Who's the worst player you've ever played with?

Who's the worst player you've ever played with?

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Me, I always accidentally find a way of cheesing the meta even if I don't intend to. Feelsbadman

Kyle

Connor, if you're reading this, fuck you.

This ex-Marine that would show up at our LGS. He wanted to play what would essentially be small scale tactical wargames. Fine enough, but he would flip out at anyone who actually tried to do anything else, even if a GM advertised it as story or roleplay heavy. He also had tremendously weird metagamey hangups, like how he would go on ranting sessions when our near future ragtag band of rebels had equipment that was unreliable, or this one time he listed a character's age during chargen as "5 years older than the next oldest person in the party"

My worst players aren't nearly as bad as some of the That Guys I've read about. The one I remember most clearly was from back in highschool when D&D 3e was new and exciting. He had an overpowered character using splat books that were never meant to be used together, including plenty of homebrew garbage, and spent the entire time on his laptop. He quit the game after three sessions and when asked why, he said it was because, and I quote, we "weren't hardcore enough for him"

>Enormously overweight fuck
>Cheated constantly and would apologize profusely when found out before doing it again
>Would constantly fuck over other players in game and then whine when it happened to him
This all happened in the first session and I thought I could get him to shape up since I've had similar cretins do so before

>Party scouting tomb and he decides to go in first
>He has shit all perception and gets hit by a trap reducing him to 0 health
>He goes apeshit and jumps up and down screaming "YOU PUT THAT THERE ON PURPOSE"
>Other players are fed up with him at this point and tell him to shut the fuck up
>He looks around and takes a deep breath before giving what sounded like a genuine apology saying that he doesn't have many friends and he knows he gets mad easily
>He asks to use bathroom and I tell him to use the one upstairs as the downstairs one was being fixed
>Rest of group talk about him while he's gone and we all unanimously decide to give him one more chance because he apologized
>He comes back 10 minutes later and plays perfectly civilly and things are looking alright
>Everyone leaves on relatively good terms
>I head upstairs to my bedroom and smell this disgusting smell coming from it
>Run in and find out the motherfucker vomited repeatedly on my bed
>I try to call him multiple times but he doesn't pick up
>He has the gall to come back again next session and starts screaming that I can't prove it was him when I start hitting him and tell him to fuck off
I ended up having to get new sheets as whatever that lardass ate the smell wouldn't leave

I've enjoyed playing with everyone I've played with, fortunately.

A friend who gradually, over the course of about four years, descended into the depths of That Guyism and never returned. After we stopped invited him to games, he was unleashed on other unsuspecting groups in the city. Occasionally I hear stories of his exploits via people in whatever group he's shacked up with.

The funniest part is that, for about a decade, he refused to run games, but had a lot of very strong and really fucking weird opinions about how a GM should run games. He's recently started running a pre-written campaign for some other people, and watching the arguments spill out onto social media between him and his players has become a weekly feature.

OTHER than Kyle,

And Connor,

who is the worst player you've ever played with?

Don't say Sarah, Skynet, we know you don't like those three.

Callum

I was prepared for an upper-decking. Vomit was unexpected.

This motherfucker who would not stop farting. It wasn't something he would purposefully do to fuck with us, he just didn't give a fuck and wouldn't bother holding them in. He'd just shrug his shoulders or laugh and say "It's just air bro" when we'd tell him to stop. He was a huge gym rat too so we couldn't stop him. He'd just turn up every week, farting the whole time and we'd have to sit there and play with him otherwise he'd threaten to beat the shit out of us.

Oh jesus, protein farts

PROTEIN FARTS

Call the fucking cops, bro. This isn't middle school. If he wants to act like he is, right up to threatening violence, get his ass escorted out by police.

I say this as the prick that loved starting fights in middle school. I'm still an arrogant fuck, and my first instinct is to fight him, but I realize that getting my ass arrested and getting that awkward assault charge on my record isn't going to help my career non, so fucking call the police.

