Hi, I've recently released a new tabletop game called Cast World (short for "Cant Anyone Save The World?")...

I really struggle to imagine anyone would come to Veeky Forums to advertise without being aware of Veeky Forums but hey, all things are possible.

Oh where could I find it :)

First off the bat;
>$2.49 for a game system
>designed for 3-7 players + Dungeon Master
>3d6
>races such as woodfolk, oxkin and hollow
>Class based system
>two different types of resolution for combat/noncombat

I haven't bought the system, but it does sound like it's going to be a tough sell.

First, if you don't release the core rules, no-one's going to know how to play the game, and so no-one's going to try spreading the system.
I may strongly suggest letting the core rules be free, and charging for addons such as scenarios and helpful things like PDF character sheets, cheat sheets, dungeon master cards and monster stat blocks.

Second, sounds kind of furry.

What's the core mechanic for the game? Beating a target number? Getting under a certain number? The latter sounds like GURPS.

I used Veeky Forums back in the good o' days of highschool. I know what it can be like. But I also know that there are plenty of people willing to give me a fair go.

>comes to advertise his game
>doesn't even manage to tell us what the game is about
Fuck off.

Yeah...it's worse now...Sadly

Roll over for combat, roll under for ability challenges. I borrowed the best parts of games that I like, and made a system that works surprisingly well.

Here's the sample, pulled it from the site.

>Onion Knight
>Prerequisites: The player is below 16 years of age, cannot be multiclassed.

wat
Seriously, we'll need at LEAST the core mechanic of the game before we can start trash talking it.

How are we going to give any feedback if we can't actually see the rules? See

So I need to extend the preview? Ok.

this is one of the most cringey things i've read in a hot minute. i really hope english is your second language

said about the Manbearpig the better.

The less said about it.*

I included it as a joke originally, but I can't remove it because it works too well.

Yeah, it might be nice to read, see how it works

(Can it be replaced? XD)

Do you think that making the core rules free would increase the sales of modules?

While it's a relatively minor point, I'd always recommend for most systems to have a good central core mechanic that explains the system, and have that early on, rather than later. How do you know what is good in races and classes if you don't know how the game works?

A quick free rules-start guide without any races or classes etc tends to be a good suggestion, too, since people won't tend to buy a game that they don't even know how it works, fluff and setting aside.

I would definitely cut out your intro letter and give some idea of what default and brave actions are.

Honestly, I don't rate the game that much. Your intro is... a thing, and I can tell this is important to you, but I don't see why I would buy and play this. The Onion Knight thing is kind of cute but maybe just don't have a really shitty class in the first place if you have to sub it out for underage players are the table. And the only interesting thing about that special replacement class is it uses OP equipment? That isn't interesting.

I don't know what your Privateer or Soldier or whatever actually does. Is it only what's listed in the preview? The classes seem to basically be an ability or maybe two abilities in that case, and of what's shown there's a few that are just a minor combat trick? I would suggest consolidating all of these and making them more interesting.

It's harsh but you aren't going to make money off this game whichever route you choose to go down.

Why are there eight stats, two of which (Piety and Birthright) seem very narrow?
What is even the point of the Onion Knight class, and why is it age restricted?
What's the general hook? Why should I play this over anything else?

You're not going to earn more than a couple of bucks anyway.

That's a good idea! Thank you!

Not sure, perhaps do similar thing done with 5e d&d or gurps, call it simple, where you get the basic rules but not all the character creation options.
But I am not the best one to talk in such things. I personally would suggest nice introduction to the idea first.

It doesn’t really say anything about the design phillsophy nor the theme. The only information I get about what kind of game it is, is that it’s supposedly gor both classic and modern roots (does this mean modern storygames? Or WotC-style?), and some races. Nothing about what kind of experience or genre it’s attempting to replicate. I don’t really get a sense of its identity, of what it’s trying to DO as a game.

I want this game to be fast to pick up and play, even if I sacrifice longevity in exchange. So yes, the classes are basic to begin with, but the system as a whole will be extended in future. I already have a module waiting to release.

PIT and BIR are there to reinforce the world, where gods are actual, tangible characters.
The onion knight started as a reference to Final Fantasy, and is more flavour than function.
This game is simple to learn and play, ideally. You can finiah the bundled adventure in an hour.

It's supposed to be sword and sorcery, but I guess I didn't make that clear enough.

There needs to be a Veeky Forums version of this

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait.

"This class can use the brave action"
"This class can use the default action"

What is this, is this ripping off Bravely Default?

Could some terrible art works be done for monsters be sent your way?

It's a nod. It only affects one turn into the future.

I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather comission them so that I own the copyright.

>begin reading text
>self deprecating drivel
>jump to end of page
>self deprecating drivel
>jump to middle
>more self deprecating drivel

I just can't read this.

No, you didn’t.

