So what's your problem with your players, user?

They outright refuse to play any system other than 5e.

>half of them have to have pets (animals companions etc)
>pick shitty classes for the setting then complain they dont fit in
>show up for 1 hour of a session then leave midway through because he has to go home (wife has him on a leash)
>autistic rage at bad rolls
>player who stands behind me so he can see over the screen
>not a modicum of knowledge of standard investigative tactics despite wanting a mystery campaign
Jokes on them they are a few days from the enemy unleashing his overwhelming forces and I can nuke the campaign and start a new one.

Holy fuck, this! I'm so sick of hearing bullshit from players like "my character wouldn't work with or follow them". I mean you're playing with other people, why would you even make a character like that in the first place?

They don't know how to play characters or how to write a backstory. I want to play a more social game that focuses on personality and character interaction and they just can't do that.

They waifu NPCs extremelly fast, holy SHIT.
They almost try to bone the BBEG and a fucking sentient mask.

>BBEG

Ugh.

>Ugh
BBEG

They're not all big tiddy goth girls

I made an explicitly evil loli vampire that is very obviously dicking their characters over but they don’t want to kill her because she’s cute

They simply CANNOT revise their beliefs or stances of game-related stuff in light of new information. It makes it incredibly easy to lead them around by the nose and "trick" them into doing all kinds of evil or stupid things because the bad guy just needs to appear to them seeming reasonably nice, ask them to do "one little task" for him, and they will stick to the guy no matter how much baby-eating he does afterwards.

The only ones with tits that big are the men

2 of them are spotlight whores who have to play the most outlandish characters and do the goofiest shit to get people to laugh. One of them does this by exclusively playing female characters, which wouldn't be so awful if it wasn't obviously fetish fuel for him. He also has a need to shoehorn babies into things, which is fucking weird that he just had a kid.

The other two are mostly fine but would probably be happier playing story games. I don't like story games, I like games.

Nothing, really, I think I expect too much out of them. They occasionally don't take initiative, but I think that's a failure on my end, for not putting up anything meaningful to take initiative against.

This might be the best Zynthia yet. So casual

Damn, hate it when that happens.

That's why I prefer it when there's a woman in the party, or you're just playing in some guy's living roo,.

>two are great, well rounded role players who are entranced with every scenario and see dnd as an opportunity to have fun with friends that don't hang out often enough and improve their critical thinking and creativity

>one is an irl Chad who plays a bard, copy and pasted Scanlan Shorthalt's concept but refuses to roleplay outside of combat encounters

>one "takes the lead" in the party because he doesn't think the others are competent enough. Has been a DM for an occasional one-off campaign set in another area of my world that I let him create, so hes gained a superiority complex and criticizes my DMing, constantly under the impression that he has a better name/concept for anything I introduce the party to, argues with me out of the book on every single homebrew rule I make that doesn't benefit him but consistently restricts us with his own when he DMs

I lost half my party due to disinterest and time schedules (they said it feels too much like an obligation), so now I play a west marches sort of thing. Every other week, whoever gives a fuck can show up and raid some dungeon.

I can't get many players hooked yet, but it's fun just dungeoncrawling.

>i thought players HATED following the plot
players hate following the plot if they are obviously being railroaded, its more of a spite thing than anything else
>oh so you think GOD can command me to do a quest to save the land?
>THINK AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER I'M JOINING SATAN

go back to tok

My D&D 5e group has this idiot warlock who keeps being terrible.

>Triggers traps and gets others in the group hurt to "see what would happen"
> Tries to use Persuasion rolls to squeeze money/other material rewards out of EVERY SINGLE NPC WE COME ACROSS
>Tries to perusade a blacksmith in a small rural village to do pro bono work for the party "for the exposure".

And is an all around selfish cunt.

Fuck off Tok.

You're bad enough in the cyoa threads.

Well it's kind of up to you to offer some alternatives to the main plot. If they try to go other directions and there's no content then yeah

beyond triggering traps I'm not seeing the problem here

They expect me to bring all the rulebooks, bring all the maps, bring all the mechs, organise the meetups, and do all the prepwork. Only one in four actually invest in the game and eventually buy their own mechs.
They also refuse to communicate with each-other because "Strangers".

What did you expect. You don't bring your own chips to poker night, do you?

Stop playing with random autists user. Its not good for you

There's not enough of us

Half of them live in EST and i live in GMT. I GM from 7-12pm only to find out that their mom's need them to drive them somewhere. We've had one session and attempted 5 others since we started. I would do anything to get this JoJo campaign going.
My other group at my gaming society is full of first timers and our DM is pandering to them. 5th edition is such a great system for new players but fucking hell i feel like i'm just going through motions instead of doing anything interesting with the mechanics.

