That guy thread

Honestly it's not that crazy a thought. Wizards are strange and untrustworthy sorts.

Warning archpriest seems pretty logical. Whether mages can be on good terms with gods - depends on the setting.

>Be Quintus
>Be really old wizard
>Just really wants to see an old beautiful temple before you die
>Hire a nice looking group to gather the materials for a teleporter because old
>After a long time, group comes back
>Build teleporter
>Immediately get arrested and detained by arch-priest
>Rots in Temple prison until death
>Never even get to see it

Quintus had a rough life.

Even if the idea was for old Mage to go full Charleston on the temple, you should've immediately changed the story so he was actually just a man of knowledge and faith and when he dies in the temple of his long time god, make the PC feel like a total prick.

There was nothing that needed changing. It WAS aboveboard and Quintus had been making semi-regular visits for the past 70ish years. I didn't include it because it wasn't really relevant to the point, but Theod's reaction to the warning was incredulous laughter, he'd known Quintus for a long, long time.

>party enters into a demiplane designed by a mad wizard they are chasing.
>The key to defeating him is inside his labyrinthine plane.
>it's full of horrors and chaos
>"okay then my character goes to refurbish the church that's two towns ago."
>"what? Why?"
>"It sounds like he'd die. Why would he go in there?"
>"but user, the group is chasing the wizard"
>"well i guess i leave the group then."
>group goes on without him
>has much harder time without his help
>party almost dies due to lack of 1/4th of their party
>they leave the demiplane because they can't finish it without that guy
>mfw I've been working on this dungeon for months

I'd say out of character to the player that the campaign depends on his cooperation and that it would be nice if his character could find a reason to go despite his fear of death.

You don't know this guy. He's an autist. He won't do things that he didn't think of himself. I could say that and he would just fight me even harder. My only hope was to continue and hope he'd come back to "be a hero" and save the party via his own hubris. But he didn't even do that.

I thought this was supposed to be one of those caveman posts at first. Are you okay, user?

>>That guy who goes out of his way to nit pick peoples plans but never comes up with is own.
>>that guy who laughs when a character just fails a skill check but throws a tantrum when he doesn't succeed
Fucking hell I hate this shit so much. There's one cunt I know whose like this to a T.
>That guy who thinks every issue is always someone else's mistake
>That guy who makes good and sure EVERYONE knows that it is someone else's mistake
>That guy who's both stubborn AND retarded, so trying to tell him anything always devolves into some asinine "debate" over a complete non-issue
>That guy who gets pouty and passive aggressive both in and out of character whenever something doesn't go his way, or someone calls him out on his retardation

Really chaffs my khakis.

why are you playing with an autist, jesus just kick him and find someone normal

>That guy who you almost have to compete with due to him constantly attempting to hog all the loot/xp/interaction with NPCs/whatever you're after at the time
>That guy who then has to make a snide remark about YOU trying to "hog" everything when he forces you to beeline to it to even have a chance of getting some
Holy SHIT why is he like this.

>calls out the GM mid-game when he gets a rule wrong
>tries to correct the GM
>we look it up
>That Guy also got it wrong
>he gets red-faced angry when we point it out
>he says he made a mistake and they changed it from the previous edition, where it was like he said
>have the previous edition on the shelf
>grab it and look it up
>it has not, in fact, changed between editions
>he sulks for the rest of the night

They're always like this. It's like the idea that they could ever be wrong about anything never enters their minds, and when presented with incontrovertible proof of their wrongness, they either throw a tantrum or shut down. It's like being wrong is worse than death for these faggots.

It's okay to be wrong, guys. It's how we learn.

Might be a real-life friend. I know there's a few individuals in my friend group that I honestly could live perfectly fine without, but it's easier to just deal with their (as long as it remains somewhat bearable) autism rather than risk a potentially messy falling out that would end up dragging a bunch of mutual friends into it.

He is a real life friend. But this is strike 3 so we kicked him out anyway.

