After Monarchia Lorgar goes out in search of faith

>after Monarchia Lorgar goes out in search of faith
>eventually he hears about the might of Gork and Mork and decides they're the true gods
>they put he through a bunch of trials for shits and giggles
>he passes each one with flying colors
>they're so impressed they turn him into an Ork and make him their prophet
What happens?

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40k's Wurrzag

It would be severely embarrassing, not just for the Imperium to have one of their greatest champions become an Orkaboo, but for Chaos as well, to have been outpreached and lost a theological debate to retarded Cockney Mushrooms.

Can someone make this pic more Orky?

What would emp's reaction be?

Also the script on his face should be replaced with WAAGHS.

Simultaneous laughter and disappointed sighing as he enjoys the schadenfreude at how fucking Inept the Chaos gods that they some how managed to sell themselves worse than the galactic equivalent of mold, but has to deal with the fact that his son, who was supposed to be a sane, rational, and wise figure to lead his men into battle, is now worshipping said mold.

>lost a theological debate to retarded Cockney Mushrooms.
>You are now imagining an Ork dressed up in priestly on a Stage behind a podium, calmly delivering his succinct, if simple, arguments against an increasingly more aggravated Chaos cultist.

Gork and Mork are canonically the most powerful Gods and united Orks are canonically more powerful than every other faction combined.

You now hear "'ERE WE GO" chanted steadily louder and louder in the distance, punctuated by the chatter of automatic rifles.

Lorgar is not a DBZ or DBS fan, so it is much more likely that in his search of faith he would priotize finding “a god worth following” over powerlevels. This would mean that, in order convert Lorgar, the Orkz would have to present their Gods more appealingly than the entities that are the hopes, dreams, and will of all life made manifest, a prospect which not only sounds incredibly outlandish, but is made even funnier by easy it would be to do.

The Chaos Gods are infinity more retarded than Gork and Mork. Ork society at it's worst is better than Chaos at it's best. So, no matter how you look at it the Ork Gods are better Gods than the Chaos Gods. If you actually bothered to think things through, instead of arguing just to argue, you would've realized that instead of making a stupid post talking about Dragonball. Also you're retarded for thinking Lorgar doesn't take power into account when he's picking a God. A impotent God is a worthless God.

Digganobz

Why bother following a loser god that can be beaten by ancient frog fungus?

>The Chaos Gods are infinity more retarded than Gork and Mork
That is what I was referring to at the end of my post with the “made even funnier by how easy it would be to do” bit.
>Ork society at it's worst is better than Chaos at it's best. So, no matter how you look at it the Ork Gods are better Gods than the Chaos Gods.
Do you lack reading comprehension?

>If you actually bothered to think things through, instead of arguing just to argue, you would've realized that instead of making a stupid post talking about Dragonball
Your post implied that Lorgar would chose Gork and Mork solely for being the strongest, which would insinuate that he is a Powerlevel fag like most Dragonball fans. I was pointing out that the actually humorous part about the scenario is that Orkz would debate that Gork and Mork are worthier gods to follow than the Ruinous Powers, which is funny because it is true.

>Also you're retarded for thinking Lorgar doesn't take power into account when he's picking a God. A impotent God is a worthless God.
Lorgar would probably disagree with that statement. He and his Word-Bearers didn’t join Chaos because they were powerhungery dipshits, they joined because they believed that the Ruinous Powers were true divinity and that serving them was right and just. If Lorgar’s Chosen deities were “weaker” than the others, then he would have just made it his mission to makes his chosen side the strongest, as he would have tried to do for the Emperor if not for Monarchia.

I would like to subscribe to this AU's newsletter.

Chaos is far more powerful than a bunch of mushrooms dreaming. Also united orks already got their asses kicked by the Imperium.

"The Orks are the pinnacle of creation. For them, the great struggle is won. They have evolved a society which knows no stress or angst. Who are we to judge them? We Eldar who have failed, or the Humans, on the road to ruin in their turn. And why? Because we sought answers to questions that an Ork wouldn't even bother to ask! We see a culture that is strong and despise it as crude."
— Uthan the Perverse, Eldar Philosopher

In Orkish society there is no question of purpose. Everything has its place and the social hierarchy is always clear. If Lorgar could overcome the physical hurdles, the fact that you have a religion that provides a constant answer to the question of "why am I here" would be greatly appealing to him.

>The chaos gods go for plan b and turn Fulgrim into the archtraitor through the Laer blade
>The Fulgrimian heresy happens while Lorgar becomes the laughing stock of the galaxy.

>>The Fulgrimian heresy happens while Lorgar becomes the laughing stock of the galaxy.
>Implying Lorgar’s Green Croozade wouldn’t have cut a swath through the Chaos infested worlds while the other Traitor Primarchhs had their backs turned, ded sneaky-like.

