First game with a new group

>Jokes are VERBOTEN
>Being a pretentious cunt is mandatory
I'm glad I don't have to play with you.

Jokes are fine, just have some taste and do them when it's appropriate. Obviously the people at your table had a problem with your behavior, maybe you should take their feelings into consideration instead of doubling down on being an annoying twat. If you find it "pretentious" to actually roleplay, then maybe this isn't the right hobby for you.

>alaka-bal, become my best pal!
Not too hard OP

guys, dnd is srs business, no jokes are allowed, no smiles. if anyone cracks a smile they should be banished from the table.

If you started chanting this at my table, id allow that shit 100%.
Bonus points for Gryffindor.

>Hurr durr these words are roleplay
>Hurr durr these words aren't
Jawohl, mein Führer. Befehl mich wie ich Spaß machen soll!

I glad to see people in the hobby that not only can't understand the viewpoints of others, but also can't read. See you in two weeks when you're complaining about how the big bad evil group kicked you out for "being funnier than them."

Did you try communicating with your table about your feelings on the issue?
Or did you just assume that you're completely in the right and everyone else is a big meanie?
If you're the one sticking out like a sore thumb, then you're That Guy.

so you're gonna, what, force an ultimatum on them where you keep attending yet don't change your own attitude after a bad experience first session until they have to kick you and you invariably blame them because you clearly are a fucking ideal fit for THEIR free time and commitment to do something fun together?

go with the flow or get the fuck out of the creek before you drown, idiot.

...

>-"Yeah, it's more fun that way. Go on."
>"Oh, I see, DM. You the man. Uh... Chareem-Abdul-Jabbar. There."
>come to next session
>equip yourself only with spells that require a long, long ass casting time
>I mean looooong
>demand roleplaying XP after you're done giving six different speeches in The Sims language

Some people need time to prepare for something like that. The player and DM are both at fault if the group wanted a more serious tone for the campaign; that's something that should have been discussed long before a spell was ever cast to give the player time to come up with words and flavor it to their character. An easy solution would have been to handwave it for this time when the player was reluctant and then ask for the player to come up with something in the future or discuss why they don't want to do magic in that way.

OP, please. Just open up Lorem Ipsum and start reciting it whenever your GM demands. It's not that hard.

"bippity-boppity-eat-a-big-fat-dick"
oddly enough those are the words of power I recite for ALL my spells!

>cast Fireball
Aloha Snack bar

The ingredients for Summon Natures Ally is literally what you need for a snipe hunt, the ingredients for Fireball is basically gunpowder, and scrying literally involves making a cargo-cult tier polaroid camera. Magic in D&D is full of whimsical puns.

>Not bringing a soundboard of Big Man Tyrone saying various things, ranging from Zap Motherfucker to By the gods brother, I call up the darkness to smite our foes.
It'd probably cost you about $10 and your group would never stop laughing.
The GM'd be furious but hey.

>Apparently I'm 'not taking the game seriously' and I 'need to work on that'.
You should've asked him to tell you what he wants--what he really, really wants. It's the only way to make sure you're on the same page.

>"No, you need to make up the words your character is going to use for that spell. And write them down, so you won't forget."
The answer is obvious: youtube.com/watch?v=zgvXtexdgAM

>Cast banishment
"Hippity hoppity get off my property"

Moiraine a cute. A CUTE!

Also best girl in series.

>tasha's hideous laughter
SKIDADDLE SKIDOODLE YOUR DICK IS NOW A NOODLE

>disintegrate
RIGGITY-RIGGITY-RECKT

>Cast Light
>There is a city that this darkness can't hide
>There are the embers of a fire that's gone out
>But I can still feel the heat on my skin
>And this mess we're in, where you and I
>Maybe you and I
>We can light up the night
>LIGHT UP THE NIGHT

Suddenly cantrips are fun

>cast Stinking cloud
"BRRAAAAAPPP"

>cast bane
It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.

>Cast Rage
In the North, and in the South, your tongue is uncomfortable in your mouth.

>Cast Light

>there's a light
>over at the Frankenstein place
>there's a light
>burning in the fireplace
>there's a light
>light in the darkness of everybody's life

>"Dicknose City."
Stolen

Glad I'm not in that game. I'm so creatively bankrupt the best I'd come up with would probably Charmus Personas. Firibrae Boltas. Flickum bickus

This.

Do you guys think this is a motherfucking game?

more like
BIGGUS
DICKUS

>cast bane
>4U!

Hugh Mongus

BIGGUSDICKUS
nah thats for enlarge/reduce

>or just differing intonations of zathras.
Sometimes Zathras talk to dirt.
youtube.com/watch?v=1j-76eLz1hc

>"No, you need to make up the words your character is going to use for that spell. And write them down, so you won't forget."
>lorem ipsum, quia dolor sit amet

Damnit I was going to post that!

Point out the fact nowhere in the rule book does it stay you're required to do this in order to cast the spell.

Isn't the DM thinking of suggestion? Suggestion requires the vocal component to be what you 'exactly' say to the target of the spell.
Charm person has no such specification.

This to me is quite immersion breaking by allowing players to create nonsense words for their spells you explicitly acknowledge the game world is a make believe construct.

Do all the memes

>Blur
POCKET SAND!

