Things that make you mad

>GM has any opponent just fight to the death, including animals and human combatants

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>any
i hope you meant "all"
you realize there are both humans and animals which will gladly fight to the death

>shitposting

This.
You.

I think he said what he meant.

me too, i just like hoping people aren't as stupid as their opinions indicate

>Surrendering or running away from Turbo-ISIS "Adventurers"
Nope, thanks you very much, magical splash flare.

>players don't know the rules after 3-4 months
>DM doesn't know the rules
>this happens in the same game

>every plot related NPC is stubborn as hell and refuses to help the PCs or give them information without at least 4 persuasion/intimidation/dick sucking checks
>even when the NPC's interests align with the party

why not just play ERP

Guilty of these

One of the first things you learn as a player in an RPG is the separation between in-character actions and believe, and out-of-character actions and beliefs. Most players get pretty good at it.

Most GMs forget that they need to do it too.

I call this "Rational Kobold Syndrome." The GM is a sensible person with a good vocabulary, and therefore all NPCs are sensible people with good vocabularies. Rationalism is a very modern invention, but it's so prevalent that it can be difficult to escape. But if every NPC behaves as sensibly and clearly as someone with knowledge of the subconscious, the nature of emotions, the rule of law, and the consequences of their actions, games can get pretty boring. All NPCs become one guy wearing different hats. You can use silly voices... but silly voices won't help you build a world.

Equipped with the toolkit of rationality, most GMs make NPCs Machiavellian schemers or idiots, without considering the wide range of possibilities impulsive behavior creates. Control of one's passions, or their release in specific ways, was demanded by the Church and the nobility, but, as with any other attempt to regulate human behavior, often failed in practice.

>gets asablasted drunk halfway through session
>takes 4+ smoke breaks
>inserts memes during serious moments

>Every NPC is a snarky dramatic asshole or a stoner, no exceptions.
>NPCs employers withold important information for your mission because "you didn't ask" :^)
I hate my shadowrun game.

>core rulebooks only
>I don't want the game to be broken
So must play CoDzilla, got it.

>character has cantrip that gives a minor, short lived buff; intended to be cast during combat
>player insists on casting it every time anyone tries to do anything

well, he would be stupid not to.

if he wants to cast it every time it might be useful we can just assume it's there instead of him yelling it across the table

Are you mad over Guidance in 5e?

In one of our earliest sessions I had 2/5s of the goblins run away, and one player tossed a javelin and winged, but didn't kill, one.

Later the players stumbled upon a goblin patrol, and one (badly scarred) goblin yelled in terror and bolted on its first turn. They immediately made the connection and realized it was the same goblin, and I think that moment was the most fun any of them had in the entire campaign.

PF, but yes

>Rationalism is a very modern invention
I hope you aren't saying that all historical people were irrational.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindsight_bias

>system has no line between alive, fully dangerous; and unconscious, bleeding out

Hate the game, not the DM, if you play a system that uses meat points to track health. Players almost always fight to the death too, in those systems. If it bothers you, switch games.

how do you run away if both legs are crippled and how do you lift a white flag if both hands are cut off though?

>PC has a family
>GM fucks with the family
>puts them in danger
>maybe kills the PCs father/mother/sister/brother/twin

>my PC/NPC rolls to seduce

>PC: I want to steal from [Other PC]
>GM: ok, go for it

>GMs who, when a PC fails their roll, describe the PC thoroughly embarassing themselves in front of everyone
>GMs who put save or get damaged traps in scenarios where there is no reason for them to be there
>Players who want to be secretly evil and betray the party and GMs who are okay with the shitters

I like old adventures where the module would often tell you that "These wolves will run away if they reach x HP or y of them are killed".

Since you guys get mad at shit, I want to run something by you all.

In the game Im running, I want to have a fae-queen fight, and I want the twist to be that you cant tell how much damage she's doing because she doesnt want to cause any undue suffering (you literally cannot FEEL the massive gaping wounds her sword leaves).

