Today I fucked up in our DnD game

This, OP. Take your waifu and your miscegenatic daughterfu and have a good life.

Anyone have that one story of the player who was stuck as a polymorphed horse for multiple sessions?

not late enough into the game

op here. other player drew this.

This. Orc girls give great snu-snu, OP. Make yourself some half-orc kiddos and raise a happy familiar of nomadic warrior-adventurers. Hell, take your new wife with you on your travels.
Dude that's cute as shit. What's her name?

Sounds good man.
And its a friend of mines who was playing who drew that.

As for the orc her name is Ta-Tonk

I think you mean Ta-Tonk-a-bonk!

HEY-O!

You got the right idea.
Dude this is fantastic. She's gonna show you a whole new world and raise your kids right. Seriously though, take her with you when you guys do leave---you don't *need* to protecc that smile, but you should want to.

...

You are now an Orc OP. Better get zugging those zugs.

Are you sure out that. best i could do btw

I like how the DM sourced orc art while you're clearly rocking a deviantart "dress up," character creator token.

zug-zug is for women, me am strong warrior man
watch me not take out trash, me too strong to care

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women; he that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kiff, as the most attractive male, will be snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again!

So it could have been much better... I mean 'worse' for the OP.

Fry, Captain Zapp Brannigan, Bender: Yeah! Woo-hoo!

[Kif starts sobbing]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [to Kif] What are you? Gay?

I don't see why you're talking about orcs when you already said your fuckup in the second line.

Are those French fries supposed to look like Snoop Dogg?

That doesn't sound like a fuck up at all. That sounds great.

>Bluff that Im related to the honor guard of the most powerful orc faction.
>It works.

The "rolling 20 gives you whatever you want in the situation" must die, Jesus. I'm thankful none of my players are retarded wankers that play RPG to live their fantasy realm.

>"rolling 20 gives you whatever you want in the situation"
In fairness, what's rolling a 20 supposed to do for OP in this situation? Be a failure still? The only option besides failing and angering the orcs is that it works. I really hate when rolling a 20 does stupid shit that would genuinely be impossible, but this really isn't an unfathomable scenario.

This isn't too crazy, though.

The problem GMs make in the first place is that they don't determine if something is possible before rolling. If you ask for a roll for a particular bluff, you assume by default there's a chance it works. Otherwise you wouldn't roll. It's really that simple.

Although I'll admit, nobody fucking remembers that nat 20s do nothing for the skill rolls.

could be the ranger has some decent bluff ranks and the chieftain has a crapass sense motive. but on the whole I agree, nat 1/20 being autofail/success on anything but attacks & saves needs to fuck off and die ASAP.

>Hey guys apparently crit wins aren't a thing in skill checks
>Oh really?
>Yeah the rules say it only applies to combat and saving throws
>Huh, well so far it's worked great for us. I'm the DM and I say let's keep it.
>Everyone agrees

And that's how the conversation went in our group when we found out. There's nothing wrong with nat 20s in skill rolls if you don't use them as an excuse for completely ridiculous shit like jumping a mile-wide chasm.

Nah, best-case scenario is you become chief of the orc tribe and either lead them to a new era of peace with the other races or just conquer them depending on what you want to do.

As long as you don't use nat1s

>Have to climb a mountain
>DC is 25
>My char has, between ranks, powers and other stuff 28 to climb
>"So I don't even need to roll, right?"
>"NO, you have to roll"
>Makes me roll till I roll a 1
>"Hah, you fall and die"
>"? I have 94 HPs, die at -24 and have a breath of life necklace..."
>"Nah, you died"
I also walked away

Stay away from nat1s on skills, kids

This didn't happen.

Dude? You're now next in line to run the tribe. Step one, use this to build strong trade and defensive relations with nearby non-orc settlements. Nobody will pick a fight with Victimtown if it means The Black Scourge will come knocking on their door. Step two is to get the orcs some proper infrastructure. Better forges, skilled metalworkers, etc. Throw in some stonemasons, show the orcs how to build a proper sewer, make it appeal to their culture (save labor assignment for criminals or those who undermine the chief without direct challenges.). Give it a generation, see what happens

He never said he rolled a 20, retard. Maybe he's just a really skilled liar.

/thread

I second this fellow, OP.

>bluff you are related to honor guard of ORC faction
>human
>NPC don't even bother to follow up making sure this is true
>Marries daughter off to random human

Successful bluff doesn't mean "I believe you no further questions asked" it means "I'm not going to kill/imprison you while I go and confirm this", if you don't have actual proof you are who you say you are.
I second You are either lying or your DM is shit.

Your DM sounds like a prick, but mainly for making you roll until he got the result he wanted. I get having fumbles on skills in events like that to add suspense, and there should always be a chance of fucking up no matter how good you get, but I'd give you a chance to roll again and save yourself from falling, because I think a 5% chance of falling to your death regardless of climbing skill is fucking stupid. It sounds like your DM just wanted you dead though. Tough luck, man.