>That guy who constantly has to be the one to hold on to shit, or do XYZ things for the overall party
>In the grand scheme of things it isn't anything major or even disruptive, but he's ALWAYS the one to do it and I'd like at least one turn dammit
>Any attempt to dislodge him results in lengthy and autistic discourse over said thing
>"It's not like it matters" "Why do you even care so much?" etc
>Can't push the issue any further because then I'D be the autist sperging out over carrying the loot bag or whatever
>If by some stroke of luck someone else gets to do it before him, he pounces on the first opportunity to take it back or say why HE should be the one to do XYZ or why HE would be better at it than whoever is currently doing it

It's the little things that are the most frustrating.

I've had a few of these in my time.

are you typing in fucking Pidgin

>Be new DM
>Invite friends for some LMoP action
>Only one friend has tried D&D before
>Pathfinder player
>Constantly "teaches" players about rules, but they're either Pathfinder-specific or flatout fucking wrong
>Example: "we get attack of opportunity when enemies *enter* our threat area!"
>Another example: "I have reach on my longsword because my sheet says "Reach 5ft" which OBVIOUSLY means that it's +5 ft in addition to the regular 5ft!"
>Willfully misreads rules so that his Paladin becomes even stronger
>Constantly outshines the party in combat; sees no wrong at all
>Berates other players for silly plans and ideas, makes them hesitate to say anything

He's a good guy, but his boardgame-self is just exasperating.

>Constantly "teaches" players about rules, but they're either Pathfinder-specific or flatout fucking wrong
Always the fucking Pathfinder people doing this shit. Why are they like this? There are other games. Christ, they're like Harry Potter fans, bitching about "That's not how magic wands work!" when presented with how a different setting does it.

Know a guy that used to be like that with fucking everything, except it never really followed any kind of pattern and would just seemingly happen at random. Thankfully he has gotten much better about that sort of thing.

...

>>''It's not like it matters" "Why do you even care so much?" etc.
>>If by some stroke of luck someone else gets to do it before him, he pounces on the first opportunity to take it back or say why HE should be the one to do XYZ or why HE would be better at it than whoever is currently doing it
So just throw the ''it doesn't matter'' right back at him. Or, y'know, try TALKING about it.

>Wargaming, not playing a TTRPG.
>Strategic level, us vs them team game, very long play time
>So come up with plans, or at least try to, in between play sessions.
>That Guy will gleefully plan and agree with plans
>And then forget about them when it comes time to play.
>Does this repeatedly
>Does not seem to understand why it's upsetting to the rest of us.

...

...

What an asshole. That shit would piss me right off.
I'd probably try to kill his character. Hire assassins or try to cause an "accidental" death during the next bit of combat. Wait for a difficult encounter and try to steer death his way.

>So just throw the ''it doesn't matter'' right back at him
I do occasionally. As fun as it is to throw it back in his face he gets bitchy and sullen over less, and most of the time it's just easier to let him have his toy than try and deal with him.

>Or, y'know, try TALKING about it.
THAT'S the frustrating part. Any attempt TO talk about it just ends up some drawn out pedantic mess. Just by the kind of person he is it either ends up him stonewalling me with the same shit or with me putting my foot down and taking it from him (He's surprisingly easy to bully into doing stuff, ironically).The main issue is that *I* would be just as bad (in my mind) for stirring up this big issue over something as asinine as "Who gets to sit in the front seat".

Long but a good memory:

>Forever GM. Run a game with friends for years
>Over time introduce a dice-minigame for preventing death
>Bit of fun with group to keep people involved at the table rather than "You take a point of damage towards death"
>Used these custom symbol dice that became known as 'deadman bones' where you effectively played Death at a dice game
>Has resulted in many interesting moments over the years and certain lucky characters having a comical rivalry with death - such as death upping the wager every time it 'loses' and constantly moaning about his end of year bonus
>Start a new game with some of the old crew after a Hiatus.
>New THAT GUY joins
>Builds snowflake character, always self-jerking over himself, plays a woman despite being a dude and makes awkward sexual advances to only female player because IRL a total loser
>Does stupid shit and rules lawyers all the time.
>In game, brings a curse on several players, himself included, during a scene where the focus was intentionally on someone else's back story and he wanted to stage steal it.
>Basically curse was any natural '1' results in "A Most misfortunate outcome" on any roll, typically for comical effect.
>Argues our dice mini-game "Is too harsh compared to the rules". Mainly because it gives people the limelight he desires so much.
>Wants to implement rule book system based on single dice roll to stabilize
>We agree to shut him up
>First time he has to do the "new system", he gloats and literally says 'this is why this is the best system'
>Rolls a natural 1
>Can't help but smirk as I announce "As you try to resist the severity of injuries, you are cursed by the most misfortunate of outcomes and expire immediately"
>Has a literal 'That guy' meltdown as everyone has shit-eating grins on their faces
>Sits in a mood rest of game crafting a new snowflake
>Everyone rags on him for weeks about how he 'talked himself into death'
>Reintroduce old system with in-joke from death
>MFW

...

