Things you never want the druid to say

audibly kek'd

> "So, your familiar... are they doing anything later?"

Your ass is grass.

I really disapprove of the barbarian using that ax, it sends a bad message and like totally messes up my vibe with like the forest and stuff man. Green Lives Matter bro

"...and this is my riding dog, Rover. He really likes it when you gently rub his head."

I speak for the trees

"I've never seen an animal in my life"
had that one last night.

>so why can't we dump the carcinogenics in the river?

>a cat is fine too

Don't quit your day job, user.

> "Quick, hide the stash! The knights are coming!"

>"Moon Druids are like onions, we have layers."
>"Somebody once told me..."

Context?

>And the prize for most interesting dungeon puzzle goes to...

Hugh Montgomery and his Definitely-Not-A-Sudoku-Puzzle

>who cares if the world is destroyed? i just want to live!

Traps McPlenty and his paper-mache boulder of crushing.

"Aha, but you see, you *don't* have to pull two levers in separate locations to open the door! That's SOOOO overdone!"

"You have to PUSH THREE BUTTONS in separate locations instead!"

Darkbad McDeathlord and his "Give me an award or I'll blow us all to hell, I swear to god" puzzle.

The real puzzle was friendship all along.

fpbp

youtube.com/watch?v=uwgkZqbMoN8&ab_channel=VanFanwithaPlan

"The Earth Tremor I just cast might have turned the Volcano we're in active."

true story
>enter room inside dungeon
>humanoid monstrosities are inside on the opposite side of room
>party starts prepping for battle
>monsters also prep for battle exactly like we do
>on a hunch I wave at the monsters
>monster opposite me also waves
>I walk forward and shake hands with the apparent mirror opposite monster
>monsters disappear like illusions
>DM fully expected us to immediately blow up or otherwise attack the monsters which would have reflected the damage back on ourselves

Cute.

I love that

lol,ma man.
el oh f'n el

> I can't cast Goodberry anymore for the day but I can cast Dingleberry if you're that hungry

You've got a good DM.

>"Quick! Follow that boulder to the Golden Idol!"

The fiendish Pro Grammer and his Towers of Hanoi puzzle!

No-Show Chuck and his invisible Sphere of Annihilation

The magnificent lever of ball crushing, you have to pull the lever to open the door but every time you do a goblin opens the door and kicks you in the groin

I think they're stuck inside me....

...

I didn't know Shiki was a druid.

Sides are in orbit, thanks

Chad Druid

things you can say about your weapon, but not your cleric.

...

I'm willing to dance with them.

Spit out my drink a little well done

Has never entered a child.

Laughed a little too hard, I think I might be going to hell

It's long and heavy.

It's well-balanced and sharp.

One swing could kill a lesser man.

Saved my life on several occasions.

Always there for me when my life depends on it.

Very faithful, never leaves my side.

‘I cast entangle!’

...

Best one. Next

I can trust it as far as I can throw it.

>Best one. Next

Next.

NEXT!

>Things the bard tells you that happened, that definitely never happened

>We're traveling together in a party.

I paid the tab this time.

"Hi I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC"

Dude I got the Wizard laid last night!

the succ

You have to look at the map upside down to find out the secret

THEY seduced ME, not the other way around!

I figured how to manipulate gut flora. Let me talk to yours.

'I managed to fit my entire dick into our druid last night!'

>Yes I collected the reward money.
>Yes I bargained for more.
>No, that's it. That's all.
>Seriously.

>wizard's last words

Planar bindings are perfectly safe

>I cast charm person

>What are my spells again?

Don't worry guys, I read what the spell does this time

For the last time, I am a sorcerer!

>Oops

>it's an ancient druidic tradition, I must observe it
>btw, can you guys guard my clothes while I'm gone?

I cast teleport (AD&D 2nd ed.)

Can't we go back to D&D?

>golems have souls right?

>Not wanting to fuck the heat-crazed druid silly
What are you, gay?

I'm cumming

>cast spell, but realize in the last second that he is in range
Oh shit!

"So the bard told me that I can save spells for later use by storing my semen inside my familiar."

Should rename this file "ChaoticNeutral.jpg

>loners, hot-blooded, and unpredictable, given to drunken rage and violence, and probably readheaded
>and probably red-headed
This got me.

>So, assuming everything goes as planned, I should change back in about two hours

Like a dog!

>spells you shouldn't teach your mother in law

Mage hand

Teleport

Sending

Invisibility