How would (you) fare in the 40k universe

How would (you) fare in the 40k universe

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I would be God Emperor

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I'd hold the record the the fastest death possible

Depends where I start. If I can just choose where I appear, I could just pop up on a garden world or pleasure world and live happily ever after.

If I start on Terra, well, the richest noble families have houses there, and I know a lot about 40k. I might get a job as an advisor to a Rogue Trader, since most people in 40k are shockingly ignorant about xenos, which would mean a 40k player who appears in 40k universe has a valuable skill he can leverage.

If I start on a random world, I'm probably fucked. There are more xenos worlds than human worlds, after all.

You're on.

>some rando knowing more than a Rogue Trader about xenos
>not blammed in 7 seconds to prevent that knowledge from spreading without strict Imperial control
Nah 40kids would get themselves killed really fast if they thought this was the key to "making it". Its like they don't even know their own game's lore or something.

I'd probably shit myself to death in a corner, probably literally if i spawn nearby a nurglite cult

With my luck, I would probably show up in a room full of Commissars. Or, if it's a particularly bad day, full of Inquisitors.

>Hello, commisar
>I know my mannerisms, clothes and literally everything about me is wrong to you
>I would like to talk to you about xenos
>In a language you dont understand
>I know more than almost everyone alive
>I even know about your top secret projects on Mars, and everything about the internal structure of your secret organizations
Count the blams.

Beeline for the nearest khornite recruitment center

There are youtube ideologues unironically quoting Lorgar in their videos. People are more than willing to misunderstand the entire point of 40k.

Use my knowledge sparingly enough to get into the inquisition and rise to inquisitor without being blammed then try to fix the shit wrong with Big E's empire

You have to remember that 40k lore overlooks a LOT of detail
You may know a lot of information on the broad imperial structure, but when you have a population numbering in the trillions the specifics of any organisation would be completely incomprehensible for a newcomer without any augmentations

Ideally Explorator rolling it with Rogue Traders.
Realistically yet another Administratum drone.

I got infantry training during my conscription so maybe id survive like one extra hour

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Instagibbed

I'd probably explode into demons the moment I arrive.

paint myself green
head torwards greenskin territory
fake a cockney accent

With my luck either dead of old age or BLAMMED within an hour. I have the strangest luck of bad shit happening either just before I get somewhere or after I leave

Do we get any choice in our starting position? I would be down for some middle of the road world in sector Bumfuck Nowhere where I am statistically safe from anything interesting happening prior to my expiration.

Poorly. Can't speak High/Low Gothic, have all sorts of information about the ruinous powers and other heretical information in my head, it's not looking good to be honest.

muh digga

I would become a nurgle cultist I guess

Sell my soul to Chaos and have real fun once in a lifetime.

Not well. Not particularly knowledgeable about the lore other than memes.

Low Gothic is just modern English.
High Gothic is pseudo !notLatin.

born in a hive world
take standardized assessment test
get everything right but response time no where near fast enough, high marks for creativity
get a job at an adeptus astropathica interpretation office
job is pretty good, pays for the anti-ADD medication and necessities
Everything is fine except for how fucking weird the astropaths are
go drinking on the weekends to not think about that shit
>Thus would be my life so far

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Try to figure out the language, then explain shit and how I know said shit.
My goal is to find one of the things Veeky Forums dropped in there and use it to get home

>summon a Lord of Change
>ask to speak to its boss, hopefully this doesn't get me killed
>offer to share my knowledge of 40k and the real world to Tzeentch in exchange for psionic power, protection from the nastier elements of said psionic power and immortality
>stowaway on a ship to some inner empire garden world
>use psychic powers to live the good life until something inevitably comes along to grimdark my shit up

>There are youtube ideologues unironically quoting Lorgar in their videos.
Seriously? Do you have any examples?

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I'm doomed no matter what, so I figure I do something reckless and just leave a Chaos codex lying somewhere around.

Some hive kid's gonna find it, read it, show a bunch of his friends and it's gonna fuck everything up.

Spread rumors that someone on the plannet im on knows where Lion El'Jonson is wait for the dark angels to collect me and try and give them all the information that would help them.

"The Golden One" seems to be a fan of the Horus Heresy books and likes to quote them in some of his videos.

If I can convince the cult mechanicus to make me a tech priest I'd fair pretty fucking well actually. Otherwise I'd die pretty quickly as I am defective and require replacement parts.

