Havin’ a Giggle

Is there anything particularly funny in a grimdark future where there is only war?

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space marines falling through stairs

Lorgar won

Lore of the primaris marines

a Harlequin slipping on a banana peel during a performance.

Nothing of it ever happened, it's just tzeentch getting high on LSD

> WEN DA FAT 'UMIES GO SPLAT WHEN YOUZ KICK EM

Most things to come out of the mouth of Gabriel Seth. He really takes after his predecessor, the first Chapter Master of the Flesh Tearers. You know, the guy who got punched in the gut by Guilliman when he called the Codex a piece of shit, only to get up and repeat what he just said.

Or that one time Angron's conversation with Khârn pretty much turned into the Primarch cutting a promo like he's the Ultimate Warrior.

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I chuckled.

Can you even imagine.

This fucking ten foot monstrosity covered in power armor, stomping into some imperial library to grab some records. He starts up the stairway to the second floor, and halfway up it just gives out and crunches straight the fuck down. He just mashes this segment of the stairway into a pancake, not even losing his standing posture.
Then there's this pause, and you just hear him sigh through his armor, like this shit has happened before.

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>...
>*sigh*
>MAGOS TYRRHENIUS, I HAVE FALLEN THROUGH THE LIBRARY STAIRS.
>AGAIN.
>PLEASE, FETCH THE GRAV-HOIST.

That one Ork warboss who wound up time paradox'ing his own WAAAAGGH out of existence.

All the people treating it as srs bisness.

based legion

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Let me test something.

source on that guilliman ree?

The entirety of the Dark Angels struggles has happened because no one told them about that it's ok to have traitors on your chapter as long you report that shit to the Imperium and work with them to eradicate the threat, like every other chapter did.

Their entire quirk and reason de entree is because they never bothered asking.

The Tyranid being the most versatile, adaptive, ruthless species in the Galaxy that fights... Really predictably actually- By running directly at our encampment and praying they don't get turned into chitin soup before they get into melee range (where they continue to pray we don't just twist them like pretzels, like any melee-centric species does).

Armageddon, the trenches.

A warboss is knockin' some of his boys' heads in when he hears a shout from across no gits land, "One space marine is worth ten orks!" he hears.
Furious, he orders ten of his boyz over.
None return.

The next day he hears another shout: "One space marine is worth a hundred orks!"
Stomping with rage, the warboss orders a hundred boys across.
None return.

On the third day he hears yet another shout, "One space marine is worth a thousand orks!"
Bellowing a great WAAAAGH!! the warboss orders a full thousand boys across no gits land.
That evening, one returns. He's missing an arm, half a foot, and a third of his head.
"Dey's wuz cheatin', boss," the boy said. "Dere wuz two of 'em!"

The real joke is orks counting past 5

>Or that one time Angron's conversation with Khârn pretty much turned into the Primarch cutting a promo like he's the Ultimate Warrior.

please post it, that sounds absolutely hilarious.

The look on a heretic's face the moment before the bolter shell in their chest expodes.

A space marine, an eldar, and an ork are walking together on a daemon world when they come across a portal. They hear a sinister voice say, "Speak the truth and you may pass unharmed."

The space marine steps forward and says, "I think I'm the bravest."
He passes safely.

The eldar says, "I think I'm the wisest."
It passes safely.

The ork walks up and says, "I tink-" and gets sucked into the portal where his body is ripped asunder.

Abaddon... had fragile arms.

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>the grav hoist is just a forklift with graffiti on it

Or the orks that went into the eye of terror lookin for a good scrap, ended up on a khornate world, and khorne was so pleased with the fight he raises them all from the dead every morning to do the fight again forever.

Fucking hell I didn’t think this joke would actually work on me and yet here I am.

Fucking kek

Orks...

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Somewhere in the Horus Heresy books Angron has a heart to heart with his right hand man, Khârn. The primarch tells his son about a custom back on his home planet that after a fight a gladiator would scar themselves. If they won they'd let the wound heal normally to create a red scar, and if they lost they'd mess with the wound so it would heal all ugly and black. This scarring was done in the shape of a rope, creating a timeline of a gladiator's victories and defeats. Of course, because of his strength and skill Angron's rope was entirely red. The intent of the scene was to show the distance between Angron and his former comrades, the alienation he felt and his sadness over their deaths because the Emperor was being a dick. Instead we get a scene that kinda reads like the Ultimate Warrior was cutting a promo.