Is this a cool mechanic, would it piss you off, and does it have the desired effect (making the fight more tense).

that sounds like I'd be pissed off but also love it

It's meant to be used out of combat though

Not him, but its still annoying.

>Party member is an autistic sperg who won't stop making skyrim references
>He's the DM's friend so nothing ever gets done about it

this is especially hilarious because historically, D&D gets MORE balanced with time and supplements, not less. Other games might suffer from supplement creep, but D&D actually flourishes by dropping core entirely. Even better if you drop the early supplements too.

I think this works if you describe the first attack well enough. Like, if you say "the sword slices through your forearm... but you feel nothing. You are *very clearly* bleeding profusely, but there is no pain." Then make it OOC obvious that you are recording damage, but since they can't feel it they don't really know how hurt they are.

I think it's a cool idea. Might steal that, actually.

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

>old mate joins in as new player
>rolls an obnoxious noble acting only for his own benefit
>roleplays him as a dickwad
>other players respond in character and shit on him for it
>throws an ooc fit saying that "he doesnt want to waste his time in this toxic environment"

How is it that this hobby brings out the dumbest shit from people?

I love this pasta so much.

pasta

every time

> magical splash flare

I've found that having opponents try and run away just flat out doesn't work. Unless you give them a magical exit that comes with big red flashing letters of "The fight is over you fucking morons" the players will just chase after and get really upset if they can't catch and kill any fleeing enemies.

Be prepared for ten rounds of melee dudes running after fleeing goblins throwing random shit in their inventory as improvised weapons in the frustrated hope that if they throw their small gold statue (250 gp) hard enough it will kill the goblin before he gets away.

I think you may just have a shit group

this so much. a good group would know to surround them, or otherwise block exits.

Or at the very least bring things like bows or alchemists fire for finishing off fleeing enemies.

Its only logical. You never, under any circumstances, want an enemy to escape. Not only can that only make future fights more difficult, but it means you cant loot their corpse for treasure.

If they actually get away and that enemy never comes back in a future fight, that's treasure lost forever.

By not running down that guy, no matter how long it takes, you are just throwing gold away.

And that's assuming your GM is reasonable and awards you xp for enemies you defeated but not killed. I've known some GMs that only award xp for kills, further incentivizing not letting anyone escape.

it's why my favourite character that i've played in 3.5 is a half-elf ranger, specializing in ranged. dude was approximately as deadly as Simo Häyhä. there is no getting away from that character.

Is this pasta?

Yeah, it's macaroni.

...

>Goblins and bugbears
>All skyrim tier """stealth"""
>mobs uncloak behind us

>Different DM, pitted us VS dragon
>we're under-strength for this thing
>Flies 80 feet up every other turn
>Rolls to "recharge" lightning breath every turn
>Attacks at the end of everyone's turn
>"Gee user why didn't you help the bear totem barbarians?"
I donno fuckwheel, maybe because you just breathed me twice in a row for one hundred and seventy-nine damage? or the part where you outright told me you'd burn every legendary DM fiat to resist my fears? Oh! or the time I did engage and you immediately told us the dragon "teleported" and did nothing but roll for breath because if we approached ANYTHING you'd spawn more shit to kill us? I wasn't willing to spend three turns Looking for you just so you can go "lol! the dragon flies 80 feet in the other direction. Better take two turns and a dash to get back into a breath cluster"

On the other side of this is DM's who pull shit "These goblins who have rolled poorly and failed saves will now disengage and dash for the next three rounds"

>claims to be a chivalrous knight
>doesn't do jack fuck thats chivalrous
and they claim they know about a "knights code of honor"

Sounds like an accurate portrayal of knights.

Knights are legalised bandits. Thugs and bullies with legal authority. "chivalry" is a thing you say to the baron and his 14 year old daughter after raping a couple farmer's girls

>"I'll check for traps"
>"I'll detect magic"
>get hit by invisible magic trap hidden in anti-magic magic

>Being this much of a smaryass

Are you SERIOUSLY suggesting that all historical people were irrational? That seems pretty patently ridiculous.

