DM Gripes Thread

>thought the phone meme was a meme
>suddenly realize how often my fucking players are on their phone
>they talk off-topic literally while I am trying to DM, or another player is trying to talk to one of the NPCs
>realize they literally did this to the point that the old DM stopped wanting to DM for us
>they will never stop
>constantly decide that as soon as something doesn't involve their character, it's time to tune out
I don't mind if they draw or doodle or do other shit with their hands while we play, but get off the fucking phone and stop talking over people. No I don't give a shit about how this reminds you of some youtube video. They also cannot bear to play anything from the core rulebook. What the fuck.

My problem is that my players are so damned rude to every npc they meet. I'm so sick of them powertripping on their characters to the point that they're blatant cunts towards people despite being of generally good alignments and then justify it because they're fighting against the BBEG

>Haggle with every merchant, innkeep and tavern owner on the prices of everything - even to the point of threatening them
>Demand rewards from every questgiver
>Use townspeople as meatshields against monsters
>Use followers as meatshields against monsters and traps
>Refuse to show respect to figures of authority
>Try to do the jobs of commanders and officers for them after arbitrarily deciding they know better
>Kill any enemy they meet and only ever spare mooks to torture them for information

i recommend forcing alignment checks by pointing out that they're not behaving like good-aligned people and that just because you're fighting the BBEG that doesn't automatically make you "good".

Either this, or shifting the tone of the game. If they're dickheads to people, have them treated as such.

Bar them from inns for harassing the owner. Threaten to detain them for being disrespectful to officials.

From what you described, they're in evil alignment territory and that's where they want to be. If they take out your BBEG, they'll likely take his power for themselves if they can.

This, almost-satan is right. The party is Evil, and not Disney Evil. Just straight up evil.

Strip your paladin of her powers. That'll show them. She doesn't deserve them anymore, that's for damn sure.

Switch their roles in the general story with those of the bad guy. If user constructed some sort of character for him, he can be turned into an antihero pretty quick

>forcing alignment checks
ewwwwww

Overall I have pretty good players, but too often they just... don't do anything. I'll stop describing something, and they'll just not do anything. I'll have to prompt them. It just gets annoying.

seconding this. get them recruited or hired by progressively more obviously evil people until they are the baddies

Use the sandwich method? Tell him exactly what you typed here, but end it with another compliment.

Basically be like

Your world building is fantastic and I've really enjoyed the time you spent dming
>I feel like the main arc is petering out and I was wondering if we could get back to my campaign.
I would love to get some opinions and ideas from you every once and a while

If he's not a total spaz he should be amicable. Sandwich method is amazing.

>introducing players to a new game system
>have them come up with character concepts before digging into the mechanics
>make a single, reasonable rule about what species can be played
>one player spends almost the entire session 0 trying to convince me to let her play an annoying meme character that breaks the ONE rule
>they end up making a remarkably okay character

Disaster averted I suppose.

I kinda started to sense when the players want me to lead them, but I already had a habit of asking what the players are going to do while they are in a tight situation so that the people know when to speak and if they even can do something.
I suspect this has to do with players not exactly understanding what they need to do or where they need to go. In one of the games I've played the GM messed up with not naming an actual location where we needed to go, she just stated that we need to go North (this was in a middle of a forest). This was mindfucking every single member of a party until the GM reminded us that, yes, you actually have a direction, just go.
So maybe have several key locations mentioned or described beforehand and have NPCs bump into PCs if needed?

Well if the paladin is killing people unlawfully, then they lose favor with the god, simple as that.
If the player wants to be an asshat and just kill everything then they're not playing a paladin and as such, this should be reflected mechanically.
His god should revoke his powers and if they whine and say "but it was good, I thought he was evil". Too bad. Gods exist on a higher plane and don't care for the pleading of mortals.

My players keep making mechanically weak characters and then complain when they can't do things like fight or talk to people.
It doesn't matter the system, they find a way

>I asked them all individually after the session how they feel about the game.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revealed_preference

Holy fucking shit I have some problems. I think it's salvageable because I know these people and they're brand new to dnd but every session is a disaster to the point of hilarity. Pretty sure if it keeps up this way the humour of it might wear off though so I have to right it quickly.

>players don't want to be railroaded which I'm fine with
>players are also utterly indecisive and overplan to insane amounts
>every session they will spend 2 or 3 hours talking plans on something that was meant to just be a run in and fight the stuff kind of thing
>each player will come up with an overly elaborate very intricate plan that requires specific conditions and supplies they have no access to leading them to criticise each others ideas and try to make a plan that they can actually commit to

At least they're getting really into it but holy fuck, I'm not exaggerating with the 2 hours of planning thing either. The first or second plan they come up with is usually really good but they deliberate for so long they forget their own plans so it's just an unending cycle until everyone can't be bothered planning anymore and they just go with whatever the last thing they came up with was. Also recently there's been some player character drama that I'm going to have to sort out, at first it was just in character stuff but now it's become a 15 minute distraction of them swearing at one another in some sort of weird half in character half out of character amalgamation. I'm thinking of having some sort of retired general join the party as an npc follower just to help with planning because this is getting ridiculously out of hand.

