What's the worst Veeky Forums feeling for you, user...

I think worse than looking forward to a game and it being canceled is looking forward to a game and then being unable to make it because work/illness so you end up missing out.

My own personal hell though is having an idea I know I'll never get to see through because of either not being able to find a group to do it with, or because I can't find a system that satisfies me to run it.

Knowing my players are bored and that they're too polite to tell me otherwise as I try desperately to improve the game

I know that feel... Boy do I.

I've been working on a massive Open world setting where the PCs can follow multiple plot hooks, many that'll interconnect and all different kinds so they'll be able to enjoy a massive diverse experience. Working hours on End on NPCs, connecting them and giving then back stories and written Character traits, and working on all the possible way they could arc or react.

But I know my current party will put 99.9% or more of my work down the shitter.

So before I let them at it I'm going to condition them to be better role players by throwing Pre-made Characters, different campaigns and different systems, and im going to try and work them into not being shit.

good luck user, but in my experience you cant lead horses to water.

Try reading different books. You might learn how to narrate a scene better.

and try telling boring stories in an exciting way. Do a normal day, then write or speak it out in story format and try to make it sound like a good story.

Hone your skills. Also don't be afraid to use a Pre-made campaign. You might learn something reading the DM notes.

>have a bunch of ideas for settings and adaptations of settings that you want to play in
>you have to settle for running them instead
>for people who will likely never appreciate it like you do

>Start up a game.
>Everything is going good.
>One of the players suddenly becomes That Guy a few sessions later.

From one DM to another, I'd reccomend telling your players. I almost had to quit because I just wasn't having fun anymore planning, and I took a big risk and basically said "This is supposed to be fun, and I want this to work because I like you guys, but things need to change if we want them to keep going". It was scary and a little awkward but I feel a million times better and my games are getting more enjoyable. If they want something different from you then you can tell one of them to try to DM instead, that's always an option, but if they're good friends they should realize the sacrifice you're making and wanna help make shit better.

>be artist
Lucky son of a bitch. I wish I could draw well. I don't have enough money to pay for all the art I want. I know damn well I wouldn't squander my talent like you do.

Fuck, man. I know that feeling.

>you can tell one of them to try to DM instead, that's always an option
last session i let a player that is the least RP engaged of the group DM a one off and ill never forget when he said "Im sorry i ever complained user." I doubt theyll keep it in mind throughout the rest of the campaign but ill remember that for a while.

>If they want something different from you then you can tell one of them to try to DM instead
I appreciate the words, user. But to put it this way, no one else cares to put forth the time and effort into dming.

Either A) They start 'working on a game' that never materializes or B) They start a game up for one session, fuck about for a few hours and then it just kinda peters out.

I really hate it when a game is boring but there's nothing else wrong with it. Everyone shows up, the effort is made by all parties, but it just doesn't click. Maybe we talk about it in the open, think about getting something else going, but in the end we just continue because some session had a good moment that gives us hope or we're bored of the game but want a proper conclusion.

I'm not the drawfag, but have you considered that he is likely good at what he does because much practice and effort. Discipline trumps talent 9/10 times. If being more artistic is something you truly want, make yourself proud. I'm a believer that almost anybody can learn almost any skill with enough time and the right mindset. Talent is only a head start.

>starting new campaign
>make new character, write backstory, establish personality, set goals
>dies halfway through first session
Guess I'll just play whatever the fuck I can put together in the next ten minutes.

There isn't a single group or store in my city for the system I want to play. Not one. I've looked everywhere. The neighboring city over to the west used to play 40k some but it died out completely after 8th edition came out and got entirely replaced by more MTG. The city 3 hours north has a very active store playing three nights a week of Sigmar and two nights of Infinity. If I could just get there easily I could meet people and play something interesting 5 nights a week it would be awesome... but I don't typically get home from work until 8:30 PM, then it would be 11:30 PM by the time I get there, and at a minimum 2:30 AM by the time I get back. It is so frustrating not being able to play at all, ever, and having what looks like the paradise of games so close yet just out of reach. Instead I just go home and paint models by myself, and read over the rules and fluff a bunch.

