And we're back. Now that the time travel arguing is over, here is the new green text thread. Anyone new can find the original thread here: Based on the strawpoll, this is the ending of the last thread: >The Time Loop sends Stercus to the past where it sticks around until that Past Stercus Warps back, leaving future Stercus the only Stercus, and just handwaving Tzeentch’s intentions and the possible effects new future Stercus would have on past Stercus.
With that shit dealt with, we can return to green texting about this perpetual war between an unreasonable number of factions. New posters are encouraged to jump in, though you may want to glance at the original thread which is pretty funny.
Two quick rules we agreed on. >No more time travel bullshit, ever. >No non-canon/crossovers. Superman is not invited to this war.
1/2 >Be me, Best Seneschal in the business >Of course, now my business is wedding planning. >Though most of the wedding planning corps consists of people who lacked the faith to pick up a flamer and so got forced into logistics it's not that bad >Hear some people were resentful at first, until they realized there is literally no where else on the planet safe for civilians. >Assigned to help burn all the corpse hills the Bolter Bitches created around the holy site >Not the worst job for a wedding planner. I sure don't want to be the one to explain to the girl who used to get bored at gangbangs that she can't wear white at her wedding. >DoTheyHaveAnythingDarkerThanBlack.dress >Suggest that it might be a better idea to sell these killbots to a Rogue Trader instead of spending hours trying to burn fucking metal "corpses" >Almost get Flamer-whipped by one of The Emperor's Merciful Shepherds for suggesting that cleansing fire isn't the solution, but the Sacred Squirt overhears and gets interested. >Guess he recognizes me from when I rigged up the Governor's broadcast system for his speech. >For some reason there aren't a lot of technically capable people amongst the endless horde of bloodthirsty religious fanatics. >ItIsAMystery.jpg >Somehow, his wife-to-be doesn't seem to recognize me at all. Don't know if she's just done so much warp dust that she doesn't remember meezzvsxx, she's trying to hide her past, or I'm just unrecognizable covered in layers of blood and ash. >I don't fight, it's just that the atmosphere is like 10% blood and ash now. The only people who ever look clean are the higher ups, who make doctors do their laundry. >StainectomyStat.png
Tyler Cooper
2/2 >Anyway, the twerp has me make contact with some traders. End up setting up a few great deals. The kind of shit that is litter on this hellhole of a planet is valuable as shit in the sane parts of the Galaxy. >Consider embezzling a little because honestly, half the time the kid seems like a rube. >Of course, the other half of the time he seems like a bloodthirsty religious fanatic. The fact that he looks like he's not old enough to drink actually just makes the fact that he's burned and butchered his way across the planet way creepier. >Plus, I know what The Governor's Whore of a Daughter is into. He must get up to some scary shit behind closed doors. >Literally rake in enough to buy some planets that AREN'T on fire, but for some reason we're staying here. Can't even get myself on one of the ships. >PleaseBuyMeToo.gif >Buys a couple new vehicles and some artillery at first. I assumed he'd spend the rest on more weapons and armor for his endless horde. >Nope, the instructions I get are insane. It's half infrastructure planning for an entire city and half boring non-heretical party supplies >Tfw the wedding planner thing wasn't a joke >Tfw this little twerp is actually going to marry The Governor's Whore of a Daughter >Tfw he's building a small city in the middle of the worst war zone in the galaxy to host his special day >Where the fuck do I find a Rogue Trader that deals in baked goods?
>Was great inquisitor of Ordo Chronos >Will notice the warp time-dilation problems occurred on a planet which literally has "shit" as a name >Would have been amused >Has had been pissed off at the same time >I hope I would have had some time to rest >The day after yesterday I would have had have to fix this clusterfuck >Emperor forgave me, the space time continuum will not be the only thing fucked up >There was enough ground to summon every branch of the Inquisition on this planet >Mfw there would have been already some Inquisitors tangled in this mess
Camden Clark
Blood Ravens recap: >We've "found" a great number of chapter relics (some bearing the heraldy of the Salamanders, Dark Angels, Grey Knights, Eldar, Adeptus Mechanicus, The Order of the Ermine Mantle, the Ultramarines, the Imperial Guard and the Inquisition, strangely enough.) >We tried to ... appropriate the Living Saint Brigitte, but instead, accidentally bumped her head with a thunderhawk. OOPS. >After claiming valuable relics and gifts for the Chapter, the Battle Barge Claimitus Rex has transferred all of the loot *ahem* GIFTS to the Battle Barge Metallus Bawkses, who will be warping out shortly. >Current mission: Liberate the Imperial Temple from the heretics, mutants, traitors, and pretty much anyone that stands in our way, and take it with us. >I am Blood Raven Sergeant Takken Hanoverfist, and I will claim it in the name of the Emperor.
