What's the point of robbing exchanges?

monero retard look it up and stop making a fool out of yourself

>So all those people who pillage exchange's hot wallets
I know those people suck! Where would I even find those people or info on what they're doing so I can make fun of them!?

who would buy untouchable coins for monero, knowing they wont be able to sell them either

How do faggot retards not know about LocalBitcoins?
and how people (dark net vendors) have cashed out this way for fucking ever?
Xmr would be a nice step before too.
Maybe a bitcoin mixer too.

From 2007 to 2011, I had money on all the systems but Bitcoin.

give it an honest thought user, it's really not that complicated
put it through a mixer / monero / whatever, now you can say whatever you want.
>oh i bought 20k ethereum in the ico.
>oh i had a bitcoin wallet from a decade ago.

or if you have money, you could buy a shit ton of bitcoin, wait a year or two, then start withdrawing and say your investments paid off.
this isn't hard

You're literally retarded. HOW, when you have that cash, are you going to be able to explain how you got it?
>Oh, I bought some buttcoin back in 2010 and it rose in value
The response is: Okay, prove it. Provide the wallet address, where you originally purchased it from and how you could afford to purchase it originally.
>Oh, uhhhh, *shits pants* I can't prove it
The response is: an investigation is launched. You're fucked. Best case (and i mean absolute best case), they confiscate your cash.
Okay, so they say "what's the wallet address" and you enter into the cycle defined above.

No one has any answers here?

>Okay, prove it. Provide the wallet address, where you originally purchased it from and how you could afford to purchase it originally.
In what country do you live, Sherlock? Just curious.
Simply withdrawing a lot of money is not enough for them to decide you're THE hacker, at least not in USA

You go to thailand to cash out. You have to leave the country.

Again, how will you respond when they say "Okay, what's the wallet address?" and they see that there in fact wasn't a purchase of bitcoin from a decade ago.

I reckon seriously, best case is:
"Well, I opened a wallet and suddenly this money appeared there. Someone must have messed up the address or something, I don't know". Then they just confiscate it anyway.

Again; anyone have any answers?

Here's the only way I can imagine it working:
>obtain the funds
>tumble them through thousands and thousands of wallets
>exchange them for privacy coins like XMR
>tumble them through thousands and thousands of more wallets
>use some of it to buy a Tunisian passport or some shit like that
>open up a tunisian bank account under a false identity
>with your real identity, open a life-coaching service
>use the Tunisian identity to purchase your own life-coaching service at $40,000 an hour
>use the Tunisian identity to pay, with XMR, yourself

This is assuming that the Tunisian identity can be established with enough anonymity in the first place.

Mate, I'm sorry to break it to you...if you end up with millions in a crypto account, I can guarantee you that the IRS will demand to know exactly how you came to the wealth. This is common news. You need to track every single trade you make if it's above taxable limits. I'm really surprised there's people on this board who don't know this.

Almost all (and I'm pretty sure it's actually every single) western, and many other countries have equally as strict digital asset laws in place.

If you withdraw any amount of money that's around 7% of your income from a crypto asset, they'll want to know exactly how you obtained it, and they will subpoena you to do it.

Cool, going to Thailand actually doesn't sound too bad. Open a bank account, cash out your crypto there and buy a couple mansions. If you're comfortable with living in Thailand for the rest of your life and being a literal fugitive in a country with exemplary ties to INTERPOL and the US etc., then that could actually work maybe, possibly.

Lmao literally this

Implying you can’t just:
“I ran my coins through a mixer because I thought people were trying to infiltrate my last wallet and pc”

You’re making this way harder that it needs to be m8. Or maybe you know, not depositing the cash into your bank? Or maybe, doing under 10k a month to prevent laundering flags? Why do you need all that money at once? Why can’t you sell it all for PayPal and keep it there via local bitcoins? Why can’t you say you mixed them to authorities? Why can’t you hold it via another coin and wait for mass adoption to actually use the fucking coins? Why do you need it all cash in your bank at once lmao. Even if it is extremely easy to do so.

>have a few k already
>book ticket to Singapore
>open bank accounts for ~5k SGD a pop no questions asked
>cash out slowly through each account tax-free no questions asked
Problem solved enjoy your money

...