>>Now at the end of each session they tell me it was fun. Period.
Although not quite in the same context, this is something that gets me too. I'm new to DMing and I KNOW I'm making mistakes. I've identified a bunch of stuff I want to do better, but for the life of me I cannot coax constructive criticism out of my players, who are all way more experienced than me, period. They all just tell me that I'm doing really good and that they're having fun, but interest seems low and I can't improve if they don't tell me what they're not enjoying.

>really fleshed out a character, practiced the voice and mannerisms, gave them a thorough personality ripe with possible and fun interactions, but still left plenty of room for them to grow as a character
>DM cancels the session
>lose a bit of gusto but patiently practice
>DM keeps cancelling sessions
>everything is slow slipping away to exhausted exasperation
>finally get a session
>can barely remember anything
>character winds up being an awkwardly flanderized cardboard cutout of what they were to begin with

I'm seriously scared to share this.
>be me, 23
>High school sweetheart & I file for divorce
>"Can I kill myself?" Becomes daily thought to contemplate on.
>Friends come around and want to be supportive
>"user, come by on wednesdays, we do some Veeky Forums."

It's a long year to say the least

>Year goes by.
>Play Casual Magic, some heroclix,and 40k.
>find a passion in painting figs
>Suicidal thoughts start to diminish with an outlet and something to look forward to.

Things were looking good, then the spergs invaded. 3 of them.

>the three show up, 40k players.
>One, K, only plays Imperial fists. Constantly WAAC in everything.
>The second, T, plays 40k exclusively, uses soda can can drop pods.
>Lastly, A, Grey knights player, just as WAAC as the rest.
>All three refuse to paint their armies, T claims he bought drop pods but we never saw them.
>For the first few weeks, the original group tries to mesh well, and play nice.
>Tourney lists, arguing every stat, argue every rule.
>I got crushed, so did everyone else.
>Losing was fine, being mocked after wasn't so great.

A few weeks pass
>We start a Kill team campaign
>K/T/A start mocking the campaign
>"You all would totally lose if we we played 2000 point games"
>Catch K lying about stats
>Catch A rolling loaded dice
>T refuses to bring a legit codex instead of his printout.

All three of them start ribbing the rest of the group pretty hard
>"You'd never win a tourney with that shit list user"
>"Your figures are painted like trash"
>"The group here is a bunch of betamales"

Two of these assholes have their mothers drop them off.

>Switch to doing some magic for a couple of weeks, try to live and let live.
>K gets caught Manaweaving after trying to say my deck is shit.
>The other two start bashing anyone who isn't playing 2000 point 40k games.
>The casual group is getting tired of this and we all start to disband

That feeling of losing a comfortable setting to just have fun was crushing.

Those guys sound like arseholes. Sorry to hear it lad.

40k helps me with my depression too, though I don't play much, painting definitely does.

Where's the problem? Just tell them to fuck off.

Boulder CO? There is a pretty lively LARP community out there. Whether or not it's any good, I couldn't tell you, but it does exist. Check Meetup

Not quite "the worst", but
>Running 3 weekly games (same system/modules with frequent party-tailored content)
>Playing in a weekly game, unrelated rules-light homebrew
Somehow I love the first 3 and get 100% involved in them, but that last one is too much for me. I'm digging the atmosphere at the table but I can't manage to pay attention at all. Am I subconsciously a control freak who MUST be in the GM's seat or lose interest? Fuck if I know.

I think you guys are going about this the wrong way.

Two simple suggestions here. First, tie the NPCs into the characters' lives. Maybe they're a bounty hunter, set on bringing a character to justice for something they did in the past, or they're a big fan of one of the characters, or they belong to the clan that killed a PC's family. If you build in a personal hook for the players they will have a reason to care about the random person they just met.

Second, give the players something they can see. Maybe an NPC is constantly drinking mango-flavored soda, or she's scared of needles, or he wears a really loud vest. Anything that grabs your players' attention will help them become invested in the NPCs and want to talk more.

Instead of spending time on NPC history, boil them down two or three bullet points and use those as a start, then bullshit as needed.

Try to think about what your character is thinking and how your character might react. Try to get into the depth of your character.

Inb4 we DMs end up forced to distribute fucking surveys at the end of each session to pinpoint exactly what went wrong and what didn't.

I actually legitimately considered doing that for a moment.

