ITT: best race

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It's not going to generate entertaining rage. It's too obvious. Even the vanishingly rare few who actually defend Kender don't consider it best of anything.

If you had asked "What's with all the hate? They don't seem bad to me. Is this just a le ebic Veeky Forums may-may?" or something on those lines you would havwe gotten rage.

Not this. This just makes me feel sad.

Bust still mission acomplished. I'm responding.

What's with all the hate? They don't seem bad to me. Is this just a le ebic Veeky Forums may-may?

But don't you see? The post is like the Kender. It's too forced to be good.
The Kender, in theory, aren't such a bad idea. But they tried too hard to offset their "stealing" with things that would make them likeable.

The best race is obviously Yikes!

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ADHD is not an endearing trait and it does not make up for kleptomania.

No, but they made them have happy-go-lucky attitudes, be loyal to their friends, "likeable", hate thieves and tyrannical laws, and their stealing is always described in such a way that obviously intends to be cute.

Except that none of those things are endearing.

> Happy-go-lucky attitudes
Irresponsible and irreverent

>be loyal to their friends
That they don't have or are an active burden to

>"likeable"
No evidence of this

>hate thieves
Hypocrisy

>tyrannical laws
By whose standards? Also predisposition to be law breakers.

>and their stealing is always described in such a way that obviously intends to be cute.
Except that it never actually is. Having your stuff repeatedly stolen by an asshole midget who then lies about it is not "cute".

Kender are the worst race in an official rpg that aren't obviously the writers fetish being inserted into the work.

What were they thinking when writing them up?

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How can theft be real if personal property isn't real?

I'd say you're right, but then I remembered the Irda.

>Irda
Dammit, blue chicks with big tits are my fetish!

dandwiki.com/wiki/Irda_(3.5e_Race)
Their backstory is pretty ridiculous though.

Jaden Smith would make a perfect Kender

They obviously wanted to make a cute race.

For you.

Evidently the authors thought otherwise.

What about one of your players declaring they are going to have their PC be a Kender Xaositect?

So they were advocating fucking retarded children and impregnating them then?

Since half-Kender are a thing.

Fucking deviants.

Look, if you want an example of Kender in Action, just watch the Dragonlance film on youtube, quality is shit, but it covers the what, first three books?

Truth be told, they're actually not bad, and they don't "steal" persay, they've a thing for 'acquiring' objects they find interesting, then discarding them right after. They don't steal for thieverys sake, morrso for curiosity, and as from what I've read, this is something that is INCREDIBLY useful, as they're closer to a race that has Pokemon's Meowth's ability to pick up random crap that a party can grill them for later if in a pinch. People tolerate them because they goddanm know Kender are little annoying munchkins, but their ammorality is something to be feared- I.E there's a part in the Story where a Kender accidentally get's sent back in time, actually breaking the cosmic laws of time travel in the process, and the wizard that performed the ritual nearly has a fucking heart-attack when he realizes the horror of what he's done.

You know that one Veeky Forums story of the rogue who got a Lich to oneshot it's own Phylactery? That's a Kender in action- they're like that, useful nusiances.

The infamy comes from shit players misinterpreting how these things play and sees it as an excuse to play a TESIV/V Rogue with total ammorality to stealing everything.

A Kender is more likely to 'accidentally' pick up mundane objects that are actually high level things they can't identify, or otherwise, manifest a key talent that is incredibly useful to a party later on, I mean there was that one time whatshisface nabbed translation glasses and pretty much started translating ancient lost scripture I think.

The Kender that are fucked are the ones that actually got Self-awareness, and more or less became an entire species of Dangerous PCs

The annoying part about Kender is that they're more likely to steal from party members if only to show that they have like, right after when the realization hits, I.E nab a dagger, juggle it in front of a PC and then the PC realizes what just transpired- goes "OI CUNT" and then the kender gives it back.

Kender as a race concept are nonsensical to begin with and never would have been able to survive while adding nothing to the setting.

The fact they are an aggravating race of knockoff-Disney "meant to be cute but actually annoying and repulsive" mascot character is just the icing that draws even more disgust in others towards them in particular than the self-destructive gnome tinkerers or the literally retarded gimpy dwarves.

Gully dwarves, not gimpy dwarves

I know, was deliberately insulting them.

