Meanwhile on Dwarven Veeky Forums

In dry conditions, with enough wind at your back to draw away the smoke into the enemy but not enough to affect reloading.

If you can find such a battlefield reliably, by all means, thunder away.

I'll leave worrying about rain or dew damage bowstrings to the elves - why should we give ourselves their weakness?

Granted, the thunderous noise is a plus.

>fear in the face of the unknown is not the dwarven way!
Neither is stupidity in the face of the unknown. We leave that one to the humans.

>up to your ankles
Well rather past your ankles. But you get my point.

Does wanting to bed an elf make me a race traitor lads?

> worrying lack of body hair
> thin, frail-looking body that is nevertheless very elastic
> large eyes

You basically want to lay an enormous baby. If it is the only way to satiate your pedophilic urges while steering clear of ever-precious young, please do. Just far away from here.

To be fair, the sort of environment that a balrog creates around itself is ideal for deploying charges.

Is the elf a good business partner or craftsman? There is nothing wrong with wanting to bed someone you've done hard work alongside.

If we're getting these things out, I have to confess that I sometimes feel a longing for the touch of a gnomish lady.

Anyone here know how to make good kobold bait? The bastards keep breaking into the food stores and end up eating half our reserves. I keep asking the elders for permission to send a couple warriors down into the tunnels to find their nest but they won't listen, so I'm thinking of laying down some poison traps myself.

If I see one more Goblins-Fuck-Yeah thread I swear to ungbaraz I'm going to bust my ungbarazi knut!

When a powderbag blows your hand off and scalds your face so you look like a troll sat on your head, you'll understand why testing gunpowder is banned.

Hand: Lost.
Eye: Scalded, blinded.
Cheek: Withered

Do you want to go through life looking like a half shredded plate of wild plump helmet? No?

Then

>don't
>test
>gunpowder

Humans will fuck anything. You put a cunt in a stone wall, he'll fuck it.
Say, any ideas how I'd make a trap fire when something about the size of a sausage is inserted? A button a little bit in the back, or buttons on the walls tapering with depth?

Too easily tampered with. Use the same system as a keyhole: a set of tumblers when pushed to a specific depth triggers the trap. Helps keep you from accidentally setting it off when cleaning it out...unless your finger is a equivalent in thickness to a manling dick.

>Kobold bait
They're simple but they're not animals, if you're hoping to lure them in with a rotted salmon and some unsalted venison you'll be sorely disappointed. Simply bring in some hunters from the outside and have them stalk your stores for a while, if they're worth their salt you'll have the scaly little freak pincushioned pretty soon.

Now, I'm no expert on human dick, but I don't think they got the right kind of equipment to mess with tumblers like ours do. Also, wouldn't that mechanism also involve turning?

Maybe I could trick a mimic into... "presenting" itself, instead.

How can we improve the technology if we don't test it?

Someone already wrote that story.

...
Source?

Must have been a happy ending, what with the lack of any "half-mimics."
... Right?

Too much bitching, not enough boozing.
Talk about your favorite boozes.

my brothers from another clan

and then what? you wanna lay down with a goblin or a kobold?
you bastards disgust me?

Stoneheart's Defiant '98 is the perfect quencher for the hard-working smith. Crisp and hoppy but not too strong for the apprentices to knock back.

>and then what? you wanna lay down with a goblin or a kobold?
Hey. I'm not saying it's right to lust after gnomish women but it's not THAT wrong.

...
The brewers guild paid you to write that didn't they?

I'm a member of the Brewer's Guild, so you should take my expert opinion seriously.

>it's not THAT wrong
is the same crap that humans said when they start playing with demon summonings and now we are up to ours armpits of red bastards!
just kept your wee pecker inside a hairy dwarvish cunt!

Well, obviously. I just sometimes have the wee lady put her hair up and feign a gnomish accent.

And deny the women of the world fine dwarven cock?
I bet you're one of those pick-in-the-stone whingers who've gone pale and haven't seen the sun in a century.

I think you've misinterpreted the creed of the Dildo-mason's Guild.

Anyone from a fortress whose weapons guild was brave enough to build a flamethrower? I have reservations on them myself, but I got a friend up north who has to deal with frost troll invasions every so often and he's been asking for any recommendations. He saved my beard a while back so I need to make up for him somehow.

in my times we were real dwarves, no need for other race hairless snatch!
i blame the elves for this degeneracy

Ohh here comes Elder McBoringson, blaming the elves for everything again, the bloody war was 200 years ago!

Listen to me laddy that grudge is still in the book.

Yeah, but just because we had a war with humans recently it doesn't mean that we should abandon our ancestral grudges. Our whole civilization is based on grudges!

the war never ended your early beard bastard! dont ate the elves lies!
they are telling us to bathe and shave!
they are putting soy in our ale!
wake up lad!

>they are putting soy in our ale!
As a representative of the Brewer's Guild I can assure you that this is not true. If you persist in spreading this libel I will be forced to contact the Lawmonger's Guild.

But let's not be sour with one another. Instead, how about a rich, creamy flagon of Grudgebear's Triplestout? It's the beer that fights like a dwarf!

Brewer's Guild are a bunch of sell outs
They kiss elvish ass!!

You can't get manlings pregnant can you? Asking for a friend.

Enjoy being sober for the rest of your life.

I was there lad, still miss it, spent half a year cutting and burning our way though a Forrest to get to one of there towns and when we got there the truce was called, bloody human meddling I say, who gave them the right to act as a middleman?!

