same as what he saw using the binoculars.

65. Bubble Trouble: this soap bubble wand always has soap film inside its ring and doesn't require dipping into bubble juice. It can be used to blow bubbles of any size: as long as air is coming, the bubble will continue to grow. The bubbles produced this way are supernaturally tough and cannot be burst by any physical or magical means except for the sharp end of the wand.

66. Straw of Desiccation: by placing one end of this drinking straw against any object that contains any amount of water and sucking on the other end, it is possible to completely dehydrate this object. This also applies to living targets.

67. Yuckler: a buckler shield made from an old silver platter. Any enemy who lands a hit on this shield immediately feels a strong taste of the food that he finds the most disgusting in the world.

68. Pepperthrower: a large antiquated pepper mill. When used, instead of simple ground pepper it creates a high-pressure stream of caustic pepper spray that can dissolve bare skin.

69. Demiurge's Map: a simple looking parchment map that automatically changes to reflect the current location of its owner. If symbols present on in the map's legend (forests, rivers, bridges, hills etc.) are drawn on the map, the actual landscape also changes to reflect the additions to the map. After adsorbing a certain amount of ink, the map falls apart.

70. Burglar's Knob: a brass doorknob shaped like a grinning moon face. When pressed against any door, it allows to open to open it by turning it regardless of any locks, physical or magical.

71. Icarus Eyelashes: a pair of unusually long false eyelashes. By fluttering them at a fast enough rate, their wearer can lift off the ground and fly, although rather slowly.

72. Irresistible Lipstick: bright pink lipstick with a case made from a human bone. Anything its owner kisses with this lipstick on immediately melts if it can melt at all, from metal to skin.

73. Vamp Nails: long and sharp nail extensions with bats drawn on them. These nails allow to drain blood by stabbing a person with them. Drinking blood with them grants a boost of energy and temporary rejuvenation, but it grows addicting after prolonged usage.

74. Shoewax of Nazareth: shoe wax made from the earwax of a whale. It makes any footwear waterproof and allows its wearer to walk on liquid surfaces if applied to the soles.

75. Ball of Wrecking: a large and heavy bowling ball. When launched forward with sufficient speed, it starts accelerating and violently explodes when it crashes into an immovable obstacle.

76. Stool of Height: when its owner stands on this stool, its legs lengthen so that he could reach any surface that is above him, from top shelf to a castle wall.

77. Blaster Cast: a plaster cast worn over an arm. All unarmed attacks dealt with this arm while wearing this cast deal ten times the normal damage, but only when the arm under it is actually broken.

78. Burnthrough Cigar: a long and thick cigar that can fairly quickly burn through any existing material, even magically protected, when ignited. Slowly regenerates when extinguished.

79. Staff of Annoying Truth: an otherwise ordinary staff topped with a sentient talking skull. The skull imparts sound and useful advice, but itTs extremely rude and talks with the accent that its present owner finds the most irritating.

80. Cue Spear: a spear made from an old billiards cue. Anyone hit with this spear is knocked back with the force ten times stronger than the actual impact, and bounces off any obstacles that he hits during his knockback.

81. Beanpole Bane: a spear fashioned from an old ruler. Anyone hit with this spear loses 5 centimetres of height. When the target runs out of height, it simply disappears.

82. Sponge of Infinity: a large cleaning sponge that can adsorb an infinite amount of any liquid without changing its properties. Once the sponge is squished, all of the liquid it has adsorbed up to this point pours out at once.

83. Shaker of Conjugation: a cocktail shaker that can magically hold two objects of any size and shape, but only two. After shaking the shaker with these two objects inside, it produces a third object which is a perfect mixture of the original two, such as a chimeric hybrid in case of two animals.

84. Tuning Sword: a longsword shaped like a tuning fork. On every impact its blade produces a disruptive sound wave that concussions the target.

85. Wrathwatch: a wristwatch that can fire its hands at foes. Those hit with a minute hand slow down, while those hit with an hour hand speed up so much that they lose control of their actions.

86. Hot Ego Balloon: the weight of the wearer of this inflatable vest is inversely proportional to his opinion of himself, allowing him to soar up into the sky when thinking highly of himself.

87. Combat Compass: a wrist-mounted compass that gives the wielderTs attacks special properties depending on what direction he's facing. Facing north, it makes the attacks freeze the enemy, facing south, it gives them fire damage, it gives them poison damage when facing east and armour-breaking properties when facing west.

88. Knuckles of Aeolus: brass knuckles that give the wielderTs unarmed attacks ranged properties, making them produce gusts of compressed air that strike the enemy at a distance.

89. Kevlar Yarn: a ball of yarn that never runs out. Clothes knitted from this yarn have the toughness of steel and can serve as armour.