LOOK AT THE ROPE! LOOK AT THE ROPE, HOAK KHÂRN, AND SEE THE FACE OF THE WARRIORS WHO COULD NOT BE HERE TODAY! THEIR BACKS WERE SCARRED RED AND BLACK TO SHOW THEIR VICTORIES AND DEFEATS. BUT NOT MINE, HOAK KHÂRN, MY ROPE IS ENTIRELY REEEED. THE WARRIORS ARE LOOKING DOWN AT US FROM ABOVE, AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SEE? THEY SEE A WARRIOR STANDING AT THE EDGE, FORCED TO FIGHT AN ETERNAL BATTLE IN THE HEAVENS ABOOOOVE. IT IS NOT ABOUT HAVING THE STRENGTH OF THE SKILL, HOAK KHÂRN, IT IS ABOUT HAVING THE INDOMITABLE WILL, THE UNBREAKABLE SPIRIT AND AN ENDLESS DRIVE THAT BRINGS THE WARRIOR TO EVER-GREATER GLORY. A MIND MAY WAVER, A PURPOSE MIGHT BEND, AND THAT WILL GIVE YOU A BLACK SCAR. BUT NOT ME. MY WILL NEVER BREAKS, MY BODY NEVER BREAKS. I AM A WARRIOR SENTENCED TO FIGHT IN THE AREANS OF THE HEAVENS FOR NOT MY OWN EXULTATION, BUT FOR ALL THE WARRIORS ACROSS THE ENTIRE GALAXY. THAT IS MY PURPOSE, THAT IS MY DESTINY. AND ONE DAY TOO I WILL JOIN THE WARRIORS IN THE SKY AND SEE THE TERRIBLE DESTRUCITY I HAVE WRECKED UPON THE GALAXYYYYYY. *SKRONK*

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Someone post the one about the black and white space marine

Space Wolves.
Think about this shit. Everything about the Space Wolves is hilarious.

Let's start at the obvious: Naming conventions. Every unit has either an allusion to a wolf ("Long Fangs", "Grey Hunters") or straight up a "Wolf" in their name.
Then you go to the named characters and they all have basic bitch Viking sounding names,with the possible exception being Leman Russ.
Their entire iconography is a toss up from random vaguely looking Viking shit to wolf and wolf-like accessories.
They ride wolves.
They have werewolves.
They have helmets shaped in the format of Wolves (a literal fursuit).
Despite their vaguely hints at being Viking, they don't really behave like them, being generic good guys who dislike authority in the setting where the authority do a bunch of shady and terrible stuff to keep mankind from suffering from even bigger and shadier stuff, the whole baroque conflict of the setting for the Space Wolf is inexistent - They are clearly Good and Nice and Badass Warriors who drink, fuck and have merry adventures without pillaging or conquering.

They are funny, hilarious to me because they are so out of place in the larger setting. You got "Catholic Space Nazis" in one side, doing some terrible shit in the name of order, some semblance of humanity against four conceptual evils, the in the other you got the Wolves from Space living in Fenris (the name of a Mythological Wolf Beast) riding theirs wolves and living in their perfect little ice planet, drinking, fucking and having the time of their lives while daring to stand against the big bad Imperium while also, curb stomping Chaos and Aliens whenever they go.

They are Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles with a Wolf Viking motif in the set of Hellraiser.

Lukas the Trickster, aka the Jackalwolf and the expy of FUCKING LOKI of the Space Wolves was a known womanizer before he was selected for recruitment. And given that the Space Wolves recruit at a relatively old age, this means that Lukas was 13 years max when he started his training.

An Orky Valhalla... genuinely jealous of the green skinned retards...

He was a straight shota.

Do Space Marines have a sense of humor? What kind of prank do they pull on initiates?

>BATTLE-BRUVA! I HAVE REPLACED THE INITIATES MELTA BOMB WITH AN UNDERFED SERF!

1d4chan.org/wiki/Comedy_Marines

other than that, the space wolves haze initiates by leaving getting them drunk and then leaving them with their shirt off in the harsh fenrisian winter (on fenris it is always winter) and seeing if they can find their way back to the fang without freezing to death or wulfening out

This.

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Copypasted from an articule about "Brothers of the Snake" by Dan Abnett

>The very idea of the "cheese run" test: you have a giant block of cheese. Your job is to smuggle it past a Space Marine squad who will stop at nothing to get the cheese themselves. Interestingly enough this is based on a genuine Spartan rite of passage.
>The way the trainees outwit the Damocles squad in the end. Captured, they come to the stone the cheese is supposed to be put on and one of the trainees sits on the stone, waiting for the last of them, who supposedly has the cheese. Then this exchange takes place:
>Priad: You were supposed to put the cheese on the stone.
>Trainee on the stone: Yes.
>Priad: And?
>Trainee: I ate the cheese this morning.

I feel like they are supposed to be spess Middenland , rebellious wolfy wolf and shit, but then change to Viking instead of Prussia because it's not like there are other spess Viking in 40k

you forgot the part where he uses his power claw to rip off the demons junk

So Angron is the undertaker?

>They are Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles with a Wolf Viking motif in the set of Hellraiser.
kekechoo

The Adeptus Arbites wear buckets on their heads.

This is funny to me.

