Shit GMs do

>Your character wouldn't be smart enough to do that!

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>Be me
>playing game of 5e with my group.
>go into a castle to meet a super powerful vampire lord and negotiate a hostage rescue
>vampire lord is pretty unfriendly towards us but have some CHA mods so I think "fuck it".
>roll ability check
>DM ask me if I wanna make an argument in character to lessen the DC
>think that's kinda weird but nbd and decline
>roll nat 20
>group gets excited that we might be able to pull this out
>DM tells me that there's not critical success on skill checks
>mfw
>we finish session and things get really tense but DM doesn't seem to give a fuck
>without any recourse we wipe.
>session ends and we never contact the DM again and I pickup as DM

Why the fuck are people so strict on the rules when it inhibits the groups fun? It's literally the DM's one job.

That DM thread I guess.

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>tell you that the campaign is going to be very non-linear and very open
>he just makes RP for 10 minutes before he reintroduces someone to offer the same quest to us
I'm not even mad about it, but just tell us if you don't have much planned dude

Just leave the game, the lot of you. Or at least boycott him for a session or two, to make it clear this shit does not stand. This is up there with that one fucking list some poor dude's girlfriend drew up for him, the one where she threatens to kill him if he talks to another girl or something, in terms of how little respect for other people's independence they show. Letting him carry on thinking this is tolerable is a bad idea for everyone involved.

>uses a critical fumble table he found on the internet
>thinks it's good design and that it's funny

>designs a "puzzle"
>it's obtuse and clumsy and the only possible way we could ever solve it is by either reading the GM's notes or his mind

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I can confirm that it worked for my group, at least. An ent came out to lecture us about unsafe camping behaviors and serial arson, and we just kinda accepted it and apologized. We had just attacked a city because the guard at the gate was rude to us and it escalated to a full battle outside the walls, for reference.

I'm actually okay with this to a certain degree as both a DM and a player. One of my favorite things about playing a stupid character is doing the mental olympics to justify a really smart idea with kinda dumb logic.

Like Soldier, from the TF2 comics.

Oh we kicked his ass out of the group ages ago none of us were going to put up with that for long it just came down to shit game or no game since, at the time, none of us had the actual time to be a GM.

That's when you kill the NPC and forcibly remove the rails from existence.

Thank fuck.

>bringing phones into the game room
Darkest heresy, commit ritual seppuku

You have to understand, booty calls don't run on set time schedules.

>GM back in University ran GURPS scifi game
>Mecha action, but chill and not grimdark total galactic war
>Think if Mechwarrior took place in Cowboy Bebop's universe
>Part of the aesthetic is the PCs wear latex-like bodysuits under their civilian clothing and/or armor in the event they get spaced.
>She's very insistant on the bodysuits when setting up the campaign.
>Rest of it was fairly normal, rolled a big bulky mexican earthborn salvager and walked around in what was essentially an Elemental battle armor salvaging for the party
>Party has fun having spess mech battles, outside the robots I punch the shit out of people in zero G due to being the only guy who grew up in 1G

>GM confesses to me years later that she has a huge latex fetish
>She'd literally wear a bodysuit under her clothes at Uni whenever she could
>Can barely remember the details of the campaign now over the deafening mental reminder that I was playing a magical realm

You sound like you’re just bad at puzzle bud, give an example?

When you're in a session, your outside life does not exist.

People have lives, user

That's not an excuse, when your hanging out with someone your priority is to them. It's just being polite. God, phones have ruined people for respect.

You ever play those old adventure games for PC where on screen one you have to pick up the dadledingo and use it like two hours and fifty screens later, and if you didn't pick it up, there's no way to go back and get it and you're just fucked? Or some obtuse-ass bullshit like in those "escape the room" games that were so popular way back when, where you have to combine the salt with the teddybear to perform a ritual to exorcise the demon from the teddybear that you didn't even know was in there because the game didn't fucking tell you anything about it, but the developer thinks he's the cleverest motherfucker in the world for coming up with it, or he thinks it makes perfect sense and the players are too dumb to play his brilliant game?

I'm talking that level of "puzzle."

Nice attempt at bait, though.

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First time GM here: How does this sound for a puzzle that I've been thinking of for a while.

>a suit of armor next to a pillar in the center of a square room
>each corner of the room has a grooved pressure plate for the pieces of armor (helmet, gauntlets, chestpiece, and boots)
>above the pressure plate is an inscription in Infernal
>when translated is a bunch of characters
>when read backwards, it's a riddle that tells which piece of armor fits where
>each piece of armor slides a 1/4 segment of the pillar upwards and/or downwards

What do you think Veeky Forums?

Not stale yet, but still pasta.

for dnd? that shits too complicated for pcs.

Aside from having to translate from Infernal, it seems like a video game puzzle.

I got fucked up because I threw a super complicated optional puzzle at players.

Basically the race that built the puzzle used a different base for counting, i.e. the space between their fingers. So they had a base 8 system.

