GM Protips

A man can dream.

The truth is he probably made a story so complex he doesn't know how to end the clusterfuck. That and he's lost interest in it.

It's like when a GM loses interest in the game they're running.

>periodically apply a thin layer of marinara sauce to your players' character sheets

>every now and then, roll your dice behind your GM screen for no reason and pretend to consult a chart

>Try to trick your players ioing into situations you know they don't like.

>Make sure to inject as many of your fetishes as possible to filter out those who will make a stink if mature themes come up

Periodically perform a culling where only one of the characters may proceed in the campaign with other players making new characters.

>whenever the character takes damage, rip the character sheet a little bit.

>ask the player if they're sure they want to do that when they ask to perform totally harmless actions that would have had no negative consequences just to test them

>Clerics and healers on standby with tape and glue

>If your character sheet is no longer legible your dead

Players may only join if they can do 5 pull-ups

Hold session zero for shit like ensuring that everyone's on board with the game vision, that everyone adheres to character creation rules and guidelines, head off some potentially game-destroying problems (i.e. paladin+necromancer type issues), and ensure everyone's on the same page.

>Do I murder everyone IRL this day?
>*rolls*
>Sigh.. not today.

Play only D&D 3.5

I actually love this.

I try to stray away from dice and numbers.

When you need to do a strength check, you have to do push ups.
When you have to make a perception check, you have to read something across the room.
For projectile shots, paper ball into a basket.
Intimidation, charm, etc you have to do your best irl.

Expanding on the torn character sheet. You have to cut a certain size each time you're damaged. When you cut off a skill, you lose that skill. Items list, you lose the items. Your name, amnesia, etc.

Yeah, Gurm is not the kind of author who plans his story ahead of time. He just writes what comes to his mind in the moment. That works fine for short stories and the like, but is not a great strategy for complex epics that spans seven books.

Some people use rollplaying as a form of escapism and want to do things they can’t in real life

>not letting your players slit their armfor 1 cm per % of HP lost
Fucking casual.

He's a hack, and can't finish it. And as long as he gets the HBO gravy train, he's set. Frankly, I think he enjoys being a celebrity more than he enjoys being a writer

>letting
L-lewd

>periodically test your players' dice by dropping them in a glass of water
my dice are made of metal

Even better, test them in a large body of water then, an extra layer of challenge will be for the players to retrieve them

Nah, just charge the GM for new dice.

>DC 15 survival check

>I can't roll this, you got rid of my fucking dice.

He outright said that was part of the problem with ADwD.

I legitimately do this sometimes, it's great.

>he likes dozens of ethnic teenage girls riding around in his lap 24/7 like a mall a santa more than sitting alone in a dark room writing about ye olde golden corral buffet
Shocking

Hi Dillon

Fine, you're a fat fuck that can't do one push up. And that's all it takes, just a few. So you then play a character that does things that don't require strength. But when you're pumped, and want your character to do something, and you do that one push up and succeed, that feeling of accomplishment, sweat, and adrenaline makes the game so much more real and accomplished.

Also you don't feel guilty for sitting around drinking soda. You improved irl in a tiny way.

Thoughts:
Punching out a city guard = one push up
Lifting a portcullis = 10 push ups
Knocking out a Tarrasque with your maul = 100 push ups

You can save your strength for one giant game ending move -or- keep doing checks through out the game, like knocking people out.
And if you fail, you just wasted irl strength. So you have to be wise when to do it.

>okay gang, in order to defeat the dark wizard, you have to irl graduate, get medium income job, date a girl, marry said girl, and have a kid. Meet you back here in 20 years
>Congratulations, you did it! You're winners in more ways than one.

>ask your players at random intervals how they're carrying all of their inventory

>Sounds like a you problem

>not killing your players the moment they enter the room

>have a player roll after they have sex to avoid viral disease

You’re joking, but I’d absolutely be down for a self-improvement game. Fund it

It's called life, and your parents already tried to fund it

Oh

I make all my players roll for pregnancy after sex. And after sleeping without an Alarm spell. Yes, even the men.

Only if we're playing F.A.T.A.L.

What about bacterial disease

Sound cool for a one shot. Any other idie of this kind?

Intimidation could be like a stare contest, the first to look out/blink loose.