Wait what? what's wrong with that? You're telling me Flailface McOrc "The Rabid" should just retreat when he somehow comes to the conlcusion that he lost? Should skeletons just disassemble and scramble back into the shadows when you pull out a mace?

>historically
If you consider history to have started at the year 2000.

Might wanna work on those comprehension skills buddy

Any time a player gets mad when they have bad luck. We have one guy we stopped inviting to our sessions because every single time something bad happened to him he would rant and rave about how he "always" got fucked. He had to best luck out of all of us and got the most free passes in situations when he should have died. Fuck that guy.

Why the fuck would he not?

This is a problem with the system, not your player

It's a super cool idea, but you have to be particular with your descriptions, make it clear when they're still doing fine / knocking on deaths door

What, is he constantly shooting dudes in the knee or something, or is he sperging about TES lore?

I think you just have shit players dude

He's just being historically accurate

>GM says game might get a little raunchy
>Degenerates into ERP halfway into session 0
>More time spent on ERP than actual game
>GM utterly incapable of making male characters, only one male NPC of importance and we meet him for all of one session before leaving
>All NPCs are either sluts or traps

I'm glad I got kicked from that game

Chivalry was the same a bushido, made up bullshit people came up with to romanticize their cultural soldiers.

Pic related. I'm really really sick of defeatist fucks who give up at the first sign of danger or of an even slightly difficult challenge. I blame too many people playing video games with cheat codes and trainers.

Maybe let them do a heal check to get a rough idea of where they're at, but if it's during combat make it take an action so they can't just spam it

That adds up, you know.

Can you make it 5?

>players value power over information

Holy shit this is the worst. How can people be so immature and self unaware?

>Be at a larp
>Be patient zero of some disease, unbeknownst to my character
>Explain obviously out of character to someone that he got infected because he drank from the same bottle as me
>Player overhears this
>Five minutes later a small mob comes up accusing me of purposely infecting people

>GM kills my character I developed a deep backstory for in the first session
>for "story progression"
I was so angry.

preach it boi

>player rolls an obnoxious dickwad merchant acting only on his own benefit
>says he's not interested in the gms plot, he just wants money
>gm rolls with it, says he will incorporate trading in the story
>player says that he will make money for the group, group sets aside the plot for now to help him on a job
>he gets lost in the desert so we organize him a transport
>he gets almost eaten by lizards, so we kill them
>he cannot find his business contact, so we find it for him
>he gets almost stabbed by thugs (which he thought were his business contacts), so we get him out of there
>while getting almost stabbed the thugs, he leaves his goods behind with me, which i defend from even more thugs
>when we finally get paid, he tries to fuck us over, because "he did all the work"
>throws a hissyfit when we call him out on it
>throws even more of a hissyfit when the gm tells him he has to arrange himself with the group
>accuses us of mobbing him

why do i deal with such people

How did he kill you? Rolling? Or just said "and you die bitch"

A giant icicle fell from the sky. Not like "lol xd just a random thing" but we were in a faux-underdark it seemed.

>because "you didn't ask" :^)
Holy shit, this happened to me in my first Shadowrun game.

>GM: Guys, lets try this fucking awesome thing called Shadowrun.
>Players: Okey I guess, our last DnD game already reached the finishing, tie loose ends level, so lets try something new
>Spend Session 0 making character, explaining mechanics and fluff and lore
>Session 1, our handler give us milk run to catch some corp cargo, before they load it onto ship
>Try trapping the cargo hauler with car wreckage in good choke point and attacking the crew
>GM: "Lol, they changed their route :^)", even when we didn't triggered any alarm during hacking
>Plan B: get the hauler in the port
>Quickly move through city, paying large sum, so we can use shortcut in gang territory
>Port. Using old provisional access point in transformer station, so our decker can gain access to port control system
>Pinging location of multiple corp security
>Sneaking to hauler location, but hauler is already loaded, even when we disabled power to the cranes
>"They have backup batteries on ship :^)"
>Got discovered, even when we knew the location of security
>Sneaking turns into firefight
>We shoot our way to the ship and, but ship immediately moved
>Somebody else boarded the ship, while we found new group of corp security on ship
>Elite super group of DMPCs totaled corp security
>"Cargo is ours :^)"
>Dumped us on lifeboat
>They somehow transported large masses of drugs onto their ship, without using ship cranes and then scuttled ship

