Fa/tg/uys as a Race

Alright Veeky Forums, out of a most likely misguided love for this board and a fair deal of sleep deprivation, a singular idea has wormed it's way into my mind.

What would the collective Anons of Veeky Forums be like if all were transmogrified into some kind of fantasy race?
With that in mind your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to design/spitball/or conceptualize a 'unique' fantasy race that represents the best and worst out of this magnificent board.

Here's some difficulty levels:
gr0t tier: Make them reskinned or only slightly altered versions of an established race
Urist tier: Make them a decent monstrous race fit for a proper dungeon.
Fa/tg/uy tier: Make a reskin actually worth some discussion and/or make them PC worthy.
Ca/tg/irl tier: Design a substantially unique and interesting race worth extra discussion, fit for any setting worth it's salt, for use as enemies AND as player characters.
Elegan/tg/entleman tier: Make a substantially unique and fantastically interesting race worth extra discussion for use in any setting worth it's salt and for use as enemies and Player characters that Veeky Forums ACTUALLY accepts and uses.

This is also not limited to traditional fantasy either.
Sci-fi, Horror, any genre that Veeky Forums touches is fair game for this.

Electromagnetic pulses that inhabit the iron-rich crust of a rocky planet.

Well i'm lazy so i'm just gonna suggest some kind of autistic version of Jekyll and Hyde.

Belligerent, pedantic, prone to holding grudges, anti-individualistic but also anti-authoritarian, love games fiercely. Other important racial traits?

Humans with Lawfull Neutral Skaven Culture but replace Backstabbing and Cannibalism and all actual fights within the faction with lengthy and raging discussions. They are the most technologial and magical advanced culture but all their stuff is highly instable. They come from all places and are cruicble of different cultures all giving their own part in and creating something new out of it, see Magic and Technology.

Physically halfway between lizards and catfolk, with a large degree of sexual dimorphism.
Males resemble (neck)bearded dragons, but with more hair than spines. They tend to gain weight better and store it effectively.
Females are literally ca/tg/irls with slightly elongated faces, forked tongues, and digitigrade legs.

They live in small tight-knit communities around the world, and have one capitol, filled with libraries, forums, and exotics from across the lands. The capitol is in a warm, fertile climate, nestled somewhere in a Savannah.
It's a rite of adulthood to travel to it, and a few stay every time. It is also believed that they should die there as well, and will make the journey as they reach a venerable age. It serves as a catalogue and record of many things, arcane and historical, with young adventurous types bringing it in from their tribes, or seeking it out as they stay there, and elders that have seen more years than three younger folk combined.

Those that return from the capitol have a wealth of knowledge and are adults, and those that stay enjoy a rather relaxed lifestyle of warm and fair days.
Knowing of most of the nearby dangers, they are able to be secure with no major standing army, though when other, more centralized nations are aggressive, they will offer trade goods and knowledge in a hope to avoid conflict.

When conflict does come, to either the tribes or capitol, they prove to be capable fighters. Slightly heavier than a human, they are a match for most land-borne creatures. An attacking force will find an assault answered with skirmishers, berzerkers, and spellcasters; an undisciplined rabble that loses to trained formations, but are able to fight off raiders with zeal and ferocity, as they are always defending knowledge, culture, family.

Stat-wise, they have negatives to social stats from their insular nature, but have many bonuses to knowledge and wisdom. When threatened, they are able to push themselves into a barzerker rage.

You wot?

I see teegee as mole-people who hang around in an reasonably-sized cave system, carving statuettes, and musing about life above-ground. Their love of dragons and elves is matched only by the refusal of many to leave.

Members of many races wander into the cave to trade stories and sometimes other wares.

Frog-people inhabit a nearby toxic aquifer and occasionally small groups of their adventurers come to teegee, trying to turn it into a colony. Teegee mounts a decent defense, but they keep coming.

Bit of a side question in addition, what is the magical realm of "Teegee" like?

I like the concept of having mythology about the above ground surface world known as “Arr’Pegee”. Some teegee tell stories of their time above ground, but these stories are most likely false, some built to harbor animosity towards “that guy”, or the often dislike runt of teegee societies.

In a strange and frightening part of Arr'Pegee is the hidden and ephemeral Magical Realm, which is said to fulfill the wishes of any who dare enter. Since it's said to present itself according to whoever enters, teegee has phrases like 'my magical realm' to indicate what they imagine would happen if they found the place.

"That Guy" could be a mythical nemesis-figure or bogeyman, sometimes depicted as a tumblrite or pollak who wanders the surface bringing grief upon Arr'Pegee. He also is said to lure unwitting teegeers into his own Magical Realm, a terrifying and awkward hellscape of which few have spoken.

Embedded in the popular history of teegee are tales of the iron-fisted Nassimmod, and the days when ritefahgs and cwestfahgs roamed free.

Their diet consists primarily of a type of short, wide stemmed, orange mushroom called "Chee's Toes" (After the biologist and explorer Professor Chee, who first discovered them and found they resembled toes in shape).

Pollaks are fey cousins of the frog-people invaders, able to disguise themselves quite passably as denizens of Teegee. They feed on the emotions of anger and frustration, and frequently infiltrate public meetings and attempt to start arguments contrary to the purpose of the meeting. The negative emotions thus generated feed the Pollaks. They are quickly spotted by elder grogs and exposed, but young nuffags frequently fail to realise that they are arguing with a malignant spirit.

