/cyoag/ - CYOA General

no its just how the image saved sorry

Don't feel too bad my man, nothing wrong with a simple one especially if you're just getting started

If you want more indepth feedback from the thread just ask, though its good to have a thick skin
>Eva
No waifu-ing intended here, I'm happy with a little sis to follow me about

thanks! it's only my second cyoa so i'm keeping it simple. i didnt have much time to make it so i tried to make a simple but ok cyoa

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>Expand the Loop 100
Should give me 32 hours, which is great because I just started a holiday.
>Physical Health
I have some problems I'd love to not have any more
>Mental Health
For obvious reasons
>Mental Health++
Might as well make the most of it

Looking forward to my endless days off!

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The IDF challenge hits way too close

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Thank you for posting it last thread user.
>Felix
>Simon D'angelo
>Giraldt of Rufferia
>Valerie Hawkins
We're gonna get Felix some confidence and experience.

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took a while to do this, but fun

acheld, more picks please, too painful. Especially maybe one or two more positive trait picks, since they are really just "flavor"? But I want more...

The Parents: Empathic&Loving / Deeply Spiritual
Living on the Road, Successful Career, Strange Happenings, Loving Relationship
Lve 5, Mny 3, Adv 5, Mys 5

Personality (To Start): Confident, Introspective, Daydreamer

Early (5): Early Home Schooling, Frequent Play Dates, Fairy Playmates, Child of the Stars, Multilingual
Lve 4, Mny 3, Adv 5, Mys 6, Mind 5, Body 4, Spirit 5, normal friends, precocious

Young (4): Gifted School, Secret Garden, Nose in an Unusual Book, Boy Scouts (Gain "Honest")
Lve 4, Mny 3, Adv 5, Mys 6, Mind 8, Body 4, Spirit 6, normal friends, precocious, well educated, smart friends

Teenage (6): Emo Scene, Homecoming Queen, Family Fitness Training, Fairytale Hero, New Age "Phase", Activism (Gain "Optimistic")
Lve 4, Mny 3, Adv 5, Mys 6, Mind 9, Body 7, Spirit 11, normal friends, precocious, well educated, smart friends, rebel friends

Ending Traits: Honest, Optimistic, Confident, Introspective, Daydreamer

My beautiful daughter has a well balanced life, with a strong mind, a kind heart, and an extraordinary spirit. She isn't incredibly magical, but magic is part of her life and as a Fairytale Hero it always will be. We don't have the closest relationship we might have, but we know we love each other.

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>tfw want to make a suffering cyoa but dsa already outdid me

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>not that I want you or anything!

Guys, stop using this phrase in non-satirical descriptions of tsunderes finally. It's like posting a trollface in 2018

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> Soup
Bone Broth

> Flavors
Miso

> Noodles
Medium La Mian

> Toppings
Chashu, Veggies, Seaweed, Egg (runny yolk) and Menma

Neow I'm really craving ramen.

>Loop Nature
Expand the Loop 20
Loop de Loop gives me at most a single day. Expand the loop gives me 2^10,000 years and increases exponentially. The problem with expand the loop is that I won't even get to live that long. I would need to figure out a way to make humanity advance fast enough to get me immortality. Even if I played the lottery and gathered all the resources, the knowledge transfer would take too long. And assuming that it did work I am a slave to the butterfly effect. If I expect a piece of equipment to be on the market exactly 50 years from now and that company doesn't exist because the ceo never got that spark of inspiration, then i'm fucked. Repeating an entire lifetime will let me see/guess the consequences of my actions over a long period of time.

Place change is good for learning new things and variety but incredibly risky if you move to a shit hole. It is better to just travel there normally.

>Perks
Physical Health 10
Mental Health and ++ 15
10+ Charisma 30
All the basic health perks are mandatory. I could dedicate a year at the start of each loop to get Physical Health++ and spend some time doing maintenance. Instant-Buy is good for the early loops but if you are doing the long run like me then it becomes irrelevant. Charisma to help talk me out of certain situations or meet new people who will be useful in the future. In some instances charisma can function as a map also. and Mental health++ can be a worse notebook. I will practice memorizing things on a regular basis.

>End Game
Back With More 30
Come Back 10
If I gain the perks that I bought previously every time I went on a loop then I would replace Back With More with the Map and the Notebook.