>Lorgar manages to create a codified and organized Orkish Bible
>Orks become more akin to their original OldOnes specs thanks to religion and Lorgar's Primarch psyker juju awakening their racial memories
>TheBeastRedux.exe
>Bigger, Harder, Morkier, Gorkier

Would the Ultramarines have been slaughtered like the Imperial Fists were in the War of the Beast?

>Chaos is far more powerful than a bunch of mushrooms dreaming
Gork and Mork have beat the shit out of the Chaos Gods countless times. The Chaos Gods have never won a fight against them.
>so united orks already got their asses kicked by the Imperium
Orks have never been united. The worst Waaaghs, the ones that bring the Imperium to it's knees and require Deus Ex Machinia for them to win, only have a very tiny fraction of the Orks total numbers.

>But the ruinous powers effect is manifest every day!
>Na, na, you iz mucking about; you'se gots to summon and ritual and all sorts of nonsense and itz just like dem oomie beakie boys with their werdboyz. Da miracales of Gork and Mork are present wivout no poncey ritual or sacrifiece; 'ow do you know you'z not just invoking some gitz in da warp? Yet with ork, we know da Gods are real; dey speak to us each day, dere existence is manie-mani... its shown with the simple truffs; red wunz go faster, green is best, simple truffs but hard troofs.

>Gork and Mork have beat the shit out of the Chaos Gods countless times.

Never happened ever.

>The Chaos Gods have never won a fight against them.

They never fought.

>Orks have never been united. The worst Waaaghs, the ones that bring the Imperium to it's knees and require Deus Ex Machinia for them to win, only have a very tiny fraction of the Orks total numbers.

The Beast Waaagh! united most of the Orks and it was defeated. Deal with it.

Oh Carnie~ Did you forgot the time Gork and Gork beated the shit out of Nurgle for infecting the boyz in porpuse?

I know that it came from 2nd, was about squigs, and that it was just a legend by Orks. A false legend since it says that Orks have nothing to fear from Nurgle's realm. I don't have to tell you that Orks have been fucked over and infected by Nurglites by the billions with no G&M doing anything about it.

>countless times

This is the only piece that alleges that the a Chaos God and Ork Gods interacted and it's false. So you lied.

There was a part in the Beast book where human psykers got mindfucked by the power of the WAAAGH!?

>58312343
>You lie!
>Says the bitch who always lie because nobody here respect Chaos.

>REEEEE STOP SHIT TALKING MY WAIFU’ THAT DOESNT COUNT REEEE
Never change Carnac, it makes me happy that Veeky Forums has its own Scrapper to laugh at,

A handful of Sigmarines are enough to make Nurgle scream and cry. All the Chaos Gods are outright scared of based Nagash.

Chaos ain't shit.

I'm guessing the Heresy would go a lot different. How much so depends on whether Horus would still fall to chaos, stay loyal, or fall to the orks.

That's how it's always been. And I play chaos. I play them because I'd feel bad playing against them, I don't want to play a faction that always wins.

>during the war of the beast orks tried to negotiate with humans, but the imperium was too stupid and primitive to deal with
>the head of the ecclesiarchy converted to worshipping orks
>primorks are a thing and demonstrated to be stronger and more cunning than even the strongest of the emperor's sons
>totally outmanoeuvred and trapped imperial forces numerous times
>only one of the primorks was seen to die
>wiping out the imperium would have been contrary to the orks' agenda
>it's likely that the orks 'loss' was actually just them letting the imperium think they won
>current setting is exactly what the orks wanted all along; bigger and better 'umies to fight and the golden throne attracting exciting new aliens
>nothing to indicate that the war of the beast was the only time orks did that shit; it wouldn't show up in imperial records
>mfw

Nagash is based as fuck.
>self-made man
>fought for his dreams
>invented a school of magic
>fucked over kingdoms
>has a loyal bro
>achieved his dream

>A handful of Sigmarines are enough to make Nurgle scream and cry.

It wasn't a handful. The Lord Relictor was carrying inside him the Azyr charged souls of hundreds of Stormcast. It burned the finger tips of Nurgle when he crashed the Stormcast.

>All the Chaos Gods are outright scared of based Nagash.

They are not scared of Nagash. Some of them are horrified at the stasis that Nagash will create if not stopped. And remember that Archaon defeated Nagash numerous time. None of the realm gods are equal to the Chaos Gods.

Don't forget:
>Plays the Sigmarines for chumps before curb stomping them into the dirt
>Enforces post-mortem racial segregation

>A few dozen Stormcast make Nurgle cry
Lol, what a fucking wuss.

>They are not scared of Nagash.

