That DM Thread

That DM Thread. I'll start.

So this is about a female DM I played with about two years ago. She was a damn awesome person and a player. Really sociable, friendly, helpful. We all liked her. But by gods she could not fucking DM. She had this weird thing where as a DM she created insane looney tunes characters in her world and we couldn't understand it. And because she loved these looney tune characters she absolutely refused to let them die no matter what. Which was weird because her player characters were all completely normal. Anyway...

>game starts, her first DM game
>tavern setting, the typical
>plot hooks are a mysterious hobgoblin in noble clothing, brown-skinned elven bartender, some guys murmuring in the corner about recent bandits, a luxurious merchant, etc etc
>I'm trying to get in on the convo about bandits, Rogue is trying to hit on bartender, Warlock is looking for magic items, Cleric is helping the poor or something I don't really remember
>suddenly, the fucking Hobgoblin decides to charge at our Bard
>Bard dodges with Acrobatics check, Hobgoblin crashes in to table
>a patron goes to help him up and the Hobgoblin slashes him in the chest with his sword
>WHAT THE FUCK
>we draw our weapons, prepare to fight, we're going to kill this fuck
>but then guards come in
>STOP do you guys know who this is!?
>he's the super important government minister or some shit
>us: he just fucking killed someone!
>nah, peasant patron is bleeding out but still alive, guard cleric heals him up
>yeah don't worry about that, things like this happens all the time with Mr Hobgoblin (Forgot his name)
>he becomes the guy that gives us quests and plot hooks and DM made him charge in to our Bard because we were ignoring him and his reason was "Oh, you looked like somebody I knew"
>our faces when

cont...

>later, trying to recover some macguffin that keeps a local town's lake flowing with water or something
>told to find some wizard
>we find him
>guy is fucking insane
>mutters about random things, makes prophecies about our characters, starts dancing out of nowhere
>we decide to ignore him
>we encounter dire wolves in the wild
>wizard dude is fucking around and dancing, shoots a fire bolt at our cleric at one point and starts laughing
>we are not fucking amused
>later he leads us to a goblin hideout saying macguffin is there
>we clear it out, it isn't there
>wizard tells us he lied, he just really hated the goblins for bullying him as a kid or something
>we are not fucking amused
>leads us to some forest where treants attack us
>macguffin is not here, he says he sincerely fucked up this time and laughs saying it won't happen again
>last straw, we all decide we're going to kill him because he has to be fucking with us and trying to get us killed
>DM makes him teleport
>we head towards the nearest village DM said he was running towards
>we arrive and suddenly the wizard is fighting another wizard that looks exactly like him
>other wizard defeats wizard that was trolling us
>this new wizard says he was the light side to the other guy's dark side, some shit about their powers splitting apart
>wizard gives us macguffin
>I'm pretty sure she made all this shit up because she thought the wizard was being funny and amusing, while we all ended up hating him and wanting to hack his head off
>our faces when

>later, encounter some elf female in capital city
>she's with some shady people
>we ignore her, because why the fuck would we fuck with her
>she comes up to us since DM really wants us to interact
>tells us we look like hardy people, should help her move illegal weapons and get money
>we politely tell her we want nothing to do with that
>she gets pissed, combat starts
>apparently she's some CR15 motherfucker because she TPKs us with multiattacks, legendary actions, legendary saves
>we all wake up later in her underground prison
>demands we help her move the weapons or she'll kill us
>we accept begrudgingly
>as we are getting settled to move out, she suddenly starts acting nice towards my character
>calls my character cute, says if my character returns back they can have a go in her room
>my character, who had his shit kicked in and is now being forced to move illegal weapons wants nothing to do with her
>later after the session DM asks me if she likes new "waifu" character
>me: ...What?
>"yeah man, I know you like that anime shit. And your character's background was that he was in love with some peasant girl but because he was a noble his parents beat him and paid the peasant girls' family to move far away, So I thought this waifu would be a nice addition to your char's story. Really, she's a good guy and will be your ally in the future"
>mfw


Eventually she got a promotion at her accounting job or something and had to quit DMing because it was too much work. All of us were relieved in one way, because all of us were too pussy to tell her we loathed her characters that she treated like her own children.

>Eventually she got a promotion at her accounting job or something and had to quit DMing because it was too much work. All of us were relieved in one way, because all of us were too pussy to tell her we loathed her characters that she treated like her own children.
At least you admit being a pushover, that's a start.

But I can't really talk, because I haven't spoken with my GM about his obsession for making us roll for everything, yet... It takes away some enjoyment from our games, you know? Makes me feel bad now...

Anyway, the worst thing I've had was a GM who flat out told me that, and I quote "my story sometimes takes precedence over what you might want your characters to do." I quit that game after that, fortunately rather amicabily... although I don't know if the GM spoke ill of me behind my back to the rest of the group, something that might have happened but oh well...

The last I saw, two other players had quit and the GM was looking for our replacement, since it was on Roll20.

