So say a minor Craftworld has been purged, a sub sectors worth of resources spent by the Imperials in the process, taking hundreds of millions of casualties in the process, but they finally did it. As the Craftworld is scoured by the Ad-Mech and Inquisition for anything of value, the Lord General who lead the assault asks himself "can we eat them?" the nearby Imperial planets were starving from the war effort, and there were billions of dead Eldar littering the the confines of the massive ship. After individually crushing every spirit stone on board, they loaded the bodies onto several transport's headed to the nearest Hive World for processing, untold trillions of cans of meat will be produced for the starving Imperial masses, if it will work...
Is it possible to eat Eldar? Is it heresy to consume the flesh of Xeno's? Would there be any defects? Would they be rich in vitamins and minerals? protein?
Angel Thompson
Generally eating xeno meat is frowned upon because it can lead to chaos. Eldar are known to be rich in warpstuffs and soulstone stuff, and even their ears are made of knives, so great is their impurity. It's a bad idea to eat them.
Jeremiah Jackson
That's unfortunate, do you think there is a way to process the meat to separate the biological from the warpstuff?
Joshua Wood
I GOT THE LATE NIGHT MUUNNNCHIES!!! SPICY, MELT, CRUNCHY, GRILL! LATE NIGHT MUNNCHIES! I GOT THE LATE NIGHT MUUNNNCHIES!!!
Julian Morris
Can't you freaks just stick to wondering if Eldar find humans attractive. Jesus christ Veeky Forums what the fuck happened?
Matthew Sanders
Miscegenation is a sin in the eyes of the EMPEROR!
Christian Clark
They should be edible. The problem is even the Imperials would think it's really fucked up, they wouldn't willingly eat the Tau, much less spess elfs. As grimderp warhammer is, there are still lines that are not meant to be crossed.
Asher Martin
These threads are also cancer. At least this thread is somewhat original.
Gabriel Powell
>Imperials finding things fucked up
I remember reading something somewhere that starving hive cities will turn dead citizen into "corpse starch" if their fine with cannibalism i doubt they would have a problem with eating Xeno's. Why would they feel bad eating Xeno's after they wipe them out?
Camden Phillips
>wondering if Eldar find humans attractive. You're doing it wrong, user.
Tell that to Guilliman.
Nathan Stewart
It's fanfiction, get over it.
Andrew Jones
>Tell that to Guilliman.
Grayson Brown
There's enough dying daily in the nearby hive cities to produce solyent for an entire regiment.
Bentley Roberts
Presumably the death to starch ratio isn't good enough to feed the entire Imperial population "since food riots are mentioned in things like Dawn of War 2 several times" and of course the evident necessity of Agri Worlds.
Zachary Martinez
Maybe a mix of grossness and dogma. Otherwise eating orks and squigs would be common in a lot of conflicts.
And have some idiot screeching that all human/eldar pairings are a conspiracy to destroy the eldar, both in-universe and out-universe? No thanks.
Jack Powell
Yes user that's called the laws of thermodynamics. Of course you can't infinitely sustain a population by eating the population.
Dominic Barnes
Bump
David Barnes
No user, the population eats the recycled shit of the nobles, who in turn eat the dead peasants, and the cycle keeps repeating.
Lucas Cooper
I swear, these fetish threads are getting weirder by the day.
Jeremiah Moore
Its not a fetish thread, i swear. I thought it was a somewhat funny question to ask I seriously doubt anyone is fapping thinking about turning space elves into canned meat.
Elijah Bailey
But what if we use the warp to fuck physics up just enough around the meat that it does work? There might be something to eating Eldar after all... someone get a Bio-Techpriest on this.
Matthew Lewis
>I seriously doubt anyone is fapping thinking about turning space elves into canned meat. How new are you? Tags: Transformation, Guro, Vore, Eldar, and Compartmentalization. Compartmentalization is basically the sexual attraction of shoving the female form into a tight space. The attraction of seeing a girl squish her tits against a glass window l and you're looking on the other side? It's like that, but all over.
Easton Turner
Which is why tau would make for good supplemental food
Alexander Evans
...
Sebastian Bailey
In Age of Sigmar there is an Wanderer Aelf/Wood Elf that goes into Shadespire to find a way to keep his human lover with him in the Afterlife. Mostly because Nagash forbids mixed race afterlives.