>Obsessed with food, comfort, games and leisure
>Imaginative and prone to debate
>Mediocre work ethic
>Physically unthreatening

Hobbits. Veeky Forums is hobbits.

I dunno if I agree with this threads vision of /the/ but /pol/ as an invasive chaotic frog people is perfect. Shit, they're basically the slaad

Gay

I get where you're coming from but I almost see Veeky Forums anons as almost goblinoid.
Probe to great ambition, conflict, and chaos as much as singing each others praises, cooperation, and warmth. (Although spite and conflict always comes easier)
Pale-skinned, subterranean goblinoids standing with a slight hunch at around 4-5 feet tall with the oldest getting taller, stouter, and decidedly more orc-like with age.
While always being on the scrawny side save in a few extreme cases.
Oh, and hairy as fuck.

Veeky Forums or not, I like this one.

/totally gay/

>/pol/pleganger
>This shapeshifting creature infiltrates fa/tg/uy society, using a surface level understanding of Veeky Forums cultural interests as cover. They can be often heard saying things like "hey guys, I sure like Magic. How can we save WotC?".
>A /pol/pleganger can remain undetected in a community for a long time, but sooner or later, its overwhemling instinct to shout "roasties" or "soyboys" reveals the masquerade.

This is the best

> not dop/pol/ganger
Good otherwise

I, uhh... Can I borrow this idea? You've inspired me user.

Not the dude you're responding too, but it sounds like a star trek plot.
And that's a good thing.

The spellcaster caste should have great disdain for regular fighters, and vice versa, spellcasters think the fighters are brutes, fighters think the spellcasters hold too much power

...

>Pansy-ass mary-sue bullshit snowlake faggots
>I'm sorry, I can't hear you over reality being my BITCH fighterfags
>Say that to me before level six, faggot! I'll rek u I swear on me mum
>Y-Y-you t-too, just havin a laff, m8, no need for raeg\
>SPELLCASTERS GET OUT REEEEE

But are we REALLY?
Elves are beautiful, cooperative, and peaceful.
We CAN get the 'cooperative' part down but the rest is just chaos.

Why not?

sounds like something stephen baxter might write

Why lizardfolk?
I don't like lizardfolk!

Literally just Toltecatl/Rs from the Unified Setting.

Cause they asked for something unique. Cats are cool, lizards are cool, and you can slam them together for something somewhat unusual.
I respect your opinions, but disagree.

The tumblrtards are the other hidden enemy. While pollaks hide among fa/tg/uys and feed on their wrath, they are not afraid to shuck their disguise and enter combat with tumblrtards. The latter, however, never forgo the trappings of Veeky Forums and hope to induce fa/tg/uys to fight the pollacks, their mortal enemies, in their place.

Elves lean chaotic good. Sounds like a fit to me.

Because Veeky Forums wants to fuck lizards

The Corpulent:

Colloquially known as fatguys, they are not so much a unique race as an infectious disease, Corpulence is passed through ritualized communication of ideas rather than any other known vector. It is known to infect humans, elves, dwarves and may spread to others, though the data behind this is incomplete. Every Corpulent carries the disease and may spread it. Males of the species seem more prone to females, and the socially ostracized show greater susceptibility. There is a correlation between body weight and rate of infection, seemingly weighed on either side of the racial average, both the overweight and underweight, with the mention that underweight patients tend to have above average height. The symptoms are more noticeable in the overweight first and this is the source of the name.

The symptoms of Corpulence are varied, but fall into the following broad categories:

a. Obsessive behavior centered around specific physical objects, usually miniature buildings and lifelike statues.
b. Unhealthy curiosity of forbidden lore and obscure facts, the sharing of which seems to be the main vector for infection. Particularly dangerous to scholars of history and warfare
c. Obsessive Compulsive adherence to a strict rule set, which they often attempt to enforce on others
d. Rich inner worlds, sometimes accompanied by paranoid delusions
e. Stunted socialization skills, sometimes coupled with disjointed and nonsensical references to rule sets, fiction or some combination in between. Has been linked to poor hygiene.
f. disdain for physical activities of any sort
g. Tendency toward the creative arts (Possibly the parasite or disease influencing the host to aid in its reproduction)
h. Overblown sense of intellect, often spurring the infected to argue against others. See point b. and g.
i. A lack of sexual activity, coupled with increased libido and unsettling obsession with Elves.

The Corpulent show a great capacity for memorization, though often it is wasted.

Addendum:

Infected individuals also show a lack of self control, manifest in poor financial discipline and anger management issues.
Furthermore, when they are encountered in groups, they tend to act with a coordinated psychopathy, being capable of virtually any terrible and destructive act for scarcely discernible reasons. Those who possess any degree of magic are particularly prone to such a manifestation.

The infection does not seem to noticeably reduce lifespan and many can lead relatively normal lives.
Of particular note is their ability to engage in tedious number keeping and legislative debate for hours on end, an activity which seems to bring them pleasure.

Virtually any written or spoken communication can lead to infection, if the author is among the Infected.
I have been told this should have been mentioned in the beginning. I regret nothing.

Is it true that Teegee is a place you can acquire many wondrous tools and artifacts?

But again, Elves are lean, attractive, and brilliant craftsmen.
I think that's some extreme praise.

LETS DO WITH GURPS:

What is our type?

"Silicon- and Sulfuric Acid-based Life" fits pretty well with this board in my experience.

>Plasma-based life
I bet some of those females are pretty hot.

-4 str

Butter Trolls from Rifts. Literally Veeky Forums incarnate.