40k lore thread

(The Truth About Heraldry)

How many of you can name the names of the ten captains of the Imperial Fists?

Nobody can cause they don't exist!

Exactly. That's the truth about heraldry.

So what are some of yalls favoirte bits of increadibly stupid lore that you still enjoy.

>That time when Guilliman was a kid and he attacked a chess playing machine only to discover it was actually a midget hiding in a box.

"There had been in Guilliman’s youth a device called the Thracian Automaton. Fashioned in the semblance of a man, the machine had played at regicide with any who would challenge it, and won every game. Questions could be put to it on matters of science and history, and the answers it gave were unerringly accurate. Konor, Guilliman’s adoptive father, had taken the boy primarch to see this marvel. Guilliman had seen through it immediately, and challenged its creator. The man had insisted that it worked from the old sciences, showing the consul and his adopted son complicated workings within the figure, but Guilliman would not be convinced, and he had leapt forwards and torn loose the mannequin. Inside the stool it sat upon was a very real, if rather short, man. (Dark Imperium p.103)

I prefer it be a cogitator that had recorded the section of Kapernesky's brain that understood all chess knowledge, implying that the methods for creating cogitators were ancient, and predated modern history.

Unhand me sir!
I will not suffer under such rudeness!
(Pulls off glove, slaps you)

(Grabs gauntlet, smashes it across your face.)
I accept!

your answer is good too, assuming you had cast that dude from game of thrones as the midget.

I am an inferior writer with a massive, self imploding ego.

Hire me or I will commit suicide.
Suicide by the MOST FUNNY WAY IMAGINABLE.

Every time you laugh, you will feel incredible guilt, and be unable to stop laughing. The more you laugh, the more guilty you will feel. Until you laugh at things that would shame others. You laugh in the cruelest of circumstances. You'll cry with your guilt, even as you laugh. One day, you won't be able to stop laughing and you will have a coughing fit into madness, but you will at least have release.. release for the terrible, terrible guilt.

You will die laughing at your mothers funeral.