Now, it wasn't like little miss traitor-pants was always hanging on Bane's arm, in fact she left him to his own devices fairly frequently (which we felt disproved Ivana's assertion that she was "compromised" too). We weren't exactly sure what she was doing during these absences, probably plotting treason or enacting dark rituals (which Bane would find boring), or maybe she was off "negotiating" with various powerful male figures who'd respond poorly to her boy-toy's presence. In any case, whenever Angelica went off on her own, she always dropped Bane off at a certain up-hive club (which we dubbed his Daycare), along with at least one of her doubles and a few other helpers, who presumably were just there to call her whenever he got bored and wandered off. So far she'd always arrived on the scene and sidetracked him before he managed to overloaded a hive's fusion reactor or something, but it was probably only a matter of time.
The point is, that before we could neutralize Bane, we'd need to arrange for Angelica to be distracted too. The problem was that there were only a very limited number of things that would get her attention, five of them to be specific if Scisitat's little briefing on his stupid artifacts was to be believed...
This might've been the point where we started to go a just little off the rails. Well, at least according to our defense counsel.
I mean, it wasn't like we set out intending to steal the artifact. It was just that, of the the five, Angelica and Bane already had two (the Crime Lord's and another they'd gotten earlier), then there was the one we'd blown up (ON ORDERS), and finally one Ivana said her team had retrieved, which meant Sciscitat had it now. This just one left spooky artifact out in the wild, and we didn't much like our chances of getting to it before the people who were, you know, actually trained for that stuff.
We did look into other options, such as Twitch's perfectly reasonable idea of mining all routes out of the upper hive and just waiting until Angelica found the last artifact herself. The problem was that even though the number of routes between hives was limited by the massive rock-storm (it stops being sand or dust once it's bigger than a grape), there couldn't possibly mine ALL of them. Well, actually we probably could, we were beyond well stocked at this point, but you can't just leave massive piles of explosives lying around on pieces of crucial hive infrastructure... someone might steal them. Anyway, if she found an artifact on her own, she'd probably bring Bane with her, which was exactly what we were trying to avoid here.
We also toyed with the idea of just creating a fake artifact, which we could be sent some place Bane wasn't welcome, such as that Merchant Cartel. One of the reports Doc had gotten had a few pictures of the last artifact (another spooky box thing), and Tink was fairly certain he could rig up a close enough duplicate out of cardboard or something. Even better, since there wouldn't be any actual artifact stuff inside, we could just pack box itself full of explosives. Both Sarge and Doc vetoed this idea on the grounds that it involved the words "fairly", "close enough", and "cardboard". Also, she was a psyker and would presumably be able to tell the difference between an ancient eldritch artifact and a forgery, regardless of quality.
Adrian Lopez
OH BOY OH BOY A LIVE ONE, haven't seen one of these since Tyranid Acquisition Experts
Isaiah Powell
Oooh, pretyped and proofed? That'd make up for my carpal from spamming F5 for the past half hour.
Wyatt Adams
Heh, thinking about it, I probably could've been editing a chapter while I waited instead of giving myself a cramp.
Julian Ramirez
>Gets free entertainment >Bitches
Nathan Gray
> mfw I checked every half hour and got here before these plebs
William Morgan
I've caught another one live!
Was hanging with my buddy last night, and he offhandedly asked if there'd been a new one, since he hadn't checked in a while.
And emperor be praised there was. And because he is a just lord, there is even more today!
Benjamin Young
I always catch them live when I have shit to do.
Robert Nguyen
What are the chances that the Artifact is something that the party has already came across from before? I think you guys know what I'm talking about.
Julian Campbell
Eh, I was sort of rooting for a faster show up time from yesterday.
Joke is on you, they're all me.
Eli James
hey Shoggy thanks for making these threads. They're some of the best Veeky Forums content of all time
Leo Thomas
Oh, I had completely forgotten about that.