>picking on retards
watch out, we've got a badass over here

Gully Dwarves are literally retarded, they can't count pass 2.

Even Orks can count to 5.

So, gnome thread?

Gnomes really are the most pointless of the 'standard fantasy races in fiction'.

The only interesting thing applied to them, the tendency towards tinkering, can just be moved over to dwarves who are already known as a tech-adept race of nonhuman midget craftsmen in fantasy.

And of course all Gnomes need to be eradicated for the actions of their notJew-cousins in Arcanum.

So, how would Veeky Forums fix Kender?

By killing all the dipshit players that ruined them by using them as an excuse for 'hurr I stel from party'

I assume you're looking for an answer beyond "genocide".

So, how would Veeky Forums fix Kender without resorting to murder or some kind of violence, or magic that turns them into something else, or deleting them...?

Impossible.

The reason being you would just have halflings. Kender are halflings + asshole traits. If you remove asshole traits you just have a halfling.

They are a terrible concept to begin with, just play an actual halfling.

The best race for you is obviously

Make them feral and racially Evil, like dumber Duergar or something. Getting rid of the whole cutesy schtick in a meaningful way is pretty much all you need to do to make them non-insufferable.

Make them absolutely hated in Universe. Then make a point about how they don't really hate anyone in response.

>Dragonlance film on youtube
Link please?

So what you're saying is that Bilbo Baggins is actually a Kender, not a Hobbit?

He's a Burglar.

Fair enough.

You know what? The only difference between Kender and fairies, particularly the Tohuou-esque fairies that seem to be somewhat popular on Veeky Forums is the fact that one of them is better drawn than the other and can fly. Maybe if Kender weren't so frickin' ugly people would like them more. They look like hillbilly hobbits.

By making them KOTH flavoured Hobbits.

Christ not only are they annoying but they are so fucking ugly.

The guy doing the art must have been self-aware in making them ginger.

>Gully Dwarves are literally retarded, they can't count pass 2.
Nah, Two just means "More than One" to a Gully Dwarf, there are certain indigenous cultures that have a similar tendency. They have a word for one, a word for many, and that's all the counting they do in their daily lives.

I mean think about body parts, how many of the ones you can see come in more numbers than pairs?

Tohoho is pretty shit, its only so popular because its fanbase is made up of pedos and/or otaku which grow like mold in an abandoned basement.

Fingers? Toes?

Indigenous cultures are backwards retards and thats why they get wiped out by people that can count their bullets.

Goblins

I would sooner allow Kender in my game than this

Except fairies don't have "if you don't like them in spite of their thieving, pranking nature you're literally fantasy hitler" written in their description. What rubs people the wrong way is the fact that if you're a "good person", you're supposed to LIKE them, no matter what.

And if you read what Veeky Forums usually has to say about the fey, your average fa/tg/uy holds them in low regard for much the same reason they hold Kender in low regard: being annoying, ignoring mortal conventions and generally being a pain in the arse to interact with.

In fact, Kender act closer to the (unseelie) fey than they do actual halflings. They're like a proto-concept of 4th Edition's gnomes only instead of making something cool they made the failure that was the Kender.

...King of the Hill Hobbits?

>I killed fitty orcs!

>gnomes
>cool

Tinker gnomes are the only gnomes that are worth existing. Warcraft gnomes are the only gnomes to date that are not irredeemable shit. D&D might as well through their gnomes out of the rulebook for how much they suck.

Fairies are generally viewed as a pest in-setting and if they're caught breaking the law they have no protections due to the frequency they "borrow" things, because that's how people generally view those who partake in chronic thievery.

You are not getting the true point of gnomes.
Dwarves = underground-dwellers, miners, smiths, muh beard, muh axe.
Halflings = meadow-dwellers, happy go lucky, actually lucky, stealthy.
Gnomes = stealthy magical tricksters with natural attunement to magic.

Also, no-one seems to get kenders right. The many who hate them, the few who play them, arguably the authors themselves. Kender done right would be a race of extreme collectivists who will never actually steal from anyone, but will borrow your shovel without asking at any time to dig up potatos in their communal kitchengarden, and give you a share of their harvest even if you haven't asked for this.

Refer to this one.

You just admitted Kender are a terrible concept and then tried to insert your invented head-canon in its place.