>Slaanesh could barely bring himself to conceive of the horror, thrashing in mad, bellowing panic against his pnuembral chains.
Slaanesh is apparently not a Chaos God now. This is your brain on Carnac.

>None of the realm gods are equal to the Chaos Gods
See pic related. Where are your Dark Gods now?

>Lol, what a fucking wuss.

Azyr is anti-Chaos energy. It's basically the essence of Sigmar.

>>>They are not scared of Nagash.

Your proof is Nagash killing Mooks and Slaanesh being horrified at the dull stasis that Nagash is creating? You're a sad man.

Please remember that Archaon handed Nagash his boney ass numerous times.

Also remember that Phil Kelly said that Sigmar, Nagash, and other realm gods are not equal to the Chaos Gods who are cosmic in scale. Hwever, in time they can grow to become as large as them but its a long road to walk.

Shyish is anti-Chaos energy.

>Your proof is Nagash killing Mooks and Slaanesh being horrified at the dull stasis that Nagash is creating? You're a sad man.

Chaos can't even protect the souls of its own elite from Nagash.

Also:
>"Panicking isn't the same thing as being scared because I said so."

>Shyish is anti-Chaos energy.

Not as much as Azyr and please remember that Shyish was utterly dominated by Chaos.

>Chaos can't even protect the souls of its own elite from Nagash.

Actually, Nagash cannot claim the souls of those marked by the Chaos Gods. He has to manually hold them down or have other servants holding them down. The moment they get free, they fly away to the Chaos Realm.

And remember that the Chaos Gods have tons of those. They won't care about losing a few.

>>"Panicking isn't the same thing as being scared because I said so."

Horrified at the future Nagash is bringing, not Nagash himself. Learn to read. Nagash was defeated by a mere demigod.

I can't help but think of that Black Hebrews vid.
youtube.com/watch?v=3Ahtwp5Bupg

>"I'm not scared of snakes, I'm just scared of being bitten by a snake."
You're not fooling anyone you know.

>Actually, Nagash cannot claim the souls of those marked by the Chaos Gods. He has to manually hold them down or have other servants holding them down. The moment they get free, they fly away to the Chaos Realm.
In Undying King he rips a marked witch's soul from Tzeentch's grasp and casually stuffs it in a gen to experiment on. Also see what happened to the commanders Archaon left behind.

>This is rat is not a direct threat to me but if I let it go it will breed and its brood will shit all over my stuff.

Nagash is not a threat to the Chaos Gods. He cannot fight them directly. He can turn the mortal realms into a dead place where theyir children and plans are reduced to ash. It's this that they fear.

And speaking about fear, Nagash refused to fight a Khornate champion until his Icon of Khorne was casat down by the Stormcast. The power of Khorne and the threat of it opening a portal to the brass throne kept Nagash lingering in the shadows.

You mean the Lord of Undeath. And he doesn't casually do it. He built a Black Pyramid that finally gave him the power to claim the souls of those marked by Chaos and the Stormcast.

What would happen if Lorgar were to die? Would he be reincarnated as an Ork? Would his soul join the Ork psychic Gestalt, ensuring that all future Orks would have a little bit of the cunning, wisdom, and zeal of Lorgar?

Imma go with yes. Because it's hiLArious.

My guess is that LorgOrk would find a fate similar to what (at least in old fluff, not sure if it's still canon) Gork and Mork do for all Orks.

When they die, they simply punch the Warp/Gods in the dick and send said Ork back into a new body.

Although, considering no matter what Gork/Mork do, Lorgar is still always going to be at least a little bit Lorgar/Imperial/Emperor/Human-influenced, they'd probably just bring him back in his old body.

>Da Voice O' Da WAAAAAGH iz nevah silent, stoopid 'umies! Just cuz you knocked 'im down don't mean 'e STAYZ down, yeah? Us Orkz knowz 'im. Us Orkz rememba'z 'im. Wordboss LorgOrk iz proppa Orky now, and nuffin wot's Proppa Orky EVVA DIEZ!

Shit is there any reason not to join the orks? Eternal life and fighting seems like a great deal, especially if you might get to keep your body/get a better one.

I mean, I'm just talking out of my ass, and I'm sure sone grognard will come along in about 5 minutes and give me 400 reasons why I'm wrong, and of course the setting IS still grimdark not "Orkz is a get out of jail free card", but for the infinitesimally small fraction of people who could perhaps out-Ork the Orkz or something?

Yeah, maybe. But it's hardly an option that's likely to happen more than once in galactic history.

>maybe twice if Yarrick still exists in this hypothetical AU later, and how you interpret his fluff.

It's Lorkgar man.