>Again, how will you respond when they say "Okay, what's the wallet address?" and they see that there in fact wasn't a purchase of bitcoin from a decade ago.
Say you forgot it or lost it? Say you mixed it to stay private? Plead the Fifth?
They need to have some other evidence that you are the hacker, in which case you fucked yourself in some other way.
They don't say "he has a lot of money, therefore he's an obvious hacker and we will confiscate every penny he withdraws"
As long as you pay taxes on it, they don't give a fuck

>the IRS will subpoena you
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxation_of_illegal_income_in_the_United_States#cite_note-3
The United States Supreme Court has ruled that requiring a person to declare income on a federal income tax return does not violate an individual's right to remain silent, although the privilege may apply to allow the person to refrain from revealing the source of the income.
caselaw.findlaw.com/us-supreme-court/424/648.html
>I'm really surprised there's people on this board who don't know this

Did you rob a bunch of people and realized you can’t cash out and you’re now low key asking biz how to do it?

Do you not understand how fucking XMR works? after 4 transfers it would be totally clean.

Don't take it all out at once. Leave it all in XMR and cash out thousands at a time. Wow that was hard OP

>open account for 5k no questions asked
right

Localbitcoins.com

List the crypto the cheapest in return for cash payments.

You don't even need to pay tax on your stolen coins

Are you brain dead?

You can buy things with crypto for a start. You don't need to stay in the west either.

>Scam 30 million
>Tumble in XMR and back a few times
>Have BTC
Now there are many options you can take:
>Go to third world shithole, live like a king forever by cashing out X over time for cash and/or goods/services
>Claim you found an old hard drive and pay people to make it look legit if they check further
>Keep it in crypto and cash out as you need in to cash
>Start a coin and launder through it
>Start a business in the crypto sphere and launder through it

Are you guys okay? Seriously, are you sure you aren't suffering from a latent form of brain damage?

The problem isn't whether you're the hacker. You could have done it completely anonymously, and no one would ever know you're the hacker - that's beside the point.

Because the Government doesn't care about that, only the police do. The Government cares about:
>how did you get that money
So how would you explain it? It doesn't matter about avoiding detection of the fact you committed the crime originally, the real hurdle is somehow coming up with a legitimate way to launder that. It's ridiculous that banks use the "hurr money laundering" excuse with cryptos, because eventually it's actually harder than straight cash to be able to use.

Drug syndicates would operate a laundromat, simply falsify the number of customers on their books and then boom - the cash is legally in their banks. How the fuck will you do that with crypto; where there's KYC laws to get it into your bank account anyway?

>go to localbitcoins
>sell a couple hundred k of crypto super cheap
>deposit the couple hundred k into your bank
>IRS comes a-knockin
>So, how did you obtain that?
THAT'S the kicker. How DID you obtain that? How do you explain that shit? You fucking can't.

People saying "Hurr cash out $10k per year" are retarded, it'd take literally 3000 years to cash out $30m that way.

>scam 30 million
>tumble in xmr a few times
>have BTC
Okay, this achieves nothing because your problems are just starting
>go to third world shithole, live like a king forever
Fuck living in a third world shithole, that's why they probably stole $30m in the first place - to escape their third world shithole. Even then, there's so many third world shitholes that cooperate entirely with foreign nations.
For example:
thenextweb.com/insider/2017/07/14/alleged-dark-web-drug-kingpin-found-dead-in-thailand/

>Claim you found an old hard drive and pay people to make it look legit if they check further
You are absolutely, unequivocally retarded if you think you're going to somehow 'pay some people' to spoof a transaction to a wallet on the bitcoin blockchain. Despite the fact I'm arguing with an invalid, I'll press on.
>Start a coin and launder through it
How? You're going to use your stolen coins to buy 'x' amount in your ICO? Great, how are you going to do that with KYC laws for ICOs now, and the rampant bans on ICOs and regulatory scrutiny on them overall? Particularly when you become a public face of the company and then exit scam? You think that's gonna work?
>Start a business in the crypto sphere and launder through it
This is the only thing even slightly resembling a viable option (i.e. see here: )

>Okay sir, it's a simply question. How'd you acquire $30m in cryptocurrency?
>HURRR I PLEAD THE FIFTH TALK TO MY LAWYER
>No problem, we'll do that. We'll also be confiscating your assets in the mean time while we investigate further.

Well we've confirmed your image is a selfie. Fucktard, withdrawing $10k per year to avoid scrutiny will take 3000 years to withdraw $30m. The absolute state of this board.

Here in Mexico it would be relatively easy. You go with a drug lord, talk about how much money you have in crypto and offer them a percentage if they launder it and give you the cash, and after that you're done. You would obviously try to do this in different transactions to avoid any scam. This could be done in any other Latin country in my opinion.