>be weirdboy >be feelin' da waagh! energy >be needin' to let it go, boy >be seeing some of dose big bugs and 'umies wit burnaz >Yu's getz a squigging, you getz a squigging. >SurroundedBySquigs.Glyph >It's a good day
Elijah Cox
>Be Stormtrooper Marcus >just get out of meeting after being used as bait (thanks Fessus) and almost discovered by our old Commissar (thanks again Fessus) >Apparantly it was cause of some Quistor of the Ordo Cornos or something, bugger me I dunno >All I know is that he had a big shiny I-shaped badge and more loose screws than an Ork trak >Seemslegit.Holovid >He’s all pissy at us about fucking up the timeline or something >Probably has something to do with Dustbunny and his bloody bomb >Bloody Dustbunny >It’s all his fault >I still say we should have killed him, but noooo, why would we listen to Marcus, he’s just a silly weird little Guardsman with a hunchback of duct tape, nah let’s just take the dangerous heretic who almost killed us all prisoner instead for no reason >Bloody hell >Anyways, it probably doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t his fault, because after the astropath there stopped spazzin out, he said it was all gonna be all right >I think, I dunno it was a lot of gibberish with “quantum this” and “continuum that” >Honestly it was really boring >Thankfully one of the Ravens noticed how bored we were, and gave us all leave to go grocery shopping >cept Fessus, he had to stay, >ha sucks to be him. >although not too much more than it sucks to be me. >don’t get me wrong, running errands is fine >it is what chapter serfs do after all, and it’s pretty easy >honestly I could get half this list as “gifts” >no, it’s baby sitting the other morons that sucks >No Lloyd I won’t bet you twenty thrones to eat that...whatever it is, now put it down before you get yourself hospitalized again you retard. >Oh look there’s Phil, arguing theology a street preacher, AGAIN >An where in the Warp’s Decarus? >Oh bloody hell did he sneak off to look for that Bolter Bitch again? >I swear he’s a whiteshield cause he act’s like he’s bloody 15 >well, guess I gotta add Loverboy to the grocery list. >Bloody hell, why me?
>Be Stormtrooper-Serf Decarus >be excused from extremely confusing and warpy meeting to got obtain valuable supplies for the good of the chapter >Basically yes, Grocery shopping, >Not really all that excited, shopping is kinda boring >But hey, it’s an excuse to be outside >The Hive’s seen better days, but it’s still intact and people seem to be trying to rebuild their homes again >and most of the Fires have been put out >I swear you can’t really appreciate how sweet that semi filtered Hive air is until after you’ve breathed nothing but Smoke for the past few months >Still though, the Novelty wear off. >That and Marcus is all grouchy again >he’s still probably still Pissy because the Donuts were all gone by the time he got back to base. >Hope he doesn’t realize that I’m the one who stole the last one. >I couldn’t help it, it was Batavi Creme, that stuff’s my weakness >Anyways, trip gets a lot less fun real quick >suddenly remember, >that last time I saw that one Sister she was headed back to this hive >maybe she’s still here >I could probably go look >It’s not like Marcus really needs me to carry it, Phil could probably carry half of it by himself >sneak Off while Marcus is busy dealing with Phil and Lloyd. >probably not the best idea, considering that I don’t have a map. >Wander around aimlessly for a while >almost get mugged even >although, that was before the muggers noticed my Hellgun >ChunkySalsa.Holoadd >beginning to think this was a bad idea when suddenly >There she is, >The Sister from before >Just as beautiful as ever >And also flying with even radiant wings >hell now she’s even more out of my league. >Still, came this far, might as well ask her out so I can say I tried >Wait is that a ship? >Why are they flying so low, if they aren’t careful they’re gonna hit somethi- >OH! >Oh Emprah! >Oh man alive that’s gotta hurt! >maybe I should go see if she’s alright
>Be Greater Daemon of Slaanesh >Pretty good time >Enjoying self in warp >Suddenly get pulled out of warpdust party >She Who Thirsts is really pissy >Fuck >Okay so apparently Tzeentch BTFO our forces in some shitty place? >Now we have to come up with something major to win back some influence >Fuck and I'm in charge okay >So the Corpse Worshippers are all hyped because apparently they got a Living Saint or whatever the fuck that is >Okay, I can see how we can use this - we turn her to Chaos, Slaanesh is happy, I can go back to my warp dust parties >Start to get my daemons together for an orgy/drug party/planning session >Start sending messages out to the cultists >Feeling pretty good about my plots >Fuck if only I knew how terrible an idea this was going to be at the time.
>Be me, Youngster Ecclesiarchy Bishop >Even I hadn't realized exactly how massive the ranks of the faithful had grown. Even now people keep arriving at the Holy Site. >I've officially consecrated the site and named it The Landing of the Avenging Angels of the Ermine Mantle, though I've heard people just refer to it as "Angel's Landing" >GetItRight.heretics >The Sisters of Battle had already done an amazing job of protecting this holy site but now with our numbers, equipment, and my Aquila birthmark we were turning this place into something unique on this world. >At the center of the Site, the distant din of battle was almost inaudible most of the time. It gave people a place where they could engage in things besides battle. Prayer, listening to my speeches LIVE, and occasionally base commerce. >PassTheCollectionPlate.voxcast >Those who come in person say they can FEEL the Emperor. They also get to see the holy Aquila because I've got this cool new open chest robe that shows the Emperor's mark and a hint of my battle scars. >TakeItIn.glory >But, even those who cannot hear me in person now get to hear the emperors words. >Using a combination of vox and the Governor's broadcast system, I spread the emperor's message far and wide. >I'm hoping to convert some Mechanicus to the true faith, because I really could use more tech support. >NoIdeaHowAnyOfThisWorks.gif >All of the faithful are welcome here. No Blood Ravens. >Whether the people who come here lift a flamer for the cause or join my expanding logistics and wedding planning congregation, anyone can serve the Emperor. >Sincerely though, no Blood Ravens. I suspect they have fallen to the ruinous powers. >IfItWalksLikeAHeretic.burnit >But all of this just provides the foundation I need to accomplish my next major goal. >I've got to stabilize this place, recreate civilization, and build my cathedral >Because I need somewhere appropriate to marry the woman I love, The Ex-Governor's Saint of a Daughter
