GM woes

>GMing isn't worth it.
It's really not most of the time. I just want to have fun with my friends, but good friends do not necessarily make good players. There's just no point.

>You fuck a dozen kids and no one on Veeky Forums calls you a pedo
>You kill a hundred people and no one on Veeky Forums calls you a mass murderer
>But if you railroad a campaign even once...
Fuck them. Run an awesome campaign on a transcontinental railway. Murder on the Orient Express, Transarctica, Mad Max-type convoy, horror, whatever. Embrace the Railroader name and make it work for you so the legends and memes remember only the awesome game on the train.

>one player asks for political intrigue campaign
>give it to him
>he makes OP homebrew race that I accidentally approve because I am retarded
>also accidentally approve 3rd party shit
>one PC liked to run off alone and do insane shenanigans and survive due to insanely-high HP, AC, and saves for his level
>finally only dies after being attacked by ghosts he cannot harm
>next character tries to get the entire party to follow him on a backstory quest
>rest of group ends up not wanting to
>after I spent 10 hours mapping out the city
>get roped into running a separate campaign for him on roll20 after he quits the group due to scheduling concerns
>finally get to political intrigue stuff, when we do, the only player who actually wanted it leaves the table to go play video games
>he ends up 3 levels behind everyone else
>one player gets pissed that his character is targeted first in combat by the enemy faction even though he is the most damaging member of the party
>characters cannot into investigation at all, it takes them over thirty sessions before they even bother to do shit like interrogate prisoners
>get triggered over puzzles and literally show me alexandrian article about three-clue-rule in the middle of session
>try to kill them off with super-OP encounters but they win every time because they are capable of locking down enemies like 5 levels above them
Fortunately the campaign is almost over.

You hit the nail on the head. I've been doing this shit for like 12 years and never once it was worth it. It just drove me to self-loathing when I went through all the prepwork to make a game and then the players, who are "friends" BTW decide to do things like
>talk over everything I say
>shout over everything I say
>spout memes over descriptions and ask for clarification later
>routinely making comments like "Well I'd do [thing that makes sense] in any other game, but SINCE THIS IS D&D, I'm gonna [murderhobo in such an outrageously stupid way that's not even remotely even a D&D stereotype] or [pretend we're playing an MMORPG even though I'm the only player that doesn't care about who or what his character is]"
>play with phones
>talk about shows and vidya
>AND THE *ONE* TIME I ACTUALLY DECIDED TO MAKE A GAME THAT WAS LIGHT-HEARTED AND A STRAIGHT-UP HEROIC FANTASY WITH PLENTY OF ROOM FOR THEIR MEME BUILDS AND SHENANIGANS SOLELY BECAUSE I DECIDED THAT MY FAVOURITE PART OF DMING IS CREATING FUN CHALLEGNES AND ENCOUNTERS AND I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE ABOUT PLOT (NO ONE EVER REMEMBERED IT) OR CHARACTERS (THEY ALL DIED OR WERE IGNORED OR MOCKED ANYWAY) LOOKS LIKE, THE PLAYERS FLAKE OUT AND LATER IT TURNS OUT THEY SECRETLY ALL LEFT TO PLAY WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE MY GAME WAS "JUST KINDA POINTLESS"

I'M SHITTING FURY I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH I HATE THIS FUCKING HOBBY AND I HAVE A GAME ON SATURDAY THAT I ACTUALLY WANT OUT OF BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING MURDER ME

OH GOD I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF FUCK

>>talk over everything I say
>>shout over everything I say
Why do so many fucking players do this? If the GM is ribbing with the players, that's one thing, but if the GM is straight up trying to play the damn game and fulfill his role, there is no goddamn reason to talk over the guy who makes the entire fucking session possible.

Player syndrome. As players all they have to do is have fun and they will stop at nothing to ensure they have as much fun as possible.

you guys need better friends.

You need so start killing them, make it slow, one at a time. Mention something important, do it multiple times. I prefer scrolls of self mangling found deep within the hall of flesh found again deeper within the hidden temple of flesh. Then move on. Play something other than fantasy with new people.