Alternately, Gorkgar/Morkgar

I mean, no true servant of the Orkish Powahz would ever have just one name, right? You gotta have SOMETHING to argue about even after everything in existence has been krumped.

Might as well be nitpicking about names, lol.

So with Lorgar now being the Chief Ork, would just end up fighting the Traitors simply because daemons are more fun to fight. If this is the case, how much would the Emperor start laughing his ass off as a potential rebellion just turns into his greatest threats fighting each other just because one wanted to do it for shits and giggles. Would that also effect some legions decisions to turn since the Heresy was doomed to get Dakked by Warboss Lorgar.

OrkGar is gonna be fighting EVERYONE, mate. Twice. At least. Emps might be laughing, but only to himself as he's trying to keep Orks from overrunning Terra even as they're pounding down the Eye of Terror.

Will the drop site Massacre just turn from the Raven Guard, Salamanders, and Iron Hands getting BTFO, to all legions getting BTFO.

Hmm. That's a complicated question to answer. How much influence did OU Lorgar have on the Massacre? If he didn't have much, then he probably wouldn't in this timeline either.

At the same time, he could just bring a bunch of Orks to that planet because, that is where the best fighting is. Come to think of it he might also try to recruit Angron because he actually cared about him and he is brutal yet cunning while Lorgar is cunning yet brutal which completes the Gork and Mork aspect of this scenario.

Nah, Lorgar is smart enough to know that if all of humanity is wiped to the floor and destroyed, then there won't be enough fightin to go around. More likely he'll make moves that'll scare the Imperium to get bigger and better weapons, so it becomes an arms race. Daemons and Chaos on the other hand are basically limitless in number, so they're just going to get curb stomped.

>Lorgar start to spread the word of the Green Creed to his brothers
>Angron likes the waagh
>Perturabo is appeased by the constructs and the harsh, straight chain of command in ork society
>Mortariaon who despises weakness above all is rejoiced by the Ork way
>In the orks the Night Haunter finnaly found a model society without crime, corruption and lies.
>Magnus is curious about how a society of illiterates have complex machines and the green skin culture
>He tries to argue philosophy with them, is crushed and freed from his physical form, his sons joins the Green Creed as form of retribution
>Horus is crying on the Mournival shoulders trying to understand what he did so wrong

Dear god imagine the Loyalists reactions to this.

Consider: Lorkgork

Mork and Gork and their prophet, Lork

>Lork... I... Iz your fathahhh...

>Khan discover that red does go faster
>Legion change to Red Scars

I feel like an Orky Heresy would have a different spread of loyalists and traitorks

>Be Tzeench
>Spend entire time since conception plotting an elaborate plot against the Anathema that involve turning his own sons against him with a few being my personal pawns
>Khorne and Nurgle keep calling me a godlet for making this overly contrived plot
>Fuck them.warpportal
>After millennium of manipulation, scheming, bargaining, and having to deal with some new degenerate kid in my game I finally start seeing my plans come to fruition when the Anathema fucks over his son
>Have is servant convince him to research our arts
>Justasplanned.vox
>Suddenly out of now where, two mushroom gods block his path to the daemon waiting to give my pawn a tour
>"Oi hummie, you wanna give that git a proper stomping"
>My pawn is curious and wants to investigate mushroom gods further
>Ohshit.warprift
>He fucking starts worshipping them
>Not as planned
>Newly appointed Mushroom champion then starts to convince all of the other pawns to worship the mushroom gods
>Become the laughing stock of the Dark Patheon
>MFW your plans are undone by fucking muschrooms
>MFW your pawns start a WAAAGH in your back yard.

[WELCOME TO THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM COCKSUCKERS]

Chaos is also yummier!
> t. hungry-hungry tyranid

LorkaMorka

Its the Emperors own fault
>Genetically engineer a pious, devoted son
>Pick him up on a church planet after being there his whole life
>Spaz out when he builds some churches for you
As much as Magnus never did anything wrong, Lorgar did nothing wrong to a magnitude that makes Magnus look like Satan.

to be fair, Lorgar did kind of lose everybody's sympathy by slaughtering a whole bunch of innocent people then causing countless suffering by worshiping malevolent gods that torture people for shits and giggles.

Well that's another story

That pic is great.

Kek

Lorgar wasn't engineered specifically for piety, but to preach.

The only thing the Emperor did wrong was be lenient with Lorgar one time too many. He should have terminated him at Monarchia, but he got too sentimental.

>He should have terminated him at Monarchia
Lorgar wasn't well liked among the Primarchs but if you think the Emperor killing him because "hurr he wasn't conquering worlds fast enough" would've gone over well then you're retarded.

Unironically one of the coolest characters ever.
>everything works against him every step of the way
>he still succeeds on his own merit against impossible odds

Did someone say Lorgar?