I would get a huge amount of money by buying stocks, playing lottery or gambling. This would take about a year and I will be learning about a certain topic and working out. This is the phase where stupid shit can be done with little to no real consequences.

or even a pepe in 2018

curly

I don't think Expand the Loop is meant to double the loop each time, for example the reasons you think. If you take it once, you get 2 hours each loop, and it stays at 2 hours. If you take it twice, you get 4 hours each loop, etc.

Wow, I love this one!
Single Parent (I'll take an extra love point)
Curious about the Word + Genuinely Bizarre
Artistic Endeavours, Successful Career, Loving Relationship, + Strange Events
6 love, 3 money, 5 adventure, 5 mystical
I'll have one child. Let's call them Roy.
Roy is kind and empathetic, but a bit antisocial. They're introverted and introspective, and a huge daydreamer.
Not-so-imaginary Friend, Fairy Playmates, Magical Bond, Early Home Teaching, Multilingual.
Gifted School, Secret Garden, Nose in an Unusual Book, I've Got Your Back, Nursed Back to Health.
Activism, Exchange Program, Fairytale Hero, Geeky Hobbies, Young Writer.
13 mind, 3 body, 7 spirit.
I found Roy abandoned in a box on the sidewalk. I couldn't leave them there, so I adopted them. That's when strange things started happening. I saw them playing alone, and while I thought it was just their imaginary friends, I certainly started to see the fae they were playing with. I always seemed to understand how they felt, what they wanted when they cried, and when they grew they seemed to know how I felt, as well.

I put them in early education, too. They even learned a couple languages before they got into school. It wasn't a surprise when they were accepted into a school for gifted children. Despite Roy's dislike of social interaction, the few friends they made were closer than any friendships I had.

Strange happenings didn't stop. I didn't think Roy having their nose in a book was strange until I tried to read it and found it full of information about the occult. They seemed to disappear a lot, and my mind was filled with images of them in a location I didn't understand. They seemed to realise my worry, and tried to take me to where they went, but the location made no logical sense, and I couldn't find my way without them.

You read expand the loop wrong AND you also read loop the loop wrong. Plus I also think you read how the loop works wrong, beside that nice build.

(80) Expand the Loop x3 = 16 hours
(5) Mental Health
(20) Physical Health ++
(10) Mental Health ++
(10) Come Back

This is now my immortality. Why would I leave the loops?

you are repeating the same day over and over again with no changes. You have no actual impact on the world since all your action will be undone, existence become completely meaningless, for one.

Neither loop the loop nor expand the loop increase the total time you will be looping. They increase the length of individual loops, not the 10,000 year total time. So taking either of them will cause you to have fewer total loops because each loop takes up more of the time.

Loop the loop is more efficient than expand the loop if you aren't taking early leave. Taking loop the loop on its own grants an average loop length of about 4 hours (been a while since I figured that out and it took about that long to work out, so don't ask me to redo it).

One day, they came home with a creature I at first thought was a kitten, but it had intelligence that a kitten did not, never seemed to age, and I'm certain black cats can't have red eyes. We named her Umbra, and she followed Roy everywhere.

It felt like a blink of an eye til when Roy was in high school. They continued on in their gifted school, but important things happened in my life when Roy was in school- I met my future spouse. We got along like we knew each other forever, and married within a year.

Roy had started activism when they were 13. Not really any specific causes, just ones they thought would help others. It probably started after their schools exchange program, actually.

Roy was always into video games, it's a family legacy at this point, but they quickly grew into any geeky hobby you could think of. Tabletop games, coding, you name it. They also enjoyed writing, and published their first book at 16.

Now, I barely even understand what they tell me about "saving the fae princess", but it has something to do with the gorgeous amulet they wear everywhere. According to them, it's to warn them about danger. I don't even know anymore.

I have never eaten weeaboo food.
Also purely nitpicky here, you could easily just make the image smaller with no loss in readabiltiy. Like, just drag it to a smaller dimension. But I shouldn't be a rude boy.

>chicken broth
Mo' brotein but pls boil the eggs. I don't want salmonella. I don't actualyl think I've had chickchick soup befor e either.
>salt
no bulli, i got no clue what the rest is.
hol up user, there's two options named "lo mian"
>Lo mian (the second one)
because I hate when I make pasghetti bolognese and it's too watery.
>soft
Again, zero frame of reference. I just want to eat quick.

>Shredded meat, Tempura
Gains for the gains God, whey for the whey throne!
>Veggoes (for texture and chewiness)
>Dumplings, rice, alcohol

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sorry!