Too long, needs to be shorter if you are going to drop the female bomb in the third sentence. Try keeping it vague until they've read for a while before dropping a spicy "she" in there, that should get the white knight retards to read far enough to care to take the bait.

You need to remember that the people you are trolling are fucking morons who think that D&D is too complicated and prefer to play storytelling games where everyone gets their way like small children. There's no fucking way that they will read anything you post once they instantly decide that you're about to insult a precious woman, they will immediately read the word female, get outraged, channel that into deciding your post is bait and then start spamming it with reports.

Make it short, sweet and reasonable sounding and don't drop the gender bomb until 3/4 of the way through. Keep the bomb casual. Don't make the last sentence be the big female reveal. You'll know that you're in business if they start calling you a stinky virgin nerd, that means they are mad enough to engage you and just need a little more prodding to really chimp the fuck out about it.

Do you happen to have autism by any chance?

Of course not, I would never be a feminist

This board used to be better than this.

>they will immediately read the word female, get outraged, channel that into deciding your post is bait
Are we witnessing the epitome of irony?

Don't have any good stories, just a gripe with my friend/ex-DM. He made us play curse of Strad with NO fucking heads up on the story, so me and another dude in our group come up with motivated characters, he's hunting a cult and I'm looking for a slaver who took my family. But, nope, locked in Barovia from season one and campaign of course does not include our backstories so we just want to get out. During the campaign I told the DM I'd love to have a character motivation other then "want to get the fuck out" and told him I'd made my back story open ended so he could possibly use it. Nope, nothing throughout the game. After the campaign I read through the module and learned that he had ignored so much of Strad's motivation that I became incredibly frustrated. Spent a whole evening with other bro just bitching moaning the 6 months we had spent in that shithole of a campaign. I've since confronted the DM about his handling of the story, he explained that he never got a good feel for any of the NPC's so a lot of the story never really came to life.
I've since done my absolute best to convince him to write his own story, with characters he understands and feels, even gone as far as to write two short campaigns to show him it's no big deal, but nope, after our current story he's running another fucking module! I swear to Gygax if he fucks this one up too I'm going to tell him to his face he's just a bad DM.

I shouldn't give you attention but I really have to say that you have written some of the most cringey things I've ever read.

Sorry, it was meant to

>I'm trying to get in on the convo about bandits, Rogue is trying to hit on bartender, Warlock is looking for magic items, Cleric is helping the poor or something I don't really remember
I've heard some unbelievable that guy stories but this takes the cake.

Not once have I ever, EVER seen a tavern scene with at least one person doing nothing but sip ale in a corner brooding.

Not once have I seen a social scene where AT LEAST one player saying "I help this ally do his thing".

Never does every party member do entirely their own thing. They move in groups and do things serially, not in parallel.

That is what stands out to me the most.

What a shitty thread
Made me angry enough to answer

>we all wake up later in her underground prison
>demands we help her move the weapons or she'll kill us
How hard can the railroad get

>her characters that she treated like her own children.
seems to be a theme with women

reminds me a story posted a few weeks back where one woman hosted the games, gave stickers to the players who did well, cookies/treats for guys who cleaned themselves up/shaved before coming to the game, and basically acted like their mothers while trying to raise them

you're the only one who made the fact that the DM is a woman, an issue

everyone else was having a civil discussion and then you had to act like your idea of a leisurely afternoon is wearing a fedora while criticizing religion on reddit

that, like this, had obvious signs of being made up.

poes law means pretty much everything could be made up, may as well just treat it as real or ignore the thread

reality is weirder than fiction these days anyway

Campaign sounds like great fun. Lots of varied plot hooks, unique and obviously memorable NPC's , lots of to opportunities and doesn't sound like a railroad at all either.

Maybe you just didn't like it because a girl ran it? Or there wasn't enough murder hoboing?

I agree with that on a case by case basis, but if you're gonna construct a pattern then you'll end up with the world according to memes.

I realize now though that this is the world we live in.

I have the opposite problem.
Our DM is pretty damn good (especially considering it is his first time DMing a campaign) - safe to say we are all having a blast.
But he never, and I mean NEVER, calls for die-rolls in social situations. Everything else is subject to the skill-system, but when we are talking to NPCs he defaults to roleplay and responds in their voice and temperament.
ANd that is cool. It's a cool way to do it.
But it kinda sucks for the 18 CHA Bard that has maxed persuasion and deception, so he could party face.

Doesn't help that the NPCs are all hard rough-and-ready types, and we are playing in a frontier-setting.
The 6 CHA dwarf cleric who belches all the time somehow has far more social success than my character, because he fits the scene better.
And I am relegated to flamboyant comic relief.