Ryder Diaz
Ivana even put forward a whole nother option for bait: Inquisition agents, specifically us. After all, she reasoned, if Angelica hated us so much, she was sure to come down to personally tear our limbs from our bodies and crush our skulls with her bare… hands. At least, that's what Ivana would do. We (very, very cautiously) explained that while this was an excellent idea, and everyone appreciated her suggestion, A: we'd been bait before, and hadn't much liked it B: No, she wouldn't come anywhere for us. She might send Bane, or have an orbital strike called in, or send the entirety of the Secret Police, but we highly doubted she'd show up in person. Even to gloat. At least not until we were all good and dead. Now, if it was Sciscitat on the other hand, or maybe one of his favorite minions… well, that was something worth thinking about. Or it would've been, if we weren't TOTALLY ABOVE THAT SORT OF THING.
So we really did our due diligence on this, but we just that we HAD to get an Artifact of our own, and of the four still existing we only knew where one of them was. It was, inevitably, Nubby who raised the question of if, you know just hypothetically, Sciscitat REALLY needed his. After all, if Angelica and Bane were dead, wouldn't that practically solve his whole scavenger-hunt problem for him? It would be for the Greater Good, as the Tau weirdos would say.
Jackson Butler
I thing a decent portion of Inquisitors would agree to the plan. But it's Sissy. No way he'd be on board, as it'd be difficult for him to fit 30 steps into a simple bait op.
Caleb Johnson
I've legit forgotten
Jace Reed
fucking necrons...
Brandon Sanchez
Holy shit I caught it live.
Logan Hill
The saner members of the squad watched in increasing alarm as first Twitch, then Tink and Ivana chimed in to add their support, and began planning was quite possibly the most harebrained heist in Inquisitorial history. When they got to the part with the clown masks and the giant wooden badger, Sarge finally put his foot down. He stated, in no uncertain terms, their heist was the exact sort of stupidity we'd been fighting with since we'd been "volunteered" for Inquisitorial service, and that wasn't even touching on the fact that we didn't actually know if the artifact was still in the other team's base, or how shaky our plan for baiting out Angelica was; we were not even remotely qualified for this sort of thing.
Fortunately, we knew a few people who WERE. Admittedly they were the exact same people we were planning on stealing the artifact from, but that just put them in a uniquely good position to get it for us. All we had to do was convince one or two Sciscitat's minions to sell him out, and according to Ivana, there was one specific person who was uniquely primed to do just that: his Interrogator. Sure, she seemed to be the man's most loyal follower, and probably hated our guts even more than he did, but if what Ivana said about her being "compromised" was true…
At first we hadn't put much stake in Ivana's whole "compromised" thing, but then the other team's surgeon asked Doc for a consultation on the Ganger, who'd been kept in medical confinement ever since her encounter with Bane. It hadn't been pretty: the trash-talking, mohawk-sporting, gun-nut who'd reminded us so much of Aimy had been reduced to something like a strung-out Obscura junkie, except somehow so much worse. Every conversation with her inexorably turned to Him, had Doc seen Him, did Doc know anything about Him, had Doc MET Him? When Doc had come back, he had a quiet word with the rest of us about taking Ivana more seriously, which we did (not that he much liked the end result).
Tyler Cook
>A mechanical murder dog for ants
Liam Sanchez
Mind you, even if Ivana was right and the Interrogator was just as brain damaged as the Ganger (only a lot better at hiding it), that didn't mean she would go steal us an artifact just because we asked nicely. We needed to phrase our request just right, make it clear that all we wanted the Artifact for was to kill Angelica, you know, the Evil Manipulative Sorceress controlling poor impressionable Bane Johns. We certainly didn't have any desire to try and kill HIM (we were a bunch of cowards after all). Hell, with someone more, um, Interrogator-like guiding him, he might just be willing to come back to Inquisitorial service! That would never happen if Scisitat got his way though, all he cared about was his Artifacts, once he got them he'd just run off again, leaving Bane under Angelica and the Conspiracy's control...
Yeah, the real problem was't so much the phrasing as keeping a straight face, especially since it would be Doc doing the delivery. Which is why, instead of making his pitch to the Interrogator directly, he went and visited the one person even more "compromised" than she supposedly was. Doc wasn't very happy with his role in Operation Exploit The Mentally Traumatized For Strategic Gain, but he grudgingly made one last trip to the other team's base. With the equally grudging help of their Surgeon, our medic had the most obviously staged conversation in the history of espionage in front of the Ganger, who briefly "escaped" during the Interrogator's next visit to their base. The fact that this all somehow WORKED was mind boggling.
