Warhammer TL;DR

Can I get a TL;DR on Warhammer lore?

A bunch of fantasy races fighting each other

Once upon a time, the Warhammer world was a decent place to live in.

Then a man invented Necromancy, fungus-people swarmed out of the underground to destroy the Dwarf empire, half of the Elves decided to become dicks and the other half decided to become sociopaths, and the immortal mountain kingdoms of the giants got turned into shitholes by hungry hungry ogres.

MILLENIA LATER some evil gods tempt a dude to go buck wild on his former countrymen, up until he gets his face kicked in by the fungus-people and the evil gods decide to just blow up the planet instead of wasting their time with any more mortals.

It was great, and then they killed it in favour of edgy teenage garbage with the sophistication of Saturday morning tv, all because they wanted to claw more money out of their fanbase.

TL:DR

Bretonnia won
Chaos is bad m'kay
The Horned Rat is cool
Everyone fights in a kind of Nordic Nine Realms now instead of just Not!Europe

Watch yaself the Arch lore videos, they're pretty fun.

Arch is a bit of a fag, but otherwise yeah, what this guy said

Oh god he is, but atleast he's entertaining for a bit.

Elder god beings from space arrive on world. They create a whole bunch of different races according to a grand design with frog people and lizard people first. Around the time they were making ogres demons decided to be dicks and ruin everything forever. The old gods fucked off and more than half of the frog people died but the races were able to seal off the demons from the world. They all split off into their own empires and areas and developed separately. Knife ears and short assholes fight. Knife ears schism. Not!egypt becomes great and amazing. Not!Egypt spawns necromancy. Rat people work together for the first and only time to kill necromancer 1. Empire of Man rises. Asshole from Empire of Man leads demons.

Ancient History:
Aliens make super magic toadmen, who teach elves how to magic. Dwarfs are also there. Portals aliens use collapse and spill demons everywhere. Demons come in 4 flavors: Roid Rage, Farts, Boners, and Just-As-Planned-Birds. Aliens fuck off. Toadmen use lizard bros to hold of demons. Dwarfs fuck off into holes. Elves turn their island into a magic toilet to siphon the magic off. Now there are less demons. Elves turn into pompous asshats. Most pompous cheats to be king, rest find out he's banging his mom and kinkshame him off the island. He goes and makes his own kingdom with blackjack and battle hookers. Later he cuts off some dwarf beads to make them sup salty. Dwarfs fight elves for a while. Buncha elves move into a magical forest to escape dwarfs, end up fucking the trees. Eventually they make peace.

Meanwhile a dude in Arabian Nights land thinks being a skeleyman would be super hype, so he invents magic to make him a skeleyman. He then thinks its so hype that he wants to turn the whole world into skeleymen. A bunch of ratmen disagree so they secretly stab him with a magic knife that makes him more dead. Skeleyman's bitch thinks living forever is hype, so she tries and ends up making Vampires. Meanwhile a bunch of salty dwarfs who live in a shitty part of the world think slavery is super hype and use orks, which are like orcs but more. They then think orks are good but could be bigger, so they make bigger, meaner orks called black orks, and then brutally subject them to horrible slavery, because this plan is perfect and can't backfire in any way. Meanwhile a bunch of orks start pissing all over where the humans live until a dude with a hammer unites the humans and wages war against them. He then makes the united humans into an empire and fucks off.

State of the World:
Place looks like Earth, but with a big island in the Atlantic. North America ruled by edgelord elves and their battle strippers. Faction run by the saltiest rage quitter in existence and his hot MILF mom old enough to be a GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGMILF. South America is owned by what's left of the toadmen who are desperately trying to figure out what their ancient alien makers wanted them to do via golden sticky notes. The extra island is owned by the pompous elves who are so high up the social rankings their peasants live in ivory towers. They lord that over everyone and try to ignore the fact they turned their island into a magical demon toilet. Europe is split between a bunch of foppish knights, the treefucking elves, hammerman's empire, notRussians who ride around on bears, and the dwarfs. Also scheming steampunk ratmen are everywhere, and roaving furry conventions plague the land. South of them are badlands filled with orks, led by the biggest, meanest ork to ever drunkenly stumble out of the evil-dwarf lands. South of them is where the SKELETON WARRIORS live, who just want people to not nick their stuff. Far to the north are a bunch of vikings who occasionally wander off to become ULTIMATE EDGELORD BADASSES or turn into furries. East is the land of evil dwarfs and giant fatasses who worship a literal hole in the ground. NotIndia, NotChina, and NotJapan all exist, but no one really talks about them.

Endtimes:
Some cunt from the Empire is told he's going to be the ultimate evil edgelord. He disagrees so hard he accidentally becomes the ultimate evil edgelord. In good lore his story ends with a kick to the nuts by the orkiest ork (that happened in cannon), but that got retconned to let evil win. Rat people shoot a moon down onto the toadmen, who happened to escape in magic space pyramids. Forpish knights found out everything they believed in was a lie and all died. Salty Edgelord elf turned out to be not evil and j/k about the whole mom-sex thing. Skeleyman came back. Hammer bro turned out to be a god and also came back. Everyone died for a while (except the space toadmen) until hammer god decided that was boring and wouldn't sell any models. So he took the souls, dumped them all into magical realms, and everyone started fighting again, this time looking more like metal album covers and less like a cohesive world.

There, 30 years of lore in 3 posts.

TL;DR: It ended.

Saved.

you write like a 13 year old trying to sound cool

Actually I thought it sounded more like a salty person who is done giving a fuck.

Ugh. I should kill myself because I read it in Rick's voice.

YOU write like a 13 year old trying to sound cool by telling people they're totally uncool man

Long ago, the plot elements of Warhammer lived in harmony, then everything changed when Age of Shitmar attacked

...

I feel that way about myself too.