The same reason some people like the old imprisonment CYOAs; that user now has an endless day where he can do whatever he wants. Spend all his money on crack, eat 17 pizzas, punch his local member of parliament, all with no consequences when the loop starts anew.

It might not be for everyone, but it has its charms. Some people don't want change the world, just to enjoy it.

>Bone broth
I feel brave today
>Salt
A classic
>La mian
Sounds like my kind of noodle
>Medium
Not much to say
>Shredded meat (Crunchy)
>Spicy!
>Egg
>More noodles
Something to add more stuff to it
>Rice
>Dumplings
I am really fucking hungry right now

wow i'm an idiot. I guess i'll switch expand the loop for loop de loop and use the remaining 10 on $$$.
Also i was wondering suppose I don't have back with more, if i do the loop again will i get the perks or is it like starting from scratch?

my goal is to maximize the length of each loop. while keeping my perks the same.

>existence become completely meaningless
>implying it wasn't already

>rude
You damn right it's rude. When you post a waifu picker that is this generic, apply a Pokémon theme to it and call it done while not looking at how badly the font clashes with the sickly yellow background, don't fix up the typos and Blatantly self-insert yourself as a legendary mon. then you're damn right I'm gonna be rude.

Yeah it takes about 1000 actual years to expand the time to 2 hours, from then it is 2000 more years to get another 3 hours and such forth.

But doing in shit in 2 hours ca be quite short I can understand people going for a doubled amount especially if they want to hang with people

Personally I would go for:
Loop de Loop 10
Instant-Buy 20
$$$ 10
Mental Health 5
Magic Notebook 20
Sleep 20
Back with more 30
Mental Health++ 10

I am quite content with my position having eaten, free time and good internet connection.
I will use this time to learn and improve myself, but having to restart the learning process every hour at first will suck balls. Magic Notebook, Insta-Buy and the funding should help this.
After I spend a couple of life times learning, I will try to start inventing mostly hypothetically. Einstein and Newton both didn't have to use object to start their theory hopefully after 2000 years I can achieve the same.
Some hundreds I will probably spend writting books and such.
I won't need Exact Date as I can pre-calculate when it gets close to the end by looking at my max Hour + within 10 minutes of my target area, Charisma and Physical Health is no issue as I don't have enough time to change much.

>hol up user, there's two options named "lo mian"

La mian and lo mian are different kinds of noodles.

La mian are made by pulling and twisting. Lo mian are chewier and are usually yellow.

I wonder what the authorities would think of you suddenly having that much money on your ban account... I assume the loop forces would take care of that.

8h loop
Instant-Buy
Mental Health
Mental Health ++
10+ charisma

It gives me access to a huge area to explore; I've even checked train departures to make sure that I can reach most nearby places.
Instant-Buy makes it possible to try out far more wacky shit, and I have enough money that spending it all is pretty much impossible in that time.
10+ charisma basically allows for more complex social interactions.

The main idea is to maximize the number of possible things to do.

dude i didn't self insert me as palkia. i thought it looked ok sorry it isnt? can i have some advice?

it's just the wild user who pisses over all oc don't mind him, i liked it.

thank you!

everyone point and laugh at this user for getting this worked up about a simple CYOA

Considering your shitty posting style and need to apologize so much it's hard not to make the connection. If you really didn't go for a stealthy self-insert I would suggest practicing separating yourself from the characters you write a tad bit more.

First step in making CYOA is to make sure you have a design that doesn't want to make others retch at the sight of it, you go for a way too simple dual color format that while readable makes things hard to separate into readable sections. Since you are going with having each potential waifu give a letter this is a fucking disgrace as the description and letter blend together into a hodgepodge of shit.
Seriously. Your formatting is so bad that it makes it difficult to even review.
As far as I can tell your Waifu selection is average, not much I can complain about there outside of the fact the pokemon coating is completely unnecessary. If you're going with a theme you need to play with it properly.

Sorry but if you're going to start randomly hugging people and telling them "IT'S OKAY" without actually telling them their OC really needs to be worked on then you can go back to either Discord or Tumblr for your hugbox needs.

When you exit the loop Do you lose all your knowledge that you worked for as well? what the point of getting getting mental health ++ then? Or are your memories preserved if you buy back with more?

reddit.com/r/nsfwcyoa/comments/838zgp/icyoa_you_beta_launch_soon_thread/

project about making interactive CYOA in Beta seeking feedback

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Rule#1 of the sub:
>BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER
Criticism should be constructive, polite, and coated in niceness. Brutal honesty has its place, but this isn't it.

