Turning Eldar into canned Meat

So say a minor Craftworld has been purged, a sub sectors worth of resources spent by the Imperials in the process, taking hundreds of millions of casualties in the process, but they finally did it. As the Craftworld is scoured by the Ad-Mech and Inquisition for anything of value, the Lord General who lead the assault asks himself "can we eat them?" the nearby Imperial planets were starving from the war effort, and there were billions of dead Eldar littering the the confines of the massive ship. After individually crushing every spirit stone on board, they loaded the bodies onto several transport's headed to the nearest Hive World for processing, untold trillions of cans of meat will be produced for the starving Imperial masses, if it will work...

Is it possible to eat Eldar?
Is it heresy to consume the flesh of Xeno's?
Would there be any defects?
Would they be rich in vitamins and minerals? protein?

Generally eating xeno meat is frowned upon because it can lead to chaos.
Eldar are known to be rich in warpstuffs and soulstone stuff, and even their ears are made of knives, so great is their impurity. It's a bad idea to eat them.

That's unfortunate, do you think there is a way to process the meat to separate the biological from the warpstuff?

I GOT THE LATE NIGHT MUUNNNCHIES!!! SPICY, MELT, CRUNCHY, GRILL! LATE NIGHT MUNNCHIES! I GOT THE LATE NIGHT MUUNNNCHIES!!!

Can't you freaks just stick to wondering if Eldar find humans attractive.
Jesus christ Veeky Forums what the fuck happened?

Miscegenation is a sin in the eyes of the EMPEROR!

They should be edible. The problem is even the Imperials would think it's really fucked up, they wouldn't willingly eat the Tau, much less spess elfs. As grimderp warhammer is, there are still lines that are not meant to be crossed.

These threads are also cancer. At least this thread is somewhat original.

>Imperials finding things fucked up

I remember reading something somewhere that starving hive cities will turn dead citizen into "corpse starch" if their fine with cannibalism i doubt they would have a problem with eating Xeno's. Why would they feel bad eating Xeno's after they wipe them out?

>wondering if Eldar find humans attractive.
You're doing it wrong, user.

Tell that to Guilliman.

It's fanfiction, get over it.

>Tell that to Guilliman.

There's enough dying daily in the nearby hive cities to produce solyent for an entire regiment.

Presumably the death to starch ratio isn't good enough to feed the entire Imperial population "since food riots are mentioned in things like Dawn of War 2 several times" and of course the evident necessity of Agri Worlds.

Maybe a mix of grossness and dogma. Otherwise eating orks and squigs would be common in a lot of conflicts.

And have some idiot screeching that all human/eldar pairings are a conspiracy to destroy the eldar, both in-universe and out-universe? No thanks.

Yes user that's called the laws of thermodynamics. Of course you can't infinitely sustain a population by eating the population.

Bump

No user, the population eats the recycled shit of the nobles, who in turn eat the dead peasants, and the cycle keeps repeating.

I swear, these fetish threads are getting weirder by the day.

Its not a fetish thread, i swear. I thought it was a somewhat funny question to ask I seriously doubt anyone is fapping thinking about turning space elves into canned meat.

But what if we use the warp to fuck physics up just enough around the meat that it does work?
There might be something to eating Eldar after all... someone get a Bio-Techpriest on this.

>I seriously doubt anyone is fapping thinking about turning space elves into canned meat.
How new are you?
Tags: Transformation, Guro, Vore, Eldar, and Compartmentalization.
Compartmentalization is basically the sexual attraction of shoving the female form into a tight space. The attraction of seeing a girl squish her tits against a glass window l and you're looking on the other side? It's like that, but all over.

Which is why tau would make for good supplemental food

...

In Age of Sigmar there is an Wanderer Aelf/Wood Elf that goes into Shadespire to find a way to keep his human lover with him in the Afterlife. Mostly because Nagash forbids mixed race afterlives.

Say what you want, someone is jacking it to a shrunken, limbless amputee of an Eldar getting shoved in a can, stuck on a shelf for months, only to be opened up and swallowed whole by a greedy Sister of Battle.

>Meanwhile what actual canned Eldar would look like

Probably, yes.
To make that fappable you have to stick it in a microwave for about a minute and then shove it inside a pocket pussy, so you can literally fuck the beef out of that roastie.

I dunno probably not heresy since emps designed sphess marines to eat anything even brains.

that's fucking hilarious, Nagash is a proponent of postmortem segregation

But does Nagash have a White Heaven?

Since when was Nagash so based?

>After individually crushing every spirit stone on board

>Compartmentalization is basically the sexual attraction of shoving the female form into a tight space. The attraction of seeing a girl squish her tits against a glass window l and you're looking on the other side? It's like that, but all over.
I think I have a new fetish

This lil Eldar's soul is being sent straight to Slannesh

Because if you tolerate eating sentient xenos, someone is going to try farming them. Keep Eldar too ignorant to escape and you keep them too ignorant to keep their psykers under control.

>After individually crushing every spirit stone on board

So nobody took any to make into a lamp ?

Last time that happened thousands of Eldar invaded the guy's palace to reclaim the "lamp"

Starving people wont care for heresy or such, they'd eat chaos mutants if forced too.

But yeah you're gonna have a bad time, either because one of the millionth of soldiers ratted out on you to the uncaring inquisitors or because eldar is like rabbits, their meat is so hyper lean that it just goes right trough you. Also something something slaaneesh.

Aw that's cute.

Making it a good gift for that noble you don't like.

And you think they won't do it to fuck him up?

Incidentally, the humans in the OP did one of the greatest sacrifices to Slaanesh in recent history. I am sure they will be greatly ... rewarded.

Heck, our RT group barely managed to get away from a "reward" after simply dooming a DEldar capital ship to the warp with a warp core explosion, these fellas just fed Slanny billions of tasty Eldar souls. So sure, eat some eldar meat, lads. The Chaos Gods know it won't make any difference now ;) .

Also, I have to say, this must have been an impressively led assault to only take hundreds of millions of casualties when exterminating a craftworld with a population of billions. Considering that an all-out invasion should see the full adult Eldar population fighting as guardians, plus whatever wraith constructs can be mustered, this means that the Imperials have incurred many times fewer casualties while on the offense and on a craftworld where the defenders would have a significant advantage.

>this must have been an impressively led assault to only take hundreds of millions of casualties when exterminating a craftworld with a population of billions.

Imperial Guard casualties don't count.

So... hundreds of millions of IDF/Spess Mehreens/SoB/Skittari died to take down a craftworld? That still seems wrong, considering how relatively valuable the Marines, Sisters and Skittari are.

The official records for the battle of Craftworld "REDACTED" may have downplayed the Guard casualties just a bit. Move along citizen

Ok, maybe it's only the lowest ranks of guardsmen that don't count.

Or maybe the report was prepared by that faction in the Adminstratum that doesn't think every loyal death should count as 1 for the purpose of the final death toll. Some humans, including members of penal legions, count as way less than one. Others, like Space Marines, count as way more than one.

Naturally this leads to a bit of fighting over the exact value each individual is worth.

>Also, I have to say, this must have been an impressively led assault to only take hundreds of millions of casualties when exterminating a craftworld with a population of billions. Considering that an all-out invasion should see the full adult Eldar population fighting as guardians, plus whatever wraith constructs can be mustered, this means that the Imperials have incurred many times fewer casualties while on the offense and on a craftworld where the defenders would have a significant advantage.

Or there was a third party who softened the Eldar up first and they were left out of the official records for propaganda reasons.

For people who claim to hate elves so much you people seem to have an awful lot of fucked up fetishes involving them