Thanks for the words of advice, user.

do you guys have any suggestions about fighting the devil? He is know to use magic

>5 fully painted fully set 40k armies
>game shop is dead, nobody plays 40k there
>don't know a single person who plays
>kept painting and recruiting because I enjoyed the hobby and the lore
>after years of no game finally lose interest in painting
>wasted all that time and money only to never get to play the game

These spergs refused to listen. I would tell them to piss off and they'd think I was talking to the wall or something.

I know that feeling.
But it sounds like you be a great painter which in itself is a wonderful hobby.

Make a tumblr or some other way to display those fuckers. Maybe take painting commissions and get paid for what you love.

>Finally get a shot at running my first game
>In my own OC setting I've been designing and perfecting for years
>Write up all this prep work for the campaign, have enough for months of play
>Can only get 3 players interested in it but thats fine
>Second session, someone shows up late so we have to start late, throwing the timeframe of the session into chaos
>Which then impacts the next session, and the next...
>Another player shows up late to the fourth session, even further pacing fuckery
>Now nothing is happening when it should, players are complaining that the pacing is all weird
>Fifth session, finally get it back under control, everything is back to the plan
>Player drops out cause he's not having fun and complains about the pacing
I've never been more mad but I understand now
These peons just don't understand my art

>Want to run a game
>Every game I've run online has died
>Want to run a real life game
>No friends
>Would probably die after a few sessions anyway

What did you do to make all of them complain about the pacing? Dealing with absent players is a tough skill to learn and it sounds like you screwed the pooch a bit.

>Set up a campaign so that I could work on playtesting some houserules that I'd come up with.
>Get a good group together, we all agree on friday evenings, we even have a stable place to play.
>Game day comes
>The only people who show up on time are me and another player since I had to bum a ride off of him.
>Player 2 shows up ten minutes late
>Player 3 and 4 cancel 15-20 minutes after we were supposed to start for one reason or another.
>Players 1 and 2 don't wish to play without the whole party.
>Dejectedly, I agree and get driven home, where I end up feeling like absolute garbage for wasting Player 1 and 2's gas, money, and time.
>This happens often enough to where we're only playing once every 2-4 weeks.
>Eventually get sick of it and cancel game for all subsequent fridays.
>Happened yesterday but I still feel like shit.
>Only solace I have is that my schedule is more open and I was able to gain insight on how to improve my houserules for future campaigns.

The second session was off-kilter because one was late by a half hour, so we didn't everything done that needed to be done in order for the next session to work, and it wasn't the sort of stuff that could be handwaved. So the next session had to start with what should have been the ending of the one before it. The second session should have ended with the players settling their affairs before setting out on adventure, and then the third session would be the beginning of the adventure proper, complete with meeting NPC's, exploring the region, learning about their objective, etc. But instead, the third session begins with stuff that should have been done in the second, so stuff in the third doesn't get done to make room for that, and then it carries on to the fourth session. I even started handwaving some stuff away and removing planned parts of the adventures to make sure we had time just in case someone showed up late again, but it wasn't enough. By the 5th session I had it all under control... and then one of them showed up late again. The fifth session went fine but we still couldn't do everything as planned again because of the time allowed. I wasn't happy but I was prepared to have to get everything in order again like I did the first time. And then at the end of the session one of the players, the first one who showed up late, tells me he was having a hard time staying interested anymore and that the pacing of the games was giving him problems. I offer to do everything in my power to keep the game running, even ending the current campaign and playing something else because I was having so much fun and didn't want it to end. But he wasn't really interested in keeping the game going I guess and just quit, and the other two didn't want to do just a two-person campaign so the game fell apart.

>what's the worst Veeky Forums feeling for you, user?
Mostly my continuous feeling of dissatisfaction in that I don't think I do a good job in playing out my characters.

But my current DM is also leaving me in a sour mood, he makes it really hard to get immersed. I feel like I have to suck the descriptions out of him with a straw. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but fuck I'd rather spend the hours listening to you try and make a situation feel alive.

Thanks anons, ill try something out. Would be nice to get back into painting

>be me
>Be giant anti-social, awkward nerd
>decide about 6 years back to make a change.
>Work out, jog, gain a few extra hobbies that aren't nerd stuff
>care about my appearance.
>eventually moved to new area
> find new dnd group
>they are all unwashed forever virgin autists.
>It feels incredibly lonely to realize my asperations to become better are not reflected or understood by the others at the table.
>I am now in a weird realm where I am too weird for normies, but not weird enough for the nerds.