WHIRRR

And Colt made us equal

>Played a 2v2 40k game 7th ed
>waacy greaseball across from me
>kind of guy who measures to see if there is even a 1cm clearance on any part of his model behind cover so he can declare LOS and shoot
>argues terrain intervening in the middle of the field shouldn’t give us cover.
>when he gets shot at, claims full cover from the intervening terrain.
>notice his partner is playing poorly, almost throwing the game
>smell hits me then
>smells like a rancid bucket of kfc
>waac player has been farting silently this whole time next to his partner
>when called on it, starts letting out juicy sounding loud farts.
>won’t stop because they don’t bother him but the other 3 players are trying to end the game ASAP

What makes his worse is he also comes into the store and farts at other peoples tables and also argues he should be treated special because he is unemployed due to mysterious health issues, so it’s a okay if he’s purposefully shitting up the area while wearing dirty sweats and smelling unwashed.

Not a player but a DM
>Guy from uni offers to DM for us
>He's pretty good and we play with him for a couple of years
>One guy in the group doesn't really like him because the DM often tries to flirt through his NPC's towards the player's girlfriend who also plays with us
>DM is subtle enough about it, however, that neither she nor anyone else in the group really cares and we tease him about it
>End of one session and we're all packing up and leaving DM's house
>I realize I left my dice behind and tell my friends to wait for me
>I walk back into DM's gaming room with the DM leaning over my friend's girlfriend's seat and inhaling as deeply as he can
>I don't say anything and go to grab my dice and walk away
>Hear DM gasp and stand up
>Not sure what the fuck I just saw and contemplate whether to tell friend and his gf or not
>Group falls apart a few weeks later as apparently the DM thought I would sabotage him and in a fit of autism confesses his love to friend's gf and admits he's been sniffing her seat for months now

>chad goes to a DND game just to braaaap on players
>DM and players are too virgin to call the cops or fight him

That hurt to read

Last name Holmes?

>He looks around and takes a deep breath before giving what sounded like a genuine apology saying that he doesn't have many friends and he knows he gets mad easily

This should have been your final warning that he needed to be gone.

Carsen.
Masterly.

>Find a new player that's a friend of a friend.
>He seemed okay, no immediate red flags
>One of our female players goes down into the basement to get some drinks
>a couple minutes later, realize new guy is gone
>go down to basement with another player
>female player starts screaming
>rush down the steps
>Find female on the ground, new guy on top
>she's bleeding from her mouth, he's trying to get her pants undone
>pull him off
>beat the shit out of him
>cops show up a few minutes later
>new guy yells at them to arrest us for assault
>after we explained what happened, cops laugh at the guy and arrest him

Pretty much anyone I've played with since has been better than the literal rapist.

>or this one time he listed a character's age during chargen as "5 years older than the next oldest person in the party"
That could seriously backfire if someone played an elf and he didn't.

This definitely happened.

yfw op actually sat his 400 pound ass on the rapist and counted that as "beating the shit out of him"

I knew this one player before he left our group who was quite simply unable to come up with a character. He wasn't retarded, though a bit on the dim side, but he was just the most uncreative person I've ever seen.

>Couldn't come up with a backstory.
>Couldn't come up with a description for his character. Literally just 'He's a human' or 'He's an elf'
>Utterly unable to talk to NPC's other than 'I tell him what I know'
>Couldn't describe his actions with any flavor other than 'I do X'
>Couldn't come up with any character name on his own and instead had to look up names online
>Umm'd and aah'd for minutes if you asked for any description or in character speech from him

It was maddeningly infuriating. I don't understand how some people are so lacking in imagination. He wasn't even autistic or straddled with any mental disabilities either.

A furry joined one of my old PbP FATE games and the result was so horrific I deliberately forgot about all but the fact that it happened. Just... he wanted a furry lion boyfriend and I purged the memory. The sub-forum was obliterated, thank God.

The closest that I can clearly remember is when someone joined my online game, without consulting ANYONE ELSE. He just showed up and posted. And worse yet, when I kindly asked him what he was doing posting in my game, he just said "Oh, can I join your game" and sent me his character sheet as if that made it all better.

He (get this) sent me a fighter/paladin of Bahamut with multiple 18s, no stat below 16 and useless flaws that let him take several feats, including an ancestral magical weapon- despite allegedly being an orphan.

