>tried to lose my virginity this weekend >hired prostitute >went to hotel room when she got in I started sweating >thought oh its just nerves I'll be okay >then she took off her dress >start getting shaky hands and legs >extreme pain in chest and back heavy breathing >she called an ambulance and off I went >turns out I had a panic attack and almost a heart attack
That's my story of the weekend biz. I finally tried to lose it and I almost instead lost my life. I'm 32 years of age. Still live at home with my mom, she's divorced so I help her with the chores.
I've never worked a job, I've never gone to college or university. I'm 32 years old. In decent shape but I've never had sex.
Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn't an hero right now?
Ryan Peterson
because you can still man up and stop being and oedipal cuck
Zachary James
Did you have to pay?
Blake Jackson
>Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn't an hero right now? You're living the birth of crypto and have high chances of making it.
Josiah Garcia
>why I shouldn't an hero right now?
>hires a whore >still didn't get laid you'd likely fuck up your own Sudoku and become a cripple
Luke Russell
jesus christ just end it now, you should not breed
Jace Gonzalez
try some ketamine. I would say viagra but dont, you'll have a fucking heart attack lmao
Caleb Gomez
Sex is overrated focus on making money
Juan Martinez
' you should definitely call her up again, she might want to seal the deal
Isaiah Gutierrez
Pinkdate brah pinkdate
Ian Richardson
dont gamble your wizard status you'll regret it
Adrian Perry
Asking the important questions here.
Tyler Phillips
simple answer fruitcake: Step 1 - get op to remove lower ribs Step 2 - learn yoga Step 3 - suckle your prick bought 100k
Jaxson Morgan
>No Way Stacy! >And he even said "T-Thanks.." Haha, can you believe it? >Omg, how did you not die of laughter?
Luis Lee
Why not just do your mum? You get sorted, she gets sorted, it’s free AND you’ll have some amazing greentext
Joshua Powell
buy some xanax and just take that, anxiety problems solved
Joseph Perry
Next time drink a shot or something. Everyone is nervous before their first time but this isn't normal.
Lucas Bell
I'm sure that happens more times than you think even if I think your story is slightly exaggerated. ;)
Even without the additional stress from hiring a prostitute most people fuck up trying to have sex the first time.
Just try again, op. Maybe use something to mellow you out before like a bit of alcohol.
Jordan Green
Kek
Jack Baker
LARP
Henry Johnson
please be larping, im a 26 year old neet faggot with no friends or social life, i literally banged an escort last night, you have to always remember that she only wants your money, you dont have to be charming, talkative etc, i cant see why you would be anxious..
Dylan Scott
Just keep trying. You'll make it eventually. Is no big deal.
Gavin Myers
>i finally tried to lose my virginity and I almost instead lost my life
topkek
Jaxson Wright
This
Nathaniel Collins
Holy kek
Nice larp
Andrew Martinez
Next time you hire a hooker, look around in forums for beginner-friendly ladies (they exist). Then tell her that you are a virgin and want to learn the ropes. Tell her to go it slow, to undress you and start touching her tits.
You don't have to succeed the first time, many (including me) didn't. Sex is pretty overwhelming at first what with all the presence of another person, the intimacy, the taboos.
We carry a lot more mental ballast than animals, and it can really fuck up the first time(s). Pretty glad I ain't a roasty, I can't imagine how it must be if you are also looking at a huge dick that's about to be shoved up one of your orifices.
Eli Gomez
You get anxious when you have a tiny dick and don't even know if you will be able to get it up
James Smith
Just try it again dude, drink some alcohol or take some phenibut/xanax to relax before she comes over.
Mason White
This.
Owen Diaz
Unironically this, you would fuck it up and end up being involuntarily committed.
Jonathan Parker
>a panic attack and almost a heart attack yea that's not really possible. you probably had a panic attack of which you thought it was a heart attack
Lincoln Gutierrez
>1 post by this ID Damn it's almost as if this board is filled with fresh off the boat Reddit newcunts
Eli Martinez
have you tried breaking your arms?
Anthony Collins
>In decent shape >almost had heart attack from a panic attack Pick one
Charles Kelly
>take some phenibut bad idea, user might be able to get it up but good luck taking an hour to cum.
Nathan Jackson
This Take xanax or an amphetamine. Onions is your friend
Josiah Adams
I got another prostitute story >go to amp >get full service >condom slips off during sex because ed problems >finish inside hooker >hooker sees and starts telling me I need to come back in a month to see if she is preggers. >says I need to raise my daughter >offer to go get plan b >she refuses and says she wants an American baby
I have to get tested and I may have a hapa baby somewhere in the world.
Aaron Jenkins
I am 33yo wizard.
My advice to you - move away from your family as far as possible.
And stop trying to become normal.
Jason Adams
amp?
Joseph Watson
Panic attacks feel like heart attacks, he wasn't close to having a heart attack he just felt that
Adrian Rogers
asian massage parlor
Anthony Lopez
>>hooker sees and starts telling me I need to come back in a month to see if she is preggers. >>says I need to raise my daughter
How did she know the gender of a child if she wasn't even sure that she's pregnant?
Luke Lewis
Not possible to move without being rich and inheriting.
I spend my adsense money on escorts myself. Buy cialis, I just got a new pack. I premature ejaculate. If the cialis and priligy pills don't work, I will just jump off a building, be on a coma for 10 years and wake up rich when my BTC is worth millions. Thank god my dick is not tiny tho.
Josiah Martinez
Unironically this. I've seen the first 3 "Taboo" movies start to finish so I can help you with your hook breh
Liam Ross
ahh got ya, so theres no non-asian massage parlours to get your dick wet?, not a fan of asians desu.