>>I am now in a weird realm where I am too weird for normies, but not weird enough for the nerds.
Honestly you don't want to deal with someone who is perfectly 100% normal, they are just boring.
But on the other hand nerds are spergs, you gotta find your own middle ground somewhere.

Find a different place to meet then.

Don't feel too bad, I'm just a heartless bastard that doesn't tear up at anything.

Not even Nina from FMA.

Damn nigga you cold

I can't make CYOAs real and live in them. Not as far as I know, anyway.

>Always play good characters
>GM decides to run "evil" campaign
>GM tells me specifically that I should play an antipaladin like I kept talking about
>Procede to play antipaladin as discussed (Militant lawyer worshiping Asmodeus)
>Every evil act makes GM squirm
>GM exasperated when I try to convert people to the faith via contracts
>GM gets even more uncomfortable with "evil" as things proceed
>GM gets progressively more autistic about what we're allowed to do, telling us we can't do one thing or another based on alignment
>Eventually give up on playing that character
>Switch to playing a wizard
>GM limits spells to core only
>Repeatedly tries to tell me how he thinks the spells work
>Gets mad when I read the descriptions out loud and the rest of the group disagrees with him
>Angrier when I show him a FAQ on the paizo website proving my point
>Two other people in the group are frustrated and start taking it out on each other
>End up having to mediate between them because the GM shuts down
>Tells the group he's uncomfortable with evil
>Tells the group he doesn't know how to challenge us
>Don't really want to play at this point
>Started running a game myself because theres no one else in the group who can do a decent job of it
>15 yrs forever DM/GM

>>Repeatedly tries to tell me how he thinks the spells work
>>Gets mad when I read the descriptions out loud and the rest of the group disagrees with him
>>Angrier when I show him a FAQ on the paizo website proving my point

holy fuck I hate it when GMs do that about anything rules related

>paizo
What did you expect

I don't really get how people uncomfortable with evil, unless you're like "I ROLL TO RAPE" kind of evil.

Honestly the lawful evil antipaladin character sounds like a lot of fun, especially if you went all out with the contracts and shit.

>Tells the group he doesn't know how to challenge us

To be fair to the GM, if the players are better at the game than you that can end up shitty. Especially if none of them wants to run the damn game.

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I know

I get how he's having a tough time challenging us we're all pretty decent at tactical combat and making long-term strategies

Problem is that I'm the only one who can run long term without the game imploding so I'm stuck running the game

Painting is amazing for bad feels. Hang on to that m8, I'm sure there are many great tables out there that'd love to have ya.

>be aspiring artist
>some foreign cunts bombed the shit out of country and burned the cities to the ground
>society started rebuilding, but embraces all wrong values
>they tell me I'm a talentless hack with no creativity
>get mad af
>get drunk to drown sorrows
>end up in jail
>decide to write memoirs
>can't write for shit, reads like i'm trying to sell something
>get out and decide to talk my mind
>"hey, fuck these foreign cunts amirite"
>few years later, sign some paper to some guy who hated juice or some shit idk
>few more years pass
>foreign cunts decide to come and blow shit up again

I know you're joking, but the Western Front was fought almost entirely in Belgium and France. The Armistice was signed before the Entente had even reached the German Border.

yeah it was WW2 that fucked Germany's shit up, wasn't it?

Yes. That time they actually had to fight to the end because nobody could kill Hitler right

When a fucking shit system that is no fun to play at all drags an otherwise okay game down.

>make new character
>get invested in my character and the world
>start treating the game like I did when I first started roleplaying games, approaching everything with that newbie "I'm really in the world" sparkle in my eye and getting really in-character
>game inevitably degrades into sassy sarcastic banter from every PC/NPC and rolling dice to solve every problem
>glimmer dies, campaign becomes another weekly party game
>new campaign is announced, get excited for new character concept
>repeat

We started a new campaign recently, and it's the first time I've felt nothing in the first session. It's still fun to play with my friends, but the magic is gone, like we could be having the same kind of fun just playing video games together.