The entire puzzle was based around adding the correct number of copper coins from one pan to another in order to open a stone door.

It was entirely optional with no impact on story, just sort of a secret treasury room in the dungeon.

10 hours of them trying different things. Eventually they just tore through the wall.

This sounds fine assuming there is a way for the party to translate infernal. It also kind of depends on how hard the riddle is once it's translated and decoded.

You probably should have dropped a big hint at the first hour

A few years ago while I was DMing I decided it would be fun to make a riddle to get into the dungeon a question from the Mathematical Logic final I had taken a week prior.

It was not fun, sorry guys.

I did, as many as I could. They even found a invoice for a delivery that had been left signed for confirming it's contents, which was supposed to be used as a super easy way of getting the number.

Instead of realizing the numbers didn't match up, they just assumed some of it had been stolen and tossed the invoice.

Since it took them so long to get through, I upped the treasure in the room by a significant amount. I don't think it felt like it was worth it though.

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>This sounds fine assuming there is a way for the party to translate infernal
I have a tiefling druid as a PC, I thought of that beforehand.

>it seems like a video game puzzle.
I got it from the oblivion mage's guild quest so I can see where you're coming from.

>depends on how hard the riddle is once it's translated and decoded
How's this?

Fuck me I'm stupid

>This sounds fine assuming there is a way for the party to translate infernal
I have a tiefling druid as a PC, I thought of that beforehand.

>it seems like a video game puzzle.
I got it from the oblivion mage's guild quest so I can see where you're coming from.

>depends on how hard the riddle is once it's translated and decoded
How's this?

Easy to say when you actually have no outside life, user. :-)

>tiefling druid
jesus tittyfucking christ

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out of all the magical realms you could have been placed in, that's not too bad of one
makes some sense too, were it not for the fact that lack of air is what fucks your shit up the fastest in vacuum

If you have such an important outside life that it has priority over the game while we're in a session, you shouldn't play TRPGs.

Imagine being this much of a man-child

Those are pretty good riddles user. I like the last two a lot.

Would the room be empty besides the armor pieces? It could become much more complicated if you add other sets of four parts in the room. Then the challenge becomes figuring out the theme as well as deciding where individual parts go.

That's actually pretty neat.
Best way to integrate magical realm.

Also reminder that magical realm is not actually a bad thing on its own only if it goes against some of the players sensitivities.

And in this case i'm pretty sure that no one would've minded even if she told them it was magical realm.

Partly due to latex bodysuits being a lot less magical realm than anything else. They're just a futuristic clothing choice that people sometimes like to wear to look sexy.

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>players sensitivities

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'shoulders but no arms' instead
arms aren't attached to the chestpiece.

Shoulda gave them 8 fingers instead. With reference statue.

As in, if someone finds the particular thing disgusting.
In the classic whizz-ard comic the magical realm only becomes a problem because the players clearly state that it's a problem and the GM still attempts to push it.

Is this Veeky Forums's very own dullest franchise?

>I can confirm that it worked for my group, at least. An ent came out to lecture us about unsafe camping behaviors and serial arson, and we just kinda accepted it and apologized
"Only you can prevent serial arson."

Or you could, you know, put your phones on silent for a couple of hours during a span of time you were intending to set aside from anything else, and get back to whatever messages you get afterwards, right?

>but the compound fracture and cancer

All horrible things, but how often are you really going to get calls like that? Most stuff people would want to bother you about could wait. Why do people have this instinctive urge to drop literally everything whenever the phone rings?

>Eventually they just tore through the wall.
Shoulde've started with this one from the start.

Get out of Veeky Forums

Because they have lives, they know reasonable people, and when they call it's usually for a good reason.

Is this pasta?

>Would the room be empty besides the armor pieces?
The room would be empty except the pillar, the armor, and the pressure plates with the respective inscriptions

> Then the challenge becomes figuring out the theme as well as deciding where individual parts go.
So basically what you're saying is having four themed armor sets (i.e. Human Soldier Armor, Human General Armor, Demon Soldier Armor, Demon General Armor) and adjusting the riddle to fit the theme? I like it, but it seems a tad bit complicated considering they have to decrypt a translated inscription

HAH. No.
No one has that. I cannot name a single person who has that.

And besides. One can set the phone to vibrate and then check whether it is your doctor calling. And if you pass on the call and it's something urgent they're going to call you back anyway.

>macaroni
>pasta
user

>Because they have lives, they know reasonable people, and when they call it's usually for a good reason.
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
THOSE STUPID FAGGOTS GET ON THEIR PHONES JUST TO SEND EMOJIS TO EACH OTHER
I'VE SEEN IT, I'VE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE THEIR SCREENS BEFORE

>when you play in a campaign and the GM slips in his fetishes because the fetish material is stylish, cool and fits in well with the setting and is non intrusive

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>my setting has a race of giants
I wonder if they know

>tfw ywn

Okay, but you set aside a certain amount of time in your life for a social activity where you aren't expected to pull out your phone. It'd be like taking a call in a theater, or answering your phone in the middle of sex. It's rude.