>o many third world shithole....
Yeah, and the ones that don't. The point here is: YOU GO TO THE ONE THAT DOESNT COOPERATE SINCE YOU'RE TRYING TO EMBEZZLE STOLEN FUNDS
you idiot!
>to do that with KYC laws
Are you just retarded at this point? YOU BUY ONE THAT DOESN'T USE KYC
>nd regulatory scrutiny on them overall? Particularly when you become a public face of the company and then exit scam? You think that's gonna work?
>Start a business in the crypto sphere and launder through it
YOU DONT NEED TO BE PUBLIC TO OWN A COIN AND/OR EXIT SCAM SOME COIN YOU MADE
HOW FUCKING RETARDED ARE YOU
ARE YOU TROLLING?

YOU'RE LIKE A CRAZED RELIGIOUS NUT "BUT YOU CAN'T PROVE JESUS DIDN'T WALK ON WATER BRO!!!"

THE POINT IS YOU'RE TRYING TO EMBEZZLE FUNDS YOU FUCKING MORON. YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T GO TO A COUNTRY THAT COOPERATES. YOU DON'T BECOME A "PUBLIC" FACE OF SOME SHIT COIN.

YOU DO THE OPPOSITE OF EXPOSING YOURSELF, YOU STUPID FAGGOT.

>This is the only thing even slightly resembling a viable option

AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW GENIUS? THE GOOD ONES DON'T GET CAUGHT OUT YOU FUCKING SPAZ

Yes, but you can't claim it comes from some legal activity or lottery or something, should it be investigated.
We're on slippery terrain here.
Maybe put up a monero mining rig and get taxed and further clean up those „gains“, that'll work, wouldn't it?

Step 1 -> sell for cash at discount prices
Step 2 -> setup up strip clubs and laundry mats or any business where the marginal production doesn't create any evidence and where people pay in cash. Strip club is perfect for this.
Step 3 -> slowly claim the hacked cash you have is customer spendings at your strip clubs
Step 5 -> put this clean money in your bank account!

Really easy. I open a business on the internet, like consultant or something, and pay myself with Bitcoin, or sell my paintings to anonymous people (myself) on the internet for large sums of money, or start a Kickstarter and donate to myself

Or just put it in Credit Suisse like a normal crook

Just say you got xmr when it releaseed.
They can't track that. It's your word aginat them.

You need the classical way of laundering money since crypto doesn't help in that regard.

Crypto helps in transmission though.

Suddenly appearing with 30 mill of XMR is going to get you jailed.

turn into bch or monero
Send it to dream market
Buy shit ton of drugs
Wait few weeks
Resell it locally or thru darknet

Ez money

If you have 30 mill repatriate in Switzerland/Monaco/Cayman Islands

I’d do that with 2 mil

The gubbermint will only spend it on droning that’s hormets nest of the Middle East.

Is this where leather comes from?

I've actually thought about this a lot. It's pretty simple. Become a VC that heads a bunch of new shitty ICO's. Hire some goons to serve as your team for the ICO's. Use your stolen money tumbled through xmr, trade for ethereum, then invest in your own ICO. Deliver a small product then go under. You can easily say you raised 2 million in ethereum from each. This is not rocket science.

Here you can buy gold with crypto, not sure how to remain anonymous further tho

>hack exchange
>put it in your personal wallet
>create account in another exchange
>cash out in increments of $1mil every 2-3 months
You lack creativity user. And what are police gonna do if exchanges try to hold your account? There's no way to prove you hacked that shit given the nature of cryptocurrencies.

There was literally a thread a couple of hours ago of some guy who got caught trying to launder 50 mill through localbitcoins. This shit isn't as easy as you people think it is

Stopped reading the moment I glanced over the abundance of caps

Take three deep breathes, bro

Exactly fucking this

Exactly fucking this

Confirmed retarded

Yes

The same problem remains. You buy the gold with crypto. You sell the gold for cash. Go to deposit cash in bank account, or even just start spending it until someone notices. Then:
>How'd you come up with the funds to acquire that gold?
>Can't prove it entirely? Sorry, we're seizing your assets

>xmr
>godl
>hodl
how hard is this?

>go to a country where they don't give a shit
>pay local government a percentage if you have to. there's a reason it's a 3rd world shithole. Governments are corrupt
>cash out in increments
You're really retarded bro. You're making this way more difficult than it appears to stroke your ego.

t. Btfo no argument
You're a mong

You can always spread it into many shitcoins and ICOs and converge it into ETH later.