I play in a group where we're all IRL friends, which is part of the reason it's so annoying. As much as I would LOVE to pull a stunt like that, he's a whiny little shit and at best we'd have to deal with him sulking over it for the next week, at worst I'd just be kicking off a series of escalations over stupid shit.

Being the bigger man sucks.

What a dickhead. Good for him.

Kek. I'm surprised he stuck around, generally most asshats like that quit after something like that.

Out of curiosity how exactly did your dice game work that was so "harsh"?

>IRL friends
That blows. Does the DM/other players notice his actions as well? If so, try to bring it up to them and talk to him about it. Being friends would hopefully make it easier to get him to change his ways. Tell him to stop being such a glutton and give the other players a chance.

Fuck you i have the flu I cannot be laughing this hard

Basically you had a dice pool that started larger than death based on your remaining health and feats/abilities. This allowed us to bring it in some form from system to system.

For 3.X we had it so you had 10 dice. Death always had 9 dice that were a different colour. On "Deaths dice" there were things like snakes, lions, skulls etc. On the players were dots, and dragons and stuff. I honestly don't where we got them from and I think they are some sort of novelty game.

Basically deaths dice had more things like skulls etc and when he rolled them the player would roll and try counter them. Those you didn't counter removed dice from your pool. So quite quickly players would lose dice and ultimately die. Most the time people died in 2 turns (because death couldn't remove all your dice). Sometimes though you'd have people go into the high-teens and be saved.

Personally it was fun and built its own little mini narrative around it. Death for example would constantly be left wagering stupid shit in his collection. The players ran with it, and eventually we built up the idea that Death was actually a corporate employee and each time a character escaped he'd get knocked down a rank. So eventually his wife left him, his teen daughter disrespected him etc etc.

Oddly enough he only ever seems to do this shit with me, or if he does it with others I don't notice. I dunno if it's anything to do with me or the others as players, or if I'm just being overly judgmental and touchy which is one of the things that causes me to bite my lip most of the time.

...

>one dude loves DND more than I, the GM
>comes up with the genius plan to all the other players that there is a game today, when I didn't plan one
>Calls me and tells me, the GM how,even tho 2 of the 5 player are missing today,we can still play with 3 players.
>I have to calmy explain to him why this is a bad idea and it's about what's good for the group not just one player.
>automatically he huffs and says" OK bye" in a rushed rude manner.
WTF man? can someone be addicted to dnd?

>Personally it was fun and built its own little mini narrative around it. Death for example would constantly be left wagering stupid shit in his collection. The players ran with it, and eventually we built up the idea that Death was actually a corporate employee and each time a character escaped he'd get knocked down a rank. So eventually his wife left him, his teen daughter disrespected him etc etc.
Damn, your Death's life sucks. My group's Death likes vodka martinis and playing cards.

>Loser irl
>Strong fearless hero in a game

Gee, I wonder why lonely loser nerds get addicted to video games and stuff like D&D

>new person joins table
>shitlord proceeds to creep on them
>shitlord tries to pvp them
>shitlord rambles on about how cool his characters in other games were
>shitlord doesn't listen to any of the tables plans or ideas
>new guy looking around for confirmation that he isn't insane
>group and new guy just start playing at new time and location
>shitlord keeps trying to find other tables to play with and can't think of a single reason why each table "disbands" mysteriously after he starts playing with them
>also this shitlord a furry faggot

>That guy who brings 3 riptides to a game against a new player

>that guy who hangs out in the flgs all day, never buys anything but wont stfu to players, customers, or staff

Had a faggot like that at my FLGS once.
>Would always spamTzeentch rerollable 2+ bullshit
>People stopped playing him
>He got so mad one night that he flipped a table when nobody would play against him
>Manager called the cops
>Cops called his parents
>His parents come to pick him up
>He was 43

>that guy autistically tracks every kill.
>gets upset over 'kill stealing.
>that guy brags about how much tougher and better his character is than everybody else.
>does this in every game, even when his character is supposedly kind and charitable.

