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Jumpchain CYOA Thread #2066: Git Gud Edition
Nicholas Turner
Gabriel Wright
Have a writefag no one asked for! Continuing the saga of Journal Jumper the Princess Babysitter.
Jump 7: Legend of Zelda 1 - Gauntlet
...oh, for...another one?! What's the point of all these magical powers I get if I only get to use them half the time?!
>I like to keep things interesting. Besides, you need to practice that sword arm of yours a bit more.
Goody.
>“It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!”
Free Stuff Get: The Sword, The Shield
Very oldschool. I, uh...don't know how good a bronze sword will be in the long run. I'm also surprised to see a cross on the shield. Still, better than nothing. I need some money, though.
>"Got somethin' that might interest ya, stranger."
...you look weirdly familiar. And that pig-face...is that a mask?
>"Shut up and take my money, stranger."
Drawbacks:
They Are Unending [300] - I can handle respawning mooks, just need to catch my breath now and then.
An Unfamiliar Land [600] - Joke's on you, I never played this game to start with!
>"Hmm...fair point. I'll change all the street signs you encounter to be blank, instead."
I WAS KIDDING
>"Fair is fair, user."
Uncertain Guidance [800] - Okay this hurts, but I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent enough to do this without coherent help.
...stop smiling at me, that's creepy.
An Empty Land [1100] - After the whole tower gauntlet thing and all that dungeon plundering in the last world, I'm used to having to forage and live off of loot.
Stuff:
Heart Containers x6 [800] - Safety first!
White Sword - Ooooh, sparkly! At least its made of proper steel, now.
Bow And Arrow [600] - Been practicing!
Magical Shield [200] - I'm gonna need this. Magic is spooky. I should know, I use it!
Bomb Bag [0] - So since I'm not limited by gameplay mechanics, this is my ultimate dungeon bypass tool. I am front door user. Knock knock, motherfucker.
Matthew Edwards
You know, something they never talk about is the fact that Hyrule in this day and age is mostly grassland and little bits of dry patches. It's because of the top-down perspective and the 8-bit graphics of the original NES - there's just nothing to render the details with and 3D is little more than a distant idea on someone's expensive-ass computer at this time. But then I got to see it with my own two eyes. It didn't look like cartoon graphics to me, it looked...'real'. The reason Hyrule was mostly grass is because everything else was ruins. I could vaguely recognize some of the dungeons as ruins of buildings from Link to the Past and Ocarina of Time, aged by several centuries. Some of the ruins looked fairly recent indeed. Of course, nothing was where it was supposed to be because I couldn't keep my dumb mouth shut around my scary schoolgirl GM lady, but the recognition didn't escape me. This was a world where Ganon had stood victorious on his debut and then revived himself again, and again, and again. And even as a new incarnation of Link defeated him each time, a little more of Hyrule was taken away with each battle. It was a morose thought.
But thinking hurts my brain and I'm here to rescue a Princess!...again! Time to stab some pig-men. Craniums for the cranium chair!
Having gone through my share of monsters and evil mercenaries, zombies, and so forth, I'm pretty used to some good old-fashioned hack and slash violence. I'm not gonna sweat morality or the fact I'm cutting down Moblins like wheat - I'm here to save Hyrule, they are trying to stop me from saving Hyrule. That's about as complicated as this issue gets. Plus they're not human and are actively trying to kill me, making disassociation easy and fun. Thanks, brain! The first dungeon is, in fact, the hollowed out Deku Tree. Who has likely passed away centuries ago. That's, uh...that's awfully morbid. This game is a lot darker than I remember it being. Ah, well.
Thomas Lopez
First dungeon is usually the easiest!
>Several hours later...
I forgot how much I sucked at finding keys. The downside to not being in video game land anymore is that magic keys don't just hover in front of you when an enemy drops it. Sometimes it rolls into a corner somewhere or gets stuck between a very narrow gap between stone bricks. I may have lost my patience and opted to total the boss door with several pounds of bombs. I think the impact within a closed space killed the boss before I even managed to push aside the rubble in the doorway. I'm sure Ganon is wondering why Hyrule is suddenly experiencing a few rapid-fire earthquakes in areas the Triforce happens to be stored within. Or why an arsonist was attacking him as opposed to a legendary hero.
...wait. Arsonist. That gives me an idea.
>Second dungeon later...
Today I learned that Moblins do not test their smoke detectors. I also have plenty to eat for the next few days. Bacon for the bacon God!
So not long after what Moblins would later call Bloody Sunday, about thirty of them ganged up on me and tried to kill me. Apparently setting fire to a dungeon to get to the magical artifact inside and then eating the charred remains of their fellow soldiers was crossing some sort of line. Hey, you're literally pigs, and I'm pretty sure at least some of you have dined on Hylian in canon at some point! You have no right to judge my love of pork! Anyways, I took some advice from Rurouni Kenshin for this scenario - I'd start by running away. The fastest ones would catch up to me first, I'd strike them down, run again, and then pull them into a narrow path where they all bunched together in an attempt to get to me first. They did not last very long after that. Not coincidentally, most Moblins would start running away when they saw me. When I saw the Secret Moblin again, he hid behind his desk and begged me not to take his soul. Did I go a bit too far that time...? Eh, I leave him and the runners alone.
Henry Watson
If they're sufficiently spooked, that's one less thing for me to worry about. That's when Wizzrobes became more common! And when the Magical Shield got some great milage.
As for most of the dungeons...well. I used a lot of fire. When fire stopped working, I used bombs on the walls and doorway. When that didn't work, I'd bully a Wizzrobe and take his staff and lunch money until he opened it for me. Finally, it came down to me and the Pig King himself. He'd speak some sort of meaningful monologue...except, well, he was still speaking Old Ass Hylian so I didn't understand a word of what he said. His body language told me he was going ‘what the hell man’ at least once before going into a more serious evil overlord kind of posture. I'd like to say I came up with some kind of clever exploit that made this fight easy, but I had exhausted my bag of tricks at this point. There was nothing for me to take advantage of in this room - it was just an empty arena with me and Ganon. He saw to it that everything I had used up to this point wouldn't work. It was just a contest of sword versus trident, with me the spindly and quick human versus the King of Evil himself. After a while, sword techniques stopped being a thing and I was just tiredly chopping away at him whenever I found an opening. It came down to a final clash between the both of us. I won by luck - my decision to keep my short height back in Bodymod had paid off when the blades of his trident only skid the top of my head, missing the middle of my skull while my blade had pierced Ganon's heart.
Looking back on it, it felt different from the battle against the Dragon - the fight against them felt like a game, complete with boss stages and weak spots. The battle against Ganon was just a bloody battle to the death, from start to finish. I feel a bit more respect for Link, after that.
Tyler Russell
Anyways, the day is saved and the Moblin population has dropped by about twenty percent! Hi Zelda! I don't remember you being a redhead but hey I won't judge. Hyrule has been saved, the gauntlet has been won, so I'll just be on my...
...
What do you mean she's a companion now.
ANOTHER ONE?!
That's all. Enjoy the awful fanfiction. Or don't. I had fun writing it.
Jose Lopez
You've been given permission if you're interested, Valeria:
Matthew Wilson
...
Jack Richardson
I don't remember a Zelda 1 Gauntlet. When was this posted?
Evan Nguyen
Around the time of Breath of the Wild