One of my players believes that all were creatures look like giant versions of the animal and that a werewolf like pic related is only in hybrid form

>Two of them really hate each other
>They have awkward arguements that ruin the flow of the game
>Decide to end the campaign
>They both want the game to keep going
>Have to choose between them if I wanted to keep playing the game
>Realize this is probably going to be true for all games I could potentially run in replacement too

3/5 of them. I don't expect them to wear wizard hats or put on retarded voices but it's so frustrating to create a whole world filled with NPC's that they treat as service providers and nothing else and they can't write a backstory or hold a conversation in character for shit. I just want them to meet me halfway and show some fucking investment in my campaign.

*3/5 of them don't roleplay

You mean like twilight?

>player who stands behind me so he can see over the screen

Thats just not acceptable at all. Why is this even allowed?

Pretty much this. Only one player has a sense of initiative, to the point that they're basically the main character and their group of highly dedicated background characters. It's really frustrating, because the one time they showed initiative, the roles were reversed and I engaged them for two straight sessions. That is, until one noticed it had nothing to do with the main quest, whereupon he immediately just went to the bar to get a drink and refused to interact anymore

I know that feel, but more because i am that one initiated player. Though, i follow the main story so the others stay pretty well engaged.

They have Skyrim Shiny Syndrome.

I'm not familiar with the term.

>until one noticed it had nothing to do with the main quest, whereupon he immediately just went to the bar to get a drink and refused to interact anymore
I don't get this, why even play tabletop if you just want a video game experience

They are engines of chaos who make terrible decisions by pulling those decisions out of their ass.

>superhero team
>one hero goes to find others for help
>radios group watching over and protecting 5000 civilians
>I'm sending a viglante, hes a friend and you can trust him, he wont hurt you or the civilians
>player guarding civilians whips them into a panic and decides to "trail of tears" them into a safer area to avoid viglante
>viglante's partner shows up and ready to shoot flying asshole panicking civilians
>flying asshole lands in croud using civilians as cover
>man with gun leaves on motorcycle after talking about what a lunatic flying asshole is being
>flying asshole tries to tractorbeam cycle out from under him to kill him
>decides to calm the croud down
>mutant rat takes the finally calm croud as a sign thathe should fire his weapon into the ground and panic the croud again

So many stories of poor decision making. They just have these horrific lapses of judgement that always end in someone dying or huge amounts of collateral damage

Short attention span, I'm assuming.

They mostly enjoy railroady campaigns with lots of combat, which I guess would be a problem for most people here but I mostly enjoy combat too so it works.

Half are complete wildcards who will burn my campaigns to the ground and the other half are super predictable who sperg out if I deviate from their expectations at all

Tell them to not bring their petty drama to the table or you're not letting either of them in. Simple.

Everything is a fucking joke. Literally everything. It's like everyone gets into a competition to see who can be the most funny and in the stupid shit they do. Everything is a meme to them. For example, they joked the entire session about an NPCs name being Thomas. Like they would disrupt role play to joke about his name.

Sometimes, some of them get serious but the other half keeps joking. And then the ones that were serious devolve into jokes. I guess it's because it's all of their first times playing an RPG, but fuck it makes me feel like I put time into this shit for it to not really be cared about at all.

>They also refuse to communicate with each-other because "Strangers".
Have you tried finding players who aren't 10 year olds with crippling autism or are you a special needs teacher of some kind

Is it the character or the player though
But yeah triggering traps is disruptive to the other players' experience. Other than that I don't see an issue if he's playing a character who is a dick. He's a warlock after all.

one of my players is edgy mcEdgeface the demon-sniper-assassin, who worships death and loves death and collects skulls and is always silent

one of my players roleplays 0% of the time and never talks in-character or engages with NPCs except to roll for seduction

one of my players is usually blackout drunk by the end of hour 2

my last player is an angel, providing 100% of the actual roleplaying, but she talks extremely quietly

They absolutely cannot handle any NPC having power or authority over them and treat them like meatshields or banks

>Townspeople ask them to protect them from monsters raiding the town
>Sure but you're fighting with us. Also give us everything you own.
>Proceed to gangpress half the town into fighting with them and get mad when untrained peasants flee while being slaughtered

>General asks them to scout enemy positions for battle next morning
>Players decide general is retarded and decide to start schooling this veteran in military tactics and demand control of the army
>Also demand his pay for doing his job for him
>Get mad when general throws them out of his tent

>Players meet king
>Refuse to bow or show any manners and try to steal his crown and declare themselves king
>Get mad when guards tackle them and they're thrown in gaol

They hate losing but don't try to get better.