What tje fuck did I just watched

I'd be repurposed into a servitor after trying to woo a qt techpriestess.

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>"The Golden One"
holy shit what a nerd

He's actually chad

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Wouldn't all the humans freak out because Men of Gold like us look different than the Men of Stone gengineered 40k citizens?

It would be like if a Neandertal showed up out of nowhere. Probably get blammed for mutant right away.

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Dead, dying, or going to be dead soon.

Unless I am a perpetual, as if that was the case I would be taking everything as a joke.

I would probably die in less than one minute.

If I’m lucky, I get taken in by a Slanneshi cult and participate in a couple coke orgies before getting BLAMed. More realistically they put me in a manufactorum, I wear out quickly because I’m a manlet, and then they make me into a servitor.

More or less my plan too. I might plan to just hang out in Necron terf to break the land speed record for scarab deaths.

I would do reasonably well, keep my head down, do my job, enjoy simple pleasures and cooking. You know unless whatever planet I am on gets invaded, or has a chaos incursion or something. Then I am fookered.

He's got muscles, that's for sure, but he's a horse-faced weirdo who doesn't seem to understand people at all. His videos are the antithesis of chad.

told ya

This i would die from the hourly fights but still

Does my basic knowledge of how to work a computer qualify me for tech priestdom?

I'd like to see you beat my time nerds

Only if you also know the sacred incantations and ointments needed to make that computer not become possessed and eat your face off. As retarded as it may seam the imperium actually does have a reason to treat their technology like religion

Poorly.

>how would you fare in a universe full of retards powered by wishes and plot armour
Pretty fine I imagine. I'd just write myself some plot armour with a little dose of "MY DAD DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME" and I'll be a primarch by the weekend.

Unless i'm an amnesiac C'tan, this is going to end horribly. For me.

I die for the Emprah.

I'd survive longer as an ork than a human, or at least live a short life of blissful ignorance before dying. If I'm a loyalist Dreadnought I get to either sleep a lot or be a drugged war machine and as long as they've figured out how to stop me from getting itchy in my sarcophagus I'll be cozy.

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Well, Im good at following instructions, I can hold my own in a fight and I pick up on languages quite quickly,

so, all things considered, a total of 10 minutes more or less

Try to become an Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos.
If that fails, try to become an assassin.
Or volunteer for the Tundra Wolves, because Chenkov looks mighty fine compared to all the cowardly, retarded, selfserving dipshits I had displeasure of serving under.

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present myself to the nearest administratum or ministurum center and awe them with my 100% pure human genetics.

If I was just put in? I'd die fast. I can't speak Gothic, I don't worship the Emperor, and I'm physically unfit.

If I was put in the body of an Imperial or born in the universe? Pretty well! I'm moderately larger and stronger than average, tend towards faith and loyalty. Downside, am a total deviant with an explosive temper. Might fall to Chaos.

Definitely wouldn't be important unless I got very lucky or was given a boost.

Extremely poorly.

>some random coal lung casualty in a hive world

I would be a poor bastards wallowing in the slums like most of the imperium

hobo chan or servitor

Honestly, I would try to defect to the Tau and ask to be moved to an agriworld at the center of their Empire. The Imperium will kill me because they're autistic, the orcs will kill me because they're orcs and everyone else will kill me because they're assholes.

> Hello, commisar
> Not Excuse me, commisar
You had one job

not well

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>become an assassin
isnt the assassins thing that they're bred, born and raised to be assassins?
I think even knowing about the inner workings of the inquisition or about the assassins is enough to get you deported to the eye of terror or however the imperium deals with heretics these days

> tfw a likeable person, great orator, and even greater at keeping secrets

Let's see whether or not I can get a Chaos Undivided Cult off of the ground.

First step: Try and find out if you're a psyker
Second step: if you're a psyker, find out what planet you're in
Third step: if it's Holy Terra, use your psychic powers to "educate" the masses on the daemon issue and bring forth the hordes of chaos
Fourth step: if you (somehow) survive the shitstorm, try asking tzeench or slaanesh for a job as daemon prince. After all, I'm surprisingly knowledeable of the greater schemes at work in the 40k universe and also a massive degenerate. Whoever takes me in first is fine by me, but I'd rather it wasn't Slaanesh. Slaanesh has objectively shit taste

Tzeentch already knows everything you have to offer, and he somehow stiffs you in the deal so you're immediately caught by inquisitors and executed

I would probably be killed by Commissar

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maybe, she is gonna use you as her dildo

>isnt the assassins thing that they're bred, born and raised to be assassins?
not bred and born what I know, usually they are kidnapped

>Join the Adeptus Mechanicus
>Use my 20th Century Knowledge of Greenscreen Computers
>Youngest Magi every

I'd probably be considered a mutant, and swiftly executed.