>His god should revoke his powers
Not how it works. Not how it ever worked. Paladins always got their strength from themselves and the oaths they take. The lose their powers because they cease believing in themselves and the no longer uphold the tenants of their oath. Clerics rely on gods, paladins rely on strength of character.

>make a single, reasonable rule about what species can be played

define "reasonable". are you one of those humans-only punks?

Nothing wrong with "human only" if that is the setting/tone of the game. It is reasonable if the party overwhelmingly agrees to play such a campaign.
I would withdraw this statement if it was imposed by only the GM, but we don't know that.

>not how it has ever worked
Not him but that is how it's almost always worked. I'd say that's still how it is in 5e but the DMG doesn't explicitly state anything about a "god" that said the DMG does explicitly talk about Paladin's falling from grace (which it doesn't say about the cleric) so you're basically arguing semantics. Paladins who fall either Become Oathbreaker paladins or choose a new class, your head canon or personal house rules don't apply to other people who are going off the source books and even if they did disregard the books their house rules wouldn't match yours. Kindly fuck off.

Just balance the encounters to them. Not hard

good advice, arigato user

So there is only one real method of trying to correct murderhoboing. First of all, you need to let them get it out of their system. If you try to stop them immediately, they only resist because it is a compulsion for a lot of players to act out violently, especially when they are new. They are like kids testing boundaries, and if you are too strict, they rebel. But likewise, if you do nothing, they will keep taking it further, so you do stop it.

Let them act out a few times but mention each time that it may not be a good idea for them to just kill random or innocent people, that there could be consequences, or it could lead to problems, whatever. Don't act like you are threatening them, just calmly, naturally, and briefly mention that in the game there are sometimes consequences for bad behavior.

Then if they do it a few more times, have them stumble into a high level good guy and either try to arrest them, or just let them try and kill the guy. Kill or dismember their PC and one or two others. Put them on their heels in a way they have not yet seen. Again, you have to control yourself and not act like you are smug or getting revenge, or like they have been punished. That will infuriate them and make them more murderhoboy You have to use your poker face and just sell it as bad luck. They are serial killers, and it backfired. That can happen in the game, just like in life. Appologise for it going poorly and tell them it's not a big deal, they can make a new character. Sometimes failing is just part of the game.

Now they should be cured of their in game psychopathy.

If this doesnt work, boot them. They are pure murderhobos and not willing or able to learn from their mistakes, and they will ruin every session of every game you every let them play in.

Have the towns people pack their things and start heading out until the town is a ghost town. And if any of the players ask where people are going, they just say "A town without you".

When I run, players can put down any alignment, but what their alignment actually is, is something only the GM and people who can detect alignment know. Clerics only know if they are going against the Tenets of their gods, but that's it.

It can be interesting when the person who wrote Chaotic Good on their bard gets hit with a circle of protection against evil.

>gf has a gay cuck fetish
>wants me to fuck another guy while she watches
>he characters are starting to show this same kind of fetish more and more often
halp

If they act like powertripping dicks, well, wouldn't that make them targets of a good-aligned party?

>being so beta that you will not fuck another man to willingly cuck your own wife
what are you gay

My group has a similar issue with staying on task in a game if we haven't had enough general socializing time outside of game. Once schedules free up and we're able to get the basic socializing needs taken care of outside of game, we're much better on the issue.
If your game group is also part of your social group, try getting together just for the fun of it, see if that helps the issue.

I am pretty lenient with new players. I let them get a feel for the world. Toss in some consequences that are appropriate but not too harsh. Kinda lead them to the understanding that murderhobo is a no go.

But with seasoned players who know better in a campaign that is supposed to be serious? Get ready for some dead fucking characters.

>fucking another man
alpha as fuck
>cucking your gf
alpha as fuck

Jesus christ what a soiboi

>find an ancient stone while on a mission for secretive organization
>start heading back to headquarters
>run into iron elf who's trying to get some bodyguards for a trip to the capital so he can hop a ship home
>follow him, first combat see his gun in use
>immediately dump their mission and follow this elf back to his homeland
>tossed the stone on the side of the road

The stone is the only thing that all three enemy factions need to re-open their plane to all the other gods so Lolth, Gruumsh, Orcus, etc. can come in and rapedevour all the mortals there.

They knew this. But guns. That NPC was meant to be a hint of the next continent they'd be sent to but looks like they're about to get fucked hard by their organization since they decided fuck doing our job.

>First session of a 2E game.
>Dungeon is a simple prison with with eight rooms.
>Players escape from cells in first room.
>3 Hours later, players are ignoring all equipment, the guards have, While the create makeshift clubs from the prison bars.

I think I'll never understand this kind of advice. Responding to murderhoboing with punishment or a somewhat passive- aggressive DMing style seems, in my book, like a big waste of time. Your players may become frustrated and annoyed, as you do, and the game could die off as a result.
Look, why don't you just talk to your players? Tell em' that this is not the kind of game you are interested in to run. If you are dealing with actual humans, I'm sure you will come to some conclusion on how to go on with this.

>Also, have you considered not playing DnD?