All you have to is offer to step down and let one of them take over as GM. I can almost guarantee the little shits will suddenly fall silent.

>come up with a name you think is cool
>one player twists it around to make a stupid nickname out of it
>the nickname sticks and the players never, ever stop calling it by that nickname
>to this day, it takes effort NOT to obsess over the names of everything and everyone in everything I write to make sure it can't be twisted into some retarded nickname

Fuck you, Paul.

You hold onto that player and hold him tight, you hear?

>And that was how user was kicked out of his own group.

Hey, up yours too, Justin

>See a thread on Veeky Forums about a homebrew system for games set in the Mario setting
>Think it's the coolest shit ever, and easily get a sizable number of players to join
>2 months later, after making stage playlists, talking with my players about their characters' backstories, writing up setpieces, boss scenarios, story routes, etc., I finally have a good idea of where I want to take our game.
>Big party going on at Peach's castle, everyone's invited, all that shit, suddenly Bowser and Koopalings show up and ruin everything.
>Players want to fight Koopalings.
>This is where shit goes wrong
>Not only did I fail to truly test the system's battle mechanics before diving into a play session, but because of that and the game's 1:1 Strength-to-Defense damage ratio, I was not prepared for the battle to take literally two hours
>Two hours wherein the players only deal about 2 damage per turn, but one of them gets knocked the fuck out in one hit
>Wherein the fight comes to a complete standstill because other than that, nobody's really taking any serious damage
>We all decide to call it midbattle after two hours because it's obvious it's going nowhere.
>Everyone says we need to figure out how to not have this standstill be a normal thing or this game is just not going to work.
>mfw spent two months planning out a fun game I wanted to DM and blew the first session because of bloated defense stats
Dude, I'm really glad that at least they all said they had fun and wanted to give it another try this weekend. I'd be absolutely heartbroken if it ended on the first fucking session

>champion fighter dominates every scene he's in
Fuck. This is like the Holy Grail of DMs

>After weeks of searching, I found a physical copy of Sine Requie:The Chrysanthemum Throne.
>Or at least I thought so.
>The fucker who sold it to me had actually nicked a photo from somewhere, and was actually selling clipped-together photocopies.
>I present it to my players
>They cry foul and insist that I'm forcing them into a seen homebrew.

*Weeb, damnit, not seen.

>Playing Bing Bing Wahoo

But, it's fun.

>oneshot
>ignore plothooks because contrarian muh motivations
I fucking hate people like this. Its a one shot, get the fuck over yourself and just go with it.
This is the kind of shit that makes me rage like a motherfucker.

archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/55906066/
I don't see the appeal, but kudos to you for trying to find something so obscure.

It's okay to say no sometimes, user

>>come up with a name you think is cool
>>one player twists it around to make a stupid nickname out of it
You can't just not tell us the name

Fuck, I just came here because of an EDH general on /v/

It can be rough when you play with someone who dominates the game. I always feel awkward when trying to step into the limelight. Have you tried making them step up?

They don't want to see your feelings hurt.

I have the opposite problem.

>Dominate every scene I'm in, not because I'm a great player or RPer or anything, but mostly because no one else says a fucking thing.
>DM asks me to hang back for a bit and try to let everyone else get a chance to shine. I accept and we do a plot in town revolving around one of the other players.
>We spend about 6 hours wandering around town doing nothing because the player took the plot hook and has no idea what to do with it.
>Everyone else just kind of stares blankly at the DM when he asks them what they're doing.
>Eventually a party of heavily armed adventurers go shopping for curtains because I decided to have my character do that while everyone else did their thing and they decided to drop everything and follow me.
>Next session DM asks me to take back over because literally nothing happened the entire last session.
>Try to let everyone else take the limelight for a bit a few times later but the same thing happens everytime.

>DM one-shot
>Guy decides his character wants nothing to do with it.
>"Okay, your character storms off in a huff, now roll me a character who does want to participate."

Usually works for me.

This.

If you're worried about this in the future, try the following. First, talk with people about your idea for an adventure and make sure everybody's cool with it. Most of 'em will probably just grunt and shrug, but that's good enough assent that you can't (legitimately) be accused of forcing them into something they didn't want to do.