-_-

Maybe I should be more verbal about asking specifically to ROLL PERSUASION, instead of RPing, but that feels kinda dumb, too.

have you talked about it with him outside of the gaming enviroment? He might be able to strike a compromise with you

Not so far. I've been trying in-character to downplay the flamboyant stuff, and have my dude adopt more frontier-like mannerisms, partly because he IS a social chameleon, and is conscious of that stuff, but also just to proclaim at the table that THAT is what I am doing, to sort-of signal that I have a real wish to actually use my characters skillset.

>Playing a bard that specialises in infiltration/disguises. DM even gave special feats and abilities for character to perfectly replicate accents and mannerisms.
>Role in current mission is to impersonate local crime boss to infiltrate his lair
>Spend an in game week doing legwork, spying on crime boss, studying speech patterns etc. Crime boss is essentially the main gangster boss from "Snatch," including voice.
>Time comes to do mission, don my disguise
>Walk up to crime bosses minions, start RPing conversation with DM, feel I'm doing pretty well.
>DM asks for Deception roll. Get 23.
>DM: Okay, that's a good roll, but you didn't speak in a cockney accent, so the guards instantly noticed that you're a fake. Everyone roll initiative as they move to attack.
>mfw

I might be not privy to some social weirdness going on but this seems an inefficient and pointless path.

I would recommend talking to the GM before or after a session and just say "Hey, any way we could impliment a few more rolls into social situations? I'd enjoy being able to use my Cha to overcome social encounters."

and then if he says that's not his style offer to brainstorm a compromise you both would be happy with, which most of the time exists with such minor issues.

Yeah, I probably should.
The reason I was doing what I was is that the DM clearly told me that my character doesn't fit in very neatly with the social environment of this place.
I haven't spoken to him because I don't want to criticize his way of running the game, seeing as it is his first time and all.

I really enjoy these threads because they help me appreciate that I have a really great GM. Sure he can be a little wordy with the exposition, but that's a minor flaw in the grand scheme of things.

I understand your caution, but frame it as I recommended: You are telling him what additional aspect to his GMing YOU would ENJOY. You're not telling him that he's doing badly, you're explaining a preference of yours, and you're not demanding it, you're informing him of it. The joy of GMing comes with invested players, knowing how to get players more invested is always only constructive.

I literally explained why I and the others didn't like it. Not sure if troll or stupid if

>Maybe you just didn't like it because a girl ran it? Or there wasn't enough murder hoboing?

That's what you took from it.

>play a campaign with two friends and our usual GM
>I already read the campaign, but I don't tell anyone, just want to play along
>meet a story relevant NPC whom I know is written to be tough, but beatable, but we also don't have to fight him if we don't want to
>I know we will have a minor advantage later on if we beat him now (not kill him though)
>challenge him to a duel after he insults me
>confident my character can take him on
>(this is DSA, so it's a reverse d20 ruleset where 1 is good and 20 is bad)
>his attack stat in the campaign is 14, so to hit he has to roll 14 or lower
>i have combat abilities that lower his attack stat by 4
>he uses special techniques that lower his hit chance by 1, but give him more damage, meaning he would need to roll a 9 to hit
>he rolls a 13
>"And he hits you with a devestating blow."
>GM rolls for damage, 1d6+6
>in the campaign it is 1d6+4

The GM just didn't want us to have the minor advantage of beating that guy. Pretty annoying. I had to surrender the duel because I am pretty sure the GM would have just killed me at that point.

Treating your NPCs like " own children" is not a women thing. It's a bad first-time GM thing and anyone who has GM'd before should understand this.

>create your world
>fill it with NPCs you think are really cool and lovable
>game starts
>players don't give a shit about NPCs
>NPCs you had planned to be important and be integral end up on the kill block because players are unpredictable

Investing your personal feelings in to your NPCs is a small hurdle that a lot of GMs are prone to doing. I myself still feel that way when I run games, I just refuse to ever railroad or force my players through a certain plot point or interaction because that's shitty GMing.

All three happened to me in my last failed game. The premise also changed every session, and I dropped out after the third session along with at least one other player. It's real. Probably a higher rate of occurence with strangers.

Your Idea of fun is wrong and your DM was an all-around better human being than you.

...

>Working for this shitheel noble.
>Who sends a DMPC to "keep an eye on us", for some stupid reason or another.
>Rarely actually helps out, even though has some small magical ability. Mostly just offers to be a conduit for long range communication, like we need to jaw with a bunch of useless pansies.
>Always whines and objects when we steal magic items from useless NPCs.
>Eventually get fed up with him and "accidentally" throw him off a cliff.
>Boss INSTANTLY and bullshittingly knows about it, and sends us a message that we can forget about being paid.
>Also puts a price on our head.
>Now, anytime we go anywhere, we get attacked by these pointless adventurers trying to collect the bounty.

>You are having fun the wrong way

Sounds like OP got railroaded twice by annoying as shit npcs to do stuff they don't want to do, and then got stuck with a love interest he doesn't like in or out of game. Not sure why you had to go for gender or insulting his playstyle but ok, you do you I guess.