>plays Ranger and chooses favored terrain.
>refuses to leave said favored terrain.

"We told you this would be a sandbox game spanning an entire continent, correct?"
>yes.
"So why did you make a characters that refuses to explore?"
>...

>Pidgin
I would kill to read a game book in that

hence why GW should squat demons or turn them into orks. same with eldar

>plays a woman despite being a dude
This isn't inherently a bad thing.

He does sound like a cunt in general, though.

>that guy who rags on and mocks any character who ever fails a skill check or attack roll
>despite being an 18 intelligence wizard, your character is henceforth referred to by him as a retard if he ever rolls a 1 at any point on a knowledge check
>despite being a 18 strength barbarian, your character is forever called a wimp if they ever fail an athletics check
>despite being a 18 constitution dwarf, your character is now a little crying bitch for all time if you ever fail an endurance check

If his character ever fails a skill check, here comes the bargaining with the DM and begging for rerolls since he imagines all kinds of retcon extenuating circumstances which would have given him the bonuses necessary to succeed.

Its this kind of shit that makes me want to switch from using a d20 to 3d6.

This JUST happened

>playing d&d 3.5
>me as dm, fighter bro, cleric bro, chad rogue, shy fem barbarian, that guy bard
>party is exploring a dungeon for stolen treasure
>reach the vault room with ogre guardian
>party goes and fight ogre
>mid fight that guy decides take steal key off boss mid encounter
>that guy go take key open vault
>him loot thing
>take that 2
>Party bitch say y u take thing kyle pls help
>kyle tell fembarb grow a pare and enrage
>shem do
>fembarb kyle -31 -32 -56 (crit)
>KYLE !!KILLED!!
>kyle screech and throws some of snacks i made for game night
>pork slider hits chad
>shouting match ensures
>virgin kyle vs chad brad
>kyle has noodly arms cant throw a punch to save his life but stoops to hitting a man in the face with a bowl of cole slaw before kicking him in the nads
>brandon lifts like a motherfucker and punched the air out of kyle, broke a chair over hims back an apologize to me
>mfw realize after fact someone shat in bathroom no flush

>chad brad

Not a game book, but the BBC provides a pidgin translation.
bbc.com/pidgin

>previous edition
>still wrong
My sides

Are you real human? With real human brain? Why you talk like cartoon caveman

>that guy DM in green
I'll ride my horse into combat and cast magic at a distance
>your horse is not combat trained it could get afraid and knock you off
I'll dismount my horse and tie it down before entering combat
>you don't have enough time the enemies are barreling down on you
Okay I dismount and smack its ass away from danger
>okay your horse runs off
>fastforward
>battle is over
Before looting I'd like to get my horse
>roll 1d6
This is a d20 system
>roll 1d6
I have animal handling
>roll 1d6+1
3
>your horse is lost
I wanna go find my horse
>no let's just keep moving the campaign forward

...

...

nat 1 isn't an autofail on ability checks

No, but for most checks, a total result of 5 still isn't going to cut it.

...

you need to shut that shit down as DM dude

Tell me more about your dice game user. I love grim reaper/death characters and it sounds fun

>that guy, plays ranger
>character is a boring, unemotional, silent type
>never has any input or ideas
>avoids most combat for whatever reason even though he one-shots trash mobs with a bow
>gives up if he goes down or the monster is unaffected by arrows

Fuckin' hell. I'd kick him but his gf is actually into the game and he's got the most minis.

...

This is the only reason why I can't play evil campaigns. That guy is always there.

Methodical evil is best evil.

Hes back at it again folks!
3 toons! Get a load a this schmuck!

it kind of is. If its impossible to roll low enough to fail the task why roll in the first place?

variations on level of success?

LMAO! 3 Toons!!1

...

i too want to read up on the death dice game!