And the people calling probably don't know your schedule, so a reason that would be good if you were free could more likely wait until a better time during the game, if only just so the GM isn't breathing down your neck. If it's an emergency, call, but anything else could probably wait just an hour or two. Or if they still insist on calling you could politely say 'I'll have to get back to you, I'm busy right now' and get back to the game.

>party meets the kingpin of the underground sex trade
>they get a custom sex slave if they kidnap a fat girl

I wonder if they will catch on?

>party finds themselves in the forest of shit and piss.
>they will become incontinent unless they have sex in it.

I wonder if they will catch on.

Did he ever ask require a player to get ye flask?

>party gets captured by the sultan and turned into concubines
>all get fucked in the ass

Did they see it?

Ugh, could you like, not be so 20th century. It's 2018 and people have phones you know.

Nailed it Senpai

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>all races in my setting have to have intercourse if they want offspring.
>the party have mothers and fathers themselves.

Do they know?

gotta have a broad selection for all those kinks
more profits that way

aight den

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>in my setting it's the law that you have to have sex with the lights out in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation with your lawfully married spouse of the opposite gender if you want to have sex
>all the parties characters have to be chaste men of Adon

They could never suspect, right?

>Any NPC you get attached to and NPC's you've spent karma on to earn at PC generation get killed

For fuck's sake, I'm sorry that I like my shadowrun contacts and just want to play a character instead of a stat sheet, GM. But just because I'm the only PC that fucking went out of his way to maintain and help contacts doesn't mean I should constantly get my loyalty 6 NPC's taken from me.

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If the room had objects like a compass (pointing the way) a sword (protecting generals and soldiers) or a walking stick (travels but cannot walk itself, not human) that fulfill parts of the riddle but not entirely, you make the armor less obvious as a solution. Especially since the party will have to come up with the idea of separating the armor into pieces.
Of course, this might be getting too elaborate, but if you wanted a challenge for your group it could be fun.

that is a shit GM
Contacts are essential, and if you are not a shit GM, you read them, and use them to create your runs. Hell with a couple half decent backstories, and good contacts, a whole campaign can just write itself

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A good way to remedy this would be:
if your contact gets killed [for dramatic effect or something like that], you get a free contact of the same value to replace it.

>in the homebrew system i use, the players have to have IRL sex with the GM while being tied up and spanked every time they finish a long rest.

Do you think they might know?

I actually justified it as the girl being underaged and him having to spend less on food to make her to be a sex slave

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why are you posting pictures of a particular race of people?
also who are those people?
irish asians?

This is actually a good idea! Thank you user

Hmm. Doubt it.

sometimes asians have red hair
the other ones are from central asia, completely unrelated
I post them because they confuse the brains

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i unwittingly made a pc of mine of that race...

storytime?

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Similarly our group helped the dragon by telling him about the plot for his life in exchange to break some friends out of jail. The words used by the dm where "do you remember the desolation of smaug" to describe the chaos. It was absolutely glorious.

That actually sounds like an interesting twist, though if if were an Evil dragon I would have honestly expected the scaly bastard to backstab you.

>latex bodysuits
God I wish I had the body to look good in that stuff

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Yes, it's macaroni.

Manchild

Normalfag

I never said that when you get called you should just stand up and answer right away and follow the conversation like you're alone in the room. And I don't know anybody who does that, actually, except teenagers.

I get you're talking about taking the phone call outside, but it's still incredibly impolite to make the other players wait for you to finish talking on the phone. And worse, being even a little bit lenient on this soon leads to the sorts of players who take calls in a game to text, ignore the game, and generally be obnoxious
>b-but muh real life
Doesn't matter to me. You're here to play the game or fuck off. I don't want players who don't have the slightest bit of loyalty to their group.

>waaah everyone I play with are autists with no sense of respect
>waaah I don't want to play with normies
It checks out.

No real storytime involved, i just made a pc for a campaign, and thought about what would look cool while still being realistic, and i came up with having a slightly asian looking guy with vibrant ginger hair, with the premise of him being a cross from a central asian russian and an asian immigrant.
Turns out, my fantasy was beaten to this type of character by reality.

Mate, what i was saying is that literally no one i know, not even the normiest of normies had 'known reasonable people, who, when they call usually do it for a good reason'

>Include clones and artificial humans
>At least one character's personal goal is to produce ideal offspring
Do you think they know?

>>waaah everyone I play with are autists with no sense of respect
But I never said that, you're putting words in my mouth. The actual autists I've played with, the guys from speech therapy, never pulled out their phone and got really IC all the time.

That is why you don't use latex. But instead something like smoothskin neoprene or the neoprene like material the final version of the MIT spacesuit would be made of.
That material is still soft, shiny and supple, but offers enough strength to push your body somewhat into the right shape.
In addition to being a lot less awful than latex, because the hot and cold areas you get when wearing nonbreathable but heat radiating latex are missing. Either that or use some hitherto not properly invented breathable silicone.

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