You might as well throw out their appearance entirely and give your communist species their own look.

> Muh kenders must be assholes cuz its cannon

If you are going to remove all their dumb traits you might as well play a halfling in the first place.

>
Also, no-one seems to get kenders right. The many who hate them, the few who play them, arguably the authors themselves.
I read the books and hated the Kender already back then.

>Vedalken
>Tau
>Irda
>Others

Why is "blue-skinned smart race" such a trope?

You don’t have fairies in your game?

Fairy lives don't matter today.

My fairies aren't cute loli girls. They fucking eat your firstborn.

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I too enjoyed that movie

It was pretty much just diet-Shadowrun

Not many games do since fairies are weird.

What if, instead of using goblins as the low-tier fodder monster, we used Kender bards instead?

What if instead of shields we just strap lobotomized Kender to our arms

Every time they get hit by a monster, roll to see if they lift anything off them.

Or he could've posted a furshit race like kitsune, sergals, or...
chakats

...whats a chakats?

blue = smart

Hell of an opening you left there, pal.

Cultural stereotypes. Red = aggression, green = nature, blue = civilization.

Furry tauric lionfolk.

Some autistic furry called his sphinxes this and wrote a lot of autistic fanfiction about them. Ignore it.

I'd say blue = peaceful
grey = civilization.

Blue = love in India.
Blue = cold attitude and trickery in Japan.
Blue = Tzeench in Warhammer.
Blue = barbarism and nature in Avatar (the one with 3 meter tall catfolk).
Blue = water in Avatar (the one with element benders).
Blue = sky, humbleness, etc, in European heraldics.

Actually it means nobility in Europe. Blue pigments were EXPENSIVE, only the rich could afford blue clothes.

if we start bringing other cultures into it, then nothing means anything. red means luck in china.

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If I had ever once seen a Kender played right, I might be inclined to care. But no. I have only EVER seen them played as compulsive thieves that will rob their own party blind and claim immunity for any retribution because of shoddy writing.

It also doesn't help their case much that they are literally written in their description as cute and endearing, juxtaposed with the constant thievery. A better approach for kender would be acquiring having an element of randomness.

Say That Guy wants to play a kender rogue. Let him. He feels like screwing over the wizard, because he's That Guy, whom is currently playing a kender rogue, so he decides to 'borrow' the wizard's spellbook. He successfully rolls his pickpocket, GM rolls on a table behind a screen, tells him he succeeds. Guy smiles smugly and tries to antagonize the wizard, so he can reveal that he is holding the spellbook. Wizard gets antagonized, pulls out his spellbook, kender smugly reveals a small figurine of a horse that he nicked from the wizard's component pouch instead, because it caught he is and he is a fucking kender.

And this goes the other way, too. Party get's thrown in a jail cell, probably because That Guy, and they have no easy means of egress, They decide to try to pull a keyring off the wall, like every western ever. So they pull a loose thread on one of their tunics to make a string, but they need a hook or something to try grabbing the keyring with. "Oh, try this!" Offers the kender, as he hands them a wrought iron key.

No, purple means nobility

Is that why the Turks ate the Byzantine Empire?

Wrong. Royalty.

>A better approach for kender would be acquiring having an element of randomness.
This plus a will save to NOT steal things. And some other compulsive tics like hiding, tasting, touching, reading (things that are mostly harmless, but a creative DM can use to make things perilous) if the party really doesn't want to deal with a character having Kleptomania.

Good point, its basically a shield with a built-in enchantment.

Also emergency rations.

Okay, what the fuck is going on there?

>ebin

Manlets, when will they ever learn?

Willfrump Boddykin, greatest thief to walk the earth. He initially steals her drink, and uses the distraction of her retrieving the flaggon to steal the topmost layer of her clothing, whilst being held in the air.

But what happened with her clothes, hair and mug? Did he magically undress her but filled her mug with beer?

But why did he braid her hair?

Clearly his goal is to make her hotter. Why wouldn't he?

And fixed her pants. Truly, the greatest race ever.

incel hobbits?
naeh

>incest hobbits?
yaeh

NO FLESHBAG CAN COMPARE TO MACHINE PERFECTION. IMMORTAL ARE WE AND ALMIGHTY CRAFTER OF A BETTER UNIVERSE. REMOVE FLESHBAGS.

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