>Players: WTF man, this was pretty shit!
>GM: Well you didn't asked your handler, if he have any additional info :^)
>GM: You didn't ask your handler for additional money and gear for mission :^)
>Players: And how should we know it? You gave us sum of money and list of items in shop
>GM: You should guess...

We ended up ditching him and he didn't even understand why. He forgot to mention the most important part of run, legwork.

Goblins have few military-like strategies and low morale, breaking easily.
I see no problem with creatures trying to survive, user. Do you?

>one party member builds entirely around social shit in an exploration and combat heavy game
>they take enchantment spells and everything like that
>literally the instant they have access to it, they suddenly take every single teleport power available
>spend the rest of the campaign just watching this guy teleport right past every possible threat and talk the boss down
>this continues nonstop for months
Glad I fucking left. One PC shouldn't control the game flow.

Anybody run a roll20 D&D group on Wednesdays or Thursdays? I know I'm kinda shooting in the dark here but I just want to play a Rogue (I've always played Barbarians unfortunately) and I'll literally learn an edition just to play

>gm calls in session zero for a fallout style campaign
>one regular player says he'll come, but never shows up
>rest of us settles on a more civilized campaign, be part of a faction, rebuild the world
>absent player later on demands to play the murder-hobo supermutant character he made by himself that clashes with all our other character concepts and the campaign idea in general
>that player is the same guy who wants to decide which rules the gm uses
>gm cancels the campaign

Sounds like a pussy GM.

>pasta
Maccaroni, to be exact.

This is me. I'm not sorry. Although I'm slightly less obnoxious and play an actually useful all-around utility druid.

How come it got so bad that you left? Did the GM let him successfully talk down enemies literally every time?

Funny thing user, i was talking about a game of Shadowrun too.
But not your story, tho the shit your GM pulled could totally come from mine too.

>my PC/NPC rolls to seduce
just accept reality, ugly

Best part was, that the group of DMPCs were all his old Shadowrun characters, of course, all of them were high level and minmaxed to hell and back. Before we ditched the DM, we gave him few more chances, because we were sure, that we just didn't fully understood how to play shadowrun... well, in fact he was just dick, who wanted at the end said:

>All according to keikaku :^)

And fucked us over, so we should be amazed about his perfect plan. And of course he waved of all our attempts to successfully finish the run.

>You hacked the surveillance system? Even the backup? Well... you should look in the secret node in water maintenance system, because there was backup of backup!
>No, you can't use your eye cyberware to to blind my... err.. the mysterious street samurai, he have polarized protective lenses implanted in his eyes

Strangest thing is, when we played other systems, he was relatively normal, good and rational GM.

If the GM did, then that's a sign of a weak GM.

not him but it could be more of a case that its your one person doing things not allowing anyone else to do a thing because of how the player wants to act and the GM failing to do anything about it so it might as well be a single player game at this point

I think he just found a setting that stroke him a bit too well and lost focus on the group, happens from time to time.

>GM: [Option] is banned because [Reasons]
>Players: (instantly gravitate toward and desire to play [Option] even though the only reason they want it is because they were told they can't have it because they're on the same level of mental and emotional development as infants

FUCK i know a guy just like that. Our DM pulled him aside and talked to him and he's gotten better but before that he threw a shitfit after he got hit ONCE. Meanwhile our barbarian got double crit'd in an amazing spectacle of insanely lucky rolls
>Barb getting hit twice by 2 different critters
>DM just decides "fuck it" and rolls d20s at once instead of breaking it apart
>both natural 20s
>rolls again to confirm
>both natural 15s
>somehow the other guy's getting shit on though and not the guy that fate pissed all over

Most millennials do