Which animal would be best suited to be a lich's familiar and why?

Vultures, as they can find corpses.

>Adventurers are struggling across the barren wasteland that is the Lich's domain.
>The barren wasteland has no plants larger than scrub brush, vultures circie in the sky.
>The party ranger keeps insisting that they are "eyes of the corpse-lord" and shooting at them.
>The party comes across an ancient tortoise in an old river bed... the tortoise is evidently fallen on its side, and bakes in the sun.
>Party universally agrees to right the tortoise and offer it water and rations from their provisions.
>After a short drink and a thoughtful munch: the tortoise performs a Greater Teleport and disappears.
>Party makes it to the Lich's stronghold.
>Greeted at the front door by the Lich and his Tortoise.
"WELL, SINCE BARNABAS LIKES YOU, I'M GOING TO JUST CLOSE UP SHOP IN THESE PARTS. YOU'RE NOT ALL THAT BAD, EVEN IF YOU ARE SOME MEDDLING KIDS."

>That's cute, but does the tortoise actual DO something?

It's cute and keeps the Lich company.
I'd also imagine that an immortal being like a Lich would be more interested and emotionally invested in keeping a pet that can easily live to 200 years as he'd actually have a meaningful amount of time to come to appreciate it as opposed to some other creature with a trivial life span of 12 or 20 years.

Also a Lich who's a fan of tortoises would be an interesting quirk: maybe he even has a little tortoise shaped broach or clasp on his robe instead of a cliche skull.

>vultures
no you fools, vultures would be staunch enemies of the lich because they eat corpses, bones and all. I can't think of a less suitable animal for a person who gets their power from raising corpses and being a corpse himself.

I love that we have all collectively agreed that skeletons in general have no inside voice and yell constantly

That's only one particular kind of vulture who eats bones specifically.

A giant ant because ants can become RL undead.

Lobster, they can't die of old age

but, they do die from disease and especially violence

They can die from getting to big though

well, those things can be solved with magic

Blame Pterry.

>lich enters castle
>Vulture lands on his back and begins screeching and furiously pecking at him
>lich rolls up a magic scroll and begins whacking the vulture with it
>"No Perry! Bad Perry! No eating Master!"
>"Pick a vulture they said, it'll be thematic they said... I'm getting a tortoise next."

Undead moose

Don't liches spend most of their time astrally projecting?

>"I'm telling you, Corpselord, rats are the way to go, they're loyal to a fault and can distract pesky adventurers trying to break into your lair."
>"Sanguinis, for the last time, I already have my vultures, and honestly I don't particularly care for the idea of cleaning up after a bunch of rodents."
>"Oh, because tortoises are so much cleaner, right?"

Hey, if a lich wants to go out and do dirty work with his own two hands who am I to say no?

>*Door swings open* HA, you nefarious spawn of satan! You thought you could evade justice by deploying your undead sentinels? Your necrotic turtle was no match for my blade!

>"You killed Terry? what the fuck man."

>the turtle isn't even dead, it just got flipped onto it's back and kicked into a corner

>tfw some retard kills the turtle who was your only living friend

The finest zoologists from the most expensive menageries in all the land swear that turtles die instantly when they get flipped over, its a fact supported by experts and the church.

Greenland shark. It laughs at those 200 year old whippersnapper turtles.

>The lich spreads rumors about tortoises around the land

>Party breaks into the lich's lair, spots terry idly munching on some lettuce
"Holy shit, this lich much be even more powerful than we reckoned, he has *turtles* under his sway!"
"Fuck man, think we should leave this? We are nowhere near qualified for this job"
"No, wait, I think I have an idea"
>Stealthily approaches the tortoise from behind, flips it on its back in one swift move
>Slightly confused tortoise rolls back onto its feet
>party runs screaming from the castle

yea but do you know what foul, hideous smells are created from a wet lich? its a lot easier to give headpats to a tortoise than to a shark which you need some kind of body of water for. water that's probably already corrupted because the lich accidentally spat in it or something.

>the tortoise is evidently fallen on its side, and bakes in the sun
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT HELPING?

Could a monk become a lich?

Not by choice, no.

I somewhat simple-minded dwarf

Hyena.

Nocturnal, scavenger, fierce, vultures with fur.

I love this idea.

Monk: I challenge you to single combat!
Lich: I so accept. But do you seriously expect to defeat a master of Dead Man's Hand style!
Monk: But that's impossible! The last master of Dead Man's Hand died long ago!
Lich: I am a necromancer you know? Now prepare yourself for mortal combat!

Perfect.

THAT LOOKS SO SOFT.

Holy fuck, I now want one of those. How would I take it for walks? Where would I find corpses to feed it? Does it like belly rubs?

source?

>Does it like belly rubs
Don't most animals?

>How would I take it for walks?
You don't, they mostly fly, and they fly for a long time and really, really high. A type of vulture is known to be the highest flying bird on record, so good luck tracking it if its disloyal.

>Where would I find corpses to feed it?
They would find them on their own with their typical bird of prey eyesight.

>Does it like belly rubs?
Head rubs are probably better.

does humans?

cute

>Dead Man's Hand style
Shit dude, now I'm curious what that would actually look like.

Now that we know that a tortoise is the best lich familiar, is a vulture the best one to use against a lich?

>You don't, they mostly fly, and they fly for a long time and really, really high. A type of vulture is known to be the highest flying bird on record, so good luck tracking it if its disloyal.
Oh fuck ya, I'd basically have a fuzzy kite as a buddy. I still think I should provide it with a corpse or two, maybe I'll get him a leash, and ride my bike with him on wild adventures.

It's a fun idea, perhaps a monk reverse engineered, or ascended via enlightenment to lichdom.