Do you actually run this system? Was it playtested? Did it just arise as a bundle of houserules? Because it doesn’t seem to have an identity, or at least that identity isn’t visible in the blurb, the introduction, nor the art.

I built thia wanting to make an original game. I have run it, and it worked well, but that was with friends as playtesters. This negative feedback is just as good as positive feedback, if not better.

OK, ladies and gents. It's been a pleasure talking with you. I understand now that I need to highlight the game mechanics more clearly. I'll probably make a rules lite version of this rules lite game.

Thanks!

So you need to get 14 on a 3d6 to avoid being a terrible shitfarmer.
First, why?
Second, math. You only have a 16.2% chance to get 14 in any given stat. Do you understand why this is a problem?

>PIT and BIR are there to reinforce the world
Then why are they made just as important as Strength and Intelligence?

The race names and kid-oriented stuff makes me think this will be a cutesy cartoony game. Not exactly what I think of when I hear ”sword and sorcery”.

But in any case, you need to have a strong pitch. Like a one-sentence description of what the game is about. We can only judge its success if we know what its design intent is. And if you can’t present it clearly then it makes us assume you don’t know either.

Look at some successful indie games on that site and see how they pitch their core concept:
”an old-school-inspired game of sci-fi adventure, one built from the ground up to encourage sandbox play and simplify a GM's job in providing it.”
”a sinister and horrific twist on traditional fantasy gaming. Simple enough for a beginner yet meaty enough for the veteran, this game will make all your worst nightmares come true.”

After a read through the posted material, I don't like it. Races don't seem to do anything other than be a different skin for a player to wear which is fine, but not my preference. There's also some atrocious grammar mistakes throughout.

My major gripe is that classes are terrible in many ways. First of all, I generally dislike the idea of pity classes, the game should either be forgiving for all players or it should be unapologetic for all players. Kids hate being treated like they are inferior because they are younger once they get past age 7 or so, and adults often love going back and reliving past experiences. Onion Knight shits on both the young and the old.

Second, not being able to choose your class is cancer. I have no problem with classes gated behind stat requirements that you might not roll at character creation, but from the little of the class section that is available to read it seems like there is one class for each stat above 14. Where's the choice though? There should always be options, what if I want to play as a traditionally strength-based class that dual wields axes like a berserker or as a barbarian runs half naked into the fray with a great maul as large as himself is? There are no options for this that I can see; fighter is a wrestling class while soldier is an armored defender. Choice should always exist and be supported by mechanics.

I would consider giving your entire class system an overhaul. I generally like the idea of building character progression by leveling up in classes to unlock the requirements for advanced classes, but there should be more choice all around. I should have a handful of base classes with little or no requirements to start as, classes that I can start as with moderate requirements if I meet them at character generation, and classes with amazing abilities that I should be striving to obtain. Each class needs more than just a handful of starting passive benefits, they should get nice things as they level up.

That's what the Lamentations of the Flame Princess and Basic Fantasy RPG guys do, and it seems to work for them.

Sorry, but you can rearrange the rolls into whatever stat you want. You can roll "down the line", but that's not necessary. The only classes that are really locked are the prince and onion knight.

I'm definitely going to make a preview or rules lite version, at the bare minimum.

>prince
Have to be royalty. It's a pretty tough class to play.

You're missing my point. I can choose to focus on an attribute, but there's only one way to focus on each attribute. Based on what I saw there is 1 strength class, 1 dexterity class, 1 constitution class, 1 intelligence class, 1 charisma class, etc. Lets say I roll decent stats and want to play a guy that dual wields hand axes; a light-weight skirmisher type, someone good at jumping into the fray, axing a few questions, and jumping back out. What class do I choose?

>and was recommended that I post about it here.
Who would tell you such lies

>trying to be a generalist in a classist system

I think it's a valid question. Don't get me wrong though, "Play a different system," is totally a valid answer to my question, but I have doubts that OP realizes how limited the system he's created is and he asked for feedback.

>Barbarian fighter isn't much of a generalist.

You're supposed to buy it to find out you stupid goy.

You also need to think about what your selling point is. What would someone's reason be to choose this over a compact retro game like B/X, or LotFP, or a cute game like Ryuutama, or a gritty one Warhammer Fantasy? What makes it unique, what makes it stand out?

Is this a bright game about saving the world, like the name implies, or one where you play a shitfarming pauper?

I would do what Sine Nomine does. Make most of the game free, more than you need to play it, but have a for-pay version with some extra stuff so that people who want to support you can feel like they're getting something out of it.

The fact that you are here and posting this tells me this just won't work out.
Trying to get into the RPG market is hard
Trying to do anything like profit in the RPG market is even harder
You might make it if you keep at it regardless of pitfalls, provided people enjoy the ruleset
But if you're here to make money, just stop now unless you've got a covert DnD killer here which you obviously don't

Fantasy Heartbreakers
by Ron Edwards
2002-04-01

indie-rpgs.com/articles/9/