90. Mouthguardian: a mouthguard intricately inscribed with runes. While it doesn't prevent the teeth from being knocked out and even increases the likelihood of such an event, the teeth knocked out this way explode on impact and make for effective projectiles when spat out. The teeth regenerate in about a minute.

91. Familiar Trilby: an ordinary trilby hat. The person who wears it is recognised by everyone, though the people who recognise him can never remember where and when they met him.

92. Shadowblade: the blade of this longsword casts a tangible shadow that cuts no worse than a real sword. The sword itself is dull and can't be sharpened.

93. Omnipresent Stamp: a postage stamp depicting an intricate pentagram. Any letter or object that had this stamp glued to it and put into any mailbox will magically be delivered to its addressee, no matter where or even when he is.

94. Somnolent Firewood: a log intricately carved with scenes depicting the dreamworld. Anybody near a fire where this log is burning, be that a bonfire or a fireplace, feels a strong urge to sleep, regenerates at a much increased rate once asleep and feels a rush of energy and enthusiasm once he wakes up. The log can never burn down and can be reused any number of times.

95. Deflating Needle: any object or creature pricked with this needle instantly releases all of the gases contained within it, deflating like a burst balloon.

96. Baton of Conducting: this ordinary looking wooden stick allows its wielder to control the pitch, timbre and loudness of any sound in the vicinity, from ambient sounds to someone's voice.

97. Pants of Confusion: a pair of flamboyant pants with spacious pockets that are magically enchanted to hold an infinite number of items. However, when attempting to pull an item out of the pocket, the item that is pulled out is never one that has been put into it, but instead a completely random item that can be anything from an enchanted sword to a venomous snake.

98. Abyssal Ink: a bottle of pitch-black ink that seems to absorb sunlight. Any spots made by spilling this ink turn into bottomless pits leading into an abyss of infinite blackness, no matter what surface they were made on. The spots cannot be washed off and need to be removed magically.

99. Elemental Magnet: a horseshoe magnet with a dial on it. The dial can be switched between the five classical elements (earth, water, fire, wood and metal) and attracts the element the dial is currently pointing at. The strength of the pull is regulated by another dial.

100. Mop of Scrubbing: a long mop made from a unicornTs mane. Any surface wiped with this mop completely loses all friction it may have possessed, becoming so slippery itTs impossible to stand on it.

That was all! Hope you liked them.

Rolled 33 (1d100)

Looks neat!

Rollin'...

Now put this in a pastebin.

pastebin.com/kZRBFFyc

dice+1d100

Im game.

Apparently i am an idiot.

Got a 44.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

rollan

Rolled 84 (1d100)

roll

Rolled 85 (1d100)

I'll bite

Dice+1d100

Rolled 93 (1d100)

Pretty nifty and somewhat amusing. Thanks, OP!

>93. Omnipresent Stamp: a postage stamp depicting an intricate pentagram. Any letter or object that had this stamp glued to it and put into any mailbox will magically be delivered to its addressee, no matter where or even when he is.

I send a message to GOD!

>"Please come down here and fix all this shit (again), O Lord, but this time without floods, plagues or locusts! Thxkbye"

>fire it is then

Godda--okay, that's it; next letter is going to SATAN.

rolling for wizard shenenegans

just wait a few minutes. you'll meet him in person

Does anyone have the cap of that magic skeleton that would sell the players anything they wanted for increasingly weird prices?

Veeky Forums archive is a thing

...

Rolled;
>89. Kevlar Yarn: a ball of yarn that never runs out. Clothes knitted from this yarn have the toughness of steel and can serve as armour.
Comfy.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

Seconding this!
or if this guy(?) can provide a link

Rolled 65 (1d100)

Rolling for something to help deal with the local catgirl infestation.

Let’s see

Rolled 30 (1d100)

let's go babey

Ok, so I read how to roll dice in that other thread but I guess I did something wrong, somebody help?

>"dice+1d100" without the quotes
it goes in the "options" field

Anybody got a screen shot of ops list?

Rolled 6 (1d100)

Hopefully I got it right

>65. Bubble Trouble: this soap bubble wand always has soap film inside its ring and doesn't require dipping into bubble juice. It can be used to blow bubbles of any size: as long as air is coming, the bubble will continue to grow. The bubbles produced this way are supernaturally tough and cannot be burst by any physical or magical means except for the sharp end of the wand.

Well, I have no idea how to use this. Maybe trap the catgirls in bubbles so they float into the sky? But the bubbles are impenetrable, so I don't think you could trap something in them unless it's small enough to insert it through the ring.

It is. But it's not always easy to find what you looking for.

Do you remember any more? It could help to search for it. Like what was the op post was about?

...

Ah, the magical threads where people make up descriptions nobody asked them for

...

Rolled 67 (1d100)

Always down for a roll.

...

>picture
Does it exist in the form of text?

This is really cool, thanks OP!

Cheers, also I didn't except the thread to still be up