I have a big bad who basically wants to be a comedian, but somehow is taking over the world. During combat, he tells a joke at the start of his turn. I need more jokes. I'll share some of mine.
Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Nevermind, I'm still working on it.
A geomancer walks into a bar. What does he order?
Anything, as long it's on the rocks.
Why is leather armor so good at sneaking?
Because it's made of hide.
Make him an absolute monster, stat-wise. I mean, the kind of dude that wrecks giants because they won't get off his lawn and he's too hungover to try to intimidate them into leaving.
But if they finish his joke, he gets disadvantage on his attack rolls, or whatever is system-appropriate for you.
What do you call a bard with a lot of hit points? A Con artist.
I have his mechanics down, and they've checked out in the last encounter.
Love the joke tho.
When is a well stocked privy alike to a birdhouse?
When a spare-roll of paper nests within.
Why was the fat aeromancer turned down from the army?
He got winded too easily.
What do you call the file you use to turn a 3mm diameter hole into a 5cm diameter hole? A pedophile.
Got that from Veeky Forums ages ago.
Got a good chuckle.
why was the paladin sad?
because no one watnted to be his pally
What's a chimaera paladin's favourite spell?
Li-on hands
Why did the genie struggle to make choices?
He was crippled by djinndecision
Why did no one like camping with the hydro anger?
He was a wet blanket
What do you call a wind elemental whose next in line for the throne
An air
Gud shit.
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Actually, nevermind. It's pretty tearable.
Once upon a time, there were three men and one genie. The genie granted each three wishes.
The first man wished for money.
The second wished for more money then the second.
The third wished that his right arm would spin clockwise forever.
The second round of wishes, the first man wished for a hot wife.
The second wished to be utterly beautiful. He would sleep with the first man's wife later.
The third simply wished for his other arm to spin counter-clockwise.
The last round of wishes, and the first wished to own the kingdom.
The second man wished to own all other kingdoms.
The third man wished for his head to spin eternally.
They all leave separately for 10 years. They meet in a bar.
The first: "Yeah, I'm doing well for myself. I invested my kingdom and grew my wealth by thrice the amount."
The second: "I didn't have to do anything, and I will never have to do anything, I'm so rich."
The third comes in, limbs and head still spinning. "Guys, I think I fucked up."
Look at marvel movies. Just undercut every scene with quips.
How do you handle an angry redhead?
Gingerly
A couple I've seen
>Why don't dragons eat paladins?
>Because they taste lawful.
>Why do clerics perfer chainmail?
>Because it's holey armor.
>What do you call a group of rogues?
>Surprise party.
Wtf bullshit joke is that? Like what's even the joke? Subverting the assumption that guy number three will somehow win or fuck over the others?
Idk, it got a chuckle out of me. Its the subversion of the assumption that the 3rd guy has some kind of amazing ploy in mind, when in the end he was just a complete retard.
Cringe: the thread.
It's a shaggy dog story. The humour is in the fact they wasted your time and you let them.
I got a better one:
A bear and a rabbit find a genie, who grants them three wishes.
“I wish every other bear in this forest to be female’” said the bear.
“I wish I had the world’s fastest car” said the rabbit.
“I wish every other bear in the country was female” said the bear, getting more excited.
“I wish I had a full tank of gas” said the rabbit, getting into the car.
“I wish every other bear in the world was female,” yelled the bear, jumping for joy.
The rabbit started the engine and said “I wish that bear was gay.”