YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO BE AS PLAYER CHARACTER AS POSSIBLE

YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO BE AS PLAYER CHARACTER AS POSSIBLE.

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I want to play with Meiling's characters

I attempt to seduce

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Only if I get to play as a Kitsune with a side level in the homebrew magic user class that I brought along. I'm sure it's balanced, the blog I got it from said that it doesn't even scale that well.

"There's a lot of missing security intel for this heist."
"Yeah, that's why I brought extra explosives."

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Don't tell me what to do. I'm going to drag out conversations without really learning anything and not be active at all.

I GO GET DRUNK!

This is marvelous.

>C-c'mon, mister, you wouldn't hurt a kid, would you?
>Carefully reaches for dagger

I loot the body

I want to be a Dragonborn Fighter please

The plan is not yet convoluted enough. More layers!

>After dousing someone in acid
I loot the body

>Becomes a silent statue as player plays with their phone

TO THE LAST MAN AND THE LAST ROUND!

Okay, but what's in it for me?

But it's a fucking dragon!

I drink from every booze bottle that I come across.

Hold up a second, I'm still thinking.

I kill!
Where is my loot?

If we kill the Tarrasque, can we make a boat out of its corpse and be pirates?

No.
thats-the-joke.1stlvlscroll

Rolled 7 (1d20)

I roll for initiative.

>Be me be lawful good monk
>Genocide is justified by these "insert bullshit facts here"
>Oh my character can totally create a gun/air ballon/Motor. It just requires 'insert" and "insert'. Its simple man. Anyone can do it! *all while within a dark age setting*

Rolled 18 (1d20)

I roll to stab this guy

Aww, shit, you went first! Roll for damage, asshole.

I mean roll to hit. Where's my character sheet? I think I left it home.

I SMITE THE ORC BABY

Instead of following the fresh bloody footsteps, I'm going to ask the local authorities and the tavern keeper if they know anything about the murder.

That sounds fun as fuck

"SHOULD I SHOOT HIM AGAIN?"

>steals her hat

>I wonder what would happen if I attack this

DID I STUTTER?!?!?!?

"I, governor of this fair city, declare open revolution against this city's government and its corrupt governor.

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Rolled 20 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

rolling for hit then, adding dex bonus and proficiency with daggers for a +5 total

Rolled 1, 4 + 3 = 8 (2d4 + 3)

well, would've needed to ask for armour class, but it's a nat 20, rolling for damage

Balloons are plausible. Even the invention of firearms if a form of magical or non magical combustion is available. A working motor without any preceding discoveries is pushing the suspension of disbelief.

i attack the questgiver for his items

I'm a level 1 wizard with 2 hp. I die.

how much Xp is that? do I do extra for going four times overkill?

Uh a goblin is 15xp and is about as dangerous as a 1st level wizard but adding in magic and your overkill so uhhh, let's say 25xp.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

sweet! rolling to stab gm

You shear deeply into his folds of flab. Whitish fat oozes from the wound as he desperately clutches with doughy fingers. He is stunned and flat-footed, taking no action this round.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

stab him again

You sever his spine outright. He collapses into a quivering heap of dead flesh. You gain 10xp and loot worth 24gp.

You hear a small sound from down the hallway.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

go stab it

what in the everloving fuck is going on here

Rolled 17 (1d20)

STAB THE QUESTIONER

You're sure landing some good rolls friendo.

I wanna pickpocket the guard

Rolled 3 (1d20)

rolling to accept compliment and not stab

You reach into the guard's pocket and withdraw a penis.

Not his penis, just a penis. It is limp and appears to have been cauterized at the severed base, but it remains warm to the touch. The guard has not noticed you.

Roll Insight.

Great fight, guys! This gold here - I'm gonna reserve 10% for your future tombs!

that's my fucking gold, give back or I stab you

I WANT THAT DAMMED BLACK ORB I CARE NOT IF IT IS A TRAP

"Is there any reason why I shouldn't strap all our missiles to the back of my mech?"

I attack the darkness!

>wha...oh? My turn? Okay, where's the closest guy?

And we just left combat.

Ok, I spend my two weeks of downtime animating knives in one room and forks in another, teaching both sides that their kind are God's chosen ones and other kitchen utensils are the devil's creations and should be killed on sight. Then at the end of the two weeks I let the two groups into the same room, and recruit the survivors as henchmen.

I hit him with my axe

If I take the main gun off my tank/mecha/whatever and replace it with an array of a dozen infantry rifles I can actually do a lot more damage.

i roll to flagellate the dwarf