God-Emperor of All Mankind: Worst. Dad. Ever.
Horus: Show me all of the secrets of the univer-
Emperor: No, that's dumb. I'm not ready to show anyone some things yet
Horus: FUCK YOU, DAD
Lorgar: I like religious things like groveling, chanting and worshippi-
Emperor: No, that's dumb. It literally allows daemons into realspace
Lorgar: FUCK YOU, DAD
Angron: I want to die fighting a mob of slaves on some remote plan-
Emperor: No, that's dumb. I need you to help save humanity from itself
Angron: FUCK YOU, DAD
Magnus: I study conjuration and demonology - what could possibly go wro-
Emperor: No, that's dumb. Don't play with powers you don't understand
Magnus: FUCK YOU, DAD
Perturabo: Nice galaxy you got here Dad, pity if something was to hap-
Emperor: Behave yourself - Primarchs are to be above girlish jealousies
Perturabo: FUCK YOU, DAD
Kurze: I want peace ... and pulling the limbs off of helpless, screami-
Emperor: No, that's dumb. I want the people liberated, not butchered
Kurze: FUCK YOU, DAD
Fulgrim: I want perfection, and I'll use any means necessary to achiev-
Emperor: No, that's dumb. And vain. I'ma go home and slap your mother
Fulgrim: FUCK YOU, DAD
Mortarion: FUCK YOU, DAD
Emperor: I should never have sent you faggots to liberal universities
Alpharius: Remember the s5 Buffy premiere where her 'sister' Dawn just
sort of appeared out of nowhere and everyone had to pretend she'd alw-
Emperor: Oh God, yes. Holy Fuck, that 'twist' was fucking awful. And
contrived? Jesus Christ, I'd never seen such lazy and self-indulgent-
Omegon: AAABNETTT!