Things you would say to your DM, but not your girlfriend

Things you would say to your DM, but not your girlfriend.

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>Alright, I braved those rancid tunnels and perhaps contracted a dozen diseases in the process. Where's my reward?

>Sorry I can't make it tonight, I have a date

>We could try sodomy with a pine cone.

>I'm gonna spend the night at the brothel

I don't care what you say, I'm throwing a bag of dicks at it.

>You know I am into feats

>Penetration is to be practiced liberally.

I appreciate all the hard work you do.

"I'll be role-playing as a twelve year old girl."

Man I wish we could do this more than once a week

"If I make this stealth check can I stick it in the rear?"

Aww man we gotta start planning at least 4 hours long sessions

>I love you.

Grease your little cornhole, I'm going in.

Fuck, I read the question backwards

I roll to seduce.

>im gonna seduce the waitress

What THAT GUY secretly does when no one is around.

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Makes who’s turn is it anyway threads on Veeky Forums.

>complains about quantum ogres on Veeky Forums

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>goes on Veeky Forums and starts That Guy threads with stories about his own behavior, which he only engaged in to begin with so that he could post about it

>You are special to me.

Anyone else do this?

>"I love you."


>takes all the glasses off of their coasters

Goes on Veeky Forums and writes his party experiences from someone else's perspective to see if he really is That Guy. Ignores the responses if he doesn't like the result

I'm going to look for a strong man.

Draws penises on the map on roll20 when no one is logged on.

>well, at least you were better than the last one.
>bang's the DM then her sister


You're really irreplaceable

“I actually like listening to your stories.”

>full HD 1080p KEK.png

My animal companion would be PERFECT for this.

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*whose. Ass.

Huh, maybe I'm really a dick.

>questionable resolution mechanics for a quedtionable homebrew

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everyone involved in a conflict punches the table until blood is drawn. The first player to bleed wins


Your + to hit is determined by the amount of shots you take immediately before the roll

Simple dice check. The caveat though is that if you fail, every member of the party describes the degree and effect of your failure. The DM picks the worst outcome and awards the describing player XP.