How are therw soand many brainlets in this thread? OP asking how to come up with a convincing story to the authorities on how he came into possession of 30m US DOLLARS. he's not merely trying to hide that it was from a hack, but that it was obtained through legitimate means. Saying "oh i magically got it" isn't good enough. It's up to you to prove how you got it legitimately, not up to them to prove you got it illegally. Laundering through monero deletes the tracks of the illegal possession, but doesn't create a new legit looking trail.

This was already answered plenty of times. You can deposit your crypto in foreign exchanges then cash out in some 3rd world country where the authorities don't give a fuck. If needed, you can befriend some local politician and bribe him to turn a blind eye. Then deposit your gains in Swiss accounts, Russian banks or Cayman Island banks. What's the US government gonna do? It's not like they're eyeing everything.

Eggsackly

Finally some sense

and he's not gonna get one. why should any of us share that kind of valuable information?

How do I know you're an amerimutt?

Why cash out all at once? You could easily just cash out a few hundred or thousand a week and live in luxury for the death of your life with that amount of cash.

Not an amerimutt, try again

Oh my fucking god

See:

THIS CONFIRMS ALL OF YOU ARE RETARDS!!

YOU DON'T CASH OUT ALL THE MONEY AT ONCE FROM ONE PLACE AND DEPOSIT IT INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

YOU BREAK IT INTO HUNDREDS OF PIECES AND CASH OUT AT DIFFERENT TIMES, THROUGH DIFFERENT EXCHANGES INTO DIFFERENT ACCOUNTS!

JESUS CHRIST Y'ALL TRULY RETARDED!

Well, yeah?

Honestly who cares about 30 million, never work again, get a btc here and there, travel the world, with free money.

I mined it.

> whats the btc address you mined to?

honestly I went all in on monero years ago and don't remember/dont have the old btc wallet. But anyway, I'm happy to pay capital gains on the XMR.

> ok thx

Why was your XMR tumbled through 10,000 wallets? You lost 50% of your money during this time. Why would you do that if the funds weren’t criminally obtained?

Buy drugs with it and sell the drugs for cash.

fuck man, i don't know i was testing this website out, it did that automatically was pissed

it wasn't

It is an argument I can bribe my way true the government with 30mil.

exchange in to xmr and then buy drugs and make additional x3, wtf are you talking about

>the IRS are going to take an interest in someone transferring a few hundred dollars into their account each week

>steals $30m
>spends literally the next 1900 years depositing $300 into their account every week
Are you fucking stupid

And do you think the IRS isn't going to be interested as to how you've managed to consistently deposit $300 into your account every week from some obscure cryptocurrency platform without having a job? Or outside of your employment income?

Jesus christ this board crushes my soul

How are you such a brainlet? Literally spics with IQs of 85 figure out how to launder billions of dollars a year, but you are too dumb for that.

modern art
or a billion other laundry scams that criminals do every day. same way criminals laundered money before the internet even existed

Literal brainlets in this thread.

As long as you pay tax on it they dont give a fuck where it came from. IRS only cares about you paying tax

If you need to ask why and how, you would not understand.

Just use a bank in let's say Belize, give them 10% of 30M no questions asked. Or invest in 50 different ICOs, some of them will do 100x and there you have a washed profit.

Or just use etherdelta or idex. Or just just use some strange exchange like Mercatox then transfer BTC to Kraken and sell there. Or buy a house or yacht with the BTC tumbled over XMR

and so on and so on

this. and pay each russian troll like 10k USD each, with abonus of 10k if raised 10M

Laundering money is actually really easy, 30 mill quickly would be hard but my drug dealing Asian friend does 100k/year through laundering through student events. Just marks up attendees on the books by 50%..

How would they be untouchable?

Once they are transferred to Monero, their origin is untraceable.

Which exchange are we robbing, Veeky Forumsmen?

Them all, but first we need to figure out how to send funds from one address to another. Not to worry.

You are implying that the government is going to ask for the wallet address? The pajeet at the IRS probably doesn't even know what a wallet address is.

You dumb fucker you don't even have any clue how monero works. First of all monero transactions are completely opaque, so if you have a monero wallet once you get the funds in there those funds are untraceable.

You can say you simply mined the monero years ago and forgot, this is completely plausible, 30MM USD in XMR is 10,000 XMR, early days a single AMD GPU would mine like 30+ Monero per day, 10 GPUs would be like 300 Monero, that'd take around one month to mine 10k Monero.

There are probably firms that would even falsify documentation showing they managed a mining rig for you as there's an entired underbelly for laundering money in crypto. The reality is you may be scared of gubbermint but there are people with thousands of bitcoins now that they bought for cash in 2011, they aren't scared to come forward even if they have no way to prove where they got those btc from.