The smart anons would end up living dreary lives as laborers
The ones that think they're too clever would end up dead within hours
The ones with too much potential would end up in the guard or catching the eye of the inquisition and again end up dead ... or worse under the care of the adeptus biologicus

>I had displeasure of serving under.
Being a base queen doesn't qualify you to be an inquisitor. But thank you for your serving and sacrificing and serving

Probably hunted down by Ordo Chronos, since I don't speak Gothic and dressed out of time.

you mean servicing?

This. The Ethereals would probably value someone with knowledge of 40k more than the Imperium too. You're still gambling that you won't have your shit wrecked by [insert literally anything here] but at least the interim is comfy also it's my one shot at bagging a blue waifu

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Im fairly sure that I saw somewhere that the Vindicare and Eversor temples sometimes recruit individuals of "great skill"

besides, you dont have to serve under the officio assassinorum to be an assassin.

I would do that, and also join a chaos cult. Unlike the inquisition, the Tau don't really know shit about chaos and think our daemonic rituals are just something from human culture.

Ideally as some Techmagos on a garden world. Chill life, lots of video game and stroll to pass the time, imperial cuties to shag, etc...

The drimdark part of 40k is not the only existing one.

If we are talking more about isekai power trip stuff, definitely rogue trader.

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Is pepe the original ?

High Gothic is a weird pidgin language of English, Latin and Mandarin Chinese. Low Gothic is to this what Spanish and Italian are to Latin.

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>corpse starch

Considering how people have said I can be unnerving I wouldn't be surprised I'm a pariah/blank IRL. It take a lot of effort to become Culexus but my sheer aura of /r9k/ robotness would probably fry several psykers by being near them.

The ethereals know.

Guys, what's a Felinid?

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>be born on a basic imperial world
>not a hive world
>not an agri world
>not a pleasure world
>not a feudal world
>not a forge world
>not a prison world
>not a fortress world
>just your basic, average imperial world
>probably so normal it's name is just a designation number
>live till old age and die

Niggers need to remember that there are tens of thousands, if not more, planets in the imperium with who knows how many more still lost in the galaxy and most of them arent divvied up into one of the above categories. It's just boring to read a book or play a game where nothing happens outside waking up to eventually go back to sleep the next day and do it all over again. until the sunny sky suddenly becomes dark as a seemingly celestial blanket covers your world in darkness and feasts upon everything that breathes and doesnt.

I'd join the Imperial Guard.
If I'm going to die, at least I want the chance to do it charging some big ass motherfucker.

I also have a kind of fetish for bayonet charges, so I would die very, very happy.

We all "basically" speak Gothic in the sense that if you spawn in a hive, people will just write you off as having some degenerate variant of pidgin crap Gothic spoken by underhive scum which you can probably eventually bootstrap yourself up from.

Exemplary soldier, following as close to Ollanius' example as possible.

I had a giggle when he called that transexual youtuber that called him out a "Foul daemonette of slaanesh". I guess Eurofags really are far more dedicated to their LARPs than us denizens of burgerland.

If you are talking about ego queen or whatever, he parades around calling himself a deamonette and tries to act vile for donations. He also starts shit with other youtubers for views and to draw you into his discord server.

Anyone who could possibly post wouldn't make it past infancy. We would die praising the Emperor, but not to the point to matter.

I don't think it was them. It was some liberal political channel that called out Golden One's ideology.

I dont know, I grew up in on the meth super highway in Florida. I could probably last a few years in the hive underbelly before dying in a chemical fire.

i would marry a Sister of Battle and have her dominate my hairy butt lol

The absolute, and I mean ABSOLUTE, best possible outcome is becoming a low-ranking tech priest. It is still infinitely more likely that I'd die horribly from literally anything. Hell, even life on a hiveworld would end up killing me.

Would being from another universe attract the attention of Chaos?

Try to apply for adeptus mechanicus or at least let myself become a skitarii for the omnisiah.

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Seconded. But how someone gets into the Adetus Mechanicus?