The backstory of this lizardfolk involved him being an orphan who became a gladiator and then a soldier and then was saved by Bahamut after nearly dying. It was written like the Eye of Argon, but with more grammar errors.

As for the character sheet itself, he
>Had multiple magical weapons AND magical armor, none of which I had approved
>Had rolled for stats (we were using pointbuy because the game was leaned towards new players)
>Was the wrong level
>Was in the wrong SETTING
>Had a level-adjustment race which didn't exist in the setting
>Was USING THE WRONG SYSTEM with optional rules I hadn't approved of
>and he didn't even get his modifier math right

He didn't read ANYTHING but the post he replied to. He had just shown up expecting to play. I simply explained everything wrong with his character sheet and kindly told him that you're supposed to apply to a game before posting in it. Then deleted his post. Thank God he never showed back up as far as I know.

No one in my group bothers with descriptions and the backstories have never come up in game.

An ex-friend of mine was by far the worst player/GM I've played with. He was every shitty stereotype that fa/tg/uys suffer from.
>Once got into an argument because he thought that a d12 didn't give you as good of a 50/50 roll as a d%
>Always bragged about his awesome builds yet got incredibly butthurt if you ever find a way around it.
>Never gave loot and would frequently force us to destroy any high level loot the enemy had on them (i.e. you slice through his sword as you cleaved through him in one swing).
>Never properly balanced encounters and would threaten to nerf certain abilities if they allowed us to win an encounter that was way past our level.
>Once threw a d20 across the room because the rest of the party killed him in PvP, which almost broke a window and hit another member of our college's tabletop club in the leg.
>Slapped with sexual harassment claims on multiple occasions and even went as far as to follow a chick into an elevator when she avoided him.

Would you feel like doing something when some fatass just dropped 400 pounds of weight on your body? If it was focused on a specific point, it'd count as murder.

I'm just saying it was closer to sexually abusing the rapist

Congratulations, you've met a marine. Yes, they are all like that.

Clearly the tables have turned.

What the fuck was the d20 made of?

It pretty much bounced off a window and ricocheted into someone who was sitting a few feet in front of it. Luckily nobody was seriously hurt but it was still pretty shitty considering the room we played in was small and the reason his character died was because of his own stupidity.

Not sure if anyone ITT cares about the specifics though.

>tfw the worst DM you've ever had was named Connor

Why not? How did he get his character killed, and was there any fallout for his spergy outburst?

>tfw your name is Connor and the last real game you played was when you and your group were 13

Was getting caught part of his plan?

...

This dude who was really self consious and couldn't take some light teasing. the dudes a week away from 18 but still thinks nice people are boring and that popularity is the most important thing there is. I want to both teach and nurture him as well as crack open his skull for being such a tard

Had this one guy, everyone called him John because he refused to tell anyone his actual name. Would come in when high, but that was fine because he was pretty chill when high and would get along with everyone else. It was when he wasn't high that was the problem, because he was a raging asshole for the day or two after his supply ran out. Ended up kicking him from the group, because he tried to beat the shit out of a high schooler that played with us when she made a joke about him during one of his dry spells. Guy eventually got himself arrested because he tried to shoot his dealer a month or two later.

Otherwise, never had any issues with any of my players.

There was an ex marine who fig this exact description at my LGS who stopped coming about a year ago...

I knew an absolute nightare of a DM who only ever used to run published adventures. He would read them page by page as the adventure ran, never prereading or preplanning anything. If players ever did anything that wasnt on the fucking page he was reading, he would either throw a tantrum or maim/kill that character in the next encounter. He rolled dice behind a screen but never looked at them, saying that he was keeping the game on course, using the rolls to make every monster hit 100% of the time and cause maximum damage. He considered anything apart from melee (because he couldnt be arsed to read up on the rules) as cheating, so mages could never find spells, archers could never find arrows, cavalry could never find anywhere to fight from horseback etc. He regarded character deaths as funny and would mock players when they died to unavoidable deaths. I quite his last campaign after a few sessions of this shit, to find out he had later ended the campaign by killing off everyone else in a final session. Wanker.