A few after Doc's visit we received a calligraphed note informing us a "distraction" would be drawing the Sorceress' personal attention to Jack Hive. Day after tomorrow.
Nicholas Cox
Even ants need a best friend who'll kill for them.
Jacob Foster
Oops
Aiden Bell
...
Thomas Williams
>A few after Doc's visit we received a calligraphed note informing us a "distraction" would be drawing the Sorceress' personal attention to Jack Hive. Day after tomorrow.
Chase Perez
this is some heavy cognitohazard bullshit I gottta say.
Brody Kelly
Well, that went... surprisingly smoothly. Which of course means the inevitable cocking up will be all the worse.
Jonathan Thomas
All the better, lad.
Chase Perry
GTFO
Daniel Cook
> being this new
Matthew Gonzalez
Two days of frantic scrambling later, Sarge and Ivana were in position on a maintenance walkway overlooking Interchange 7JU-4, trying to look as bored and PDF-like as possible, and hoping their heavy weapons weren't visible from the lanes below. Across the way, Doc was leaned against an inappropriately camo-netted lascannon, desperately trying to ignore Nubby's dissertation on the inherent deviousness of all women. Above both groups, perched on the network of pipes clinging to the underside of the junction's 16-lane northbound overpass, Twitch sat with his pile of detonators, watching the incoming traffic like an especially jumpy hawk, and periodically rechecking the distance markers he'd placed along the roadside. Thirty kilometers away (some of them vertical), Tink double-checked his comm connection to the "auxiliaries", watched his chrono tick down to 0, and stepped into Seven Hive's most famous club. He then sheepishly stepped back out, and proceeded around to the service entrance before the bouncer tore his head off.
At T plus fifteen minutes, Tink had changed into his disguise, delivered his package, and was in position in the discrete spot the bribed paparazzi had told him about. At twenty, one of the lookouts Nubby had hired ("onrably 'tired PDF vet'rans, evry one of 'em") reported a flier with a Planetary Government IFF transponder landing, and a man with a "real fancy lady" exiting. Tink switched his dataslate over the appropriate feed, and immediately recognized Bane and Angelica, and switched to visual as they entered the club proper and proceeded to their usual spot. He watched them careful as they settled in and ordered drinks, patiently waiting for the moment when Angelica would quietly slip away. Then he kept waiting.
Mason Ross
Their tactics truly are too subtle for the Conspiracy to comprehend.....
Evan Nelson
It continues... all hail Shoggy...
Cameron Turner
Dude, please don't troll in Veeky Forums, reference global rule 3. Also newfag.
Parker Edwards
AND HERE WE GO
Jace Cruz
So... when does the Dakka begin?
Tyler Watson
I so should be sleeping between now and work... but it's story time! Damnit, Shoggy!
Elijah Fisher
Who would expect that a bunch of dipshit Grunts, plus their giant deranged bodyguard, would not only be able to gather better intel than the sooper speshal Inquisition Team, but would also set them up as bait so that they could try and kill one of the most impossible to kill people in existence? It’s too ridiculous to plan for.
Blake Gomez
...
Andrew Perez
Over an hour and three false alarms later, Sarge commed Tink to check what was taking so long. The techie in turn called his increasingly annoyed observers to check for the ninth time whether any vehicles with the appropriate "fast lane" tags had left the garages. He got a combination of drunken slurring, hacking coughs, mutters about shrimp, and quacking, which equated to a firm "no". Except from the landing pad team, who angrily (not to mention drunkenly) told him they hadn't seen anyone AT ALL since the flier that dropped Bane off, the one with the hot pilot, had left to park somewhere else. Tink briefly considered the merits of mass hobo murder, possibly followed by suicide, especially when his "observers" explained that no, they hadn't watched where it went, they'd been diligently keeping their IFF readers pointed at the pad and waiting for Tink's word that the target was leaving. After a few deep calming breaths, he called Sarge back to let him know there might be a problem. Sarge did not take it well.