>Sorry but if you're going to start randomly hugging people and telling them "IT'S OKAY" without actually telling them their OC really needs to be worked on then you can go back to either Discord or Tumblr for your hugbox needs.

Nah, most people are just able to give some advice without getting so upset about a CYOA

Give it time user, you'll work out your issues

the program i use is super simple so i cant separate it any better sorry. i apologise a lot because i want to be polite and i post like this so you can recognise im actually the one writing it without namefagging if that makes any sense. i used the pokedex entries on each of the girls to build their character and i just really like pokemon (my previous cyoa was the world of pokemon one). palkia probably is a bit similar to me but thats because shes the narrator and its hard to write as a character completely different than you

i hope i make any sense

my feedback is you shouldnt have posted this here

You didn't spellcheck
The first three pargraphs of Ariana's description don't match her picture at all. You write her as a spidergirl assasin and suddenly she's a tiny tomboy.
What's the point of including a pedobait Eva in a waifu cyoa and having the narrator tell the player that he's forbidden from puting his dick in her?
Other waifus are kind of meh. They're not my type so I probably can't tell you how to make them more appealing.

Origin: Vanilla
The Parents: Me (Highly Skilled), Her (Empathic and Loving)

Prominent Elements:
Scientific Research
Social Connections
Strange Events
World Travel

Love 6
Money 5
Adventure 5
Mystery 2

Firstborn daughter (need to find a name)
Personality:
Affable, Flexible, Tranquil
Competitive, Introspective, Meticulous
Deceitful, Pessimistic

Experiences: (money, spiritual done)

Early Years:
Early Home Teaching
Easy Sleeper
Frequent Playdates
Imaginary Friend
Pre-Schooling

Young Child:
Childhood Pet
Childhood Sports
Elite Camp
Gifted School
I've got your Back
Nose in a Book

Teenage Years:
Exchange Program
Homecoming Queen
School of Hard Knocks
Varsity Sports

Mind 10
Body 8
Spirit 9

BFF, Normal Friends, Precocious, Rich Friends, Sporty, Smart Friends, Well-educated

I'm hoping that she'll have a good and successful life in academia or business. I did my part to get her on the way.

this is exactly the place for brutal honesty, it's practically the last refuge of brutal honesty, if you don't like it go anywhere else and enjoy

>Considering your shitty posting style and need to apologize so much it's hard not to make the connection. If you really didn't go for a stealthy self-insert I would suggest practicing separating yourself from the characters you write a tad bit more.

I think it's just you, never got the feeling that the author inserts himself as the narrator

>When you exit the loop Do you lose all your knowledge that you worked for as well?
Why would you?
> what the point of getting getting mental health ++ then?
because it makes you learn faster and that's a fantastic boon?
I realized that the Kemono Friends cyoa would better fit this template (make it similar to the anime/an oldschool cyoa, where the waifus available is determined by what area you choose to visit) but aylmao I don't want to do that.

Just telling someone it's generic trash does absolutely nothing positive. The only thing you're doing is making the environment more hostile and scaring authors off.
Criticize, sure, but tell them _how_ they should improve.
Even then, generic fluffy words of encouragement are still better than junk posts like , because if an author sticks around, they're probably going to improve at least.

sorry about the lack of spellcheck
ariana is both a spidergirl assassin and a tiny tomboy! i couldn't find any more spidery pics so that one had to do.
eva was mostly made for people that dont want to waifu anyone. and you can waifu her in a few years.
thanks for the feedback!

eh im not one to be scared off by hostility ive posted oc here before and ive been on the internet since i was around 5 so im used to stuff like that.

It's alright mon ami.
You wrote too much for my sake (and I'm not into waifus) but don't let that detract you. You need to understand that some people will hate on what you do, and not all of them have good reason to.
Constructive criticism is always the best.
I don't agree with
>because shes the narrator and its hard to write as a character completely different than you
I've done narrators that were alien to me. See pic related.

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I mean it says you only remember the last loop you did meaning you forget all of the others. So all your learned skills would be useless after the end, learned french? fuck you; you learned codding? fuck you; you learned how to do a mind blowing massage? fuck you.

i wanst saying its impossible just thats why kia might seem like me.

Also since you're acute, if you want, chug the text into a pastebin and pop the links to the images and I can prettify it.
>I mean it says you only remember the last loop you did
I would like you to point out exactly what line says this. In the intro it plainly says:
> [...] with people remembering only the last loop
"People" includes everyone but you.