This turtle thing is a muse.

Well, they occasionally walk/sprint but they look pretty goofy doing it. That said being scavengers, they obviously won't oppose to a fresh meal too.

it's doing the hammy monster walk ffs! if not sutible for liches maybe it could be the animal companion of an evil ranger?

Some kind of extremely painful style which consists of wildly throwing empty punches with a kind of planned reckless abandon which often to always causes your hands and body parts as well as what they are hitting, to break.

YES
yes we do

It looks pretty hilarious. Do you have any more wembs of nature stuff? Clearly you have good taste.

Clearly he's a Necromancer's companion. I'd call him Rump Feaster and we'd want in spooky unison to string-based sneaky music.

>Hmmmmmm, yessss

Maybe combined with generally slow movement punctuated by lightning quick attacks, like you're essentially acting like a zombie to disguise what you're going to do next?

I am now picturing a Lich literally throwing a fist at an adventurer.

I have more vultures

One of those jellyfish capable of restarting their life cycle, enchanted to swim through the air and jam-packed with protective spells to protect its squishy body.
Friends forever.

>An immortal undead that knows literally every martial arts style that has ever existed, from Dragon Fang Fist to Goblin Suckerpunch
Shit dude, that sounds more of a nightmare to beat than the standard lich.

...

Would it even have a phylactery? Would it be a gong, as some claim in Bali to house a spirit?

>deadman's hand
Oh I've got this. It's a form of gunkata that involves drawing fast, and shooting head shots. In melee combat, you strike with open palm attacks, with sternum busting power. Blocked punch, arm, arm, shoulder, stomach stomach stomach, chest, followed by a shriek; heart explosion.

It's a Buddhist Lich. To free the soul you must first realize there is no soul. Rather than placing the fire somewhere else it was just snuffed out.

>Would it even have a phylactery?
It would probably be less of a conscious choice of vessel and more an unintentional passing of the soul to something nearby, like an animal companion or a big rock. You know, becoming one with the world around them taken to the spiritual extreme.

>The Lich went through a martial arts phase a few centuries ago.

>He combined his martial arts and magical knowledge

>He made his own dojo and populated it with skeletons

Rocket punch skeletons,

>become a lich just so you don't have to worry about overdosing when "astrally projecting"
>finally "astrally project" into the 7th Heaven of Mt. Celestia
>realize you could had just lived well and gone there for good
>become a paladin
>still stay "astrally projecting" as fuck all the time
Your party runs into a skeleton with glowing crimson eye sockets, wearing wizard robes and wielding what appears to be a Holy Avenger, paying you no attention in favor of quietly giggling to some private joke. Wat do?

>What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
>No, I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

Ascend or Die, there is no try.

>"Hēi'àn Zhǔ, I find your teachings completely unsound! The way of the monk is through perfection of the body and spirit, but by definition you possess neither, therefore you cannot ever hope to attain true perfection of form!"
>"Ah, young one, you are blinded by your own senses. What is the body, but a vessel for the mind? What is the spirit, but the mind choosing to acknowledge itself? You who seek the truth of all things are yourself constrained by your own limitations of your pre-conceived notions of what perfection truly is."

>0:17
>Swiggity swooty, comin for that booty

I didn't realize vultures were actually cute

It’s official now: Liches have pet tortoise for ages and weave spells into their carapace and bones to make them live even longer and healthier

...

Oh damn, I follow you on DA. Good shit dude.

>here's your turtle

If you have a tumblr I'm a lot more active there!
kookriart.tumblr.com/

I should try and post more to DA though.

In any case, thank you!

do they spend enough of their time underwater that keeping them in a tank like that is humane?

>That's one fuckin nice turtle right there!

Yes. Alligator Snapping Turtles (which is what that pic is) tend to spend most of their life under water, though that kind of tank is too small. It's obviously a temporary enclosure, as generally you tend to want a significantly larger size tank for members of that species, as they need space to move and grow.

And yes, they can grow bigger than that

>tortoise performs a greater teleport
>mfw Party sees a fucking dry turtle perform higher level spells than they can after it just got stuck on its fucking side and nearly died

>The lesson was compassion and friendship all along!

...

And Skeletor, the screaming skeleton on the other end of the sliding scale of dignity and gravitas.

>Lich that likes and has a turtle
I had a similar idea a while back. It feels much less stupid seeing it come from others besides myself.

Most animals don't like randomly having their stomach, where their vital organs can be disemboweled from them, touched unless they trust you. Even a house cat can bite you if they don't want to be touched there.

perfect

Yes. Check out Sokushinbutsu.
Instead of a phylactery to keep them immortal, th monk's develop a "mantra" or "nenbutsu" in a drug-infused meditative state brought upon by ingesting a tea brewed with poisonous herbs.
This mantra/etc is like a nugget of enlightenment that allows for one to live forever. Instead of evil, these undead are more likely to be Lawful Neutral or True Neutral.

They've got a word for self mummification but not one for "dignity", apparently

Dignity is an illusion

They actually put them on the mummy because its eyeballs rotted out and it looked even creepier than before.

A skeletal reanimated parrot. You can call it the Ex-ex-parrot.

I just assumed he liked coca cola and surfing

>Goblin Suckerpunch
Is that just pretending to surrender then decking your opponent across the face?

Oh god, I just had a flashback to Morrowind. Fucking Cliff racers.

Indeed, vultures are the noblest of paladin companions.

Alongside ravens, starfish and mold.

>Where would I find corpses to feed it?
Actually feeding it fresh fruits and meats is far, far better for them. As for bellyrubs... birds are more of ahugs and headrubs kind

Vultures are quite social too

Tortoises are nice and all, but Tigers is where it's at!