In the face catastrophic mission failure and an enraged noncom's inexorable wrath, Tink did what came naturally: loudly complaining about how it wasn't his fault. He was the ONLY one of us who hadn't been on the whole Angelica mission, he'd only seen her the one time at the Crime Lord's place, how was he supposed to tell if it was her or a double? And anyway, it was NUBBY who hired a bunch of random drunken bums to be our spotters. None of it was Tink's fault, his part of the plan was actually working just fine, Bane had already gone through three bottles of the exceedingly fancy stimulant-infused liquor Tink'd delivered, and he was ready to put his distraction into play at a moment's notice. In fact he could do it right now, with or without the double there, because HIS plan's ALWAYS worked. Sarge just screamed at him to do absolutely nothing without further orders, and then cut the comm.
Julian Adams
LETS GO
John Lopez
lets celebrate
Thomas Morgan
In the pained silence that followed, Doc quietly told Sarge it was probably time to call Scisitat and tell him what was happening. He could actually hear the noncom's teeth grinding from from the far side of the interchange, but didn't get a response. Rather than argue, the medic just sighed, dialed his long-range comm to the Surgeon's number himself, and asked her forward him up the line. He'd gotten as far as the Torso-priest (who's immediate response was to ask what we'd fucked up), before Sarge finally manned up and grudgingly took over the call.
Now, Sarge had been embarrassed before, in fact since joining the Inquisition he'd been "the most embarrassed he'd ever been in his entire life" on several occasions. It didn't seem possible, surely there was some upper limit where you'd actually literally die of it, but somehow he kept managing to reach new heights. His conversation with Sciscitat, admitting we'd lost the Sorceress, who was probably halfway to Jack Hive to pick up "an" Artifact, maybe just possibly from the Cartel's subspire, was one of those moments. (He did at least manage to remember the old Diplomacy Adept's advice about admitting things, but it was a bit of a moot point, since the Inquisitor's first words were "It was YOU!")
Actually, skipping over the abuse, mockery, and general Angry Inquisitor Noises, Sciscitat took it surprisingly well. He eventually confirmed Angelica's arrival in Jack Hive via the governmental vactrain and her acquisition of the Artifact, and agreed to track her for us. He even grudgingly admitted that we'd chosen the best spot for our ambush, which was vaguely worrying given we'd never told him that. He instructed us to hold position and refrain from contacting him again, he'd let us know when Angelica was on her way back, and would provide tracking information once she was in our hive, but in the meantime he had far, far more important things to do. Sarge accepted this as gracefully as he could manage.
Mason Bailey
Do it motherfucker. DO IT
Ryder Watson
And now Sarge knows the joys of running a mission with his team.
Ryder Gutierrez
Hah! It's Foul Ole Ron and crew!
Austin Scott
>Plan hasn’t even begin and it’s already fucked That is not a good sign when trying to assassinate a man with the Luck of Gladstone Gander
Nicholas Ward
...
Luke Williams
>He even grudgingly admitted that we'd chosen the best spot for our ambush, which was vaguely worrying given we'd never told him that panic
Chase Martinez
Shoggy!
Kevin Flores
Despite Sciscitat's assurance he'd warn us in time, the wait was absolutely nerve-wracking. Tink had the worst of it, sitting across from an increasingly drunk Bane and the Angelica look-alike. He was on the verge of activating the distraction himself, whatever Sarge said, when the 30-minute warning finally came through. The techie breathed a sigh of relief as he finally got the word Go, re-donned his white coat and cheap wig, and did one last check to make sure he had the right address for the Arbite's Precinct Fortress.
Bane Johns, Interplanetary Man of Mystery, Lovable Rogue, and All Around Badass had been having an okay night all things considered. Sure, Inquisitor Girlfriend had ditched on their date, and the arm-candy was being especially fussy tonight, but the new drink they were serving was absolutely amazing. He was definitely getting bored though, and the chick was starting to really harsh his groove. Maybe it was time for a nice walk, he always found something interesting to do when he went for a walk. Inquisitor Girlfriend would nag him afterwards, but she never stayed mad, she understood a man as awesome as him had Needs.