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>group of board game friends (4 total including me) want to try playing TTRPG after my last failure at being DM
>last time we tried I honestly fucked up DMing story telling and tried adding in lovecraftian god shenanigans but things got way too abstract before it all came together and they dropped it.
>So this time I try really hard, make a solid linear story with clear story points so the party knows their goals after a few sessions, and homebrew a lot of it since knowing my party they won't read the lore of the book at all and the players don't really make a fleshed out character, they just like the adventure I put more effort into the surroundings and interactions without explaining the book lore to them.
>But there was one key thing to doing this, that we show up every week to do this and don't flake out.
> Friends bring in an additional dude, he's cool, consistent and seems to be really enjoying himself.
>One of the original core people starts flaking even though he said he would be there every week
>Have to scale shit randomly to "oh he might be here, he might not."
>Friends call him out on it and he bullshits a lie saying "Oh I thought we agreed every other week." after 4 weeks of meetings.
>Then proceeds to try to persuade my other friends to play a different board game instead of my game when he decides to show up
>They compromise and give him what he wants
>Kind of pissed because now I gotta cut my campaign since now it's bi-weekly

Am I just being a whiny bitch?

>"I don't feel like doing it bi-weekly, too much work for not enough timed payoff"
Say that and then either say you guys go with it or I'm leaving, or just say you're done.

You're doing this the wrong way. First, you should only plan what you think you're going to use in the next couple sessions. Second, if there's something you don't use, RECYCLE. If they didn't interact with it at all, it's still good, still fresh. You can move it somewhere else, reskin it, do whatever you need. It's still good. Third, and most importantly, ONLY PLAN IF IT'S FUN FOR YOU. This is how you prevent DM burnout. And anyway, what's the worst that'll happen if there's something you didn't prep for, you have to improvise a little? It's not that hard to handle, and can actually result in some of the most memorable sessions.

If you enjoy painting, it's never time wasted. Try painting other miniatures, just for the joy of the art.

I thought about that for a few weeks. I was dead set on it but in the end I caved, after having a session with the people who remain. I mean my other two friends stayed, the third new friend stayed, and he even brought in another friend whose in state every other week. I felt kind of bad if I just packed up my shit and went home because one dude who blew me off that was a good friend and totally just lied to my face at every turn instead of saying "I don't want to play anymore." and pulling this shit where he divided up our game meetings.

I was just curious if I was being a hyper sensitive dick about it. Because I'm still salty, about the encounter and I'm just acting extra attached because I was the GM who put a a lot of effort into it thus overreacting.

Bring back up shit. Bring a few magic decks or some board games that only need 2-3 players. Bring some Beers. If you can't run a campaign you can still interact socially with your friends making the time and effort to get together not be wasted.

>when your GM goes in dry and you don't even have a pillow to bite

>The magic is gone
Just play a wizard next time.

Or just keep being there for the social Kin ship.

Getting a spark of inspiration for a campaign or discovering a new system that scratches every itch, but your players have zero interest.

When the only player in your group that ever took anything semi-seriously gets a new job with a retarded schedule that basically kills their social life entirely, let alone making it impossible for them to ever join a game.

Both those paragraphs. I feel em. My "good" player just got a new job and won't be able to show up. My "actually consistent" player is leaving the state for a few months.

Luckily I got 2 new players so I hope it works out.

Luckily for me the 2 new players are totally into the new system and setting and one of my remaining "veteran" players is also into it. But I had just spent 4 months trying to get my group to play this new system.

That's why I'm so glad I can outright ban phones at the table.

Being the conspiracy nut of the group has it's perks.

also get less shitty friends.

> so we didn't everything done that needed to be done in order for the next session to work
There's your first problem. Who the fuck plans shit out that in-depth? Gotta be flexible, dude.

Confront the shithead about it. Otherwise, yeah, you're being a hypersensitive dick.

Being the GM and feeling you are letting the players down.
That ever nagging but subtle feeling you fucked up and your players didn't enjoy the session is the worst. I've been GMing on and off for years and it still hasn't gone away.

At the end of the session I apologize if I was annoying and leave before everyone else even if I didn't do anything wrong as a player.
I know they like me but I can't shake the feeling I'm a shithead.