Then, tell them you are going to work on an adventure for the thing you agreed on, and it will be their responsibility to come up with characters who would participate in such an adventure, and to have those characters bite at plot hooks for it. Go on to tell them that the focus will be on that particular mission and that any character who chooses not to participate in it effectively leaves the "story" and will no longer be a part of the adventure. You might also want to tell them that you aren't going to waste time trying to coax a character to go on the mission. Your job is to provide a hook, and their job is to bite on it. If they don't bite, they can make up a new character who will. Because fuck spoon feeding little babies who can't learn to cooperate.

Player entitlement / lack of empathy / lack of fucking manners.

I tried this (Transarctica crossed with the aftermath of Atlas Shrugged after someone grew a fragment of spine and stabbed John Galt).

They blew up the train during the first session.

Aaaaaaaaaaa

Sine Requie is actually pretty good.
Don't like the japan splatbook personally but it's still nice.

It was Garn. I had an empire named Garn, and the player in question started calling everything from Garn -- the language, their craftsmanship, their everything -- Garnish, when I clearly said it was Garnese.

>Transarctica crossed with the aftermath of Atlas Shrugged after someone grew a fragment of spine and stabbed John Galt
Would.

Chip?

Jason?

>When the players become absolutely focused on something not related to the campaign and needlessly pursue it no matter how retarded of a concept it is

One of my groups wanted to run an inn, they thought the best way of doing this was killing the innkeeper and then proclaiming "This is our inn now." Not really sure how they thought killing the innkeeper of a small town would instantly make it so everyone accepts them as the new one would work.

They got upset when the town guard came and ran them out of town, and even more mad when they started seeing wanted posters with their faces on it.

To be honest, after years of careful selection of players, my GM woes boil down to
>Scheduling issues
>deciding what to put on the pizza

Feelsgoodman.jpg

>Not really sure how they thought killing the innkeeper of a small town would instantly make it so everyone accepts them as the new one would work.
I mean, it usually works with royalty...

Played with gayknee?

That's pretty funny tho

To be honest, that sounds like a fantastic way to take over a Klingon establishment. You can even just call it "Kl inn gon's".

same yo. Love my group

I’ve got a player, and I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not, but whenever the party comes across a puzzle, his first instinct is to destroy everything in sight, including keys, seeing stone, etc.

This is what happens when the borderline retard plays a character with high intelligence.

To be fair, Garnish sounds way better, pun or not.

I have a player that does this in my group
most of the time it's to suggest some mundane bullshit like "can I hit player X with my tail" while we're discussing strategy that won't even work or repeat what the rest of the party had already decided to do
I'm not the GM but it really pisses me the fuck off because I swear the campaign we're playing is going 50% slower because of this one person alone and I get no room to contribute to a discussion at all because it's too much chatter

feelsrageman.gif

I've come to the conclusion that if a player follows every shitty decision they make with "that's what my character would do!" (often with a recap of their character traits, i.e. "because they're a holier than thou asshole!"), that's a surefire way to tell when you've got a That Guy in your group (or at least a borderline case).

Halfway decent players don't need to justify themselves every fucking time they do anything.

>my sides

But actually, Garnish makes ore sense then garnese.
Like Dorne-Dornish
England-English
Denmark-Danish
Spain-Spanish

this is pretty relatable, last game of DnD i was in an npc ally of the party asked us a question, i decided to stay quiet to let the others do some RP. silence.

>deciding what to put on the pizza
Pepperoni and Pineapple, plainly.

you were handing it to him on a silver platter and he took it the fuck is your problem

Dude. Just stop.

Thats pretty autistic to worry over

That's not what cajoling means, user.

>Can we use my totally not-ripoff of Darksoul setting?

this is exactly how one of my shopkeeper NPCs operates.
The town has normal NPCs, until you meet the shady back alley shopkeep golden yang. he offers cheap prices, "quality" goods, and fences any and all hot goods.
Every so often, when you visit other vendors, golden yang will be there in their stead. He will explain they have gone away, for "very long time". He will then operate their stock, at an inflated rate.