Bane was about to ditch when what's-her-name got all bothered about something and left on her own, he didn't worry about it, chicks did that sometimes when he was bored of them. He was on his way to the windows (doors were so passe) when a little old guy with a briefcase in one hand and a huge bottle of that new drink in the other walked up to him. He thought the guy looked a bit familiar, but he stopped worrying when the geezer pressed the bottle into his hand and opened up the case. Bane eyes lit up as he took in the impressive array of gadgets, beautiful pair of autoguns, and reconnaissance photos featuring a sinister-looking building and a nicely filled out young woman.
>"The Planetary Governor's hot daughter has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save the Planetary Governor's hot daughter?"
Brayden Rogers
>"The Planetary Governor's hot daughter has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save the Planetary Governor's hot daughter?"
Blake Perez
My sides are now up there with the Tesla.
Luis Parker
...
Jaxon Watson
Holy shit this is amazing.
Levi Lopez
How is this a catastrophic mission failure? No one's shooting at them so I'd call it a minor mission failure.
Easton Sanders
By the God Emperor...
hahahahahaha HAHAHAHAHAHA (dies)
Colton Smith
...
Wyatt Baker
>No one's shooting at them YET...
Ayden Reyes
Sarge grinned with relief as his PDF-issue scanner picked up the first confused chatter on Arbites' bands. He reminded Tink to return as soon as he was sure Bane didn't need any more combead prodding, and turned his full attention to the ambush. According to Scicitat, now that Angelica had her prize she was travelling in a six-vehicle semi-armored Secret Police convoy. Not that the armor would do much good against the literal crates of high explosives that'd been crammed under the interchange. Admittedly there was going to be a bit of collateral damage, but this was Inquisitorial business; the civvie body count would be positively miniscule compared to, say, an Exterminatus. The noncom was doing a final weapons check with Ivana (not that they'd really be needed once the explosives had done their bit), when he received the final awaited from Sciscitat.
What Sarge, and the rest of us, were expecting was a last minute update on which of the reserved lanes under us Angelica would be taking. What we GOT was a slightly-breathless warning from the Inquisitor that the convoy had started turning towards Underhive, possibly to take the Artifact to some secret warehouse instead of the Secret Police HQ, Bane's nightclub, or even the Arbite Precinct, like we'd planned for. She'd still be passing through the interchange, just on a completely different, and far lower, section than the one we'd set our ambush on… Sarge didn't even stop to swear, there wasn't time and he didn't know any words vile enough for the current SNAFU anyway, he just grabbed as many Krak launchers as he could carry and started sprinting along the walkway. Ivana shrugged and jogged after him, carrying their heavy bolter one handed and humming to herself.
Kevin Walker
Fucking. Genius.
I wish I could have seen the GM's face when you explained your plan to him!
Ayden Cooper
annnd here we go
Blake Robinson
Quick! Someone start a chase theme!
Evan Stewart
>carrying their heavy bolter one handed and humming to herself perfection
Not many inquisitorial missions could use THIS as legitimate background music, but this is AGP: Where sanity goes to die.
Owen James
You beautiful bastard.
Tyler Johnson
Can someone remind me why Doc makes Snitch the psyker go green at the gills?
Aiden Flores
WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE THE JOY THIS PLAN BRINGS ME HOLY SHIT
Jace Scott
> shit fucks up of course
Hunter Turner
I think it's because every moment he's not working on someone he's thinking lovey-dovey shit about his Hospitaller GF.
Carson Scott
They just sent Bane into the place where all the Untouchables are being held, didn't they?
Caleb Nguyen
Porn based psychic interference field. Got it. Ta.
Nathan Gonzalez
Snitch got hit with a perils of the warp that basilly makes him loose his lunch whenever Doc is around.
Adrian Stewart
Maybe. More importantly Bane's busy on a "Secret Mission" and unable to help his girlfriend.
Nicholas Gomez
Now all you need are sounds of lasgun fire, furious swears, panicked screams and the sounds of a van crashing into/through things and it’s perfect.
Elijah Perry
Oh. Was that in the first or second 'stealth' mission? I'm short on time, so a dedicated trawl is out of the question right now. Just catching up while I'm at work as things update.