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>have gf
>gf going through some bad shit with her family
>gf goes down the depression hole
>deep, deep down the hole
>depression feels aren't constant
>sometimes she will feel fine in the morning and in the afternoon i have to physically stop her from OD'ing on booze and painkillers
>have to cancel games last minute due to this
>I have to essentially babysit my 33 year old gf to ensure she doesn't off herself
>get maybe 1 game per month
>sometimes i have to leave early from those
>feel like i'm dragging the game to shit when i'm not being there

>Be gm
>Setting up a massive RT game
>Open ended do what you want while making a shit ton of money
>Each player would have their own ship
>Players seem excited, so was I
>Start grinding it out
>Ohfuckdepression.jpg
>Can barely be bothered to get on discord to talk to them
>Mix of not giving a shit and shame for not following through which leads to an awful loop of nothing happening
>Cancel game

Honestly I think I'll just stop GMing. I seem to be the only one this group wants running games but I'd rather them have no game then a game with a GM that isn't into it. I can hide it pretty well at least.

Oh and how could I forget. One of the players died in a car crash. He was fun to play with. Always excited.

this.

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Had to kill a game that I made the setting for that I sorta liked because the solo player sperg'd out too hard about *everything*.

Stop being a shit head then?

>33
>Family problems
>OD on pain killers
Your dating a child. I don't care her age or looks. She is a dramatic pre-teen.

I'm sure I'm missing most the story. But dump her.

>make a pretty good character
>not optimized nor minmaxed
>basically average character
>only martial character in group
>capably kill mosty threats that require death
>able to calmly negotiate when not needing to kill
>get the occasional lucky roll that cuts combat time in half
>start noting that my character happens to start failing saves against things that takes him out of a situation
>character fails perception checks and diplomacy checks regularly
>realize that the other characters aren't suffering from this despite having much, much higher skill checks
>realize that my character can undercut the GM's railroads, so he invalidates my not heavily optimized, not minmaxed character
>wonder what would happen if I decided to go full bore optimized instead
It sucks when the GM fucks the player over for no reason other than "muh railroad". No one could have made the saves he was making mty character take except with a nat 20.

Jesus dude, that sounds rough. Don't beat yourself up about it, family issues are a valid reason to miss some games. But does she have any friends she could rely upon for moral support? If you're her only safeguard, you're both in trouble.

>zeroth session, making characters
>think another player's character concept is neat
>we decide to co-write a mutual backstory
>It's beautiful
>fast forward to first session
>Their character turns into a lol random spazz whose back story might just as well have never been written.

>get excited for a game
>prep a lot
>first sessions are okay
>keep prepping a lot
>as time goes on get players get less interactive
>eventually they flat-out don't respond to messages in our group chat
>be less and less motivated
>get seriously depressed because I spend a large amount of time just thinking about our games, in addition to the time spent actually preparing and running the game
>prep less
>sessions are more far and few in-between
>eventually drop RPGs for a while
>until the cycle begins anew

Honestly

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>prepare an OSR player-driven sandbox
>32400 sq mile area full of shit
>players never go past the first fort they find
>players delve into the first dungeon they find with the intention to fully clear it (it's a handmade 5 level megadungeon)
>their characters don't have backstories
>players never actually interact with NPCs beyond giving/being given orders
>players say they're enjoying it but they would like more roleplaying
>players say they don't know what to do

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Most of the people in the game I canceled are also involved in a game another player runs on tuesdays, so I still hang out with them even if my game is cancelled.

>I am now in a weird realm where I am too weird for normies, but not weird enough for the nerds.

user, I know your pain.

>be the GM
>super hyped to get my players in on a warhammer fantasy campaign
>character creation goes good and everyone is pretty hyped to play
>first session rolls around
>start combat and everyones having fun
>one player gets choked out by a enemy in a barfight but doesnt die, just laughs it off and continues combat
>another crit fails his first roll but doesnt mind
>then theres my bf
>he misses one(1) attack on an enemy
>starts complaining that while everyone else is kicking ass his guy just sucks
>starts dragging the session through the mud with all the complaining and general angsty teen anger(even though we are both adults and hes older than me)
>barges off from group after a dispute with another player character and then later wonders why his guy isnt getting in on any plothooks
>just generally nags me and treats me like garbage uintill he just straight up leaves a little bit before the session ends
>only solace is that the other guys actually enjoyed the session

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>i have never had a proper tabletop session online or physically
>too afraid to try it because /r9k/ tier social ability
>eternally browse Veeky Forums obsessed with the concept of having a good old tabletop adventure but never able to get out of shell and do it
>countless narratives and art pieces trashed or half finished because either realize it's never going to be used or second guess self into oblivion
>paranoid about being uninspired or shitty

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