Verily, there be such a scoundrel within mine group as well. For the sake of this anecdote, I shall refer to him by the pseudonym Sir Kylington Esq.

On the night upon which our esteemed group was set to commence a new series of fictitious scenarios, Sir Kylington brings forth a large portfolio and presents it to us fellows.

"Sir Kylington" I inquire, "Might you be so kind as to enlighten us as to the purpose of that item."

"Why certainly Sir Anonymous" He replies "It contains the pages upon which the statistical representation of the persona I am about to embody are inscribed."

"Why Sir Kylington," I must speak again "That surely is a large parcel for such a purpose!"

"Not at all, Sir Anonymous," He corrects "For you see, it further contains several references of note regarding the particulars about the various useful articles of gear he possess."

There seems to be logic in this, but one thing still bothers me. "But surely Sir Kylington, a novice such as the kind we are about to portray would not require so much in terms of gear."

He laughs, and proceeds to enlighten me "Normally, Sir Anonymous, that would be the case. However, in this instance, this Dramatis personæ carries the blood of such the same as I have previously possessed, and thus is able to be granted many such useful trinkets."

Now, in reasonable measure, such an explanation might pass muster, so I have a further line of questioning I must pursue. "What monetary value, might, according to the bylaws of the activity we are about to commence, be the sum total of this inheritance?"

"All things in moderation, Sir Anonymous" is his answer "I have no more than would be appropriate for one of the third rank of expertise!"

When further questioned Sir Kylington to protest that the suspension of disbelief REQUIRES, that his avatar begin with a significantly higher pool of wealth. And sympathy due to his status as an orphan wins out.

I must question what circumstances permit this.

Tell him to roll a new character, one that will work with the party, you arent gonna run two different games.

Bang her and have her take his minis
Ez pz

>part of a tabletop club because the only rare, non-organized group I've seen looks like the average player is twice my age and has to deal with kids
>Being a hardass about systems, but eventually succumb to participating in a 5e one-shot ran by the club president because people who are interested in non-D&D systems just got back to campus and need to acclimate to new people
>My group consists of about half old, half new
>Party is decently balanced: Half-Orc Barbarian, Halfling Rogue, there's a Cleric in there somewhere if I recall correctly, a Dragonborn Fighter (Me), and an Elf Sorceror
>My enjoyment of the one-shot slowly dwindles as the Elf Sorceror player chose Phoenix Sorceror to play out the all too common trope of "magic user with an unhealthy obsession with fire and likes making comments about wanting to burn all the things"

I mean the player themselves was okay I guess, I'm just tired of this trope being in almost every group I see, it feels so tired and boring, even if it was a one-shot.

Now from KYLE perspective pls

this is the tamest that guy story i have ever read

>Take a quick break to get food/beer
>That Guy starts at the table "to review the players guide"
>Come back and the table is on fire
>All our character sheets are gone and my miniatures are charred
>Ask That Guy what the fuck he was thinking
>"It's what my character would do!"
Fucking hate these pyromancer types.

that's more like it

Is this pasta?
If not gg user, I'm impressed

This is kinda on the DM for not splitting xp/ telling that guy to stfu/ etc

>be me bought a few cheap AD&D books with babysitting monies.
(spent $30 USD on DM Guide, Player's Hand Book,
Book of Artifacts, Player's combat & Tactics,
Monstrous Compendium Vol 1, and a Legions of Hell Book of Fiends. Vol 1
this included the shipping costs. I got everything dirt cheap.)

>Ask boyfran and friends if we can play.
>Boyfran super into it. He played before with his siblings.
>One of the two frans is stoked. (this dork will say yes to anything if it sounds fun.)
>The 2nd fran talks down on how my AD&D books aren't in pristine shape.
>Takes time to shit on anything I show up with.
>loses his mind and won't stop his REEEEE mode that I plan on DMing.
>While I'm reading and doing preping for my campaign. I notice I messed up. I didn't get an AD&D Monster Manual.
>2nd fran "goes see she doesn't even know what she's doing!"
>Let boyfran take the reign. Have him DM but insist that we use our books please.
>2nd fran shows up with impluse buys
>2nd fran spent $140 on a deck of encounters and deck of magical items meant for AD&D. And a 3rd edition of Dungeons and Dragons Monster manual.
>"Hey 2nd fran we can't used 3rd edition monsters in AD&D unless we do conversions and stuff.
>which is on the net I'm sure but unless you plan on doing all that footwork fuck off"
>Fran #1 being the diplomat says he'll do it.

