Bites work both ways

I remember making this joke when I interrupted a facebook chat between this weirdo from my math class and a friend of a friend that was a gay Wiccan.

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It's an abstract kind of disease.

In the zombie Russia disease gets infected with you.

>being a normal human itself is a disease
Yeah, it's called cancer.

"Zombism can be quantified in two spheres of application: the biological and the metaphysical. In the biological sphere, it can be quantified as a disease, but one that cannot be explained entirely by the biological sciences. After all, a corpse should not be able to move. The rest is filled in by the metaphysical sphere, which is zombism (like vamprism) being an instance of the corrupting nature of Evil perverting the innocent.

While a true cure in the biological sphere is impossible (again, the effect is beyond biological science) there do exist methods in the metaphysical sphere in the form of divine exorcism and the forgiving, redeeming nature of Good. A sufficient proxy for the forces of Good can thus use the same methaphysical delivery methodology to enforce their own paradigm change in a subject. However, the standards for such a proxy are quite high. I would recommend instead performing an exorcism to purify the dead and lay them to rest.

Curing a zombie via bite can be done, but only by a high prelate such as the Catholic Pope or an equivalent position. It should also be noted that this will not return poor soul to life, but merely save their soul and render them no longer compelled by evil forces. Essentially, a good zombie. Such good zombies are not themselves able to spread the bite further, until such a time as they are ordained as a priest of sufficient status."

-Theodore Hammond, 'What I Learned Drinking with Skeletons'

Carl's not gonna survive. It's time to accept that, OP.

What if the only way to cure a werewolf is to have two werewolves bite each other, one becomes a full wolf and the other a man?

You'd have to find someone willing to bite a rotting corpse.

>zombies as an allegory for Pure Evil
>zombies as an allegory for [disliked politicial ideology]
>zombies as allegory for consumerism
>zombies as allegory for depression
>zombies as allegory for substance addiction
>zombies as the next step for humanity

What do you think they'll do next? Zombies as allegory for nymphomania/satyriasis?

An episode of Doraleous and Associates did that

youtube.com/watch?v=GtDMtsmaFRU

>gay wiccan
Thats what we call redundant

Not really. Wicca is pretty much a textbook case of a dude that wrote a religion with the intention of becoming neck deep in troubled pussy. These days it's for loser dudes who want to be surrounded by loser chicks, but it's not really for the gays.

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>Zombies as allegory for nymphomania/satyriasis?
Nah, that's vampires

zombies are an allegory of creative sterility

Your bite may cure the zombie, but you take on its curse and become a zombie.

>tfw you realize zombies as a concept peaked 32 years ago in a movie where Joe Pilato screams out the phrase "monkey farm"

I wish they would at least ease the pain by stepping their game up but no, nothing but constant regurgitation of "muh realistic survival scenario" and people keep gobbling it up with a smile

>people keep gobbling it up with a smile
>Zombie fans are vapid, braindead consumers who mindlessly gorge on the same thing over and over again

Do we even need George Lucas for this one?

>being a normal human itself is a disease, and being a zombie is the natural state of humanity

>when zombies bite humans, they become humans

>if you get bitten by a pervert, you become one

>if you get molested by a pervert you become one

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Isnt that how it worked in Killer Tomatoes?

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