David Gonzalez
drink some alcohol before the meet, i often suffer from PE, just make sure you dont get drunk, just tipsy, that plus your blue friend will turn you into a human rabbit
William Fisher
either wishful thinking or she is setting up an extortion scheme.
Samuel Johnson
Youre only 32 op. And if youre in shape its better.
I lost my virginity literally 3 months ago at age of 25. It was thanks to the new car I bought. Literally. Thats how we met. Shes a 9 easily. I live in yuropoor and bought myself a 2016 mustang 5.0. They are rather unique here and quite an headturner compared to the same looking bmw and mercedes.
Also just yesterday a fine blonde bitch dressed in skinny white clothes walked across the street in front of me. She looked at me and I smiled. She smiled back and even gave me a wink. I fucking came my lad. I know it sounds like larp but I literally lost my virginity thanks to my car
Charles Perez
> be me > go to a whore from time to time > take a shower > touch the girl > never get it up > get a disappointed look > leave > jerk off at home while fantasizing about that whore's butt
Michael Collins
Feminine men produce daughters.
Henry Myers
Stop jerking off for starters.
Wyatt Ross
Did you pay her with bitcoin?
Joshua Allen
>these are the people that i take financial advice from
Jaxson Moore
U have ED bro, stop watching porn or buy some meds (Vigara), or ur gay and dont actually like girls
Lincoln Jackson
Sounds like cheating.
Being a legit wizard (>30yo virgin), i would never use my gains to get laid. I spent my precious time and big chunk of life to accumulate my wealth, and i am not using a single dime on 3d whores.
Joseph Rivera
>mental ballast
Brody Baker
I didnt use it for girls. I like cars. Its my only hobby desu senpai. Always wanted to buy a mustang. And I dont nearly have enough crypto gains to buy it with that. Was from my own wagecucking. It just was a nice bonus and shows me how girls actually fucking care about people with cars
Cooper Wilson
please be joking
Wyatt Long
>You don't have to succeed the first time, many (including me) didn't. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a fag.
Jonathan Reed
...
Jaxson Thompson
Don’t worry about it too much. I’ve fucked probably like 12 hookers by now (damn when I say it like that, I really need to slow it down) and each time I still get really fucking nervous. Matter of fact, I get really nervous every time before sex too even with a regular girl.
I think we are lower end of the spectrum in terms of horniness and penis size (you probably have an average cock like me) and thus feel not good enough and get nervous. Only way to combat this is no fap no porn where you’re so randy that you don’t give a fuck.
Holy shit dude lmao.
I’ve frequented amp and ktf of dick limpage due to ED. Good luck bro.
Joseph Hernandez
Why the fuck is this shit on Veeky Forums? Fucking hell.
Dominic Turner
Lol dude same here. Good times.
Josiah Scott
>Only way to combat this is no fap no porn where you’re so randy that you don’t give a fuck. Not a good idea for beginners that don't know how to pace themselves especially when you've pre-paid for the time.
Andrew Barnes
Meanwhile, in Germany..
Cameron Myers
OP I don't watch a lot of porn but I need to know who that girl is in that picture please.
much appreciated.
Dylan Parker
dude i dont think OP is lying same thing happened to me just not as bad, only extreme heart beating.I felt like i was going to have a heart attack
Luke Martinez
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
bro if i maneged to fuck a bitch at 16, how can a fully grown man not be able to?
Juan Green
Probably paid out the asshole for the ER visit
Caleb Thompson
What the fuck is wrong with americunts?
Literally everyone's story here is > Still live at home with my mom, she's divorced so I help her with the chores.
>I've never worked a job, I've never gone to college or university. I'm 32 years old
Have you ever tried to stop being a worthless piece of shit and get a job?
checked rare sminem
William Gray
Some real advice op: keep trying and build up gradually. It’s obviously mental so the more youve been in the situation the more comfortable you will be
Xavier Hernandez
He'll be getting his money's worth then, makes you extremely horny too.
Connor Moore
>Try to 'get' job >fail
There you go you macho son-of-a-bitch
Levi Barnes
don't worry pal, happens to anybody! next time hire a prostitute and just talk to her for 30 minutes. Once you get to know her, you'll become less nervous. Good luck!
Matthew Walker
>next time hire a prostitute >talk to her for 30 minutes the absolute state of Veeky Forums
Lucas Parker
Veeky Forums - Business & Finance
Luke Price
Next time drink a 12 pack of Budweiser before you go.
Noah Perez
I usually just hire an escort and have her play Nintendo switch with me until the time is up. It just doesn't feel right to ask her for sex this early in our relationship.
This chick with a top tier body even gave me her personal number so I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious.
Logan Diaz
faggot
Nicholas Green
>be me >hire a prostitue for 1 hour >tell her I want her to give me a slow sensual BJ for the whole hour >start playing vidya with her kneeling under the desk >play dota 2 while being sucked off
Brayden Wilson
why? guilt? what are you nervous about
Xavier Wood
Welcome to Veeky Forums you faggot Redditor, we can talk about more than just what the name of the board is from time to time. Go back to your gay subreddit if you can’t handle that.
Lmao
Caleb Morales
have you ever talked to a stripper/whore? Because after the fact I just want to beat them up, not have sex with them
Eli Butler
90 % of the dudes she bangs are obese, over 45 and stink
If you're youngish and slightly normal then you're way ahead of the curve
Ive had a few escorts go out with me after the paid stuff was over, although always remember they are degnerate whores and NEVER "date" one lmao