>2nd fran, week from then shows up with Player's Handbook for 4th edition. $20
I'm done. I don't wanna play anymore. This is stupid.
>boyfran points out that it's gonna take a bit of work to look into conversion stuff to even make use of my AD&D alongside the 3rd edition monsters and 4th edition books.
>"Hey boyfran if they were meant to be mixed I'm sure it'd say so but go for it senpai."
>2nd fran pressuring boyfran into changing his work schedule to match his so we can play.
>boyfran never does this.
>2nd fran so desperate to play he purchases Player's Hand book 2 &3, 4th edition along with Monstermanual 4th edition and some rando divine power book. $60
>MFW what started off as my wanting to play simple AD&D like back when, cause I found great deals on eBay.
>Turned into 2nd fran consistantly flashing his fucking money in my and fran#1's face.
>When we go out he pays for fran#1 but says " Hey you pay for your bitch and I'll pay for mine" when he's talking to my boyfran
(fran#1 doesn't have jerb cause he's diabetic and his self esteem plumeted when he was fired from his job for having gone to the hospital.
"too many times" Dork fucked up by not letting his employer know that he's got a medical condition that may land him in hospital. Sure.
But if you're his friend and know the history of why he doesn't have a job the fuck you holding that over his head for?)
> Fran #2 shows up with some pathfinder mat $25, and two tubes of figurines $24. sack full of dice $8.
>Show boyfran and frand my dicetower. Got the idea of some shitting posting on /tg thought I'd make one of cardboard. try it out. It works #soproud.
>lol wtf woman, I could just buy a better one.
>"dude mine was free though shut up"
>Boyfran, it'd pretty dope though. Made a clear plastic face so we can watch dice fall."

>My dice show up from china. I laugh cause within the time it took for them too show up I don't want to play anymore. $1 purple and blue dice from eBay.
>We finally start rolling for characters.
>mfw boyfran is using all of the 4th edition books.
>"It was just easier huh?"
>Boyfran gives me the what have I done look?
>Boyfran super bummed when it finally clicks in his brain.
>Make a neato ranger person. End up with 20 dex lol
>Stronger than fran #2' Dragonborn Pali. Hell the Half Elf Bard can almost tank better.
>Our weird Shifter wolf shaman with an elephant spirit does so much bullshit starting off, fran#2 can't believe it and keeps interjecting the game just to double check rules.
> Fran#1 and I play stupid dice roll game while we wait on fran #2's bullshit.
>DM boyfran super annoyed and feeling like he's losing his pacing in the game.

>home alone with boyfran.
>"Hey are you DM or what's going on Boyfran?"
>"Well yeah but fuck frien #2 he's getting out of line."
>"Welp you set some boundries or we're done with this game."
>"Sorry I didn't use your books"
>fran #1 and I agreed that we throw in whatever change we got into the snack fund piggy bank. I grab little babysitting money I can and throw it in.
>Only rule of the house, you throw money into the snack fund or no snacks for you foo. Are now in effect.

We're waiting on the next game session but... I would have apreciated to use my AD&D stuff first.
I'm the reason anyone wanted to play so why can't we play the simple game then play teh 4th edition with all it's sparklers and pizzaz?

ad&d is like those simple ol trucks from 1972 or something and DND 4th edition is like one of those cars from 2015
piled with a load of electronic mumbojumbo you don't nead starting off.

I dunno but whatever. this came off more ranty than anything.

Dont know if i should be most impressed about someone managing to deciper this, or the eloquence in which it was done

Páka?

That is fucking glorious

I dare say, a most riveting anecdote my dear chap.

You do know that all of the books of all of the editions can be found for free floating around the internet? Heck, I think most of what you are missing can be found in " da archive" .
On the note of the snob friend, had a mate like that in highschool , he got a lot better after I noted in front of a bunch of friends that he was just insecure about himself and had to make himself look important and big with all the money and bling.