>One guy has DMed a single Curse of Strahd campaign still in progress
>Acts like he's the grandmaster on how to run everything

Listening to him dump on a few missed details in another guy's homebrew made me want to punch him.

I need more. This is amazing. They are almost as autistic as my ducklings

Tell them twilight was trash and they should neck themselves for thinking it is the norm.

>the sign says " stop pit "
>Fuck the sign!

Their boobs aren't as big as that girl's

They also assume every NPC is incompetent and below them and seem to want some power wank where they succeed in everything

>Players defending barn from bandits
>Place a couple of traps around barn
>First wave of bandits are killed and a few die from the traps
>Players cheer themselves
>Second wave of bandits notice their dead comrades impaled on the spikes and show a modicum of intelligence and avoid the traps
>Players get super mad and argue that the bandits should still be killing themselves on their traps

My players are mostly ok, but they have a tendency to expect NPCs to make plans for them and often do nothing productive until some plan is at least suggested.

Also, we barely find enough time to meet oncr every 2 months. Being a working adult sucks, should've stayed a NEET.

>Obligatory kys frogposter

Not really, it refers to the "loot everything you can carry" mentality you get into when playing games like Skyrim. Wastes a lot of time describing the contents of everything you kill's pockets.

DO something. I set up this plot for you and everything.
If something's wrong TELL ME.
I'm not fucking psychic, I can't just magically know whatever it is that appeals to you unless you TELL ME!
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO SO THAT YOU WILL PLAY
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>Have two friends that are notorious for being sarcastic, rude dicks to NPCs
>Party reaches a castle
>As they walk through the castle on their meeting with the ruler I point out how the general is armed with a longbow as is all the guards they pass by
>As they enter throne room I tell everyone that there will be no OOC banter
>Queen is in the middle with an upper balcony looking down at the room in all directions and pillars everywhere
>Talks kick in
>As expected, two friends are being dicks to her, she's sitting their smiling and taking it all
>Tell everyone to roll
>The three other members do good enough on an Insight check and have better Passive Perception so I slide them notes that all say that they can tell that the Queen is beyond pissed
>They start nudging and elbowing the two friends, whispering for them to stop, they keep it up as the Queen remains composed
>Finally the topic of payment and reward comes up
>The Queen smiling: "Your reward is that this won't be fatal."
>Archers from every pillar and blind spot suddenly fire dozens of blunt tipped arrows at the two friends, pushing them well past 0 HP but not enough to outright kill them
>Queen becomes a major questgiver and whenever the party stops at the castle the two have to sleep outside and use their own rations while the rest of the party was treated to a feast

They started behaving better after that.

Where the fuck does this idea come from?

Brilliant

At least it's not 3.PF

It's all sorted out now.
No player, no problem.

Lack of players. Lack of time when I can gather them all. Lack of their will to play for longer than 3 sessions.

You know how in Skyrim there's a major plot line, and a ton of side quests, and yet you somehow end up spending all your time spelunking and visiting every single cave in the entire game even though you know all you'll end up with is a dozen coins, a couple of apples and another dead bandit to your name, or just making sure your new house in whatever bumfuck settlement is in tip-top shape?

Yeah, that.

>GMT timezone
>Jojo campaign
...is there space?

At the end of minute one, say the merchant tells you to buzz off if you have no money, and comes forward to another customer.

They have no idea what they actually want to do and the only reason I even know what kind of sessions to make is because I've been playing with them this long.

>almost murdering two people because queen can't handle some friendly banter

What sort of due process is this? Another question, was this in character roleplay for those two and did it match their characters personality? I once played with a barbarian who took a shit in the middle of the duke's throneroom because he was raised by wolves.

They are friendly and understanding to the point where I feel patronized.

I have That Girl(who always plays belligerent mary sues and is emotionally unstable)

I have The Cook (who plays stoic and serious way too much IMO)

I have The Veteran (who always has his DM hat on both literally and figuratively)

I have This Guy (great roleplayer but keeps criticizing my music and ambiance choices)

I have my GF (who despite being interested rarely takes initiative of her own)

I have Señorita Stealth (who always plays beastfolk races and usually goes face/stealth)

And then theres me; Likes to play lovable cowards and people in over their head. Wants to play semi obscure games that the group "Nopes" almost immediately, and despises melodrama.