>*Magos rolls up smoking a cigarette*
>Dammit Maynard, you cant spend a day without fucking up can you? Its the fifth time this month.

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>despite being a literal forklift it’s age brings revereance
>oils and litanies and a techpriest fumbles at the controls, shaking the marine consistently

WHATS the deal with Webway food?

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Isn't Fenris itself supposed to be some ancient DAoT-era amusement park or some shit? I absolutely love the idea that all this time, they have been living on an abandoned Disney planet.

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Dark Angels whenever a fallen shows up

Dark Angels manage to lose a guy whose constantly screaming.

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I mean when a guy has been screaming for millennia you just learn to ignore him

Did someone mention Tuska, cause I thought I heard someone mention Tuska

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Hell, all Ork stuff is good for a laugh

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>Shit we got traitors! What do we do?!
>Act as suspiciously as we can. Also be massive dicks to the imperium, abandon our posts and constantly kill off imperium agents and the like that uncover this secret. Meanwhile we will keep hunting these time-space jumping traitors, that are enemies of the Imperium anyway, and that would probably be hunted by the Imperium too if we identified them.

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that's an old meme. I HAVE INSTALLED A BLESSED ELEVATUS THAT SHALL CONVEY US SAFELY TO THE SECOND FLOOR.

Thats probably one of my favourites.

Not orks, but this one is good too.

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>Space marines get on elevator
>Weight limit exceeded
>"....I'll take the stairs."

*BAZ-ZINGAH*

Abaddon.

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Haha drugs amirite?

This one takes me back lol

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Do not boop that merry suicide bomber.

>That world-class stinkeye on the dude in the bottom left

More like an prison planet.

I don't even play or read much WH40K, but I came up with a character concept that a few people here found funny.
Basically, there is a Rogue Trader who provides all the various ornamental skulls used throughout the Imperium.
The character doesn't have a name so far, but I envision him as an elderly master craftsman who spends all his time expertly sculpting in-between visits to Imperium worlds to resupply their stocks of skulls.
Now here is the thing: You'd think that Imperium worlds would have plenty of real skull lying around that they could use, but those things are brittle and smell funny. Others try to forge his designs, but in every case, it is immediately apparent that they are of a lower quality.
He even will sculpt skulls of different sizes and species upon request, but in general he just sculpts the same perfect skull over and over. How does he sculpt so many skulls? Not even the rest of the crew of his ship knows.
Also Khorne hates his fucking guts.

THE HERO OF THE IMPERIUM

Could you say they...
>didn't ask, didn't tell?

>Also Khorne hates his fucking guts.
This made me laugh. You could probably work it into the character though. Maybe he gets a particularly high rate of Chaos bullshit when he jumps and has a small army to deal with it.

Or maybe Tzeentch watches his back because he thinks it's funny seeing Khorne get all worked up about it.

which story was that in again?

I wrote a fan fic once and it has some non-grimdark moments
Its literally impossible there are no smiles in 40k thats arent heresy
I mean, the empire still has a birthrate, some happieness must exist

that time when an inquisitor could field an entire army of super intelligent monkeys

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>THE GRAV-HOIST

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>xeons

>'Even in death, I still lift'

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Anything with Lucius

Or Kharn. Hell of a guy, that one.

BY THE EMPORER BY THE EMPORER BY THE EMPORER

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Decapitated xeno younglings are considered pretty hilarious.

Swell guy that Kharn

I wonder if any sob has ever managed to get lucky with a sm at some point in the millenniums the Imperium has been around.

Do Astartes even have genitalia after all their treatment?

Yeah. At least all non-Iron Hands marines. What the treatment does is make them ignore their sexual urges and stop desiring romantic relationships. But that's more of an indoctrination thing than a physical one. Space Wolves, for example, being the chapter that most enjoys long sessions of pooping on the codex and throwing bones at the geneseed machine dispensor, are still capable of getting horny, and it's pretty safe to say most marines who fall to Slaanesh have copious amounts of sweaty, passionate, heretical sex with daemonettes and cultists.

Also there was some book where an inquisitor spies on a marine in the shower, and the problem isn't that he's lacking, it's that he has no idea why would she be interested.

>Also there was some book where an inquisitor spies on a marine in the shower, and the problem isn't that he's lacking, it's that he has no idea why would she be interested.


>On more than one occasion I’d stood with her and her warband in the communal showers after training, blind and numb to any sensation of desire, watching her wash her hair and listening to her speak of serving in the sweltering jungles of Voroxis, killing heretics who spilled from a downed rogue trader vessel.

>Bizarrely, the Khatan had declared, upon seeing me wash myself, that my ascension to knighthood was ‘a great shame’. Captain Castor had explained the meaning to me several months later, though I still didn’t see the humour in it

Oh the Robin Williams bit made me sad.

Is there any writefaggotry about sluts lusting after Space Marines but they have space autism?