>Go into a human town, spot a manling beating tin.
>Soft curvy body with light feminine muscle, finely trimmed curled mustache.
>Smiles and greets me with a wave.
>Lean forward a bit to hide boner and wave back.
Why are Human men so fucking attractive, they are like tall women for fuck sake.

You see, there's the problem. Humans ruin everything they touch. Open up any history book and you'll see that back in the day us dwarfs and the elves got along just fine. But then, all these little fucking barbarians started popping up, and they start making offers to trade with us. So we say sure, but then the elves get all pissy, because you know what they're like, and start thinking we're giving the humans all the good shit while they get the off-cuts.

So then we start bickering and fighting and what not, and while we too busy fighting, humans sneak in, steal all our knowledge and use it to start forming kingdoms. And don't even get me started on how they rocked up at the end of the Third Great Demon Incursion and claimed victory. Yeah, the only reason you killed those red-horned bastards was because we spent three decades softening 'em up for ya. And now they hold all the power and use it to police the realm as they choose. It's absolute troll shit I tell ya.

bearded women is the worst dwarf meme

>T. Beardlet Incel

To be fair Elves have always been cunts even if we only started real wars with them after humans showed up, at least humans are good at killing orks, even if orks are just as good at killing humans.

elves always do that! when shit is gonna hit the fan they run screaming for humans help

Elves are still pricks, that's for certain, but after humans rocked up they've increased their faggotry to ridiculous levels. The only good reason humans are still around is, like you say, they're good at culling orcs and vice versa.

Holy shit that was so fucking stupid

spot the elvish wanker! get out you bastard!

Call me boring, but I can't resist the classics.
Hand me a stout Frostpeak Lager and I'll be right as rain.
Or, if the mood is bubbly, I'll even take a charredhearth whiskey, don't tell my foreman though, he'd be spitting teeth.

Some human just paid me a thousand gold for a steam engine! Bloody fools the lot of them, spouted some nonsense about it revolutionizing the world. I think there might be money in throwing a few of them together and sending them off for dumb humans to play with, the stone knows my kids get board of the things quick enough.

I'm tired of all this fighting with men and elves. Your matriarchs must have never have told you lot about the Wisdom of Peace if you think holding such petty grudges is worth your time, cooperation is a virtue!

Want to know how I know you are a human?

...ive got some bad news fer ye....yer son might be hitting his head on the mine ceilings and walk with a slump

What this wood elf shit doing on my Dwarf Board? Begone you filthy tree huger!

>Going on an expedition to prospect for coal.
>Take my coal pick, my stone pick, my earth pick and a shovel.
>Rest of the expedition take the piss the entire way there.
>They only take a stone and rough pick.
>I end up using all my picks.
>They still take the piss.
Fucking hate this attitude, double headed picks where a mistake, if you want things done right you take the right tool for the job.

Was it Gilbert Bates?

Mr Bates yeah, lovely lad but in a simple way, humans are like that tho.

>a stout Frostpeak Lager
>stout Lager
Listen, halfling, just because we've never grudged your people don't think we never could.

Human here, you guys are alright. Best smiths and drunks around, hate elves with a passion.
Though I have to ask, what's the whole deal with grudges? Don't you guys ever forgive?

>Though I have to ask, what's the whole deal with grudges? Don't you guys ever forgive?
I've traveled in your lands and I've heard a saying that men use when encouraging one another to forgive. They say, "Life is short."

Our lives are not short. Do you understand now?

Your lives are short you ugly little things.

So what you're saying, is that you hold onto any slights made against you for years?
That's pretty damn impressive.

Ignore this poster, typical elf faggot

>you hold onto any slights made against you for years?
Not slights against ourselves as individuals. A man might call me ugly to my face and I might break his nose to help him learn to value looks less and honor more, but that is not a grudge. A dwarf knows that honor is measured by commitment to the guild, the clan, and the hold. Those are the things we defend with our grudges.

Finally, someone posts a gorgeous dwarf woman. So many humanposters want to clog the board with their hairless fetish.

youtube.com/watch?v=bnsNrLFI7sk

Farmdwarf here, why do we always catch shit from the other guilds?

Look, when you work all day in the mines, or are off fighting goblins and trolls, you kind of see farm work as the kind of work belonging to weak dwarfs. Not that what you do isn't important, none of us could work the way we do without food in our bellies, but don't be surprised when some grizzled old veteran who spends his whole life fighting god-knows what down in the tunnels to find a dwarf working above ground to be not to his taste.

The Brewer's Guild never gives you shit. Instead, we bring you enticing beverages like the renowned Crosshammer Brown. Whether you're unwinding with friends or getting worked up for a fight, a Crosshammer Brown will get you there!

Oh I understand, and respect the work that the Wardens and Miners do for us, and I don't expect him to kiss my bootheels because I put some bread on his table.
But take the recent guild-meet, the smithing union was insisting that the farmers should have to buy the full price on tools despite the existing trade agreement for reduced produce prices.

I've just joined an adventurer party lads, but we are gonna go to the old country by boat so, its gonna take a while. So, i need the hairest beardest ladies pics you can find..for scientific purposes...
Joking. I might have a sudden urge to huh "polish the boomstick" if you catch my lingo

AXES
BEARDS
ALE

>Kassarie

But... that's Kumi-Pumi...?

How are we ever going to complete all these groodges? Every time I go and try to find a human 50 years later they end up dead and I have to track down their descendents to right the groodge its tiring!