Nicholas Mitchell
Ah, right. I like my explanation better though.
Carson Wood
I thought it was because Doc has the Tranqs. And the tranqs mess snitch right up.
Andrew Foster
On the far side of the interchange from Sarge and Ivana, Doc hastily plotted a slightly longer route down to the new ambush point, and dragged Nubby away from the lascannon before the trooper could voice any complaints about how much it'd cost. Twitch watched them go from his perch above the interchange, spent a few seconds debating whether it'd be worth setting off his charges anyway (just in case some stray debris knocked out the lower section), and regretfully ditched his neatly arranged rows of detonators. As the demolitions trooper attached his rappel gear, he warned the rest of us that he was going to be a little late to the party. Doc suggested he meet up with Tink, who was racing back towards us on a PDF messenger bike, simultaneously trying to dodge slower traffic, direct Bane to the Marshal's office, and take off his Quartermaster Agent disguise. Tink tried to reply, but it just came out as inarticulate cursing.
Sarge skidded into position just in time to see the convoy's lead vehicle round the corner, he signaled Ivana to keep moving and get a better firing position while he started prepping his three Kraks for rapid fire. A distant corner of his mind registered a voice on his combead instructing him to call off the ambush so Angelica could be tracked to her Artifact warehouse, he instructed the voice to go have relations with several varieties of farm animals, sighted his first Krak on the middle of the section, and started counting down. Farther along the walkway, Ivana found a security door marked "stairwell" and casually kicked it off his hinges. One of the startled maintenance workers inside informed her that she couldn't do that, realized he was very obviously wrong about that and stepped aside, his partner didn't and regretted that decision for the rest of his life. Ivana reached the level above the roadway a few seconds after the maintenance worker, but unlike him, she stopped there and exited right as Sarge's countdown hit zero.
Leo Stewart
>catching shoggy's thread live
Lincoln Williams
Well, all Doctors as it turns out. It's skipped over here, but we had the surgeon waylay him while the Ganger was "escaped"
James Kelly
...
David Peterson
The one where they got back from the sewer crawl I think.
Jose Bennett
I'm getting blue balls waiting for shit to pop off pic unrelated
This is the pain of being caught up with media. But whereas tv shows have weekly dates and books take long enough that you can safely forget about them until a new one pops up on your recommended reads list, THIS format of storytelling is exactly random and fast enough to give you eternal impatience.
Josiah Green
fucking amazing thank you
Christopher Adams
11/10
Juan Parker
Glorious! This is the official WiP AGP theme song! Could use slightly louder lasguns and some heavy ordinance, and maybe a more dedicated swearing soundtrack.
Colton Walker
help anons im laughing to death
Angel Wright
I love you faggots
Jaxson Garcia
Well "you are intellectually retarded" is clearly Sciscitat over the comms.
Grayson Johnson
The first Krak missile was right on target, it punched through the "armored" glass of the lead car's windshield like wet paper, reducing the vehicle and its occupants to flaming wreckage before they even registered the attack. The second car, driving slightly farther back and left in the other reserved governmental lane, spun out as it tried to evade and cartwheeled a good fifty meters before it came to a stop. None of its occupants got out before Sarge's second Krak hit its exposed undercarriage.
The rest of the cars in the convoy, including the more-heavily armored limo in its center, reacted professionally enough, but they were in a remarkably shit tactical situation. There were obvious advantages to taking the governmental fast lanes, with their secured entry points and the chest-high barrier separating them from the common rabble clogging the rest of the highway, but the disadvantage was being pretty much trapped in a two lane killbox. The only smart move available was to try and bust through the wreck of the first cars and keep moving, but three more Kraks (Sarge's last one, and two from where Doc and Nubby had just come out on the wall above them), were enough to completely block the way. With a massive pileup of other governmental vehicles already blocking way behind, the Secret Police took the only option left to them, and started getting out to return fire.
Carter Garcia
Great minds think alike
Jose Wood
ten outta ten
Alexander Sanchez
Oof. Poor suckers.
Y'know, unless the secret police recruited Kriegsman.