Michael Phillips
Say what you want, someone is jacking it to a shrunken, limbless amputee of an Eldar getting shoved in a can, stuck on a shelf for months, only to be opened up and swallowed whole by a greedy Sister of Battle.
Brandon Walker
>Meanwhile what actual canned Eldar would look like
Tyler Baker
Probably, yes. To make that fappable you have to stick it in a microwave for about a minute and then shove it inside a pocket pussy, so you can literally fuck the beef out of that roastie.
Oliver Fisher
I dunno probably not heresy since emps designed sphess marines to eat anything even brains.
Oliver Nelson
that's fucking hilarious, Nagash is a proponent of postmortem segregation
Jordan Cox
But does Nagash have a White Heaven?
Jack Wood
Since when was Nagash so based?
Thomas Morales
>After individually crushing every spirit stone on board
Jaxson Moore
>Compartmentalization is basically the sexual attraction of shoving the female form into a tight space. The attraction of seeing a girl squish her tits against a glass window l and you're looking on the other side? It's like that, but all over. I think I have a new fetish
Connor Mitchell
This lil Eldar's soul is being sent straight to Slannesh
Jacob Fisher
Because if you tolerate eating sentient xenos, someone is going to try farming them. Keep Eldar too ignorant to escape and you keep them too ignorant to keep their psykers under control.
Angel Russell
>After individually crushing every spirit stone on board
So nobody took any to make into a lamp ?
Isaiah Powell
Last time that happened thousands of Eldar invaded the guy's palace to reclaim the "lamp"
Jack Morales
Starving people wont care for heresy or such, they'd eat chaos mutants if forced too.
But yeah you're gonna have a bad time, either because one of the millionth of soldiers ratted out on you to the uncaring inquisitors or because eldar is like rabbits, their meat is so hyper lean that it just goes right trough you. Also something something slaaneesh.
Liam Price
Aw that's cute.
Jaxson James
Making it a good gift for that noble you don't like.
Connor Campbell
And you think they won't do it to fuck him up?
Incidentally, the humans in the OP did one of the greatest sacrifices to Slaanesh in recent history. I am sure they will be greatly ... rewarded.
Heck, our RT group barely managed to get away from a "reward" after simply dooming a DEldar capital ship to the warp with a warp core explosion, these fellas just fed Slanny billions of tasty Eldar souls. So sure, eat some eldar meat, lads. The Chaos Gods know it won't make any difference now ;) .
Also, I have to say, this must have been an impressively led assault to only take hundreds of millions of casualties when exterminating a craftworld with a population of billions. Considering that an all-out invasion should see the full adult Eldar population fighting as guardians, plus whatever wraith constructs can be mustered, this means that the Imperials have incurred many times fewer casualties while on the offense and on a craftworld where the defenders would have a significant advantage.
Caleb Garcia
>this must have been an impressively led assault to only take hundreds of millions of casualties when exterminating a craftworld with a population of billions.
Imperial Guard casualties don't count.
Adam Stewart
So... hundreds of millions of IDF/Spess Mehreens/SoB/Skittari died to take down a craftworld? That still seems wrong, considering how relatively valuable the Marines, Sisters and Skittari are.
Bentley Diaz
The official records for the battle of Craftworld "REDACTED" may have downplayed the Guard casualties just a bit. Move along citizen
Kevin Flores
Ok, maybe it's only the lowest ranks of guardsmen that don't count.
Or maybe the report was prepared by that faction in the Adminstratum that doesn't think every loyal death should count as 1 for the purpose of the final death toll. Some humans, including members of penal legions, count as way less than one. Others, like Space Marines, count as way more than one.
Naturally this leads to a bit of fighting over the exact value each individual is worth.
Anthony Bennett
>Also, I have to say, this must have been an impressively led assault to only take hundreds of millions of casualties when exterminating a craftworld with a population of billions. Considering that an all-out invasion should see the full adult Eldar population fighting as guardians, plus whatever wraith constructs can be mustered, this means that the Imperials have incurred many times fewer casualties while on the offense and on a craftworld where the defenders would have a significant advantage.
Or there was a third party who softened the Eldar up first and they were left out of the official records for propaganda reasons.
Asher Wood
For people who claim to hate elves so much you people seem to have an awful lot of fucked up fetishes involving them