>Gate
Open sesame

>summon extraplanar ally
Your mother sucks cocks in hell

>featherfall
AND IM FREEEE... FREE FALLIN

>Aide
Your own personal Jesus

>bless
Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares

>cure wounds
I hurt myself today, to see if i still feel

>Fireball
Goodness gracious great balls o fire!

>Magic Missile
This is my boom-stick!

>enlarge/reduce
Hung Lo

>animate dead
Spoopy time

>rune trap (any)
Youve activated my trap card!

>Summon natures ally
Pikachu, I choose you!

Goddamn I wanted to fuck Moiraine so bad when I read the series. When Perrin walked in on her almost naked, I nearly came, and then fapped myself stupid to that scene.

>forces players to make up words for magic spells
>mad when they make it a joke
???

>Magic Weapon
I PULL OUT MY BERETTA

>Power Word Kill
One deag.

Totally unrelated... nice pic OP! The Wheel of time is GOLD

>Identify
Siri, what is this?

>Jump
Kriss Kross'll make ya...

Zathras
zAthras
zaaAthras

RPG is serious business, it requires speaking in first person only and acting out everything, from the words of magic spells, to haggling with the pig farmer when you go to procure lard for the trail rations.

>"Seriously?"
>-"Yeah, it's more fun that way. Go on."
>"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends."

You wouldn't be invited back for a second game, if I was your DM.

>Zap Motherfucker
My wizard would propably sacrifice more than a decade just to figure out a way to make every spell have this as a verbal component.

>no love for Spice Girls
>being this much of a curmudgeonly old hermit

>Force people into doing stupid shit for flavor
>Mad when people make it a joke.

>Delayed Fireball
>"And boom goes the dynamite"

>Speak Languages.
>Do they speak English in what?

This thread is fucking amazing.

underrated post

This thread makes me want to play an incantation wizard

you win

I'd save that for a special spell, not sure which

>delayed blast fireball
Pull pin, count to... how long, Sarge?

>blight
Monsanto seed end-user agreement paragraph 3 subsection B "on the storage of Monsanto-owned seeds, cross pollination, and resale"

Three shall be the number of the countings,
and the number of the countings shall be three.

ONE
TWO
FIVE

>verbal components to a spell
>being in anything even approximating a language
This pisses me right the fuck off

I'm far from an experienced role player but song lyrics constantly strike me as great options for spells incantations.

I'd be too shy to ever use them though. Maybe try and find less well known songs to use?

NIGGA NO

Hey, get your maturity off my anime image board. If people want to tell OP how to have fun, then he's clearly wrong

>too shy
just don't sing them. Just stare the GM straight in the eyes and say them, plain as a cloth

just like this:

"Now I ain't saying she a gold digga, but she ain't messing with no broke niggas"- Beguile

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in."-Alarm

"Exit light. Enter night. Take my hand. we're off to never-never land"- sleep

"I took her to my house because she was fine
But she whipped out a dick that was bigger than mine"- alter self/disguise self

why does roleplay always end in dickgirls?

Stealing these as my magic words für Mirror Image and Charm Person

Just translate “Begin Magic” then the spell name to Draconic. For charm person it is:
>tlush arcaniss srica xiekiv

Bards and wizards casting the same spells should use the same verbal components so why wouldn't a wizard use lyrics to cast? A bard just takes the verbal component and hides it in a song.

>so you respond with "Dicknose City."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Place_names_considered_unusual#Swear_words,_humorous_words_or_highly_charged_words

Dicknose City is an entirely feasible location name.

Five is right out!

>"No, you need to make up the words your character is going to use for that spell. And write them down, so you won't forget."
>Not getting all the way to 9th level spells so you can shout ZA WARUDO! TOKI WO TOMARE every time you cast time stop.
>Not flavouring your somatic component as aggressive posing.
I'm the reason i don't use many variant rules in my games.

>rune trap (any)
I'll play one card face down and end my turn.

He really should have given you the heads up on that assuming this is true, of course .

What you can do is have fruit for your spells; banana, apple, orange, etc.

They don't have to have any particular rhyme or reason as to which spell gets what fruit, but it should be nice and easy at least. Maybe say the name backwards like "Ananab", and see how long it takes other people to catch on.

Alternatively, give stupidly, and ever increasingly, long incantations of whatever and hold fast to the ever faithful:
>Talking is a free action

This is Veeky Forums's law, a variation of Goodwin's Law:

"The longer goes on a thread in an online discussion board, the higher is the chance that dickgirls, catgirls or both will become the subject of one or more posts."

Found the shit dm

>go with the flow or get the fuck out of the creek before you drown, idiot.

Careful with that edge bb

That's funny, I'd call you the "Take shit too seriously."
Why not just make something up and have fun?

Both your group and you sound like you have different kinds of sticks too far up your ass.

TEE
HEE
MACARONI

>not loudly proclaiming SUCK. MY. DICK.
He can either accept that such a ridiculous phrase is the spell or he can take the fucking hint.

Oh fuck you with Big Boy Blue.

If you are not going to tell players that you require them to make spell incantations before they play, why would you ever dm to begin with?

You would bot be allowed to dm a second session if you did not communicate what you wanted from players before their first session.

Why the fuck are you telling us this. I don't want to imagine you touching your probably gross dick

It'd be better if the DM insisted he make guttural noises instead

Tom Bombadil.