What Rites of Passage do you have for new players?

What Rites of Passage do you have for new players?

First, they must be approved by Dragonslayer, the Dog of Many Tongues.
Second, they must pass the Trial of Snack-bringing.
Third, they must commune with the Great Other Players who look into the newb's soul and determine their true nature.
Finally, they must learn the Two Holy Rules of The Table: 1) Do Not Be A Dick, and 2) Seriously, Don't Be A Sick.

Only by passing all of these tests may a Player join us at our table.

>Second, they must pass the Trial of Snack-bringing.

I failed that once. I brought cupcakes when everyone else was on a low-carb diet.

They have to deal with me rambling about the mechanics and the setting of the game for an hour every time they ask a question about how something works

They must RTFM.

>They must pass the test of endurance.
We put on "totally sick memes" or some similar cancer and force them to watch it for hours. Otherwise they won't know the pain of our experience of dealing with such filth and to teach them the way of the cancer mancer and how to recognize it.
>They must buy all snacks and dinners.
We push then into buying shit while still maintaining a clear ownership of our own things. They will learn quickly not to be someone's bitch, or they will be a forever bitch.
>They much battle us in a game of "I thought we where doing DnD tonight".
We invite them into a round of DnD and on the 3 or 4th session we instead dick around and do what we can to open their minds so we can read them and judge them.

Hahahahahahaha
>Finding new players
>ever....EVER
Yeah that shit is so rare will give you a handy under the table and maintain eye contact the whole time

>everyone else was on a low-carb diet

they must buy a pizza for the rest of the group, that's all

>You don’t have friends, only sheep you manipulate. You do not respect your party, and they will only fear the loneliness of being cut off by you. Only once you get angry and ban then or they get the strength to quit will they know peace and freedom

They must polish the "rod of Orcus".

The two groups I played with were pretty horrible. The first was in some dude's mobile home that was covered wall to wall with garbage (like actual garbage, empty food containers and other filth). I should have known better than to even stick around, but I was young and managed one entire game before dropping all contact. How the other players tolerated it, I have no idea.

The second was a dude who had about 6 indoor cats and an emotional wreck of a wife who cried any time her character ever experienced any hardship. An enemy attacked her character and did some really minor damage - 20 minutes of crying and totally derailed session. I managed to put up with a few sessions of this before never showing up again.

They've got to jerk me off under the table without drawing anyone else's attention.

You misunderstood. We filter out the sheep in favor of those who are free. The sheep will not last while those who learn self ownership and how to recognize sheep, will learn what true freedom is. And therefore pass our test.

Underage please leave

...

What if we all cheer you on?

Death through their own stupidity is an essential.

One guy stuck his head in the statue in Tomb of Horrors because he was convinced it was just a Darkness spell.

Absolutely autistical. The only people who'll get past test 1 are irredeemable memers

If I know them well enough to sit down and play, they've already put up with enough of my shit

Wow, an actual tha/tg/uy, what a suprise.

1.Don't be a minmaxer
2.Don't talk about "builds", "dps" and mmoshit
3.Don't put your shit politics in the game
4.Don't be a cunt

Pretty easy

Caacfag

...

TRIAL BY FIRE

You pass in secret, as was the good intentions that counted.

>3.Don't put your shit politics in the game

Is this one "don't talk real life politics during the game" or "don't make a black character because it will trigger us"?

Have coffee with some of us. This serves as a way to meet outside of the game in a neutral ground and get to know the person when they're not being pressured to play a game with a new group in someone else's home.

It's good for everyone and lets you weed out the bad apples immediately while letting new players get familiar enough to feel comfortable later. It also serves as a baseline for me (GM) to use so I can notice when someone becomes uncomfortable or otherwise acts unusual.

nope.

>It also serves as a baseline for me (GM) to use so I can notice when someone becomes uncomfortable or otherwise acts unusual.
good guy GM

Leave a controversial-but-still-mainstream political symbol (e.g. a MAGA hat if you're in America) lying out and see if they sperg out about it.

That'll likely backfire, because they can just as easily silently judge you.

They'll be compelled to go away either way, so you win.

I want Cestree to slap me in the face with those fat milkbags.

I had one simple rule:
1: act like an adult.

But we're playing pretend

That seems like a bit of a contradiction.

Showing up on time in specified diner.
If they manage to get there and be on time, then they are in. If not - they've failed and we never even met.