>Tried to shoot his dealer
And both you and the girl who he almost beat up, quite literally, dodged a bullet kicking him.

I've had this sort of thing happen so much in forum games and IRC games. It's always the furries who pull shit like this, too.

>Wanted a furry lion boyfriend
Stop this. Just stop it.

This doesn't surprise me at all. The marines are the goddamn special snowflakes of the US military. Even in an organization that consists almost entirely of dick-measuring contests, they're the most enthusiastic about dick-measuring. They've always got to have their own special gear variants and they always look down on the other branches.

The difference is that when you tell a marine "no" and he inevitably throws an infantile tantrum, he's likely to cause property damage and bodily harm to everyone around him, because they're all a bunch of maladjusted weirdos.

So basically this is what happened.
>Playing 5e, which was relatively new at the time we started the campaign.
>He was playing a LE sorcerer in a party of good/neutral characters.
>Roleplayed him as an intellectual, ended up being an idiot who made dumb decisions all the time.
>Anyways, we're in a cave investigating this cult.
>Come across a weird smoke that basically tempted us with power or whatever.
>His character immediately decides to betray the party after talking to this smoke for 10 minutes.
>Final encounter of the campaign against head cultist, sorcerer decides to use scorching ray on our Cleric.
>Cleric had second highest AC in our party.
>Missed all three shots.
>Me (a Rogue) and the Cleric proceed to beat the shit outta him while the rest of the party dealt with the cultist leader.
>Ended the fight by stealing his arcane focus (a cane) and beating his character death.
>Moments later, he threw a D20 across the room and bitched about how bullshit 5e was.

What did he expect the party to do when his sorcerer attacked them? What a nut, my man. Makes for a crazy story.

The dude's problem is that he never learns from his mistakes and gets really defensive if you point out his flaws, while he himself is hyper critical of every mistake that you make in his presence.

In the end, there's a reason nobody in our mutual friends circle deals with him and if they do, it's out of pity.

thats what he gets for not using saving throw spells, and also for trying to take on an entire party in melee range as a sorcerer of all things.

What made it so much funnier was how he bitched endlessly about how shitty 5e was compared to 3.PF while ignoring or forgetting every basic rule that would've helped him.

In three months of play, he never spent a single sorcery point, he hadn't picked any metamagics, yet he complained about how shitty and basic sorcerers were while spamming scorching ray and burning hands in each encounter that he was a part of.

It was satisfying beating him to death, my character still has his cane (covered in dried blood of course.).

Tonya.
Never said or did a fucking thing, turns out she was crafting voodoo dolls to attack the party.

Had another bitch, who's name I forget who relayed everything her character did via notes to bf, the gm.

I seriously wanted to beat both of them with a shovel.

Thats part of being immature and young, i was like that and believe me, life punches you harder

Two players were shit. They kept killing one another and derailing the game. Eventually they stopped being retards and turned out to be decent human beings.

Dustin.
Always tried to play a literal king. No matter how many times I told him no he'd still try and command NPCs "because I am the king."
Would deliberately ignore plot hooks and any sense of direction "for the lulz." He once tried to play SimCity by buying up property and refusing to do anything else.
Played Changelings who, you guessed it, imitated royalty.
Fat as fuck. Actually broke one of my chairs when he sat in it. Didn't even offer to pay to replace it.
Acted like he was the hottest shit ever to exist.

I hope he's gameless and friendless by now.

Fucking what?

Dragging this name out of the dust just to repost these.

I present: the saga of John Cloudraven.

...

...

Man FUCK kyle

Fucking what, guy should be tossing out massive damage AOE spells every other second, is he retarded.

...

that resolution man
I could probably read it but it would be painful to try

Do you have that in a non-terrible resolution?

imgur.com/a/SS1Q2

This was my first campaign that lasted longer than 3 sessions. Thank god the other people in that group got me into a kick-ass Deathwatch game after it collapsed.

The fuck was he a serial killer?

Sadly no. These are old and poorly screencapped.

It hasn't been proven.