>I've done narrators that were alien to me. See pic related.
bullshit, arachan

>eva was mostly made for people that dont want to waifu anyone. and you can waifu her in a few years.

if that's a cop out option why couple it with making the player live in literal cave? No amount of pillows can make it not-awful

I just used paint.net to make a bunch of boxes in a few seconds.
If the excuse is that you're using a bad program then you should probably switch out of using it.
Also if you're saying shit like the narrator is a bit similar to you then you really do need to practice separating yourself from the character, either that or use a more generic uninvolved third-person narrator.
All the other anons defending you right now don't seem to accept that if you're going to get better at this, then you clearly need a rude awakening and some training from hell.

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I took Eva; I like the little sis option no lewd and helping her build the cave into a proper home sounds like a good way of helping her learn

i mean they're pokemon monster girls (pokemonster girls?) so some of them would live in the wild. evas an orphan so she doesnt have anywhere else to live.

user pls. I'd pick to be a manticore if I could, given how I feel right now.
Not that being the /ss/ waifu is bad, but I'm just more feeling the manticore gfd. She's both Smugumin, lewd, (gentle fem)dom, and there is no argument against >tailpussy, or against >paralyzing agent

>re-reading Ane Maru
I really need to quit my habit of insufferable long sentences. Same goes for Emma/Manticore. Fug off with one sentence taking up 4 lines of text.

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I fucked up and saw a comma there...
> you will go back to your life with people, remembering only you last loop.

im using cyoastudio because its easy to use i dont have photoshop or anything and don'r know what else i could use.

Why?

Don't be sorry. Keep making what you want, even it it gets the anti-waifu guy mad. It's not worth trying to please people who are like that, trust me. You just let them be cranky and if they don't like what you make, then tough shit because you're the guy who decides what goes in your OC, not them.

Anyway, I'll pick Mimi. I don't know shit about Pokemon, but she sounds interesting. Her true form probably isn't that bad, it usually isn't for characters like her.

Tok uses MS Freaking Paint and even CYOA Studio supports simple boxes to actually make things look neat.
Paint.net is actually surprisingly simple to use if you spend a tiny bit fiddling around. If you don't have it built in on your computer you can just get it after a quick google search.
If for some reason you're using Windows XP or Vista then I would understand your issues.

this is probably silly but i didn't know you could use MS Paint for cyoas!
i'm super new to cyoas so im not great at formatting yet sorry.

Don't start attributing pokemon themes to your (You)s. It's too much.

>I don't know shit about Pokemon, but she sounds interesting. Her true form probably isn't that bad, it usually isn't for characters like her.

If it is anything like what the Pokemon one is implied to be its probably going to be horrific

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i dont know the source for the images (i got them a while ago and struggled to get the cyoa to save) but heres the text.
pastebin.com/mjC8ubTQ
i can post the images in thread if that helps? thanks for calling me a cute!

Desu desu, good on ya for admitting you misread stuff.
That, or I'm retarded and have no idea what you wrote. That's very possible.

Formatting is a skill that you don't learn at first glance and that's fine. Next CYOA you work on you should try to implement the previously mentioned simple boxes to make things more readable.
Honestly I think that was probably the biggest reason I went on a shitposting spree. You have genuine potential but the formatting just sent me into a blind rage.

Desue, I'll go do that. Post the images bitte and I'll get on it. Keep in mind my brain is slow right now but I'll try.

thank you so very much! i'm super new to this so i appreciate any feedback!

By "place" I meant "an author legitimately asking for advice on how to improve his cyoa for the one user that didn't like it", not "Veeky Forums".
When he gets on his high horse and starts declaring himself king of the cyoaverse -like several other authors- then I'll be there with my saltshaker to spray on their wounds

Curly

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Kanna and Hannah
i'll try not to do that! i don't like being rude so please tell me if i become like that.

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Lianna

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Ariana

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Mimi

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Can someone please point out the problems in this one?

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Yeah, do also keep in mind on how color theory works. The example boxes I just posted actually contains a example of color clashing you should avoid. Namely the coloration for the introductory letter and the package in general.
For font colors you need to make sure the background color itself is marginally different where you place it for readability. Brown on that shade of yellow is really skirting the line, if it was brighter then it wouldn't be a serious point of contention.

Eva

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Palkia

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Somebody post last threads cuck CYOA, the one where all the brides become pretty much prostitutes.