Rate my group peeps

they are extremely paranoied to the point that they wont even engage with the game world. They say that's "just whut ma character wud do user, they went through trauma they can't take risks". And everytime they say it I tell them to either make a new character or tryt and learn from their mistakes rather htan grinding every game to a halt because they rather stay in the back doing nothing and chatting, breaking the flow of the game as well a sthe other players concentration. And I always tell them that if they'd rather be roleplaying and episode of cheers that they should tell me so I can prepare for it accordingly. But no they say that they love OSR games and want do dungeon crawl.

It's hard to say. They often align their characters in the Good range but then will always be rude, sarcastic dickholes to everyone they meet.

And would you say joking about fucking a queen you just met minutes ago to her face count as "playful banter"? Or suggesting that she wouldn't have had this one problem of a nearby rogue shaman if she wasn't such a bitch? Both of these were before the arrows flew.

5/10

Its not due process. She doesnt have to give due process. Dont be a dick to a ruler with absolute power

No, people hate OBVIOUS railroads. Most players expect the GM to string them along for a specific story (after all, that's what most games boil down to is "do the plot that I put in-front of you"), but very few want that illusion of an open-ended world broken in an obvious way. It's one thing to say the whole city is available but you should really go check out the sewers to find the missing magical ring; it's another thing entirely to say "you can't go anywhere until you find that ring".

Are you literally me?

>And would you say joking about fucking a queen you just met minutes ago to her face count as "playful banter"? Or suggesting that she wouldn't have had this one problem of a nearby rogue shaman if she wasn't such a bitch? Both of these were before the arrows flew.
Gotta agree that's more like straight-up insulting or challenging her authority. I'd totally have her call on guards to drag those guys out, or some sort of personal guard step up and strike the offending cad. Unless the PCs are Ike from FE or something, and he was still technically nobility.
Pretty much this unless this is one of those inexplicably egalitarian kingdoms.

honestly pf is one of the games that I enjoy the most, i really don't get all the hate, sure it has it's flaws but at the end of the day it gets the job done.

Prep scenarios not railroads. Then they’ll be free to do whatever.

Easy example: the kidnappers are not hostile, they need a life but it doesn’t matter whose. Will the players make a trade? Will they attack the kidnappers? Will they hire the kidnappers to fight some orcs with them? Will they say ”fuck it” and go back to the tavern? Who knows, but you don’t need to know what the resolution will be.

You’re just setting up scenarios. Which still doesn’t paralyze players and destroy any structure by saying ”ok you’re in town, which direction do you go?”

Take this, take that, bring them down to size
Put them in the cellar with the naughty boys

>3/4 players don't attempt to roleplay
>like, at all
>one guy who does roleplay is a womanizing elf that constantly tries to fuck another player's wife (ingame, of course.)
>clockwork edgelord wizard gets into random bar fights for no reason
>changeling hardly ever shows up
>other elf is a sorcerer, but just walks right into combat like he's playing a fucking fighter

They're retarded and can't learn a new system that isn't d20
They also have no interest in a non-fantasy setting

That often happens when the main plot is the only thing they really find interesting.

None of them are cute tittymonsters.

They're constantly distracted and every time I step in and force the action to move on I feel like an asshole because they're having fun role-playing. But if I let them go on forever they'd literally sit in the ship's lounge making fun of the socially inept droid for hours.

Fucking THIS! I have to keep making the hints more and more obvious, until they finally realize that the NPC has been dicking them over the whole time.

"Gee, maybe that assassin who killed a party member's best friend in the backstory, murdered the king we were trying to ally with (right in front of us), and sounds like the fucking Joker, might have nefarious motives for suddenly helping us..."

And then some will complain that I "ruined that NPC," instead of getting that they were being deceived from the start.

One of my players thinks 3.5 is the utmost pinnacle of roleplaying games

one of my players insists on playing The Face despite having the charisma of a bowl of gravel

One of my players only plays "the stealth archer" regardless of system. I get that its a fairly universal meta-build, but try something else ffs. He also pathologically avoids blame, guilt, and waifus NPC young women and gets bizarrely protective of them wherever he meets them.

One of my players simply cant figure out how to tank. He WANTS to be a melee, but seems to not understand how it works either mechanically or tactically.

One of my players tries not to be The Face, but cant help himself even though he has 8 charisma. He tends to talk over others, but he's usually good about not chiming in unless the others fail to take initiative (which they usually dont)