Anyone hear the stories of people playing with the spoonyone like LordKat and end up horrified that such a person like that exist?

who?

youtube.com/watch?v=GJb7ed3ueLk

Where you guys keep finding all these terrible players? Terrible Players r Us?

I've never seen such a self-absorbed autist. The fuck was that guy's deal?

What the fuck is this guy's problem?

King Bastard is such an edge master. WTF is his deal?

Jon
>minmaxed to beat hell
>typical PF player "why don't we play pathfinder instead"
>takes 20 minutes to decide anything
>haven't heard anything in character from him at all
Every time he plays there is no second session

>Always bragged about his awesome builds yet got incredibly butthurt if you ever find a way around it.
By the dice gods I hate these shits. The worst are the ones who think they're good at it but don't know dick about the system.

Shitthatdidn'thappen.txt

forgot i had these saved

Ask the store owner if you can keep some febreeze on hand. Mace him with it whenever he comes in.

I was locked up for two years for drug charges and while inside I hear there are guy who play 4E DnD. So I decided to join them since I wasn't worried about getting raped or whatever. After two months the GM of the group gets out leaving no one to run a game so I decide to do so. The worst guy is this fat fucker who I learned later was jailed for stealing panties from a ladies gym locker room on top of other things. So every time we were talking about playing, he'd talk about Rifts and it got annoying. So when I start my game, he wants to convert his elven cyborg with rocket fist and plasma rifle to 4E in a game that's set in a low magic setting. I tell him no and he goes on a fit about railroading and how I'm a shit DAM (at this point I haven't even started GMing for them yet). He ends up playing a Human Fighter who goes creepy fast, hitting on the barmaids, sneaking into a princess's room, ect. He ends up dying to a flaming skull. He then decides he wants to play a Goblin NPC that the group is trying to get civil rights for (long story and not something I planned). His first move is to go up to a guard and ask for where he can buy drugs, then bites the guard and gets the goblin killed. He got jumped the next day and I never found out who beat him so badly.

...

I've been around chill 'support' role ex-marines, like a radar operator and some kind of technical sergeant.

Straight up infantry though, they're all fucked in the head. Had one throw a shitfit because the FLGS didn't allow him to open carry a handgun inside.

I’m a marine. Fuck you, bro. Whip your dick out right the fuck now and post it and we’ll see who’s gay, faggot.

1: most gym rats are weak as fuck. They can't fight their way out of a paper bag. All their muscle is for show, not for go.

2: pepper spray his retard ass if he shows up.

3: call the cops on him if he refuses to leave you alone. I garauntee a pencil dick like him won't be able to resist yaking s swing at the cops. No longer your problem.

>Enormously overweight fuck

Played with a guy just like that called Chris. Chris, if you're reading this, fuck you fat cheating manchild cunt.

I am kinda That Guy in this WH40k RPG group I'm in. I play an Eldar and everytime the GM starts doing stuff with my character he asks me to name the Eldar from my background that occasionally crop up. Just to fuck with him I always say they're called "Tim" or "Geoff". I know it's childish but the way his face crumples in dissapointment and irritation every time is just beautiful.

Also, I'm here to fucking shoot shit and stab humans, if he wants to give me a backstory that's fine, but he can fucking think up the gay elf names.

Jack, it's me, Chris.
I'm NOT overweight, you fucking retard liberal shit, it's just big bones, I get it from my mother! I'm glad I don't play with you anymore, you cheating lying piece of fuck!

Kys

I’m a firm believer that playing a LE character can work in a Good/Neutral party if they play true to LE. Nobody ever finds out you were the real villain.

Goddamn, I love these.

Nobody knows. He got kicked after the party mutinied, and he promised that his next character would be even more of a horrible bastard.

Rude.

Was he actually roleplaying his character making love to someone while speaking with other people over the fucking vox? Did he seriously think that was anything besides cringy?

He was, although he seemingly forgot he was Family-jewels deep in his paramour around the time he ordered several thousand men tossed into the warp. We played over text, so it wasn't too excessively abhorrent. I don't believe I have the logs handy anymore, sadly.